May 2007 Moms ITS SEPTEMBER - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-19-2007, 12:28 PM
 
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Hope you find a solution, Heidi. Good luck with it all - wheat free sounds very difficult.

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Old 09-19-2007, 02:27 PM
 
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Guess who's getting a new Mei Tai..... ME : : :
Its a babyhawk with minkee!! Should be here tomorrow or Friday!

Mommy to Two
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Old 09-19-2007, 03:12 PM
 
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I am not sure what I hope to achieve with this post, but I feel I need to share something. This is gonna be long, feel free to skip this busy Mamas.


Akasha and I go over to my Father's house 2x a week and he helps me out. I feel so grateful for his help and A and him have a great time together. I can tell she gets excited when we walk thru the door. I absolutely adore my Dad! He's just the kindest man- sincere and gentle. My Mama passed away a few years ago and it was a huge blow to us all. She was def the center of our large family. My parents love for each other was outstanding... my Father would still bring my Mama flowers every week... they were real sweethearts. All this to say, having Akasha without my Mama around has been bittersweet. The silver lining is seeing how much my Father loves her. I have witnessed him come out of a silent depression and enjoy life again. I haven't seen him happy like this since before my Mama died.

OK so here's the thing. My Dad is old and very much set in his ways. Not like in your face or anything or opinionated, but just basically ignorant of certain aspects of AP etc. And my Mama was always the bridge with communication and all. Bless his heart, he'll listen to something I say and interpret it all wrong... like he sees Akasha's Montessori nursery and knows we are doing some M style stuff with her, and then he gets all excited and tells me he has a surprise for A and gives her a box set of "Baby Genius" DVDs. He does not have much $ and this is a big deal for him. He just doesn't get it and thinks he made a really progressive choice! Well, seeing his happiness and all, I just don't have the heart to then give him a lecture about why his choice sucks and how we aren't going to watch TV. So, then I watch him cuddle up w/ A and they watch a DVD and they are both enjoying themselves so much! I think "what's so wrong with this?" Happy Cooing Baby in Arms looking at animals whatever with Beloved Poppy. Also, I feel it's an imposition when I bring over G Diapers and have to rinse out a poopy liner. I can tell he thinks this is ridiculous, and when I start to leave her there for an hour or two alone while I start work (this hasn't happened yet) I would not feel right leaving him with some weird diapering system that I know he thinks is gross. So having these feelings, I bring over disposables and I can tell he is relieved. These are just examples of how our realities don't always line up, and how I tend to respond to it all.

So what this is bringing up for me is how much I care about certain ideals I have and how willing I am to educate my Father with it. I have no problem setting boundaries and continuing to educate others, but I just have a hard time specifically with my Dad. He came over almost every day in the last weeks of my thesis and held Akasha so she could nap and I could write. "This way," he would say, "you and Todd can be together with the baby at night and that's the most important thing". It just makes my heart burst with love and gratitude! My gut feels like LOVE is the most important thing here- and clearly there's so much love between A and my Father. I find myself not caring about the stupid TV or diapers or plastic toys or whatever when I see them together and happy- especially when I know how impermanent life is. I am just so grateful for my Dad, I don't want him to feel like he can't just enjoy and be himself with Akasha.

I am feeling like if A gets TV a couple times a week or plastics when she's over there or whatever it's not that big of a deal. I want to try and limit these things to just over there w/ her Poppy. Is this doable? Do any other Mamas have an arrangement like this? How has it worked out in reality w/ older children? Do they understand and accept that ____ only happens at -and-so's home and we do things differently? ANY Thoughts or words of wisdom??

Thanks for listening Mamas. This has been on my heart and I needed to share it. It's one thing when extended family does things counter to what we think is best and it bothers us (I have plenty of that from Todd's side ) but this is different. I definitely share with my father how we are trying to care for Akasha, but much of it gets lost in translation.

Ok Deep Breath.

Grace Comes.

