Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
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It took me a while to really bond with one of my babies, maybe 4 months. He didn't like to cuddle, was very high needs, didn't feel soothed by me the way that his brother did. His brother was always happy in the sling, always happy just as long as I was holding him, etc. It really tore me up to not feel the attachment I was expecting. One thing that really helped me was to take baths with my baby everyday. The skin on skin contact, and the fact that he was just so happy in the bath worked wonders. Even if at other times in the day I felt like, "where did this baby come from?!" when we were in the bath together I always felt like, "oh, he IS my baby!" By the time he was about four months old I felt really bonded to him. I don't know what changed things, I think in part it had to do with him just getting more comfortable in his body and happier to be here, and me just getting to know him better.
It's hard when you have more than one child to not compare them to each other. I think that if my baby had been my only baby I would have been able to devote myself to him more entirely and feel more bonded more quickly. As it was, I had his brother to care for as well, and his brother was just such a cuddly, affectionate guy . . . of course I was comparing them all the time.
If you can, try taking a bath with your little one, and just know that you WILL eventually feel attached to your baby, even if you don't feel as attached as you'd like to just yet.
Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.