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Old 05-06-2008, 05:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone else wonder if they should have had their baby in the first place? People say it gets better, but it's not really happening yet. Then there are the people with older children who say babies are so great, and so much easier, "Just wait until their running around and saying 'No, then you'll appreciate this time.'" WTF??? Seriously, what if it doesn't get better? Every age has something crappy about it. What if I never like this?

I'm sick of her crying. I'm sick of walking her to sleep. Every single f'ing person I've talked to tells me I'm a big fat idiot for thinking I shouldn't let her cry to sleep. Honestly, I do think it just tells dd not to trust me, especially when she's looking me in the eyes crying, wanting to be picked up (she will only be put down for max 10 minutes most of the time, and naps in my lap because otherwise she will wake up; we also co-sleep, which actually doesn't bother me other than having to be so FREAKING careful to get her to sleep and stay asleep while I try and lay down so *I* can sleep, GOD FORBID). But I'm so SICK of this. All this feminist self esteem crap just does NOT seem to apply if you're trying to do AP parenting. My feelings do NOT matter. You know how I feel? I want her to shut the h*ll up. I want to put her down and just do normal things for awhile. I want a break when I'm stressed (and don't think dh doesn't help, he does MORE than his share, because when he's home, I NEVER want to deal with her). And her crying LESS because I hold her all the time? You've got to be kidding me! I doubt it! I know this is stupid, but I just think, you know, if you had just about any other f'ing parent, you would have been dumped in a crib to sleep alone, cry alone, a LONG time ago, so the LEAST you can do it stop crying!! I seriously have to keep myself from just smacking her, if for no other reason than that she will just cry more if I do (and I'll have to live with what I did for the rest of my life...).

And you know what takes the cake? I'm not doing ANYTHING that someone else couldn't do, and they would probably do it better (i.e. more patience). Tons of kids are in daycare, and you know what? They do just fine!! Anyone can feed her, change her diapers, dress her. This is a completely thankless job, and the idea of having another baby is... I don't know, I just can't even imagine having to go through this h*ll again. And yet all of you people keep wanting kids!!

Is there seriously something wrong with me?? I don't want a bunch of sh*t about ppd either, either this is normal or it isn't.

Sorry if there are typos, I haven't gotten enough sleep for the past 1 1/2 weeks because once again, my needs don't matter if dd is crying or wanting something.

RaeAnne
dd (1/08)
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh yeah, and she likes the f'ing PACIFIER better than the boob for falling asleep. We used it for her high sucking needs when she had colic (to prevent an overly full stomach which makes colic worse). So literally the only thing that was special just between us is not as appreciated as a f'ing piece of silicone. I hated pregnancy, but was really looking forward to having a boob baby. Oh well, it's not about my feelings, right?

RaeAnne
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:24 AM
 
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So, is your DD only 1 1/2 weeks old then? If so, and she is your first, these feelings are so normal! I just had my 5th a month ago and - while I can only speak for myself - I can tell you the first is the hardest. That was my experience anyhow. When my oldest was born I remember walking with him all night, SOBBING (me), and saying "WHY did I have a baby? WHY?????? Never again, NEVER!!" It is a HUGE adjustment! HUGE! I don't know what your prior experience with babies is but I'd never even HELD a babe until they handed DS to me! I was shell shocked, it wasn't what I expected at all. And I know this isn't what you want to hear but I promise, the only thing that will help is time. And go easy on yourself. You don't sound like you have PPD, you sound like a stressed out first time mama. After a few weeks things were so much better for me, I couldn't even understand what I was so upset about. And those feelings never repeated with subsequent children. It's a major adjustment to go from your old life, doing what you want when you want...to 100% of everything you have going to someone you just met, even if that person is your child. Cut yourself some slack, accept how you feel, toss the gulit - it's NORMAL, and just give both yourself and your DD time to get to know one another. Try to get a little time to yourself each day. Maybe have someone sit with the babe while you get a long shower or a bath. You're still a person with needs and if you don't take care of you you can't take care of her. Don't get burnt out. You're clearly doing the best you can, and what you know is right, despite all these feelings...you're a terrific mama already. You're setting the stage now for bonding to be well facilitated once you get past the hump, and you will...promise.
Good luck!

