stood up for play date !?! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So what do you do with your self when you are trying to get involved in a play group, an AP play group, you set up an activity, people say they will come and then EVERYONE stands you up. UGH! No calls to cancel, one email from one mother... the rest are a no-show.

I feel so rejected.

And I spent some energy telling 10mo ds that "people" were comming over to play. I can't imagine how I would explain this to him when he is older. Luckily it is going right over his head now.

I just feel so yucky that my attempt to socialize, beyond my comfort zone, for him, have been thwarted.

:

Tea drinking Momma::: Grady 8/06 and : Coralynn 8/09
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#2 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 01:14 PM
 
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hugs, mama. I totally hear you about going beyond your "comfort zone". I am not very good at being socially proactive and making things happen with new friends. I would have been pretty upset in your place, but I'm sure it was nothing personal. I don't know how many times I have planned on going to a LLL meeting or something, and then just didn't have the energy to make it out of the house that morning--my ds is about 10 1/2 months old.

ETA: I just saw that you are in Clayton, and your ds is only 2 weeks younger than mine! I'm in Durham--wish we were a bit closer

Zoe, mama to one "rough and tough" dude (8/02/06) and one new sweet pie (4/11/10)
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#3 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey Zoeanne
Maybe sometime we could meet up at a museum...

I gotta tell you I'm totally bummed, I ate all the cookies and carbs I could find for lunch. Isn't that sad...

Trying not to take it personally... kinda want to cry an dI know I'll find out the other moms had dc probs that got in the way... I "know" it isn't personall but .. yuck!

Tea drinking Momma::: Grady 8/06 and : Coralynn 8/09
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#4 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 01:22 PM
 
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i'm sorry i would of came if we lived closer! i WISH we had an ap play group down here!
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#5 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me ... you just figure with all these AP mom's, our dc needs come first ... making us late/no-shows for plenty of social obligations! But no doubt that it feels yucky and like rejection. IF it makes you feel any better, I planned a mommy get-together last month, and only half the people came, all of them at least 1 hour late!! Needless to say, I ate almost all the olives before anyone got here.

Beth, Wife to T , Mama to MB (12/06) :, and new addition C (6/09) :! We ::::!
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#6 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 01:39 PM
 
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I'm so sorry! I would be really sad too. Honestly, it's rude. I understand that with babies/kids, things happen and plans must change, often at the last minute. But those moms owed you a phone call. With the rare exceptoin of a true family emergency, there is no excuse for bad manners.

Hugs, mama.
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#7 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 06:25 PM
 
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That is flat out rude!!! In all my play date days, that has NEVER happened to me, or anybody else in the play group. We called or sent emails if we couldn't make it. Some days were sparse..maybe 2 or 3 mommas, but that's about it. I'd find another playgroup!
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#8 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 10:05 PM
 
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yep, happened to me many a time, you would think a mother would at least call another mother to tell you she can't come knowing what a mom goes through trying to get her DC out of the house. :

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#9 of 16 Old 06-19-2007, 10:15 PM
 
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That is one of the things that makes me not want to do playdates. I usually say, we'll be at such and such park at this time on this day. And I hope for the best. But I have such a huge fear of rejection coupled with disgustingly low self esteem and social disfunction I'm sure if people get to know me they will only dislike me anyway. , ok, I'm exaggerating just a bit. But I feel ya mama. I'm sorry that it happened.

Jessie. Mama to bikenew.gif(7) : broc1.gif(4) and : toddler.gif22 mo 

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#10 of 16 Old 06-20-2007, 02:24 AM
 
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It just happened to me too. I'm trying to start up this weekly thing and I showed up, brought food, sat around in this big empty room and played with DD for an hour and then went home.

Talk about feeling like dirt.
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#11 of 16 Old 06-20-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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I started a weekly "group" at my library...and NOBODY shows up....my son and I are the only attendees...

doesn't bother me tho...
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#12 of 16 Old 06-20-2007, 02:34 AM
 
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I am sorry that happen mama.
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#13 of 16 Old 06-20-2007, 04:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GradysMom View Post
So what do you do with your self when you are trying to get involved in a play group, an AP play group, you set up an activity, people say they will come and then EVERYONE stands you up. UGH! No calls to cancel, one email from one mother... the rest are a no-show.

