Tell me I made the right choices... - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-18-2007, 09:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ok I know they were my choices, I mad them. But good greif have I been getting a lot of flack lately.
We had dd's nine month well child check up and although I LOVE her ped she looked at me like there was something terribly wrong when I said dd still woke to ate an average of every 3 hours at night. So I told her it was no big deal as she still slept with us so all I had to do was roll over. I could tell she had an opinion but she knows how opiniated I can get and kept it to herself. A little bit later though she asked how long I planned on breastfeeding I told her I was going to let dd decide when to ween and she nicely told me that after a year she doesn't need that nourishment anymore and I shouldn't have to a 'human pacifier'. Well I took it all nicely as I get this all the time from my family and inlaws.

Well later that day as I grudginly said good by to DH who wanted to go to a movie but was unwilling to find a babysitter so I could go too, he said to me "you know you should probably think about weening her that way you wouldn't be so tied down' GREAT!!! My ONE advocate is now of the mind that maybe I should think about weening her. Number 1: she is only 9 MONTHS, I am not going to ween her so I can try for three months to get her to take a bottle only to have to get her off of it again Number 2. I am not going to pump when I am at home with her all day - pointless. No one belived in me that I was going to EBF except DH and now he is going the other way..

Sorry if i sound selfish or ventish.. but good grief am I let down...

Bec, Married eternally to Dan for ten years. Parents to A (8/17/06) O (12/30/09) one love lost (2/07/09) and my little twin angels (9/24/11, 10/11/11)

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Old 05-18-2007, 09:51 PM
 
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Ugh. That is annoying. I would consider another pediatrician. My ped never once asked me about my son's sleep habits, and he hardly said boo about what he ate. And when he found out my son was still nursing past a year, he was totally excited and encouraging of us to continue nursing to 2.

Any ped who says there's no reason to nurse past a year is somebody I would have a hard time trusting. And it's none of her business how often your kid wakes at night. She's a doctor, not a sleep expert.

If you really like your ped and don't want to switch, I understand, but her comments on nursing prove that she's pretty ill-informed.
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Old 05-18-2007, 09:51 PM
 
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You made the right choices!!! I know that people are opinionated and it sucks but try not to let it bother you.
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Old 05-18-2007, 10:44 PM
 
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Your ped's nutters. Find a new one. The World Health Organization recommends BFing at least for TWO YEARS. I can't believe there are still "doctors" who tell mothers to stop breastfeeding their babies before two years time, for NO REASON other than convenience.

And if you want to go out with your DH, that's great! Can you pump and leave a bottle for your baby? There's no reason to wean a child when you can rent a movie. :P Or pump and let the sitter bottle feed. Sorry if that sounds mean toward your DH, but it sounds like he's not thinking clearly on this one.

Sorry, but you're totally right and I wish the people around you would be more supportive of the wonderful gift you're continuing to give your child.

<hugs>

SAHM to Guinevere (04/05/06) and Eowyn (02/13/09)
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Old 05-19-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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You know, when my son was about 8 months old, my husband started making comments like that to me. It really sucked, because DH was my biggest supporter of BF and helped DS learn to latch in the beginning. (He was good too - too bad men aren't sought after lactation consultants lol)

Anyway - I reminded him that it would be foolish to wean him to a bottle/formula at 8 months, only to wean him off the bottle/formula 4 months later. Oh yeah, and I did I mention that this weaning will cost us $100/month for formula.

That shut him up. Maybe educating DH on why you should keep BFing - or even why you should not FF - would work?

Vanessa... Happily married to a paramedic - celebrating 10 years of marriage!  Mama to one crazy 6 year old transformer and one chatterbox 4 year old princess.  Daycare provider to many jumping beans  I'm expecting my third in late November. 

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Old 05-19-2007, 02:27 AM
 
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Doesnt sound selfish at all to me. I would be venting too.. IMHO 9 months is too early to wean her.. I believe in CLW of course.. But just remind him how good it is and all that good stuff.. And I agree with the pp about telling him how much formula would cost... That might shut him up fast
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by VOBetz View Post
t really sucked, because DH was my biggest supporter of BF and helped DS learn to latch in the beginning. (He was good too - too bad men aren't sought after lactation consultants lol)
My DH was a good LC too!

