February 08 - 1 Year Ago We Were All Knocked Up!! - Page 10 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-18-2008, 04:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by peace_laughing View Post
I know he is really unhappy, mostly with himself and so he takes it out one me. A week ago he said something to some guy he works with that was inappropriate, when DP got home he told me about it. Then he decides that he should apologize. So he called work to have someone there give him this guy's phone number and called him to apologize. But he won't apologize or even show any signs that he feels badly about what he says to me. I pointed this out to him, and he smugly said that I am right and I am the only person he treats this way. I refuse to take on a label of being abused.... I am not a victim. I have just really been doing my part to make things work and it's hard when the other person sabotages everything. Then I feel so guilty cuz DD is here to witness it all. I won't keep her in this kind of environment, either things change or things will change. Why are men such idiots at times? Even today I asked him if we could just be nice to each other, it would be so much easier, much more pleasant. He said something mean about how he can't do that if I am around and then left slamming the door, so mature! But yesterday he held my hand while we were out walking and said he wanted me to be with him and he did that outside of any fighting and completely on his own. WTH! I really want to give DD a chance to grow up with both bio parents, but when is it time to stop trying?

Thanks ladies for letting me get this out. You all rock.
Gen, this sounds too much like my first marriage. Move out. There is always the possibility of getting back together if he makes his mental health a priority, but basically he treats you like this because he can. For the sake of your daughter (and Alex remembered some of the fights between me and his dad for years after we split) get out now. Life is too short for you to waste time on being unhappy.

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so I took ds to the dr today and she agreed on eliminating the dairy, I will do eggs too b/c of bdd. She also said that b/c he doesnt show signs of being in pain that she isn't putting him on reflux meds...good. but she did mention that we may want to do rice cereal to thicken his stomach contents...like a tablespoon up to 2x a day.
It worked with Alex :- who was permanently hungry and screaming and all else. It's hard to know what the problem was because it was never fully identified (I hadn't realised that normal babies don't scream and eat and never sleep) but once he was on solids, life got much easier (and he stayed on baby rice to 6 months. Started at 3. The way I see it, it's a much lesser evil than formula) BUT you'd have to make a choice between that or the elimination diet, because otherwise you won't know which one worked.
Oh, if you go for the rice cereal option, look for one that isn't fortified with iron.

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Originally Posted by AlwaysByMySide View Post
In unrelated news, hospice was called in for my grandmother. They have promised to try to get me some respite, even just for maybe a couple of hours a day for one or two days out of the week but it hasn't materialized yet. My back is KILLING me from changing her sheets two and three times a day. (Her new favorite thing to do is take her diaper off. So now we're skipping the diaper thing, because I was changing diapers AND sheets. Now I just have to change sheets. Which is fun to do since she is bedbound. Even more fun with a teething baby. (I did one round of sheet changing today with him on my back in the Ergo because it was the only thing keeping him quiet. It involves lifting my grandmother to get the wet sheet off (one lift of the legs, and then a second lift of her shoulders/back), and then lifting her again to get the dry sheet on. Which explains why my back is killing me. Someone is supposed to come out tomorrow to try to figure out an easier way for me to do it.)
I have no idea what an E. L. Fudge is, but I suspect I need it.
Right- beds. First of all, use a waterproof pad (we call them kylies over here) on top of the sheets and a waterproof undersheet under them. That way, you can clean up a small mishap without stripping the whole bed. I'm assuming she's on an air mattress?
Pull the sheets loose at all corners, roll her towards you, prop a pillow under her tummy.Fold the corners of the sheet up and then roll it towards her so that any debris is contained within the sheet. Alex wanted the smiley here, sorry for the sheer inappropriateness) Wash her bottom, then roll her back onto her back and over to the other side, propping with a pillow. She should now have passed all the way over the sheet, which you can now remove, and you are free to wash her bottom again if needed and put the clean one on the same way. I strongly recommend drawing lines on sheets to help you find the midpoint when doing this. I hope this is a teeny bit of help- it takes longer, but its easier. Please, though, put the baby down when making beds.
Have you got all the equipment you need? A hospital bed so you're working at the right level, maybe a hoist as well?

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 06-18-2008, 10:20 AM
 
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I have no idea what an E. L. Fudge is, but I suspect I need it.
Right- beds. First of all, use a waterproof pad (we call them kylies over here) on top of the sheets and a waterproof undersheet under them. That way, you can clean up a small mishap without stripping the whole bed. I'm assuming she's on an air mattress?
Pull the sheets loose at all corners, roll her towards you, prop a pillow under her tummy.Fold the corners of the sheet up and then roll it towards her so that any debris is contained within the sheet. Alex wanted the smiley here, sorry for the sheer inappropriateness) Wash her bottom, then roll her back onto her back and over to the other side, propping with a pillow. She should now have passed all the way over the sheet, which you can now remove, and you are free to wash her bottom again if needed and put the clean one on the same way. I strongly recommend drawing lines on sheets to help you find the midpoint when doing this. I hope this is a teeny bit of help- it takes longer, but its easier. Please, though, put the baby down when making beds.
Have you got all the equipment you need? A hospital bed so you're working at the right level, maybe a hoist as well?
First off, an E.L. Fudge is a horribly bad-for-you cookie made by Nabisco. Buttery cookie on the outside, chocolate frosting-type stuff on the inside. I'm sure it's loaded with transfats and other nasty things, but I just. don't. care. Let me know if you want me to send you some.

Secondly, thank you SO much for taking the time to write all of that out. You don't know how much I appreciate it.

Grandma pretty much eats less than 10 bites of any kind of actual "food" a day. (And we're talking maybe sherbet, pudding, stuff like that.) So there isn't any debris anymore. (I got hit with the debris more than once. Is it wrong to say that I'm glad those days are over? )

She's in a hospital bed, (a plastic wrapped regular mattress, not an air mattress) and I totally forgot that it cranks up and down. Now that she's bedbound, I can put her up to my level. Thank you for reminding me of that!

