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#1 of 11 Old 08-02-2003, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have an 8 month old ds who absolutely adores his mama....to the exclusion of everyone else. We are doing the whole "AP" thing with babywearing, bf'ing, co-sleeping...etc. But now, when I need a break, even just a little break (like 10 minutes) he clings to me and cries. I love my baby more than anything and can't stand hearing him cry so I end up forgoing my "break" which can get pretty exasperating over time.
I have to nap when he does because if I step out of the room, he somehow knows (mommy radar) and wakes up wailing within minutes. I also have to go to bed at night when he does for the same reason. The other evening, I waited until he was sound asleep, and then went and had coffee with my girlfriends, only to come back 45 minutes later to a sobbing baby and stressed dh.

Could our parenting style have made my baby "too attached". Is this a phase? My high need baby demands his mama "24-7". It's wonderful to be so needed but how do mothers with babies like this carve out a just a little time for themselves (and their marriages)?
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#2 of 11 Old 08-02-2003, 01:24 PM
 
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It's so hard, isn't it? I can't promise when it will get better, but it does. I have read that 8 months is around the time that babies start recognizing "self" and "other" and start having separation anxiety. My son is almost 1 and is still very attached, but is now able to go longer periods playing with his daddy or someone else without me being right there.

My best advice to you is that you take deep breaths and relax, knowing that this is only a very short time and pretty soon your baby will be crawling and toddling away from you as quickly as his little legs will carry him, secure in the strong attachment he has to you. But you have not made him "too attached"; you are meeting his needs for a strong attachment and security. He will learn to be independent when the time is right for him.

Hang in there! It's tough, but it does get better.

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#3 of 11 Old 08-02-2003, 01:30 PM
 
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This as perfectly normal and will pass eventually. It depends on the baby, his "spirit" and his particular inborn schedule. It is frustrating Try to just accept it as best you can. (Take a book or a laptop to bed for naps.) No, you didn't cause if. All babies go thru this. If non-aped seem to go thru it less, b/c they are used to not having their needs met at night b/c of CIO practices, say, the parents pay the price later, at achool age, even with their teens.

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/se...onanxiety.html
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#4 of 11 Old 08-02-2003, 02:41 PM
 
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Cole had a clingy period at 8 mos., too. I couldn't even walk to the other side of the room without him crying. : It was frustrating but I just tried to be patient. Here is my mantra, repeat after me: it's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase....

Luckily it only lasted a few weeks. I have trouble with these times because I am kind of a loner at heart (only child, etc.) and I need lots of personal space. Funny that I still try to parent Cole according to AP philosophies, LOL. So I find the clingy times to be very trying. I can understand what you are going through! Just try to keep reminding yourself that by continuing to meet his needs, however unfounded they may seem to you (I'm just going into the kitchen, for goodness sake! : ) you are giving him the foundation of trust he will rely on for the rest of his life. These few months will be gone so quickly but the security you are fostering in him will remain. Hang in there, mama! You are doing a good job!
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#5 of 11 Old 08-02-2003, 06:36 PM
 
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I second what everyone else has said. Our ds became a velcro baby at around 8-9 months. At 11 months ds is happy to move around the house on his own, though sometimes he looks up and cries for me. It was taxing during that phase, but sometimes I miss it - our baby suddenly looks and acts like a little boy. But he is happy, curious, funny as hell and so much more vibrant than many kids I see (okay, I'm biased!) and I know in my heart that we are doing the right thing for him.
Be patient and try to laugh about it!
A.
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#6 of 11 Old 08-02-2003, 10:21 PM
 
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My baby has been my gum (stuck to me) since birth. It has only been recently, he is now 9 1/2 months, that he has started venturing on his own. Perhaps it is because he can now crawl and is on the verge of walking.

I know what you are going through. I haven't gone to the bathroom on my own in months! There were times when I completely questioned AP and thought he was "too attached". But now I see bits of the independent boy his is becoming. He is funny, adventuresome and always laughing. I believe it is because he knows I am always there for him.

I think the other posts are right, it is just a phase and soon you might even miss it
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#7 of 11 Old 08-03-2003, 01:16 AM
 
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ITA with what Jane said sooo well!
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#8 of 11 Old 08-03-2003, 01:49 AM
 
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Your child is developing just like the textbooks say!! Right at 8 months the average baby has stranger anxiety and seperation anxiety. This is totally normal and will get better-- I promise!!!
Lauren
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#9 of 11 Old 08-03-2003, 02:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your motivating replies. It's very helpful to know that my son's current "clingyness" is completely normal and will pass. I'll feel more confident in defending our parenting style to my mother (who lives with us). I went to the library and picked up a few trashy murder mysteries to read during his naps.

I'm sure you're right about missing this stage once it passes. Between the ages of 3mos and 6mos, the only way my ds would nap is if he was on me, in the rocking chair. I was spending 5 hours/day in the rocker. At the time, it was pretty exasperating. But then, after he grew out of that phase, I missed all of the extra cuddles our "rockies" had provided - and would often convince myself that my ds needed "rockies" to fall asleep when he really didn't.

So, I'm off to bed with my ds...at least I get lots of sleep! I'm sure I will miss that (and all of the baby cuddles too) when this stage passes.
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#10 of 11 Old 08-06-2003, 10:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks DaryLLL for taking the time to post that link.
I finally had time to check out the "Kelly's AP page" link you sent. We have started incorporating some of the different "peek a boo" variations into our playtime and we're beginning to develop good-bye/hello routines. Thank goodness I wasn't planning on returning to work anytime soon, that would be so hard on both of us!
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#11 of 11 Old 08-06-2003, 01:04 PM
 
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Quote:
I have to nap when he does because if I step out of the room, he somehow knows (mommy radar) and wakes up wailing within minutes. I also have to go to bed at night when he does for the same reason.
We've been going through the same thing since DD was about the same age. I've had the same worries as you have...it's comforting to hear we're not alone.

At night when I'm banished to bed while she sleeps, DH graciously tends to housework, cleaning up the kitchen, etc. while I hang with DD in bed. The nice thing is, I've been able to do A LOT of reading while she sleeps at night. It's almost like (and I hate to even say this out loud!) I have more time to myself now than I had before we had DD because I'm guaranteed a few hours at night tucked up in bed with her.
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