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Old 09-19-2007, 03:34 PM
 
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~dancebaraka~ Sounds like your doing just fine letting them bond the way they are. I think that since your dad is old (?) and set in his ways just let it be. She will have a very special bond with him as she gets older and will understand somethings go in his house that don't in yours. Hes not hurting anything by letting her watch some educational movies... at least its not stupid cartoons or letting her eat sugar cookies I actually envy you for having such a wonderful caring person in her life... we don't really have anyone here for our dc that would go to such lengths to make there grandchildren feel special Let it go and enjoy watching the miracle of grandparent love

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Old 09-19-2007, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Baraka~

I have a similar thing going on with my dad (as you know we lost my mom in July). Everything you have said I could have written. The thing I have found with my older kids is Grandpa gets to do different things with them that we do not necissarily do at home. When my mom was in the rest home (she could not speak or else she would have talked to my dad about it) my dad would buy my kids a pack a peice of the mini candy bars which is a ton of candy. Now everytime we go home he has a pack of Ding Dongs or Twinkies for them to share. You know what, its not something I going to feed my kids but every once in a while what is the harm? It brings my dad so much joy in life (of course now with the wheat allergy we will have to talk about what he can and cannot get Liam and in a few years Maggie). Of course even when my mom was alive my parents' did things with our kids that we do not do...but my kids know that's only at their house.
You want your daughter and dad to have a relationship. I figure my dad is old and is set in his ways which he is so what is the harm? My kids know it only happens with Grandpa and they never ask for it here. Sometimes Liam has asked for a frozen dinner (my sister takes him once a month and he gets one) and I said that is what you do with Aunt Lavonne so he was well I want to go live with Aunt Lavonne and I said do you think you would get frozen dinners? He is a bright kid and was like um no I would not.

Heidi
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Old 09-19-2007, 05:25 PM
 
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Baraka ~ first, it's great that you are realizing life will be okay even if grandparents don't follow our rules, kwim? Took me a lot longer than 4 months (with DD to realize that). And yes, as they get older they do understand that things are different at different people's houses.

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Old 09-19-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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oh baraka, it's taken me years to figure out that it's ok to let my kids do things differently & eat crap at nana & papa's house! thankfully you're struggling with this early on so you can set some boundaries before you drive yourself batty (like i did).

my girls play with barbies & have a brown cow (root beer & ice cream) & put on lipstick everytime they're with my folks. it used to make me anxious inside but, like you said, it's so special for my parents because these small things are such excitement for simone & kaiya!

my dad also likes to watch cartoons with the girls but i DO draw the line after a couple shows. i think he'd sit them in front of the TV for waaaayyy too long. and i usually have to portion the ice cream for the brown cows b/c he'd give them 2 ginormous scoops! and sometimes i have to ask my mom to tone down the make up (no red lipstick, please) and she's very understading. it almost becomes a secret joke between the girls & my parents...."oops! mama doesn't like the red lipstick" *giggle, giggle.* or "good thing you have a nana with barbies" *hee hee.* or my dad will give them an extra bite of his ice cream "behind my back."

it's funny how, with each additional child (3 now), i've become more crunchy & AP in certain areas and more flexible in others. it's always such a tight rope walk! but i agree that some good love amongst granddaughter & poppy is worth it all.

dh was making fun of me last night at the dinner table because of something that's a loooonggg story but was jokingly talking like me & saying, "i don't care if my children read. i just want them to loooovvve." it's really kinda true, though....

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Old 09-19-2007, 06:55 PM
 
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Baraka~some things just aren't worth losing family over. You have to decide if it means that much to you.
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Old 09-19-2007, 07:25 PM
 
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Oh my, I need to learn not to stay away for more than a day! I've got lots of posts to read.
Hehe, I do make slings & things. Krystal, your mei tai is cut and is second in line to be sewn this week

Now I need to make myself one. Cobblers kids have no shoes. . .Ok, I do have plenty of carriers. I need a mei tai I can call my own though. Mickey LOVES to be in one WAY more than he likes the pouch.