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:27 AM
 
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OK, I see your DD was born in January? So she's pushing 4 months?
Have you been feeling this way the whole time? She she going through a cranky spell? Is her dad in the picture? You sound like you need some help. (Baby care wise.)

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:43 AM
 
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RaeAnne,
I'm so sorry. I understand your frustration, I really do.
It sounds like you're feeling a little overwhelmed and frustrated. I think that happens to quite a few new moms but too many people are afraid to admit it.
You may not have ppd, but it is normal for most new moms to have hormones out of whack for a while. Plus, lack of sleep will stress anyone out.
It's great that your dh is helping when he's home. But if you're feeling overwhelmingly frustrated all the time you're with the baby, why not see if a neighbor or family member can come help for an hour or two? Then you could still be with baby but someone else could hold her while you shower, nap, walk around the block?
I'm not of the school of thought that says mama MUST be with her baby 100% of the time, especially if mama is getting stressed out over all of it. It's okay to take a break from baby, especially if you're feeling more calm and in control when you return.
If having someone come over and help isn't an option, maybe you can put baby in a sling or stroller and go for a walk or something. You'll be tending to her needs but also getting some fresh air, listening to music, or whatever you like to do to tend to your own needs too.

It WILL get better, I promise, but if you ever feel like you're about to really lose it and hurt the baby, put the baby down, do to another room and call someone asap. Sometimes just stepping into another room to take a few deep breathes can do wonders to help you gather your thoughts and feel more in control.

I hope it gets better for you soon. Your baby loves you. I promise she's not trying to stress you out. She's just communicating the only way she knows how. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You're not a failure as a mom for asking for help or taking a break for a bit.

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Old 05-06-2008, 05:49 AM
 
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I think you just haven't bonded with your baby yet and this is completely normal. I know SEVERAL mothers who don't have that bond with their baby, and don't like being a mom. It will get better. I know you said you don't want to hear about PPD but honestly i think that is part of the problem.
You need to take a break for a little while.
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:54 AM
 
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i'm just kind of in shock at this.
"if you had just about any other f'ing parent, you would have been dumped in a crib to sleep alone, cry alone, a LONG time ago, so the LEAST you can do it stop crying!!"
-i beg to differ...

But anyway, Next time she's really having a crying fit, lay her down in a safe place and walk outside or somewhere to where you can not hear her and just take some deep breaths. YOU REAALLY need to do that. I get frustrated too, everyone does. But you need to start trying to look at the bigger picture. Take yourself out of the situation mentally and think about it like this: 1. She is an infant. She cannot talk. She has only ONE way of communicating: crying. 2. She has one certainty in life: MOM. In her little eyes, you are god and you have the power to fix everything. She loves you. Yes anyone can change her, anyone can hold her, but she does not want anyone. She wants her mother. 3. There is no "take 2" I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but you don't get these days back. I'm sure you're like "yeah thank god!" but really stop and think. This is a very crucial time of development. It is the start of your relationship with her so why not make the best of it. Take her for a walk and hold her the whole time. Whenever my son gets cranky I take him for a walk. There's so much to look at he can't cry, he's too focussed on watching cars drive by and people talking to him...dogs barking, whatever.

I wish you luck. Please take my advice and take some breaths! *hug*
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Old 05-06-2008, 06:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by RaeAnne View Post
Is there seriously something wrong with me?? I don't want a bunch of sh*t about ppd either, either this is normal or it isn't.
dd (1/08)
Can I ask why you don't want anyone to talk about PPD? What are you thinking about it?

I spent so long after my second daughter was born wondering what the heck was wrong with me, feeling like I just wasn't cut out to be a mother, that I was stupid to think "Oh, let's have another baby!" and I was being punished for thinking that was such a great idea. When obviously it was stupid, and I didn't have what it took to be mama to two. She was 6 months old before I finally FINALLY considered the possibility that I wasn't actually a suck-a** mother, but that I had something like PPD. I regret that I avoided the idea for as long as I did... things could have been so much better, sooner.

What does someone suggesting PPD *say* to you? Because everything you're talking about is totally normal, with PPD. If your entire post is a list of PPD symptoms, and you're MISERABLE and frustrated and discouraged and overwhelmed... considering the possibility of PPD can be the beginning of changing what's going on. What you're currently doing and thinking isn't fixing things. You have to change something... and maybe that change is saying, "Wait just a second. Could this be PPD?" It can't hurt to look into it.