As to the OP's problem... You have made the right choices. EBF does not mean you have to be tied down forever though. Right now, you can't leave her without mama milk (and if she doesn't take a bottle, does she take a sippy?), but in the next 6 months or so, she might get to a point where she can go without mama milk for 4-5 hours no problem and just eat solid food if she's hungry, and get mama milk when you get back. It's not THAT far off.

I have a 6 month old and HATE pumping, but... I've got a friend who watches my boys once every 2 weeks for about 3-4 hours. If it's 3 hours, Aaron can handle it. If it's 4 hours, I have to leave milk. I've found that if I pump twice - once in the morning and maybe once right after putting him to bed - I can pump enough for the one feeding he'll need while I'm gone. Aaron does NOT take a bottle. In fact, he got mad at it when she first tried it (it was a day that I was only gone 3 hours, and she tried the bottle right before I got back). But last time, I left her with a Nuby sippy cup (the soft spout kind), which he's drunk water out of before, and he did "ok" with that. Then she got a baby spoon out and spoon fed him. She spoon fed 5+ oz and it worked! He even spit up afterwards (that's normal even if he nurses on-tap), so she knew he'd gotten enough.

You don't have to wean your baby in order to leave them now and then to go to a movie. And it sounds like your DH just hasn't realized that?

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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Old 05-19-2007, 11:37 AM
 
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Why not just take the baby into the movie with you? Thats what I did last monday!! DH and I went and saw our first move since DS was born, Spiderman 3 - a long movie but DS did great! He slept through nearly the whole thing, and when he did wake, we nursed. No big deal!!

And no, your not selfish. Your DH IS selfish though, and your ped is stupid! Talk to them both!
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Old 05-19-2007, 12:33 PM
 
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My family doc is both our ped and my OB... not only is she totally amazed that I am tandem nursing my 3 month old and my 2.5 year old (she said, "isn't it amazing you can make enough milk for two?"), but she supported me nursing through pregnancy. Your ped's opinion is definitely outdated, and it's too bad. Sorry about your husband too!! That would be really irritating!
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Old 05-19-2007, 01:06 PM
 
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yes, you are making the right choices!!!
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Old 05-19-2007, 03:58 PM
 
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Of course you are doing the right thing. My dh spent many a movie with baby in a sling at the back of the theatre so we could see movies together. We would find a spot at the back and sit with baby and nurse, if baby cries dh would sling baby standing up. As for the ped I think my first reaction would be "can you show me research that backs up your statements? If your advice is not evidence based maybe you should reconsider giving it to new parents." But then again I have been at this ped game for 15 years and have gone through a LOT of them. I don't even have one right now because I just can't bring myself to go looking in our new area yet. I am so sorry your dh is not supporting you in the way you need. Maybe you could talk to him and let him know how important his support has been and how committed you are to continuing and come up with some creative solutions to meet all your needs. The parenting journey can be so trying at times. I hope you can surround yourself with all the support you want and need. Have you considered attending LLL meetings to find like-minded mamas for support and friendship?
Warmly,
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Old 05-19-2007, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why not just take the baby into the movie with you? Thats what I did last monday!! DH and I went and saw our first move since DS was born, Spiderman 3 - a long movie but DS did great! He slept through nearly the whole thing, and when he did wake, we nursed. No big deal!!

And no, your not selfish. Your DH IS selfish though, and your ped is stupid! Talk to them both!
That was actuallt the movie he wanted me to go to, and he went to. We have actually gone to a movie with her before - I just worry about her hearing and she does get really fussy if she has to sit on my lamp now that she is crawling, which she wasn't doing durring the last movie.

It just upsets me that he can't wait for me to find a babysitter so that we can go together..

