When did you know it was time for babe#2? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 04:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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As my soon is nearing a year old, I am really thinking about trying for another baby. Me and Dh are fairly young (me 23 and him 26) and we want 4 kids so I really would like to have them all and get them out of the way! I am starting to get that yearning for a little baby to hold and cuddle and love. I look at other pg mommies and get so envious. There really isn't any reason to wait, however I just can't decide. We had planned for my ds#1 and when it came time, we didn't even think twice about it, but I just can't seem to make up my mind. I feel like it is such a huge decision this time around.
So anyways, to my original question, "when/how did you know it was time for #2, or 3 or 4..?"
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#2 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 04:33 AM
 
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I wanted to avoid more than 2 years between each, so as the year mark approached I knew it was time. There were 23 months between 1 and 2, and 19 months between 2 and 3. Not only did I want them to be close in age, but I wanted to get all of the years of no sleep, teething and diapers out of the way in one big chunk, rather than spread it across the next decade.

Having 3 little ones at the same time can be exhausting, but they are such great friends already, I wouldn't change a thing.
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#3 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 09:50 AM
 
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I've read in lots of places that 3-6 years is optimal spacing (older child is at least somewhat independent, but not too much older), so we decided to try about the time ds was two. We got pregnant about two weeks before is birthday, so he'll be pretty 3-4 months shy of his 3rd b-day when #2 comes along. We'll see.
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#4 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 10:10 AM
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My kids are 5 years apart and I LOVE the spacing. Of course it works for others to have them closer.
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#5 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 11:06 AM
 
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Quote:
So anyways, to my original question, "when/how did you know it was time for #2, or 3 or 4..?"
I got pregnant on vacation!
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#6 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 11:18 AM
 
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When it's right for you!

My kids are 2y3m apart and I like it. I wanted about a 2y difference so that they could be close in age, but not so close that I would have to be pregnant too closely after having a baby. I also wouldn't want to do anything to jepoardize my nursing relationship with a wee one.

Dh is softening towards having another child (before he said only two) and if we are going to have another child (or two more ) I will probably go for the 2y difference again. Not to mention dh will be 41 later this month (I'm much younger) so having them sooner rather than later is a big deal.

Like I said, it's hard but I like it. I was almost 7 years older than my brother and while I loved him and protected him I was also intensely jealous and did things like trip him when he was learning to walk. :

I didn't want my dd to be the only grandchild (all the others are at least 15yo on dh's side and she's the first on my side) for too long. Being spoiled and all that.
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#7 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 01:23 PM
 
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We knew we wanted 2, but I couldn't decide what kind of spacing would be best. When dd was around a year old we decided to just let it happen and take the decision away. (I know, kind of lame, but it worked.) I got pg when dd was 15 mos, my kids are 23 mos apart. The first few months were really tough, but the payoff is so worth it. We had decided to only have 2 a long, long time ago, but now we're even discussing a possible 3rd, so we'll see.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#8 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 05:33 PM
 
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When the pg test came back positive!!! I wanted my children to be about 2 years apart and it worked out just fine. Mary-Grace was born 6 weeks before Maddie's second birthday. I want my next baby at about the same gap.

Sara
I love my girlsMadaline(9), Mary-Grace(7), Georgia(3), & Evelyn(1)
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#9 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 06:54 PM
 
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My ds came to us through adoption after 7 years of infertility. The experiences I've had have taught me to drop expectations about things like "optimal" child spacing because whatever I've planned probably won't happen, and whatever happens will be worth it anyway.

But I've been baby-hungry since ds was 3 months old (he's 11 months now). I feel like I don't have time to waste, and I need to get started on whatever we're going to do to have another, because it might take a long time. We are going to ttc this time and will start just as soon as we get the money to work with the naturopath that I've identified. To me, when to have another is more of a feeling than anything else, and I've had that feeling all along that there IS a baby #2 out there for us and that s/he is coming sooner rather than later. (Sooner being a relative term--meaning that I don't think it's going to take another 7 years.)
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#10 of 15 Old 06-13-2003, 06:59 PM
 
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My children are 9 years apart. I figure the Good Lord knew what he was doing. Dd is so wonderful with her brother. I look at other sibs who have to fight about sharing, "looking at each other", etc. She has been absolutely terrific with him since day 1.
But I would love, love, love to have another but my husband says absolutely not. So here we are, counting our blessings and thankful for what we have, not what we could have.:
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#11 of 15 Old 06-14-2003, 05:11 PM
 
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My sisters and I are all 3 years apart and we were close (and still are). I am currently expecting our second and when he is born, the first will be 3 1/2 or so. I liked that spacing and we planned it that way. I wanted my first out of diapers and somewhat independant, but not school age yet. I also wanted as much one on one time with the first before bringing another life into the mix. Do what you think is best for you and your situation. Good luck to you.
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#12 of 15 Old 06-15-2003, 11:42 PM
 
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I think 2 years is the closest I would want my kids - from my observation it seems like close spacing can really do you in. But I probably would not want more than 3-4 years apart. It seems like more than this and you have 2 drastically different realities going on in your house. Plus, I really like to nest with a baby and I can't imagine doing that with a 5 or 6 year old. But then again, you say you want 4 kids so I don't know how much that matters to you I am considering this too - my baby is only 8 months but I can't help but wonder...how will I know when its time? I'm waiting until the feeling comes that I can't wait any longer.

"We shape the clay into a pot but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want" Lao Tzu
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#13 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 12:12 AM
 
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When I remarried! Dd was 10 years old; she was a week shy of turning 12 when ds was born. It's a big gap, but it has its advantages.
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#14 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 12:28 AM
 
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I don't know what the "optimal" spacing is. My sibs and I (there are 5 of us) are 3-4 1/2 years apart in age. Between youngest and oldest there is 15 years

My kids are almost 5 years apart. It did not occur to me until the month I conceieved ds#2 that we should try. Not exactly true, we talked about it once when ds#1 was 2, but decided we were not ready. It took us a full year+ to actually start trying. I am starting to think about ttc #3, but I have to time it right (I just started a new job and don't get parental leave benefits until I have been on the job for one year...that means I have to wait at least 3 months in order to qualify).

Mama to three small people; wife to one big person; pet-person to cats and dogs..."Be the change you want to see in the world"-- Gandhi
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#15 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 12:57 AM
 
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I'd say whenever you guys are ready.

For us it took a little longer for DH to feel he was "ready" to have another one.
Hence the soon to be 4 year age gap. I'm glad we've waited, this will be our last, and I'm happy that DS is more self sufficient and doens't need us as much - -he can go to the potty on his own and stuff like that, which will make our lives a little easier in a few months time.....
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