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Old 05-06-2008, 06:49 AM
 
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I actually think it's outside the realm of normal. I know you dont' want to talk about PPD, but I think something is going on.
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Old 05-06-2008, 07:17 AM
 
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I sympathize with your pain and frustration. I am not a "baby person," and after I gave birth to my twins, the first few months were sheer hell to me. I dragged my ass through it, and my husband did more than 50% of the parenting in addition to getting up with them at nights. I couldn't stand the thought of being in charge for the rest of my life.

They got older, we agreed to have another, and we had a baby girl when my twins were nearly 4. This time, after a month or so of wanting to give her away, I sought treatment.

Call it PPD, call it whatever you like, I don't care. I began meds to treat depression, and it changed my life. It took away the clouds and helped me dig out of the hole I was in. I was able to enjoy my child's first year(s) in a way I *never* was able to with my twins.

My twins are nearly 14 and my baby girl is nearly 10, and I still take regular meds b/c when I've stopped taking them, I spiral into depression. That wasn't the case before I had kids, but then again, I think I was likely to suffer from it as I got older b/c of family history.

I can't recommend strongly enough that you talk to your ped about your feelings. Print out your post and show her/him. I wish I'd talked to someone when my twins were little. I still have regret over how I was emotionally unavailable for them for so long.
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Old 05-06-2008, 07:23 AM
 
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I would have to agree *gently* that these feelings are not normal...

Sure, we all get a little frustrated sometimes, but having feelings like "sometimes I have to hold myself back from just smacking her", yowch.

I agree with all the other posters saying when you feel like that, please put her down and leave the room for a few seconds until you calm down a bit.

Being a new mom is *hard*, having this little person rely on you for everything, every waking moment is draining and exhausting, but should also be full of special moments for both of you.

It would be terrible to look back at this time of your life one day and regret feeling resentful and angry towards your daughter. ( I wonder if she is also maybe picking up on this sometimes and that's making her feel even MORE unsettled?)

I would really suggest talking to your OB or midwife about your feelings and also getting some help maybe from a family member so you can have some time for yourself to unwind and just get away from the crying for a few hours a week?

I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now, it must really suck. Sending healing vibes your way for some bonding between you and your little one.
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Old 05-06-2008, 08:27 AM
 
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I found my son's infancy very very difficult, the incessant crying was really hard to take. I didn't think then, and don't think now, that I had PPD (although I do think tht's worth checking out). He really just cried a LOT. I think he had both reflux and a dairy allergy. We couldn't get ANY help with the reflux, which he still suffers from off and on (at 4!) but cutting dairy out of my own diet made a HUGE difference. It took a full week of STRICT no-dairy to see the change, but one morning we woke up and he was a different baby. Smiling, laughing, and babbling rather than screaming and crying all day. The difference was phenomenal.

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Old 05-06-2008, 09:34 AM
 
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Can I ask why you don't want anyone to talk about PPD? What are you thinking about it?

I spent so long after my second daughter was born wondering what the heck was wrong with me, feeling like I just wasn't cut out to be a mother, that I was stupid to think "Oh, let's have another baby!" and I was being punished for thinking that was such a great idea. When obviously it was stupid, and I didn't have what it took to be mama to two. She was 6 months old before I finally FINALLY considered the possibility that I wasn't actually a suck-a** mother, but that I had something like PPD. I regret that I avoided the idea for as long as I did... things could have been so much better, sooner.

What does someone suggesting PPD *say* to you? Because everything you're talking about is totally normal, with PPD. If your entire post is a list of PPD symptoms, and you're MISERABLE and frustrated and discouraged and overwhelmed... considering the possibility of PPD can be the beginning of changing what's going on. What you're currently doing and thinking isn't fixing things. You have to change something... and maybe that change is saying, "Wait just a second. Could this be PPD?" It can't hurt to look into it.
This.

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I actually think it's outside the realm of normal. I know you dont' want to talk about PPD, but I think something is going on.
This too.

Get some help mama, it's normal to feel desperate for sleep, and downright frustrated sometimes, but something is not sounding right here, do you have someome to talk to? I will mention PPD because it's sounding a lot like that. Please take a minute to think about it......it comes in all shapes and forms.