I feel so rejected.

And I spent some energy telling 10mo ds that "people" were comming over to play. I can't imagine how I would explain this to him when he is older. Luckily it is going right over his head now.

I just feel so yucky that my attempt to socialize, beyond my comfort zone, for him, have been thwarted.

:
This happened with our little playgroup. The first time we had a date and a place to meet, we all flaked out. : It wasn't intentional - some of us had unexpected temper tantrums, or the kids came down with a cold... you know - regular things. The only reason it was an issue was because none of us called the mom who was hosting that first playdate to let her know, so she sat around all afternoon waiting and wondering what the heck happened. All of us got caught up, and we each thought that our presence wouldn't even be missed. I know it never occurred to me that the three other moms wouldn't show!

She handled it beautifully - she sent a gentle email to the moms in our group (only about four or five at the time) and asked what happened to everyone, let us know that she waited for us all afternoon, and that she would like it in the future if we could call if our plans change at the last minute so she can be aware. You can't believe how chagrined we were. I felt HORRIBLE, and of course I could totally know how I would have felt if no one showed when I hosted.

Anyway -- yes, it was rude that no one called or emailed you, but it probably wasn't intentional or personal AT ALL. I think a nice email from you letting them know that you understand things can come up, but that you were really looking forward to getting together and were disappointed. Ask them if plans change at the last minute, could they please call next time to let you know - in case you want to change your plans accordingly.

If this is a first playgroup experience for a lot of the moms in your group, then that might have a lot to do with it... they may be unsure of the etiquette involved. (I know, it seems like common sense. But...) And if they've been in other playgroups, it could be that no one ever called and it never was brought up and was accepted.

(((hugs))) and keep on! Getting a core group going can be tricky at first, but it's well worth it. You aren't doing anything wrong at all!!

~ Colleen ~ Joyful Unschooling Pagan mama to hearts.gifenergy.gifsuperhero.gifjog.gif and babyf.gif
"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead."
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#14 of 16 Old 06-20-2007, 04:29 AM
 
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Ohh... I know how you feel. You just feel so horrible hey?!

I organised a meet here with a bunch of ladies from the internet... they all turned up and I thought everything went great. I decided to organise another one a couple of weeks later and EVERYONE of them said that they would be there for sure!
I waited and waited... and NOT ONE of them showed up- with no phone call or even emails to tell me they couldnt make it or apologize. Infact, they never spoke to me again?

I have tried SO hard to make friends with children here (we are fairly new to the area) and when things like this happen, its a real kick in the teeth.
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#15 of 16 Old 06-20-2007, 02:48 PM
 
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Oh yes, that has happened to me before. It really does suck. I too feel so rejected! I spent so much time one time and thought that lots of people were coming and it ended up being just me and a friend of mine already. We were pretty bummed. I haven't tried again after that failure!

CPST and SAHM to DS (4/20/06) and DD (6/13/08)
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#16 of 16 Old 06-20-2007, 04:42 PM
 
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Oh, I SO know how you feel!! I have had this happen to me many a time now.. I have joined a somewhat local group, and keep trying to make the playdates...well out of the 5 times I have gone, THREE times no one else has shown.: The last time I even posted to the site "is anyone going? I don't want to be the only one there!" and had a couple "oh yes, we'll be there!" answers. I have a bit of a drive to get to these playdates, so I load EVERYTHING up, drive all the way there, and ....no one. I've almost given up on this particular group.

But Gradysmom!! I am ALSO in Clayton!! My DS is 8 1/2 months old. Maybe WE should start a playgroup...I don't stand people up..I may have the grumpiest baby present but I will be there, at least for a little while. I'm new to this site, but have been lurking for a couple weeks...your post is what inspired me to come out of lurkdom..not too many other people even know where Clayton is, much less live in that area themselves.

Good luck!
Kelly

Kelly, wife to DH, mom to Caden Reese (10-2-06), Tessa Brynn (12-26-08 ), and Maddox Quinn (7-16-11). Fur-mama to Finnegan, Ripley, Raisin (my little kitty amputee) and Kimchi. 748/2011, 2028/2012-I did it!! 2023/2013-Again!!! 404/2014
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