Bec, Married eternally to Dan for ten years. Parents to A (8/17/06) O (12/30/09) one love lost (2/07/09) and my little twin angels (9/24/11, 10/11/11)

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Old 05-19-2007, 05:54 PM
 
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you do what feels right...don't let anybody tell you what to do...
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Old 05-19-2007, 06:17 PM
 
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EXCUSE ME?! When did pediatricians become child rearing experts?! They think because they have some univ granted degree that they should dispense parenting advice and we should drink it up as if it's gospel! La Leche League's book says that physiologically a child should recieve mother's milk until age 7. SEVEN...SEVEN YEARS, NOT SEVEN MONTHS, NOT NINE MONTHS, SEVEN YEARS. Sorry, I'm upset by hearing this Child lead weaning and co-sleeping are, in my opinion, very healthy activites. Just because mainstream society says your child should, after much emotional distress, resign themselves to the fact that they will be set aside whenever mommy or daddy or doctor thinks something is best doesn't mean this is a good thing. If our children are ever going to have the ability to regulate their eating habits and emotions they have to have the opportunity to learn to listen to their needs. If baby is hungry or needs intimacy, that is what they seek. Having this denied, I think, means that they stop listening to themselves and outside signals rule them. You sound like you are doing just fine. Do you need the well baby checks? I would not advise for or against them, but I don't see the need to go to the doc unless something is wrong. Also, my husband has lapses like this too. He tried to get me to stop co-sleeping and said I spoil our 6 mo ds. All he had to see was his brother "enforce" these things with his baby and girlfriend and the effects this had on baby. He doesn't open his mouth anymore.
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:12 PM
 
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OT... but where does LLL get that 7 years figure from? Most children lose their ability to digest lactose between the ages of 2 and 5 (unless you have the mutation for continued lactase production) so I always figured that was the natural break point for BF'ing.

My own policy is not to mention child rearing issues to our GP, it's a good surgery generally and getting onto someone else's list would be difficult so best policy is to keep shtum! When I saw him shortly after birth to get prescriptions filled he asked if I was trying to BF and I said yes and he said "well you shouldn't be on anti-depressants then". I informed him that I had researched it, that they WERE safe and that the BNF (our version of the PDR) says almost everything is unsafe for pregnancy/BF! He shut up.

DD 01/2007, DS 09/2011

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Old 05-19-2007, 08:29 PM
 
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OT... but where does LLL get that 7 years figure from? Most children lose their ability to digest lactose between the ages of 2 and 5 (unless you have the mutation for continued lactase production) so I always figured that was the natural break point for BF'ing.
I'm not sure where LLL got that study but it is in one of their books. My mother and I were surprised at the large age range too. However, new info comes out all the time in sci studies so I just take everything loosely. I won't BF that long so I don't really care. Where did you hear that lactose can't be digested after 2+. That kind of confuses me. Perhaps I need to read the info myself Anyway, sorry for the digression. Back to the OPs issues.
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:59 PM
 
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I'm not sure where LLL got that study but it is in one of their books. My mother and I were surprised at the large age range too. However, new info comes out all the time in sci studies so I just take everything loosely. I won't BF that long so I don't really care. Where did you hear that lactose can't be digested after 2+. That kind of confuses me. Perhaps I need to read the info myself Anyway, sorry for the digression. Back to the OPs issues.
(sorry - just to clarify for any other readers)
Mammals lose the ability to digest lactose (milk sugar) at the end of the nursing period. In humans this is normally 2-5 years. (http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/lactose.html says 3-5.) Some populations, including northern Europe, have a mutation whereby they continue to produce lactase into adulthood. This mutation coincides with areas where milk-producing animals are commonly raised. Don't ask me which comes first!

I also use this as a reason why BF'ing a 2 year old is totally normal and natural

DD 01/2007, DS 09/2011

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Old 05-19-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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Do you feel tied down? From your post, you sound fine with things.
Does your dh think you feel tied down?
Does he miss your comapany and want more time with you??

If you're fine then great! If you're tired or wanting time and space their are creative ways to establish that without weaning.

I say get a new ped. and don't pay any mind to anybody else....except do discuss this with your dh. Let him know you are happy to nurse her and you want his support. If he wants your attention you can work on that..."dates" at home and other solutions that don't require you to wean or even to express milk if you don't wnat to.

Sometimes my dh thinks I don't want to do something that I really do want to do becasue HE wouldn't want to do it everynight. I find great joy in diaper changes, nursing, rocking babies ot sleep, etc.
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Old 05-19-2007, 09:19 PM
 
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It can be a sacrifice, but think of what is more important to you: going to the movies and leaving the baby at home, or nursing her without giving her supplemental bottles or baby food? If the answer is the latter, then yes, you've DEFINITELY madt the right choice. And IMO, you made the right choice regardless - your baby needs you right now. If your husband is feeling left out, maybe the three of you could do something as a family and do something that won't be interrupted by the baby's cry (taking a walk, going out for a picnic, etc.).