: Mama to ds (5) and dd (3) and .
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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Hi RaeAnne, I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I know you said you weren't interested in hearing about postnatal depression, but I'm sending you a link to The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. Its a quick questionaire that only takes a few minutes to complete. A score above 10 suggests that you might be suffering from depression.

http://www.testandcalc.com/etc/tests/edin.asp

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Old 05-06-2008, 11:14 AM
 
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I'm not very informed on PPD, so I can't say yea or nay, but I don't know if there is a 'normal' those first crazy months. I think everyone handles the huge changes & stresses differently.

I had a hard time adjusting. I had lived almost 30 years completely for myself, had never even held a baby, had been getting 9 hours of sleep, had never had someone constantly needing me, etc. I also come from a long line of quick tempered women, and have always had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. No sleep, fluctuating hormones & lots of baby cries = many midnight meltdowns for me.

When you're frustrated, remember you're the only person in the world your LO wants (along with dh). Sure someone else could feed or change her, but only you are her mama. You are her whole world. And it would be much easier to let her CIO, but you are being a good mama right now because you're trying to do what's best for her, not what's easy for you.

There's so much shame & guilt attached to these emotions, I understand. But I don't think it makes you a bad mother. It makes you human.
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:15 AM
 
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Oh, I'm so sorry you're in this dark place right now.
There is a huge range of normal for babies, and your little girl is what's affectionately known as "high-needs"- also known as "oh my god, what did I let myself in for?" She sounds wonderful, and she also sounds like she's very hard work to be around. Am I right? There's a huge range of normal for mummies too, and what you're going through is extremely common. If you don't want to use the label PPD, then don't. You've been through a year riding the hormonal rollercoaster, and I personally hate this age (my youngest is 3 months old) most of all. I hate the dependence, the desire for interaction, entertainment, more, more, more. I love the baby though- and with him being my fourth, I know that this is just an age I don't like very much. It is tough- it's really, really tough.

You are absolutely spot-on, that society sends out mixed messages: half the world is telling you to wrap your baby in a blanket and put her in a cot to sleep, and if she cries, so be it. The other half is telling you to hold your baby close, rock her to sleep, cuddle her all night long and even though you burnt out long ago and you feel like total crap, her needs are more important. There's a huge contrast there, and no matter what you do, it's never going to be enough for someone. Throw the books away. Find your own way.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:25 AM
 
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Even if you don't want to hear it.

I am a new, first time mom of twins who are 6 weeks old tomorrow. It gets really intense (like right now, they are both screaming in pain from gas and I can't fix it for them other than gripe water and you know, it makes me so sad...). I also, have not slept in days...

But the feelings are never intense like what you are feeling. Why am I saying this? Because sweetie, there is a difference between PPD and just needing to take a break from the crying... you sound very angry and resentful. Crying is the only way your daughter can communicate. Nothing you are doing is wrong or bad. You are doing great things for her. And the pacci? Babies have a strong urge to suck to comfort. Either the boob or the silicone or a thumb or finger (we swaddle so they can't reach them)... so, please don't feel upset about that.

I look at my parenting the boys as a job. The hardest, best job I will ever do.
If you don't have PPD can you look at it that way, vs. that this sucks!

Parenting is a richly diverse job! You get to give comfort and love to another human being in the most uniquely wonderful way that is God-given. It is a blessing. You get to decipher their cries to figure out what is happening to them, since they can't speak. If you can't decipher, you need to just walk away. I am on the PC because, my boys are telling me, the breastmilk they just ate made them feel awful from something that was eaten and was out of my control. I can't do anything about it (except want to cry... waaah) so took a mental health break. They will get over the crying when their stomach settle and I won't be in anguish seeing them suffer.

Another mom of twins (and a younger singleton) told me this once (she was very wise). "I can choose to wake up with a bad attitude and make that what my day is all about. Or, I can choose to look at the wonderful things that these kids bring to my life. And be happy that I am blessed with them. I will never be alone again. I will always be loved and adored. Even when I make mistakes.". Wow, that resonated. She told me that before my sons were born. Every day, I wake up knowing that, my attitude sets the tone for these little guys and I choose to make it a day worthy of as much happiness as I can bring to them, and to myself.

Sending you many, many hugs and hoping today is a brighter day.
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:31 AM
 
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Sending lots of hugs to you mama

IMO, it sounds like maybe your baby is uncomfortable - dairy or other food sensitivities, or PPD or maybe even a combination of the two. Either way, you need a break!