My friend lent me an ergo. It's alright-(def better than a snuggli). I don't feel fashonable & girly at all in one. . .which I don't normally care about, but I don't want to feel like I'm hiking every time I go to a store either.
Plus, I just heard a rumor that the ergo company maybe trying to put other makers of soft carriers out of business some not-so-ethical way. I don't have details though.


Ok, I need to go revel in the nap time quiet right now.

Oh-before I go I need to comment on how : it is that we have all these teeth coming in and rolling going on. I've got nothing here , just a fat, toothless slug--that I love very very much.

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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Old 09-19-2007, 07:43 PM
 
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Thanks everyone, I am saving up for my mei tai. I just bought my first group of CD from the trading post!!!

There is nothing better than watching the love between grandparents and kids. Even if it is while also watching them eat unlawful amounts of sugar.

Mom of 3.
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Old 09-19-2007, 07:43 PM
 
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a fat, toothless slug--that I love very very much.
best.ever.

Megan Davidson, Labor & Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Anthropologist, Mom to August (9) and Clay (4), Partner to Shawn.

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Old 09-19-2007, 10:56 PM
 
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Oh-before I go I need to comment on how : it is that we have all these teeth coming in and rolling going on. I've got nothing here , just a fat, toothless slug--that I love very very much.
Make that 2 CUTE fat toothless slugs!
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Old 09-19-2007, 11:34 PM
 
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Make that 2 CUTE fat toothless slugs!
Yeah, to heck with rolling over and getting teeth. Livy has the fattest thighs of all, so there.
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Old 09-19-2007, 11:37 PM
 
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Clay's thighs are so big! He and lily can hang out together checking out each other's roles He has these wrist folds to die for!

Megan Davidson, Labor & Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Anthropologist, Mom to August (9) and Clay (4), Partner to Shawn.

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Old 09-19-2007, 11:53 PM
 
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We've got no teeth here, though we do have a lot of drooling and fist biting. BUT Emeth can *almost* sit... well, he can sit for a minute or so and then he slumps forward or falls sideways. He also flips from back to front and front to back like a ninja. He's starting to give me grief during diaper changes, always wanting to roll over onto his belly. I remember this stage with DD--I started putting her diapers on backwards because it was just easier than fighting with her.

I've let my participation in this thread slide a little bit since my focus has been shifting away from DS lately--DD is being really challenging lately and I've been hanging out in the Gentle Disclipline forum instead of LWAB or Toddlers. Plus I've been reading a lot of GD books whenever I get a chance. This has resulted in one very annoying thing--whenever DD does something "bad", DH says "So, what are YOU going to do now?" and then he usually follows that up with some snide comment about how "ineffective" whatever it is I'm going to do is. I'm not really sure what his problem is... but we're going to discuss the whole discipline thing on Friday at our family meeting.

Anyone have any Positive Discipline stories to share? Especially ones concerning 2 year olds hitting, biting, pinching and pulling the hair of their baby siblings (and mommy and daddy as well)?
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Old 09-20-2007, 02:59 AM
 
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Baraka - Sounds very normal, common, etc. You will know when/what to say, if anything. You are SO lucky to have your dad, and so is Akasha! I'm 2000 miles away from my parents, and it's something we really wish we had is close grandparents.

It would be nice for Henry to be a little sluggish every once in a while. If he's not on the floor, he's arching is back and trying to roll out of our arms so we'll put him on the floor. It makes leaving the house difficult because he wants to be put down at restaurants, stores, everywhere! Not quite!

So here's my confession. I have used some disposables. I bought a tiny pack out of true need a while back. I bought another one when I ran out of cloth another day away from home. Last week our power was out all night and I couldn't do laundry, then Henry pooped in the only cover I had left so again I bought a pack. I ran out of them today, and I seriously considered buying more. I was SUCH a cloth diaper snob before, but now I get it. I get how addictive they are. How easy it is to just want to buy a pack just to have around. And if they are around, how easy it is to reach for one just because!!! It's so crazy! But I didn't buy any today, so that's good. I did take some Bright Bots out of my inventory, it just seems like I'm low on butt-coverings for some reason. I guess I'm just not doing laundry as often right now with the move upheaval.
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Old 09-20-2007, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone have any Positive Discipline stories to share? Especially ones concerning 2 year olds hitting, biting, pinching and pulling the hair of their baby siblings (and mommy and daddy as well)?