Personally I can't stand when peds start mouthing off about breastfeeding unless there is a really good reason, like the baby is clearly starving or you have a specific question. Even mainstream organizations say it's best to nurse until the baby is 12 months old, there's no reason she should ask you, when your baby is 9mo, how much longer you're planning on BFing.

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Old 05-19-2007, 09:55 PM
 
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I am going through almost the same thing....except my ped is OK, it's my mother who is all, "Maybe you should stop BFing". Why? Because I struggle with PPD and it "ties me down" and "stresses me out." Recently, I had a stomach bug which depleted my supply, so I was nursing round the clock to get it back. But I was really getting worried for a few days. My husband and I talked about what we would if we needed to supplement and we decided on donor milk being the best course. My mother rolled her eyes and snapped "What's wrong with formula?" (She FFed her 3 children). And she keeps telling me I should quit because BFing is just too time consuming and stressful. (my supply is back as strong as ever, though, so thank goodness for that!)

My son is not even 6 months old!

It's only going to get worse, I know. Even my one grandmother who breastfed only did it for 6 months and then weaned to a bottle. She cannot understand why I am not even thinking about it. Okay, for one, my son only occasionally takes a bottle of pumped milk. And second, for us, BREASTFEEDING IS NOT THE OPENING ACT FOR FORMULA. That's final. I'm so sick of justifying this!
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AlexisT View Post
(sorry - just to clarify for any other readers)
Mammals lose the ability to digest lactose (milk sugar) at the end of the nursing period. In humans this is normally 2-5 years. (http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/lactose.html says 3-5.) Some populations, including northern Europe, have a mutation whereby they continue to produce lactase into adulthood. This mutation coincides with areas where milk-producing animals are commonly raised. Don't ask me which comes first!

I also use this as a reason why BF'ing a 2 year old is totally normal and natural
Sorry this is off topic again. Weird, so does how does everyone else tolerate dairy I wonder.

Anyway, I personally don't think that caring for my child is an inconvenience I should try to minimize. And it isn't a responsibility I would try to shirk so that I could act like I did before I was a mother. I am priviliged to be able to bf and have a child. I will do all I can to be a good mother. It sounds like OP has the same feelings. Stick with it!!
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:12 PM
 
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Sorry this is off topic again. Weird, so does how does everyone else tolerate dairy I wonder.
Most people don't:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactose_intolerance
(though some lactose intolerant people can consume small quantities, or eat fermented products such as yoghurt)

pandme> maybe your mother feels like she's being judged because she used formula? I personally didn't get that from my mother but I know people who have. People can sometimes see a refusal to use formula as a reflection on their own choices.

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Old 05-19-2007, 10:17 PM
 
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Sorry to derail this thread, but I am still confused on the lactose digestion thing. Cow's milk has lactose in it. Isn't that usually what kids substitute for breast milk (if they don't have ethical concerns, of course) after weaning? How does that work?

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Old 05-19-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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In America, it does, yeah. But in much of the world they don't drink milk at all. Once they're done with breastfeeding, they're done with milk.

(For the record, I'm not trying to tell anyone drinking milk is bad. If you're not lactose intolerant, you've effectively evolved to use a new food source; go ahead and drink up. But this isn't the situation for the majority of the world.)

DD 01/2007, DS 09/2011

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Old 05-19-2007, 11:14 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this-you are doing the best thing for your baby!

aka ~lioneyes~ :: In love with DH :: DD 5 :: new sweet baby girl 3/14/2011~ both born at home in water
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Old 05-19-2007, 11:23 PM
 
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You are making wonderful choices for you and your babe. Their the ones making bad choices by not supporting you. Go ahead and vent mama. And while your at it talk with dh and try to find out why he feels differently now. Maybe you two need to talk more and rekindle your feelings for one another (which often get swept under the rug while ebfing related to hormones).

Good luck and please don't even think about weaning related to others feelings!!!!!!
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