I am worried that I dont talk enough... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 08:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
ians_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the palm of God's hand
Posts: 480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
...everything I read emphasizes the importance of talking to your baby. I spend 50 hours a week at work talking and talking and talking. When I get home I am all talked out. I hardly answer the phone and say very little to DH (luckily he understands).
Anyway, my DS is 6 mo and I am worried I dont talk enough to him. When I am home I wear/carry him everywhere and we co-sleep. I spend lots of time playing with him, but do not "say" much while we play.
I know my DH chats with him alot and so does his Nanny...am I short-changing my little boy by being a "quiet" source of love? If so, help me find my chatty self!

Married to my best friend since 08/05
Joyful mother to DS born 11/07 and DD born 04/10 (an unexpected HB)
ians_mommy is offline  
#2 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 08:35 PM
 
NJ*Doula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Bergen County
Posts: 1,229
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
: I'm not a big talker, either.
NJ*Doula is offline  
#3 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 09:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
ians_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the palm of God's hand
Posts: 480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GathererGirl View Post
: I'm not a big talker, either.
At least there is one more like me.
My sister talked constantly to me niece, who now does have a very good vocabulary. She tells me, "just talk about anything...what you are doing at that moment is fine". But that is not me. I feel silly just filling the air with useless babble. It annoys me when people "talk" without "saying" anything KWIM...so doing it to my child does not come natural to me.

Married to my best friend since 08/05
Joyful mother to DS born 11/07 and DD born 04/10 (an unexpected HB)
ians_mommy is offline  
#4 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 10:00 PM
 
Aeress's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Neat the Shores of Lake Erie
Posts: 6,501
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Really, it isn't just the talking, it is the communication, allowing your babe to respond to you. You also use body language and many non verbal words throughout your interactions with you, which is just as important as talking. Don't worry, your babe will be just fine!

Dhjammin.gif, Me knit.gif, DD 10 REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, DD 7 cat.gif, DD 4 joy.gif

We reading.gif, homeschool.gif, cold.gif, eat.gif, sleepytime.gif not in that order

Aeress is offline  
#5 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 10:41 PM
 
MommytoTwo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Actually, its Mommy to Three now
Posts: 3,915
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I didnt talk much to DS1 and the child will not. stop. talking. Dont worry.
MommytoTwo is offline  
#6 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 11:07 PM
 
justthinkn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: SoCal
Posts: 1,289
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've had this thought, too, but always try to remind myself that there are lots of other quiet mothers out there, and presumably their kids turned out fine! I do try to respond to her when she talks, but don't kill myself to initiate convo when it doesn't feel natural to me...

*** DH (wed 5/03), DD (6/07), and DS (8/11)
justthinkn is offline  
#7 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 11:13 PM
 
Tithonia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 101
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for posting this question! I'm not a big talker, either, and it doesn't feel right to me to try to force myself to talk to DD when I don't have anything to say. It's encouraging to hear from others like us. :

DD 7/07 DS 1/11

Tithonia is offline  
#8 of 27 Old 05-10-2008, 11:45 PM
 
schreiberwriter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 833
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was like that with my DS. He just needed to be with me. Now he's almost 3 & very chatty so it's hard not to talk to him. It's a season.
schreiberwriter is offline  
#9 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 12:50 AM
 
richella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: middle of nowhere, KS
Posts: 2,134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Talking is good for children, reading too much stuff about parenting can have a detrimental effect on just about everyone.

You're doing fine.
richella is offline  
#10 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 01:08 AM
 
nursingmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When my first child was a baby, I used to read to him. When he stared to crawl, he would crawl to books and gesture for me to read. I'm not a much of a talker myself. So, reading forced me to talk to him. Simple words with simple pictures are great books for babies.
nursingmom is offline  
#11 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 01:11 AM
 
*jeanine*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: In the dark
Posts: 2,148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
nak
i didn't talk much to ds. it seemed silly to talk...well, basically to myself. i was his primary caregiver, and played with him a lot, but did not do the whole "see the tree? it's a big tree. a big tree with green leaves...blahblahblah". he learned to talk anyway. he wasn't an *early* talker, but not late, either. he's 6 now and pefectly "normal". dd1 heard a lot more talking - me and ds to each other, as well as to her. she did not talk any earlier than ds did. she's 3 now, and just as "normal" as ds. i talk all the time to dd2 (she's the only one who won't talk back ). she's 8 months - no words yet, and i don't expect any for quite a while. maybe when they say "talking" they really mean "interacting".