Sorry, I believe now you need to beat your kids, don't let them question anything make them scared of you, allow no lead away whatsoever certainly do not let them be well adjusted....okay I am kidding really. Can you tell I am having problems with my oldest. of course I think a 16 year old is just an overgrown 2 year old so maybe I should wait for everyone else's advice for you and use it. SIGH. Why did I raise him to be self confident, too believe in himself and do what his heart tells him?
He is my child that natural consequences makes no sense to him at all. For example when he was 4 he got out of the bath and went to the gas fireplace. We had been telling him stay away you are going to get burned for weeks anyway, he had hit butt to the fireplace touched it and the water that was on him from the bath sizzled and boiled and he got a nasty 3rd degree burn. So two days later we are back from the hospital and I watch him go over to the fireplace and touch it and he burns his finger. He did not say a thing just put his finger in his mouth. He has to learn everything the hard way.

Heidi
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Old 09-20-2007, 03:13 PM
 
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Make that 2 CUTE fat toothless slugs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkimo View Post
Yeah, to heck with rolling over and getting teeth. Livy has the fattest thighs of all, so there.
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Originally Posted by MSAX View Post
Clay's thighs are so big! He and lily can hang out together checking out each other's roles He has these wrist folds to die for!

I love you guys :
Wanna talk about fat-fold-cheese now? I've never smelled limberger cheese, but for some reason now I imagine it smells like bellybuttons. . . and neck fold cheese.


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We've got no teeth here, though we do have a lot of drooling and fist biting. BUT Emeth can *almost* sit... well, he can sit for a minute or so and then he slumps forward or falls sideways. He also flips from back to front and front to back like a ninja. He's starting to give me grief during diaper changes, always wanting to roll over onto his belly. I remember this stage with DD--I started putting her diapers on backwards because it was just easier than fighting with her.

I've let my participation in this thread slide a little bit since my focus has been shifting away from DS lately--DD is being really challenging lately and I've been hanging out in the Gentle Disclipline forum instead of LWAB or Toddlers. Plus I've been reading a lot of GD books whenever I get a chance. This has resulted in one very annoying thing--whenever DD does something "bad", DH says "So, what are YOU going to do now?" and then he usually follows that up with some snide comment about how "ineffective" whatever it is I'm going to do is. I'm not really sure what his problem is... but we're going to discuss the whole discipline thing on Friday at our family meeting.

Anyone have any Positive Discipline stories to share? Especially ones concerning 2 year olds hitting, biting, pinching and pulling the hair of their baby siblings (and mommy and daddy as well)?
It's so hard when they are being violent. MY oldest tends toward that. We've tried various things to various levels of effectiveness. Really though it's something they grow out of as long as you give a good example, intervene when she's doing those things and give her words.
Like, when DS hits another child it's usually out of frustration of some kind so I'll say "It's not ok to hit. You are frustrated. Tell him you are sorry." He does say sorry, but he hasn't expressed his feeligs to another kid yet. He will tell me he's mad or frustrated though, instead of hitting or biting me now.
Also, my friends told me to prevent prevent prevent instead of struggle after the fact. That works out well for us too.
I've been reading Scream free parenting & I luuuuuuurve it.

Anyway, just as I was going to say hitting is normal Seamus came up to me and hit me on the arm. sigh. . .

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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Old 09-20-2007, 03:13 PM
 
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Hey I have a new DDDDC!!!!:

Hehehehehee Who dunnit?

