Help! "Play date' from hell! - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-26-2008, 06:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's a quick background - my son is 15 months old and was born extremely premature at less than 26 weeks'. He spent 8 months in the hospital and came home last August (actually July 31). Anyway, he is still on continuous O2 and has a feeding tube and has some health problems, so we were quarantined when we came home. He's had virtually no contact with any other children.

Today my neighbor brought her 10-month-old over to play. The baby was healthy so I couldn't see any reason not to. Winter is nearly over.

Anyway, my son hated it! He wailed the entire time. He hated any noise she made, and if the baby touched him he had an absolute cow. If he could have crawled into my skin, he would have. Any doubt I had about bonding with him was thrown out of the window lol!

Anyway, what do I do? My neighbor is going to come over again tomorrow to see if maybe he just needs to get used to it. I didn't leave the room at all today. (DH suggested it. It never occured to me.) This is my first and only child so I'm not sure what to do.
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sarah1972 View Post
Here's a quick background - my son is 15 months old and was born extremely premature at less than 26 weeks'. He spent 8 months in the hospital and came home last August (actually July 31). Anyway, he is still on continuous O2 and has a feeding tube and has some health problems, so we were quarantined when we came home. He's had virtually no contact with any other children.

Today my neighbor brought her 10-month-old over to play. The baby was healthy so I couldn't see any reason not to. Winter is nearly over.

Anyway, my son hated it! He wailed the entire time. He hated any noise she made, and if the baby touched him he had an absolute cow. If he could have crawled into my skin, he would have. Any doubt I had about bonding with him was thrown out of the window lol!

Anyway, what do I do? My neighbor is going to come over again tomorrow to see if maybe he just needs to get used to it. I didn't leave the room at all today. (DH suggested it. It never occured to me.) This is my first and only child so I'm not sure what to do.
he's still so young and it's just a new experience for him. maybe you should consider not try it again as soon as tomorrow. if it was that hard on him he may think "is this going to be EVERY DAY???". maybe you should give him a week or so and have a casual visit to the park with your friend and her little one. he may have been tired, hungry, teething, or just feeling territorial.
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by funkygranolamama View Post
he's still so young and it's just a new experience for him. maybe you should consider not try it again as soon as tomorrow. if it was that hard on him he may think "is this going to be EVERY DAY???". maybe you should give him a week or so and have a casual visit to the park with your friend and her little one. he may have been tired, hungry, teething, or just feeling territorial.
Good advice. I'd give it a while then try again.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:49 PM
 
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From my personal experience with my 3 children, children that age (10-12 months) do not really play with each other. They generally smack and poke each other or play with things next to each other (parallel play). I have noticed that children that age play well with other adults or OLDER children over 3 or so. My now 14mo DS does not play with other children his age. He sorts of just looks at them, sometimes tries to touch them to see what they do. Most of the time the other child cries, runs away, or just stands and stares. He then goes to look for someone else to play with. Usually the older kids are running about and he follows them to play with them. So, try finding an older child who likes playing with younger children as a playmate and you might have better luck.
I wouldn't push it too much though. You can't force a child to socialize just as you can't force an adult. They will do it when and how they feel like it. Just expose the child to other people and they will watch others and eventually decide to communicate with whoever they feel like. The previous poster had a good idea to just go to the park or anywhere out and about.

Just my thought...

Kristin Skrydlak-Simlai
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Old 03-27-2008, 01:31 PM
 
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My son is much younger (3 months) but has three older, rowdy cousins, the youngest is 9 months older than he is. He's home all day, alone with me and even when DH is home, we're pretty quiet, mellow people. So everytime he saw them, he was horrified. I mean, really upset. Finally just last weekend he seemed to acclimate to the noise and actually had an adorable bonding moment with the the youngest.

What I'm saying is, definitely try again, eventually he'll get used to and probably enjoy being around other children but I'd give him a couple days to decompress in between visits.

Alison: BFing, BWing, ERFing mama to KidA (12/25/07) and KidO (6/26/10) nocirc.giffamilybed2.gif

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Old 03-27-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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i wouldn't leave the room! he needs to know that you are there for him so that he feels very secure. if he wants to be on your lap, let him be on your lap. that's okay. he's experiencing something new, potentially scary or at least uncomfortable at this moment, and you want to make the experience as comfy and secure as possible!

also, because of your background, you might think that he's behaving this way because of no contact with other babies. this could be true. but it could also be his personality.

i also found that at this age, playdates are for moms. babies just do their own thing.
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:16 PM
 
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Next time you try could you wear your son in a sling at first to let him acclimate? Maybe that would help him feel more secure.

