this is just sooo wrong - on many levels - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 08-16-2003, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I searched in Google for some activities to do with my 7 month old and came across this on parenting.com. The last paragraph tells parents NOT to pick up or sit down with their crying baby to teach him/her to play by themselves so they won't manipulate you(this is on the 7 Month Milestones:



Expect plenty of testing:

Prepare yourself for the manipulation game. Your baby has learned that a mere squawk from his mouth will send you running; the insistent lifting of his arms all but guarantees you'll sweep him off his feet. Resist the temptation. Here's how to help your baby learn to entertain himself for short periods of time:
Devote short periods of time to him all day, or see that your child-care provider does. Sit down and read him a book, play finger games with him, or help him build a tower of blocks. Let him know you're always available -- but just for limited amounts of time.


Provide a change of atmosphere if baby starts to fuss. Place baby onto a blanket on the floor or move him to another room. (Just make sure he's not fussing because he's tired, hungry, or in need of a fresh diaper.) Monitor his surroundings periodically, and occasionally replace the few toys that are within his reach. Don't let piles of toys accumulate around him; they can overwhelm him.


If his crankiness doesn't subside, go to baby and show him how to play with a particular toy or object, but don't sit down with him or pick him up. After a brief demonstration, go back to your own tasks. And don't hesitate to tell himñin a calm, pleasant voiceñthat you need to do your work, too. Keep chatting or singing to him as you busy yourself within his earshot; return to him if he threatens to erupt but before he actually starts to scream. (You don't want him to think that this is the ultimate way to bring you back to your senses.)


OH MY WORD!!!
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#2 of 12 Old 08-16-2003, 05:11 PM
 
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how mean. a 7mo is NOT manipulative.

those "mainstream" magazines and sites just make me so mad.
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#3 of 12 Old 08-16-2003, 05:47 PM
 
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How terrible! Yuck!

I'm sooo happy that we all know better and our children are better for it!
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#4 of 12 Old 08-16-2003, 08:25 PM
 
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How terrible! So many parents read this trash and will believe it!
It breaks my heart to think of what disconnected, repressed, unsure and unstable children are being produced becasue of this kind of "wisdom"
:

It truly makes me sick :Puke
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#5 of 12 Old 08-16-2003, 09:19 PM
 
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That's Horrible. Poor babies who's parents believe this trash.

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#6 of 12 Old 08-16-2003, 09:45 PM
 
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Idiots. Yup, teach your Baby that momma's simply too busy and they need to learn to just "suck it up." God forbid you put them in a backpack and continue w/your project; ie. cleaning.:

I have noticed that my 9 mos. old magically stopped wanting to be picked up when he started crawling well. Sometimes, I'll hear the little slapslapslap and he'll appear next to me just to check in.
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#7 of 12 Old 08-17-2003, 02:00 AM
 
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this is like the comments i have heard about BF'ding- everyone who has not BF that I meet says "once they start asking for it, that is when it is over" WHAT???? I swear at 4 days my baby knew when she saw the boob she was getting food. And at 4 months she gets all excited and starts kicking in a good way when it starts comin' her way.

How can anyone think a 7 month old sould just be left to cry- make me so mad. to think of what it does to their brains when they cry for help or comfort and their parent just walks right by. makes me almost want to cry. And how many women read that- i mean parenting.com is a huge site- and it make mama's like us have to defend how we parent- I would think it is natural to parent in an AP style- but our culture says NO- just walk away from the crying baby. Makes me ill....

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
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#8 of 12 Old 08-17-2003, 02:11 AM
 
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This really hurts my heart...and to think there are plenty of people out there that will buy into this crap.
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#9 of 12 Old 08-17-2003, 02:39 AM
 
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okay I felt so sick about the crap that article had in it I wrote to the parenting.com site. I have also posted it here for you all to read.


.................................................. ...........................

I am totally discussed with your article title Expect plenty of testing: To think that you used words like manipulation, crankiness and a mere squawk to describe a 7 month old baby makes me ill. Have you ever done a study on the effects of children left without parental stimulation? And what good is a parent if she/he is only to “Devote short periods of time to him all day”? What does that teach a child? That their parent has more important things then the baby? That making sure the toilet is clean overrides the rights of an infant?

Then you go on to make statements such as “Monitor his surroundings periodically”. Last time I checked being a parent is a 24/7 job and I don’t only monitor my child’s surroundings- I am her surroundings. Is being loved and held such a bad thing?

When you state “the insistent lifting of his arms all but guarantees you'll sweep him off his feet. Resist the temptation”. This just shows the child that you choose to ignore his needs. This will lead to children that are quiet and shy due to the fact that they cannot trust people. To say that this teaches children to be independent is a misconception of the human brain. This type of action in fact shows them they need to build defensive walls in order to cope with stress and painful feelings. Why not put a baby in a sling or a backpack? Is it such a sin to acutely carry your child?

And lastly “return to him if he threatens to erupt but before he actually starts to scream. (You don't want him to think that this is the ultimate way to bring you back to your senses.)” Where is the logic in this? Catching your child before he starts screaming for attention is some how better than preventing the problem all together? If you do this you will have 3 year olds throwing fits in supper markets because they cant get the latest sponge bob cereal.

As a mother I am completely outraged that you would even put your name on an article like this. Children are not meant to be alone or denied of love and affection. Sure you will argue that your point is not to leave them alone or deny them anything, but in fact it is. It is the very core of your article. It teaches parents to ignore their natural given impulses to nurture their children and come to them with love and affection anytime it is needed. You are telling parents to turn their back on their feelings of sitting and playing with their babies and over looking the laundry piles. After all our society doesn’t need better parents. The rise in teen pregnancy, abortions, drug use, school shootings and under age drinking is just part of the culture- right?

Maybe I am one of the last mothers alive that believe that my job on this earth is to raise my babies with love and security at every second of their development. It is their brain that I treasure more on this earth then the breath I take.

I plead you to stop shoving these unattached parenting styles at vulnerable new parents and start giving them real tools they can use. How about have an article on Maya Wraps, and show parents that you can still cook dinner and have a happy baby. Stop making parents go against their natural instincts of holding their babies and taking time out of their lives to enjoy this once in a lifetime moment- watching their baby smile.

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
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#10 of 12 Old 08-17-2003, 04:32 AM
 
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Go Crayon! That was great! I especially like the bit about how they should "stop shoving these unattached parenting styles at vulnerable new parents..." & the "After all our society doesn’t need better parents" line.
Love a bit of sarcasm, and that really made me go "yeah, so is so freakin' right!".

I wish they would post that on their awful site, just to show another side, and that the other side is more than OK.

Why do so many people seem to have kids so they can then pretend they're not there half the time. ack.
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#11 of 12 Old 08-17-2003, 05:19 AM
 
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WAY TO GO!!! AWESOME!!!!
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#12 of 12 Old 08-17-2003, 08:52 AM
 
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The author of that article has obviously been reading Ezzo. Bleh.
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