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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Old 09-20-2007, 03:25 PM
 
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Well, I was NAKing and edited these videos together with thought/speech bubbles and everything and it was so freaking cute and now it looks like YouTube lost it. So, here are the links to the plain unedited versions and maybe some day YouTube will catch up and have the cool one uploaded too.

Sam and Josh
Just Sam
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Old 09-20-2007, 04:59 PM
 
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts and wise words... just sharing this with you all has helped me at more peace with this whole new crazy trip called parenting!

I am over at my Father's house right now and as I write this, he is sitting outside on the porch with Akasha in arms, and they are both sleeping. A has her little hand wrapped around his huge index finger. I don't ever want to forget these sacred moments.

:

Grace Comes.

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Old 09-20-2007, 05:09 PM
 
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts and wise words... just sharing this with you all has helped me at more peace with this whole new crazy trip called parenting!

I am over at my Father's house right now and as I write this, he is sitting outside on the porch with Akasha in arms, and they are both sleeping. A has her little hand wrapped around his huge index finger. I don't ever want to forget these sacred moments.

:
That made me teary also.

My mom and my son are so close to each other and always have been. I swear they are soulmates. It's a beautiful thing to see. Now with another baby I get to watch a new relationship grow.

Megan Davidson, Labor & Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Anthropologist, Mom to August (9) and Clay (4), Partner to Shawn.

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Old 09-20-2007, 05:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts and wise words... just sharing this with you all has helped me at more peace with this whole new crazy trip called parenting!

I am over at my Father's house right now and as I write this, he is sitting outside on the porch with Akasha in arms, and they are both sleeping. A has her little hand wrapped around his huge index finger. I don't ever want to forget these sacred moments.

:

AW that is so sweet. Makes me want to cry.

Heidi
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Old 09-20-2007, 07:06 PM
 
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Baraka--thx for letting us hear your thoughts re: your dad and Akasha : If only my dad was that way, heh. My mom is much the same as you describe your dad--wanting to "get it", but missing the mark sometimes. I let her mistakes slide a lot, b/c she really is trying to understand and be respectful to us. My dad, however, is interested in our family mainly to ferret out all our "screw-ups" and then proceeds to nag, blackmail, bribe, etc, us into changing. And since he's "the man of the house" he pretty much controls what my mom can and cannot do. So we can't even go over their house cause my mom's "not allowed" to invite us : When I do see my mom, I try not to "ruin her moments" with the kids, b/c even tho I'm cringing as she's offering to buy my middle dd a pink glittery hunk o' plastic I try to keep in mind that her time with the kids is so limited, and so special for both her and them....sigh.

re: gentle discipline--this is an interesting topic for us too. I was about to get deeper into this, but i realized it'd take an essay i don't have time for right now! Suffice it to say, nobody's kids are perfect, but imo it's never the right thing to use physical punishment/spanking/hitting. I used to be a radical unschooler in all aspects, but i've had to compromise that partly due to cooperating w/my ex, and partly due to the fact that both my kids (particularly my eldest) seem to crave some structure/rules.
Heidi--{{{Hugs}}}--i have no clue how to deal with teenagers! my one observation seems to be that the moms i know who give their teens a lot of freedom, but keep very close, friendly communication, seem to have the most level-headed, well-adjusted, mature teens that I know of. my best friend IRL has a 16yo dd whom anyone could nearly mistake for an adult just by taking to her. They are VERY close to each other. I hope my kids are that kind of teenagers someday

Laura--YAY about my carrier!! Can't wait to get it!! And no, we have no idea who did your DDDDC. Do we, ladies??? :looks around impressively:

The toothless slug comment was.... : holy wow..!!!

I need to weigh and measure Claire--she is busting out of her 6m sleepers, I have to buy her new clothes again, argh She's rolling pretty good now, and she's found her toes to munch on, too She does little baby push-ups all the time now, and munches on whatever she can grab--so she's officially a danger to herself now! She just fell asleep on my lap, cause she was too cranky to nurse to sleep. Anyone else's LOs do that?? Get too angry to nurse? This kid is so particular!! :

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Old 09-20-2007, 08:37 PM
 
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OK.. I have a confession....