Happy Mommy to one amazing girl (6y) and one sweet boy (2y), and wife to DH since 7/03 : :
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:54 PM
 
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my 14 month old plays once a week or so with an 18 month old boy that i babysit. at first it worked out well, but lately their differences in age and communication (he has way more words and is more patient and mature seemingly than she is) are becoming more apparent. she loves to just follow him and stand near him in whatever he does. lately this seems like its really getting on his nerves he tries to go somewhere else and she continues to follow him around. well he has been getting more and more annoyed and has started pushing her and pinching her and pulling her hair. she actually takes it well, but i feel bad that they dont play so well anymore. his mom says he is always super excited when she tells him that he is going to play with amelia that day and has even started saying her name. my point is is that all kids are so different and they arent always going to get along. you lo may be annoyed that this baby is trying to touch his things or go near his mama, you never know. perhaps having another kid at the same level as your lo might make the difference or atleast help the transition into play with others in general. dont stress though, kids will be kids!

Mama to Amelia - age 6

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Old 03-27-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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I think at that age that playdates are more for the moms than the kids. I wouldn't worry about it. Take a week or two, then try again - but he isn't missing out on anything necessary by not having playdates at this age.

That said, I really loved having "playdates" - time to talk to someone who understood what my day was really like as a SAHM.
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:15 PM
 
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My neice reacted to my ds the exact same way, once when she saw him when they were about 15 and 11 months, and then again at 22 and 18 months. Apparently she's totally fine with other kids - just maybe didn't like the way ds sounded or something like that.

You might find that your dc will do better next time
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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My niece has a similar background to your son. She was born at 28wks weighing 1lb 8oz (severe IUGR.) She spent 17 months in the hospital and finally came home this past January. The only difference is she has two older brothers (ages 16 and 14) who would bring their friends to the hospital to visit so she's kind of used to a lot of other people.

But she's completely confused by my children (ages 3 and 13 months old.) She seems to know they are little people like her and will just stare and watch. But if my son touches her, she kind of freaks. She's on a vent still and doesn't make any noise herself so when my son squeels it takes her by surprise.

What my SIL and I have been doing is getting them together whenever possible in the hopes that K will get used to it. We comfort her a lot and I try to stop my son from squeeling, but he's 13 months old and doesn't get it, ya know? Right now my kids are coughing and have runny noses (I think from allergies) but we won't risk it to go see K. Hopefully this summer the three of them can start to bond!

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Old 03-27-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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I agree that kids that age don't really play much together. I like the suggestion to do something with them that doesn't require them interacting. Can you go for a walk in the park together or something like that? Keep moving, let them see each other, and keep it short.
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Old 03-30-2008, 06:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My niece has a similar background to your son. She was born at 28wks weighing 1lb 8oz (severe IUGR.) She spent 17 months in the hospital and finally came home this past January. The only difference is she has two older brothers (ages 16 and 14) who would bring their friends to the hospital to visit so she's kind of used to a lot of other people.

But she's completely confused by my children (ages 3 and 13 months old.) She seems to know they are little people like her and will just stare and watch. But if my son touches her, she kind of freaks. She's on a vent still and doesn't make any noise herself so when my son squeels it takes her by surprise.

What my SIL and I have been doing is getting them together whenever possible in the hopes that K will get used to it. We comfort her a lot and I try to stop my son from squeeling, but he's 13 months old and doesn't get it, ya know? Right now my kids are coughing and have runny noses (I think from allergies) but we won't risk it to go see K. Hopefully this summer the three of them can start to bond!
Is your niece Kiera? I've been following her blog and have posted comments a couple of times, and Therese has visited my blog as well. I've been following her progress since about last July and am so amazed by her journey, which was twice as long as ours.. and we thought we had it long at 8 months!

Anyway, thank you for all of the suggestions. I ended up cancelling the next play date on Friday. We agreed to try again Monday, and this time for only half an hour. As the weather gets nicer we can walk to the park, or even to my parents' swimming pool which is just a few blocks away, but it's still pretty cold here (only in the 40s) and still occasionally snowing so outside is still pretty much out. I think, also, I might try and hold him standing this time. He was fine if I walked around a bit.
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Old 03-30-2008, 07:04 PM
 
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Sounds like you came up with a good solution. I think he just needs to slowly ease into it; but even if he can't really play with other kids yet, it's still a good idea to get him used to being around them. Just take your time and stay with him for support.

Kerry, wife to Chris and SAHM to Liam Michael Orion (06/29/07), Jonah Phoenix (10/07/09), and Naomi Lyra (09/15/13)!!
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