I think these feelings are somewhat normal in the first few weeks but it seems like your feelings are quite a bit stronger. Feelings of anger and feeling like the baby does not need you ARE major signs of PPD mama. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it just blurs your judgement a bit.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:33 AM
 
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I agree with previous posts that these feelings can bring on shame and guilt but they do not make you a bad mother. You sound like a mama who is overwhelmed. High need babies can be very draining. I remember with ds feeling like I have never worked so hard at something only to have my efforts 100% rejected. I was completely taken off guard by the total surrender required in the first months, physical, mental, and emotional. Try to find your mama insticts, which can be hard when you are so tired. And your feelings DO matter. Your baby needs a healthy mama more than anything else. It does get better. Your little sweetie will soon become more interactive and light up when you enter the room and you'll find a whole new part of yourself. In the meantime please consider ppd (or whatever you want to call it). I think you are brave for writing your honest post and it does sound like you need some kind of support that you aren't getting now. This is a normal for new mamas! Hugs, mama!
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:35 AM
 
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I agree with pp's...these feelings are NOT normal. I cannot imagine what kind of hell you feel trapped within. I cannot relate at all. It sounds like it would be a very wise and healthy decision to get some kind of help...

I know that this might sound simple and, perhaps, even silly to you. I suggest that you, at the very least, outwardly communicate both to yourself and to your baby that you love. Even if you really don't love, saying that you love aloud could really help.

Despite all of the feelings you have, you are a beautiful person who is very capable of loving.

mama
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:45 AM
 
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I will disagree with everyone else who said that this isn't normal. It was normal for me and I did not have ppd. I was just an isolated first time mother who had a baby that cried 22 hours a day. Things got better when I dove into trying to figure out why.

It is normal sometimes, it could be ppd or it could not be.

I was angry and resentful. I didn't like being the parent of a baby that couldn't communicate with me in any other way than the way a baby can. I was still a good mother and did everything I was supposed to but man, the baby stage was overrated for me.

Quote:
I just can't even imagine having to go through this h*ll again. And yet all of you people keep wanting kids!!
I used to joke that anyone with more than one had to have been tricked. I have two now.

It will get better. If it doesn't ease up with you guys settling into a routine, then think about getting some outside assistance. My best advice for you is to leave the damned house. Just because your child is an infant doesn't mean you can't go to a playground and sit for a long time. Other mother's there of older children would salivate at a chance to hold your baby for you and give you a break.
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:47 AM
 
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My babes were newborns when the Abu Ghraib (Iraqi POW) scandal first came out. And I remember thinking, where's the Geneva Convention for moms? Seriously, newborns can be like freaking torture.

Sleep deprivation? Duh.

Regular meals? are you kidding.

Access to medical care? Only after a long and painful drive to the drs.

No physical or mental torture? Well, non stop crying babies can be considered torture.

So, in my experience, what you are going through is Totally Normal.

But, please get as much help as you can. Good, nonjudgmental friends & family are essential during this time. And it really, really does get better .

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Old 05-06-2008, 12:07 PM
 
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I actually think it's outside the realm of normal. I know you dont' want to talk about PPD, but I think something is going on.
I agree. Please, for your babies sake, and your sake, get some help.


and maybe this is not what you want to hear at all but.... whenever I am at my wits end, DS crying and carrying on, I tell myself that I am lucky to be able to hear my son cry. I have a couple people in my life that have lost babies-stillborn and/or miscarriage-and honestly when I'm feeling the most impatient and negative, I think that even though it feels like he's never going to calm down and I'm about to freak out, I get so see my son cry and I get to hold him and I'll get to hold him the next day too. It really puts me in a different state of mind, savoring those tears, rather than fighting them.