My baby ate peaches! :

I was eating a sliced peach and went to put it in my mouth while I was holding him, and he grabbed my hand and put it in HIS mouth! Now, I am all about watching out for signs of readiness.. so given that he fed it to himself (at first, then I held it for him so he wouldn't choke on it), and he didn't tongue-trust it.. does that mean he is ready for solids? I don't really want to give him that much.. but if he keeps grabbing my snacks...

Peaches aren't high allergens, right?

BTW: He LOVED them!

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Old 09-20-2007, 10:29 PM
 
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What would you do in the wild if you didn't know "better"?


I've been having this urge to let Mickey *taste* what I'm eating. Not really feeding him things, but putting things to his lips. I've been honoring that urge

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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Old 09-20-2007, 11:00 PM
 
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I love you guys :
Wanna talk about fat-fold-cheese now? I've never smelled limberger cheese, but for some reason now I imagine it smells like bellybuttons. . . and neck fold cheese.

Ahhh...neck cheese. Now that is some funky stuff.

to all...Lizzy, Baraka, Heidi. Just know you are all doing your best. It goes so fast, doesn't it? Someday we'll all look back on this time and the things we worried about and laugh at ourselves. Though it sure doesn't always feel like that these days, huh?

DD has been having green, mucousy BMs on and off for the last week or so. She seems fussy, chewing her little fists, and had a rash on her bum over the weekend - her first ever. I have been dairy free for 5 days now and the rash is gone and BMs are returning to normal. Not sure if this is related to teething or is a true sensitivity to dairy. We've had no issues until now, so I'm : trying to figure it out.

I've got a Mammas Milk pouch sling, a Maya ring sling, and a Babyhawk. I'm thinking about an ergo or a beco when funds allow.

Also, just to vent for a second, I traded some cloth dipes with a mama on another board and when I got them they REEKED like smoke. I wrote her to say I want to trade back, but no reply so far. Not even sure it was proper etiquette for me to do that, but I am not about to put smoke-saturated dipes (even after multiple washings!) on my girl, kwim?

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Old 09-20-2007, 11:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Heidi--{{{Hugs}}}--i have no clue how to deal with teenagers! my one observation seems to be that the moms i know who give their teens a lot of freedom, but keep very close, friendly communication, seem to have the most level-headed, well-adjusted, mature teens that I know of. my best friend IRL has a 16yo dd whom anyone could nearly mistake for an adult just by taking to her. They are VERY close to each other. I hope my kids are that kind of teenagers someday
Thanks Krystal, you know we get complimented all the time about how we are raising our kids especially the teenagers. We have open communication and they have lots and lots of freedom. If they make good choices then life is grand. My problem I guess if you get down to it is me. He is making choices he feels is right in his life and we do not agree with the path he is taking. It is just a really hard path to do. I am afraid one day he is going to come back with WHY DID YOU LET ME DO THIS. So tension is high in our house which causes stupid conflicts etc. and I keep on saying things well I do not mean. I am just frustrated.

Heidi
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Old 09-20-2007, 11:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK.. I have a confession....

My baby ate peaches! :
At least it was fruit. I think I told you guys about a month ago dd was asleep on my lap and Liam handed me his jelly donut (it was Sunday and some Sundays the boys get donuts) anyway the next thing I know I can feel like Maggie sucking really hard and I was huh? Ya she had slurped up a good portion of the donut and boy was she mad when I took it away from her.

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Old 09-21-2007, 12:10 AM
 
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all these posts about your kiddos sneaking food is making me giggle. no, ezra isn't near to the point of snatching my yummies but it's so crazy how fast they "grow up," isn't it? it seemed like it took forever for dd1 to reach an age to eat solids but ezra's life is just zipping by. i'm planning on having a little "first food ceremony" for him at thanksgiving. my girls didn't really eat solids until around 8 months but i started letting them taste things around 5-6 months.

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