Mama to three  
*jeanine* is offline  
#12 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 01:58 AM
 
Liquesce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Mayberry
Posts: 4,963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm a very, very quiet person by nature. My son (about a year old) is a fiend of constant babbling, on the other hand, with a deep array of sounds and sound combinations going for him ... he may not have words yet, but there's no indication that his speech development is the least bit delayed for having a quiet mother. Really, unless you live in an isolation chamber, a baby really can't help but to hear enough speech.
Liquesce is offline  
#13 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 02:12 AM
 
Ironica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,545
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The research shows that there's a correlation between (1) how much total speech is directed at the baby; (2) the number of different words used when speaking to baby; and (3) the proportion of that speech which is phrased positively... and how quickly the child develops verbal skills. It sounds like between the nanny and your DH, your baby gets talked to with plenty of different words in a positive context, and will benefit from that. You worry about being the best mom you can in the time you have with her, and if that doesn't include gabbing, so be it!
Ironica is offline  
#14 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 03:53 AM
 
MilkTrance's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: a small, old house
Posts: 5,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm quiet, too, but I make sure to acknowledge, as much as I can, DS's babbling directed at me or my husband. I think that's really important -- that DS knows we will listen to him when he does talk. I hate it when people ignore/talk over babies when they're trying SO hard to communicate.

But if you're naturally a quiet person, I don't think that you need to blather on about nothing just because you read that you should. My baby (11 mos) seems to be able to tell when DH and I are talking to him or about something concerning him, and when DH and I are talking about something completely different (and boring to him).
MilkTrance is offline  
#15 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 05:54 AM
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't talk much, either, so this is what I do: when we are nursing or having any kind of "quiet time," I read books to her. I like to read novels and magazines, so whenever I'm reading something, I read it out loud to her. It helps because I run out of things to say after a while.

You could record yourself talking and have someone play it for her when you are not home.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#16 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 07:09 AM
 
ipeabody's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 49
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Read aloud, sing along to the radio. I worked with non-verbal kids for years and just got in the habit of describing what I was doing while I was doing it out loud. My 10 month old loves it and it's second nature to me now. But I don't think there is any harm in being quiet, as long as all the non-verbal communication is there.
ipeabody is offline  
#17 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 07:32 AM
 
dziwozony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: new zealand
Posts: 447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
yes, i think probably forcing akward small talk will not provide significant advantages for your baby! just being there with her, responding to her efforts at communication, whether physically or verbally, will be what matters. if you were the primary caregiver & she didn't hang out with many other adults i would say maybe you should find ways to help the words flow, but as it is i'm sure you're babe is doing fine =)

mama to 2 busy boys (may 2007 & december 2008)
dziwozony is offline  
#18 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 11:54 AM
 
Miranda2r14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Lamar, MO
Posts: 315
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoTwo View Post
I didnt talk much to DS1 and the child will not. stop. talking. Dont worry.
I lol'd.

edit to elaborate why I lol'd. This is me. I'm a very quiet non-verbal person as well. I can already tell at 4.5 months my DS is going to be a high energy non-stop talker. (Like his dad) He bounces and will not stop moving and is constantly babbling at me. I believe he's going to drive me insane later.

DS 5yrs coolshine.gif DD 1.5 joy.gif Second mommy to 4 DD's jumpers.gif

Miranda2r14 is offline  
#19 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 02:53 PM
 
dancebaraka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 1,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by richella View Post
Talking is good for children, reading too much stuff about parenting can have a detrimental effect on just about everyone.

You're doing fine.