Simple living mama to three(!) sweet boys.  winner.jpghomebirth.jpgsigncirc1.gif

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Old 05-06-2008, 12:20 PM
 
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on my worst days in the last 9 months, i've felt like you feel. i don't know if it's normal or not. it might just be more honest than other people allow themselves to feel.

i will tell you that every time i've ever felt like this, it's when i've gotten *worse* sleep than even an average night. sleep deprivation is crazy. it brings my tolerance for stress to zero. i won't say you don't have PPD, but for myself, i've concluded it's sleep deprivation. (which could probably turn into or aggravate depression after awhile).

i wish i would've actually taken my own advice, but my suggestion is to do whatever you need to do to get a full night's sleep without baby around every once in awhile. call in family, get your hubby some support if needed. anything so you don't have to be the one doing it for just one night and maybe you'll get more than a couple hours of sleep in a row. i still haven't done this...but i plan on it.

there *is* some light at the end of the tunnel. 3 months was hard. our son was fussy, worst at night. has always slept like absolute crap, regardless of where he sleeps, if he's cosleeping or not. by 4 months he got less fussy though. and then at like 5 months he could sit up on his own and he got happier. then crawling, he got happier.

basically, all the fussiness is gone, but the sleep is still not going well. but i am a lot less stressed than i was a few months ago.
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:22 PM
 
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Good for you for having the guts to be that honest. I love these boards, but sometimes people are so busy judging they forget that there's a flesh and blood, sometimes desperate woman at the other end. I had all the books, and all the plans, and then my baby showed up and she wasn't having any of it. She cried as much, if not more, when being held as when not being held, and cried even more with Mommy than anyone else (I was told, and it made sense, that the baby could sense my tension). So sometimes, I put her down and I let her cry. It's not something I thought I would do, and it was not part of the plan, but I honestly believe it has worked out better for all of us. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but I do think you should talk to someone, find a doctor that you like, until things get better, which, I swear to god, they will.
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:26 PM
 
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I have to also agree that this sounds like PPD, even if it's not something you want to hear. I went through it twice myself, and a lot of what you said could have directly come out of my mouth while I was going through PPD.

Even if it's not PPD I can absolutely empathize with you and I ache for you. I've been in that dark place and it's terrible. Let us know how we can help, if there is anything. And I would certainly suggest asking for help from others (it sounds like your sweet dh is doing great). Maybe a family member? Neighbor? Friend?

You'll get through this rough place.

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:32 PM
 
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Mama, I just read one of your other posts and see that you had a traumatic birth experience and your baby almost ended up with major surgery We had a CVICU stay with DS2 and he had heart surgery for a heart defect. I dealt with a lot of post-traumatic stress for the first few months after he came home. It is very possible that you are dealing with it too.

I think the most important question you need to ask yourself is if you feel like this everyday or just on the really bad days. If it is only once in a while then that is ok, but if it is more often then not then something has to change. You cannot continue feeling like this every single day, it is not good for you or your family. So if these feelings are common then please find some way to make changes that will make you feel better.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:46 PM
 
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i'd say this is pretty normal... it was for me at least. dd was a premie and i didn't hold her for 24 hours after she was born. we didn't bond for a really long time. she would cry and i would do my best to comfort her, but when it seemed like she was doing it just to push my buttons, i would put her down for a while. she's almost four now, and we still butt heads alot, she gets on my nerves, but i love her. dh is closer to her than i am, but i've come to accept that there's nothing wrong with that. i just had my ds, and we bonded INSTANTLY. i had the perfect homebirth i always wanted with him, i was excited about being pregnant, i was more ready to be a mama, etc. etc. it made a world of difference.

the first six months with dd was a b*tch. hang in there mama.

SAHM to Hannah (11/04), Cash (02/08), and Adelaide (07/10) dh, Chris.
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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First of all I want to give you a And let you know that you are not alone a few weeks ago I was there along side you. Just really angry especially at my children. Then one day I just started crying and I couldn't stop. Finally my DH said "Pam, you have PPD we are going to the dr, getting you some help right now". He dragged me kicking and screaming and I was diagnosed with PPD. I must admit I'm still very ashamed to admit that I do have ppd, but I'm no longer angry and frustrated.
So I'm sorry to mention this to you, but I really think that it is time for you to look at the possibility that it is ppd.

Pam, momma to Sofie Avye Seth
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:57 PM
 
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If you're feeling like you're in hell and wanting to hit your baby every day or most days or many times during the day, no it isn't normal. If it's a fleeting thought that you might get during a particularly long crying spell, it might be normal. Extreme stress and major changes like becoming a parent, especially to a colicky baby, can precipitate depression.

Having a miserable mom doesn't benefit a child. Your feelings do matter, for your sake and your baby's. Improving your mental health will benefit your baby and make it easier for you to be the kind of parent you want to be.
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