What would you do, re leaving baby? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 11:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd is 6 months old. The longest I have ever left her is 3 hrs in the middle of the day with my sister.

DH just told me that he got tickets to see the Blue Man Group in 3 weeks. The show is at an outdoor pavillion, but we have seats under the pavillion.

DH arranged for a good friend of mine-a woman who has 2 grown kids, to come and watch dd while we are gone. I totally trust this woman and really like her, but dd does not know her.

My problem is that we will probably be gone 6 hrs and it will be in the evening/night.

I am really torn as to what to do. I am worried that if I leave dd for that long in the evening she will cry and cry (it is REALLY hard to get her to sleep and even when I am home, if I don't do exactly what she wants she cries for me too)

I could bring her with us, but I am not sure that is appropriate.

What would you do?

Thanks!
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#2 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 11:26 AM
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Is your DH not around to watch when your six month old needs you so much at night? I ask because his behavior (buying tix, setting up babysitting) seems like he doesn't even live in the same home you do! If he saw how much your baby needs you at night, I cannot imagine why he'd pay for 1. tix and 2. babysitting.

In my opinion, it's so not worth it to go at this young of age. To be blunt, who gives a damn if you and your DH and everyone on the planet like this babysitter? You said your DD doesn't know her and your DD needs lots of attention and reassurance (and probably nursing) to sleep at night.

I would not go.

Good luck in your decision.
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#3 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dh is there every night! He is fine with bringing her with us...

this is a group that we really want to see! They don't normally tour at all. DH was trying to be nice by arranging this surprise.

Does anyone else have any opinions? I don't think we should not go at all?!
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#4 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 12:04 PM
 
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Could you arrange for a "test" night? Have this lady come over and spend some time with your dd and see how she handles that? Perhaps even stay the night and have her put dd down at night? And if she does...then that's great...if she doesn't, then you know what sort of trouble you'll be in for on the night of the show.

I had a similar problem when I had to go for gallbladder surgery. I had to stay overnight, the hopsital was 1.5 hours away from where I live and I had no one other than my mother to stay with Morgan overnight. He NEVER went down for anyone but me before. So I had a test night, where she came over and out him to bed. I stayed away from him for the entire hour while she bathed him and got him down...and I was suprised at how well he handled it. It definetely made me feel less stressed over leaving him knowing he did handle it okay.

He was 10 months at the time (I had it done last week) not sure if that has anything to do with how well he handled it.
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#5 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 12:10 PM
 
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Best case scenario: Maybe baby will be enthralled by the sounds, lights and other action from the Group and love the show too?

or

Bring baby and plan to leave your seat and walk round with her in a sling until she conks out. Or do whatever it is you do at home to get her to sleep. Or is she doesn't conk out andis fussy, plan on just listening to the music and laughter from out in the field, as you stand and sway.

or

Let baby get to know the sitter before you leave. Tell her exactly what baby needs for comfort at night. Is she taking bottles? If she never has, and you expect this woman to introduce one suddenly, that would be unlikely to happen.

I've seen Blue Man and I love them! OTOH, they will be on tour again. I saw them in Boston, WITH my kids, WHEN they were old enough to appreciate it too! Taking babies/toddlers to music events and festivals can be done, but it changes the whole experience.
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#6 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 12:41 PM
 
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I would do what YOU are most comfortable with.

IF you do get this woman to babysit, I agree with a "test" run and letting your baby get to know her.

and IMHO, I don't think it would be innappropriate to take baby with you......

So do what feels best to you......and HAVE FUN!!!
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#7 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 12:45 PM
 
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I've done a modified "leaving" of dd a few times... meaning, she comes with us but with a companion and doesn't necessarily come to the event. So if it's a movie, Grandma (I have an awesome MIL, granted) will come to the mall, hang out with the babe while we are inside, I nurse before & after - so time apart is 2 hours & not 3-4 with travel time, etc.

I've done this with meetings & other events. I have a much better time knowing she is close by, and can come to me/have me paged etc, when needed. Then we are together in the car, nurse before the event, see each other right afterwards.
If you've "hired" a sitter, they may not mind whether they are at your home vs. in your car with a sleeping babe, at a nearby diner, park, etc.

BTW I did go with a very small (3 months?) dd to a concert - I was so excited bc it was free because I wolunteered for something. I totally underestimated the noise level!! It was awful!! I was afraid *I* woud go deaf, much less my babe. I left quickly.
I don't know this particular group, so you could judge sound level better than me.

good luck,
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#8 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 01:15 PM
 
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Wow! what a sweet dh you have. Mine, if he thought to buy me tickets at all, would call up and say find a sitter. My least favorite job. I have to confess, I am a littlejelous :LOL And blue man group. cool.

We just had our first sitter experiance. dd was just under 6months by a week. She doesn't take a bottle. We did do trial day for a couple of hours just to see how she would do. When I cam e home she took one look at me and burst into giggles. she had a g reat time where everyone in the house was showering her with attention and she just wanted me to know that she loved it. and then she nursed and fell asleep. The next day, she was there for 7 hours. She is eating solids so she had that (maybe 3-4 tablespoons of food) ans then took a little milk from a sippy cup but other than that she jkust held out for the real deal.

