I'm worried that it's going to be this big fight about what I want not done to our little baby. That this big hostile enviroment will be created because I'm not making their jobs easier by doing what they want. I know I have every right and and everything. But in those hours postpartum I'm going to need kindness and support not hostility.
What did you refuse and did you run into any problems? Did you have to sign then or can I do that early and just have the forms in my file?
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
The most important part of this for us was to insist that my DS remained physically with me and was not taken in the first few minutes for weight, length, meds, etc. They were great about this, even giving him some oxygen while he laid on my abdomen, still attached.
We received no hassle from staff about this, just had to sign the papers. Once they realized we knew what we wanted they were great about asking before they did ANYTHING. Very important! It's your kid after all, sometimes they forget that.
Best of luck!
I would suggest you first check into your state laws. I had a friend/nurse tell me that eye goop and Vit K are required here, which isn't true- so that shows you that the staff can be pretty misinformed at times. If you are planning on taking a hospital tour, mention your wishes then and find out what usually happens when one refuses these procedures (whether or not anything has to be signed...) Also make your wishes very well knownto your midwife or OB before the baby comes and have a short but specific birth plan to take with you to the hospital. A coach (husband, partner, mom, doula, friend whatever) can be a great advocate while you are trying to bond with the baby and recover from the birth.
Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan age8, Ava age 4 and baby Georgia (6/3/11).
Make sure ahead of time in writing that every one understands that you are rejecting some routines. Have a plan and have copies to give everyone when you go in. Have someone with you to keep a clear cold perspective on the events so that you get what you want.
You only give birth to this child once. Get it right and make sure everyone around you knows you are serious about it.
I my 4 at home so it was a bit easier to make myself clear. The Home Court Advantage - A woman is Queen in her own home.
Single mom by choice to Sophia, age 18, and Eleanor, age 12, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!
So, now I tell everyone that if they end up needing a c-section, insist on skipping the bath routine.
Sending happy birthing vibes your way!!
Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 6, 7, 8, 10, 12 & 12) in a small house with a lot of love.
I had a scheduled cesarean too and I had them come help bathe my girl in my room the next day when I could "shuffle" around.
I found having my midwife there taking care of everything but the cesarean made things wonderful...because eventually when there were a couple of things done (that I was fine with)...she did them in the recovery room with me, with my girl a foot away.
However... after my dd's heart rate kept dropping into the danger zone, and staff almost rushing me off for an emergency c/s several times, the whole thing flew out the window anyway. I agreed to a c/s cause of non progression of labor and the worst thing was no one would bring me my baby into recovery and she was put in the observation nursery for 4 hours. So I had no idea what happened in the nursery... I sent dh off to keep an eye on her but he was so stressed out also, never imagining I'd have to have surgery. He was running back and forth for 4 hours.
My advice is run the birthplan by your provider and suss them out. Even if it's ok, be prepared for the odd staff member who may be more aggressive. And consider how emergency situations might affect your choices. I NEVER thought I'd have to have a c/s - I just wasn't prepared for it. There was no (medical) reason my baby couldn't have been with me in recovery. Even with a c/s her apgars were 8 and 9! It was a staff and policy issue.
Married 22 years
Two boys 11 and 9
and a HUGE surprise: EDD June 4th - BOY #3
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Being the overly freaky over prepared first time mom, dh and I toured the hospital "just in case." I did NOT make friends w/ the nurse giving the tour to put it mildly :-)...dh was squeezing my hand til the circulation almost stopped! I questioned EVERYTHING....and the nurse did not appreciate it. I think the big one though was their "routine suck test" where they gave each newborn a bottle of water to make sure they could swallow it and it went were it was supposed to go (ie the digestive tract was intact). When I questioned the test...uh I understood that for moms that were nursing that no nipple was to be introduced...especially at just a few hours old. Well you would have thought I was questioning why we feed kids at all! The woman told me that in all her years of experience that NO child has EVER suffered ANY nipple confusion and that it was a fallacy promoted by nursing "advocates."....AND that if I didn't allow my child to have this test it was tatamount to child abuse and I shouldn't be a mother.
I almost killed her.
This was about 3wks before dd was born. Went to my next weekly appt with the midwife and had an entire PAGE of specific "hospital" instructions in my birth plan....just in case. The midwife was horrified that they still did the "suck test" as it was well over 20-30yo and she stated that successful nursing acheived the same results.
I also did a ton of research into the Vit K shot and after long discussions with the midwife, we decided to forego it for a "normal" birth but if it was traumatic to go ahead w/ it.
Our birth plan clearly outlined our wishes against the eye ointment, Hep B shot and the PKU test (the birth center sends a nurse 2-3days post partum to your home to do a mom and baby check as well as the PKU test). We also wrote in BOLD letter that either dh or I was to be with dd at all times, no exceptions.
I am so thankful that we toured the hospital and wrote up the separate birth plans. Dd's cord was short and wrapped around her neck...although we didn't know it at the time...all we did know is that each time I pushed her heart rate plummeted. I went into labor around noon, got to the birth center at 2:45 and was already 8cm, complete at 3pm. Started pushing and dd's heart rate dove. Midwife suggested transferring (more like urged) and the IV was in my arm at 3:31 and I was in an ambulance to the hospital. The midwife went with me, dh and our best friends followed in their car.
I found out the next day that the hospital assumed that I would be having a section and had the OR all ready and waiting for me. The midwife insisted on trying a vaginal first. Dd was born at 4:04pm with forceps assistance after an episiotomy (I managed to make that 3% episiotomy rate that the birth center has!). I tore a ton, but dd was VERY healthy...I think she was an 8 and 10 or 7 and 9...can't remember now.
The hospital was VERY accomodating to our birth plan. We got no grief whatsoever about any of our requests. Although since dd's birth was so traumatic we did give her the Vit K shot. Our ped didn't even have priviledges at this hospital, and the ped on staff just signed off on everything w/o questioning us.
I do think that since the hospital is the back up for the birth center they were used to these requests though...and knew that they were done under the midwives care.
The only problem we had at the hospital was the night nurse....she kept coming into our room, waking me up...and insisting that I would get way more rest if we sent dd to the nursery. UH NO...I'll get more rest if you would leave me, dh and our child alone!! UGH.
Thankfully, despite the fact that I bled out after dd's birth and was restricted to bed until the next morning. The midwife agreed to release me at dinnertime the next day. I was home by 8pm the day after dd was born and was INFINITELY more comfy than we were in the hospital.
So the moral of my lengthy post is to do your homework, be prepared, write everything down, discuss it w/ your caregiver and then be flexible.
So, moral is, be kind but firm. Ask that anything they do be done in your room, in your presence. If they don't want to do that, say DH is going with the babe for any procedures. Try to get not only a good ped, but a good pediatric practice since you never know which dr will show up, really.
(And while it's good to be prepared for the worst, always expect the best!)
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