Grace Comes.

dancebaraka is offline  
#20 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 03:13 PM
 
Liquesce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Mayberry
Posts: 4,963
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miranda2r14 View Post
I lol'd.

edit to elaborate why I lol'd. This is me. I'm a very quiet non-verbal person as well. I can already tell at 4.5 months my DS is going to be a high energy non-stop talker. (Like his dad) He bounces and will not stop moving and is constantly babbling at me. I believe he's going to drive me insane later.
We've got twin-soul kids.

Actually it's my son who makes *me* talk more, not the other way around ... when there's a very small person in front of you constantly chatting away, even if it is nonsensical babbling, it's impossible to just not respond at all.
Liquesce is offline  
#21 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 04:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
ians_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the palm of God's hand
Posts: 480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by richella View Post
Talking is good for children, reading too much stuff about parenting can have a detrimental effect on just about everyone.

You're doing fine.
Thanks

I am crazy in love with my little boy and want to do the absolute best by him. I know a whole heck of alot about pregnancy and birthing, but never took care of a child until I brought this little guy home. As is my nature, when I am about to do something new (travel, cloth diaper, run a marathon etc) I read and read and read until I feel confident with my choices.
Well, I thought I could "prep and master" parenting the same way!
I have since learned that mothering is one big-fat-confidence rocker

Thanks for the reassurance...

Married to my best friend since 08/05
Joyful mother to DS born 11/07 and DD born 04/10 (an unexpected HB)
ians_mommy is offline  
#22 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 05:13 PM
 
GooeyRN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am also not a talker. DD started talking early and NEVER shuts up now at 2.5 years old. I guess she picked up enough just listening to me and dh talk when he is home. She seriously never stops talking unless she is sleeping or drinking something. I wouldn't worry about it as long as your baby is exposed to people talking, the radio, singing, and stuff like that.
GooeyRN is offline  
#23 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 09:00 PM
 
clintonhillmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: brooklyn, ny
Posts: 694
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i'm also not a big "talker" and worried about this same thing when ds was younger. he started talking on the late side compared to his friends, but i don't think my talking had anything to do with it.

...and he's certainly chatty now, so apparently, my not talking has had no influence whatsoever!!
clintonhillmama is offline  
#24 of 27 Old 05-11-2008, 11:01 PM
 
ellemnop's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 317
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't be too worried about it - you are providing support and love in a non-verbal way, and your child is surrounded by other people who chat them up all the time.

Sometimes the most important messages are the silent ones
ellemnop is offline  
#25 of 27 Old 05-12-2008, 10:50 AM
 
jamiew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 142
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm pretty quiet, but I say a few words over and over to my dd when she's inquiring about something. Like "book book book" when she picks up one. I'm not and never have been, a "babble to the baby" kind of person, I just talk to her like I would talk to anyone, except my voice is a little higher, I guess.

Don't sweat it, he'll learn words. Just spend the time you want to with him.
jamiew is offline  
#26 of 27 Old 05-12-2008, 12:38 PM
 
sunnymw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SWGA
Posts: 2,367
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I became a new mom, a very lonely SAHM, there would be days where I just felt like it was silent ALL DAY LONG. I literally would hardly speak or say anything. Looking back, there was some issue with mild PPD, even though I wasn't "sad"... I just felt detached, almost. I would tend to his needs, watch tv, clean a little, talk to DH a few minutes on the phone, but I don't think I actually started conversing with him until he started smiling and reacting more to me. :

DS also won't stop talking now

Sunny coolshine.gif: gun toting, retired breastfeeding, car seat loving, guitar playing, home birthing and schooling mama to Jakob (10.06), Mikah (07.08) and Korah (07.11). uc.jpg 

sunnymw is offline  
#27 of 27 Old 05-12-2008, 01:12 PM
 
lyttlewon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 4,307
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ians_mommy View Post
At least there is one more like me.
My sister talked constantly to me niece, who now does have a very good vocabulary. She tells me, "just talk about anything...what you are doing at that moment is fine". But that is not me. I feel silly just filling the air with useless babble. It annoys me when people "talk" without "saying" anything KWIM...so doing it to my child does not come natural to me.
Why don't you read him a book?
lyttlewon is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off