So any way you r dh seems open to whatever. I would say just give it a try. A couple of hours isn't going to hurt anything. go for a walk with dh and check in every now and then. if she does fine perhaps you csan make it to the concert or out to dinner or whatever while she is still happy. call in and check. make sure the sitter can check in with you. Maybe you could arrange for her to drop your dd off at the concert if she gets fussy. If your dd ends up needing to be there find a place less loud and hang out. maybe she will enjoy the concert. I have taken my children to lots of concerts when they were babies. but you never know. your baby may love the sitter. Some kids really enjoy the change of pace. I put Ava in the church nursery for the first time the other day. She loved it. I couldn't believe it. I thought she would be just misreable. go figure.

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#9 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 02:02 PM
 
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I think you should take her with you! Since it's outdoors and not in the theater here in Boston, you should be able to walk around with her and find a place some distance from the speakers. Do you sling?

We took dd to a movie (very loud) when she was about 3 mo, and she nursed to sleep out in the lobby, and then slept through the whole noisy 2 hours in the sling.

If you're OK with walking around, or leaving if she gets overstimulated by the noise/activity and starts to cry and won't settle down, then bring her along. Most likely, no one will even notice you have her with you.

If you want to go and really focus on the show and enjoy the time with dh, then leave her with the sitter. Chances are she'll be OK. I left dd at 2 mo with my brother and SIL so dh and I could celebrate our first wedding anniversary with dinner out (can you say "unplanned pregnancy"?). We were gone for about 3 hours. They just kept trying different things to keep her from crying. They'd try something new each time she started fussing, and it would work for about 10-15 minutes. It may not have been ideal, but we all survived.

Good luck!
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#10 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 02:06 PM
 
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Just wanted to add that at 6 mo, she's probably got a lot more resources than she did at 2-3 mos, and is more likely to cope.

And if you're worried about dd not knowing the babysitter, have a trial run or arrange to have someone more familiar take care of her - someone could even walk around with her in the sling or stroller while the show's on, and you could be with her right before and right after (cut down on the length of time she's not with you). I know lots of people do that if there's someplace to go nearby or it's nice out.
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#11 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 03:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your helpfull and thoughtfull responses!

I know I have to decide for myself what to do, but it is so helpful to have others experiences to think about.

My friend who is offering to babysit has 2 kids, both of which were high need babies, so she knows what to expect.

I know that dd will be fine and that eventually she will have to get used to being without me! She will take a bottle, so I am not worried about that!

I have a lot to think about! Thanks again for your help!
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#12 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 11:03 AM
 
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I definitely think you should go! I saw them a few years ago and they were amazing. It is definitely the kind of show that would be okay to bring a baby to (no one would be able to hear your baby over the show), especially if she is a sling happy baby. The other night we brought our four-month-old twins to my highschool reunion. A different situation, definitely, but it was a sit-down dinner that started at 7:30 p.m., and I thought FOR SURE we'd be out the door in five minutes due to screaming babies (7:30 p.m. is meltdown time). It turns out that they were FINE. The different environment kept them totally mesmorized. They fell asleep around 9:15 without any fuss.

I also think it would probably be fine to leave dd at home. I was a baby-sitter for MANY years, and was often left with a baby who had never really been left before. It was always fine. Especially since you would be leaving her with someone who is very experienced with babies, and isn't about to put her down and let her cry.

For me, the deciding factor would probably be how I thought I'd be able to best enjoy the show. If you went with dd, would you be too paraniod about her making a scene? If you left her behind, would you be worrying about her the whole time?

Do what feels right. But definitely go!!

Lex

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#13 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 12:54 PM
 
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nak

i havent read all of the replies, but i know where you are coming from. i took dd at 3.5 mos to see bob dylan and she was great. tonite we are going to the dead, but she will be staying with my parents. she has never been alone with them, but our whole family spends every sunday with them so she knows them very well. i am still pretty freaked out about it, but since we are in the orchestra pit this time and not on the lawn, i think she will be happier.

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#14 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 02:06 PM
 
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One more thing to consider.....DH is a sound engineer so he's quite aware of issues of hearing loss, decible levels, etc, and for that reason we're avoiding taking DS to any shows until he is older. Babies ears are extremely sensitive to sound, and even a couple of hours worth can cause hearing loss. (even if you're outside, unless you're VERY far from the speakers) The general test I've heard is that if you can't hold a normal conversation over the music (not shouting) than it's too loud for baby. I'm assuming Blue Man Group wouldn't pass that test.

I don't mean to be a sourpuss about it, because there are so many great shows out this summer! I know what you're going through trying to decide. good luck!
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#15 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 05:25 PM
 
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I've seen lots of babies and toddlers at loud jam band all weekend fests. The parents put earplugs in their ears.
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