She's on waterproof pads...sort of. We have a couple of the sort of nylon backed, flannel ones, one from the hospital (that I have no idea what it is made out of), one I made (that is basically a cloth diaper - microfleece on top, a microfiber and hemp "stuffing", and PUL on the bottom), and then hospice brings over the chux pads (the disposable, blue plastic-backed ones). And this is all well and good, but she is so fidgety now that they get moved all over the place, or she'll wet them and then I'll find them on the floor or at the foot of the bed. (Much like I found the diapers before, which is why I gave up on them.) If I can catch it fast enough, I can change them out, but if I don't, or it's first thing in the morning, the entire sheet (and her clothes) has to go.

The other problem is that she doesn't exactly roll over easily. She makes all these noises whenever I move her (can't say that I blame her!), no matter how gentle I try to be. And she won't stay on her side. (One of her shoulders has a subcutaneous IV drip into it, just for fluids, so I know when I roll her that way, I'm probably hitting the IV. The other, I think she's just being difficult. ) I wish she'd use the energy to HELP me rather than fight the process, but it just isn't happening. You'd think if she has the energy to get the diapers off and the pads away, she'd have the energy to help me help her, but trying to reason with her at this point is futile.

What is a hoist and what would it do to help? I honestly don't see my grandmother living through the end of the month, to be honest (like I said, she gets fluid, but practically no nourishment. She refuses to eat, and hospice has explained that this is part of the body shutting down.), but any other tips to help me so that I don't throw out my back in the meantime, and can make her more comfortable, are most appreciated.

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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Old 06-18-2008, 10:32 AM
 
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AlwaysByMySide. I can't imagine taking care of the kids and the grandma! What a great woman you are! I just can't imagine how tough it is. I hope that everyone in your family appreciates you and what you are doing!
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:01 AM
 
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A hoist literally lifts straight up and down, and generally will help someone in and out of bed. If, however, you're looking at a month or less, I don't know that there's any point. You could ask for the IV to be moved, but I can't see where else to put it that wouldn't be pulled out- does the hospice have an occupational therapist who can help? At least it sounds like at the moment she's still mobile enough that pressure sores aren't likely to be an issue.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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A hoist literally lifts straight up and down, and generally will help someone in and out of bed. If, however, you're looking at a month or less, I don't know that there's any point. You could ask for the IV to be moved, but I can't see where else to put it that wouldn't be pulled out- does the hospice have an occupational therapist who can help? At least it sounds like at the moment she's still mobile enough that pressure sores aren't likely to be an issue.
Aha! The social worker from hospice was over here yesterday, and I asked her about getting something like a sling that they use for horses when they are healing from an injury (not that my grandmother is a horse, but I can't think of a better way to describe it!), and she said that unless she is in the hospital, that's a no go. (And we refuse for her to be in the hospital. On top of the fact that it makes life even harder for me, because I have to tote two kids there and be trapped in a small room all day, grandma gets very confused with all the different people coming in that she doesn't know.)

She was having OT the past couple of weeks, but they've stopped that at this point. They are supposed to be sending out a home health aide a couple of days a week, but I'm still waiting on the call for that. I did ask the social worker to ask around to see if there's a better way to go about the bedmaking and whatnot, so hopefully she'll find something out. They also called in a prescription for an Ativan cream (who KNEW they made such a thing!), since she won't swallow a pill anymore, and hopefully that will make her less fidgety.

She's been bedbound for about the past week, and no signs of any pressure sores so far. We DID ask for a high back wheelchair (because she can't hold her head up on her own anymore, so a regular wheelchair is out of the question), because she likes being outside with us, watching the kids swim and play. Getting her into the wheelchair involves me lifting her completely and putting her in there....about 110 pounds of dead weight. Makes my two hour workouts at the gym that I did before she got sick look like cake! But I know there will come a day when I don't have the option of doing it, because she won't be here.

And Sharun - my mom appreciates what I'm doing. But her sisters (and their kids), do not. They have yet to come up to see my grandmother (she was in the ICU for a week, in the hospital for two weeks, and hospice was called in at the end of last week), and are more worried about making sure that her money stays where it is than anything else. They don't want anything happening to their inheritance. My grandmother wrote me a check (back when she was lucid) to get me out of debt from legal fees from last year, and my aunts blocked the funds out of my grandmother's account, because they don't want their inheritance to be depleted. For a reference, the check was for about 5% of my grandmother's bank account, and her daughters are each getting 1/3 of the money and the sale of grandma's condo. Isn't that nice? My family never ceases to amaze me.

Sorry to hijack the thread, y'all. (But thank you, Helen, for your help! Nice to "talk" to someone who has been there!)

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:49 AM
 
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It worked with Alex :- who was permanently hungry and screaming and all else. It's hard to know what the problem was because it was never fully identified (I hadn't realised that normal babies don't scream and eat and never sleep) but once he was on solids, life got much easier (and he stayed on baby rice to 6 months. Started at 3. The way I see it, it's a much lesser evil than formula) BUT you'd have to make a choice between that or the elimination diet, because otherwise you won't know which one worked.
Oh, if you go for the rice cereal option, look for one that isn't fortified with iron.


why not fortified with iron?

what do you mean normal babies don't scream,eat, and not sleep? What was Alex like?

I can see where I wouldn't 'know which on worked...i feel like the elimination diet may be more for the mucous than the spit up...you know I still don't understand the smell?

Could H be having reflux issues at night? last night he woke up twice crying and screaming and didn't stop until someone held him upright. He did this the other night too. Although last night he did actually spit up a little bit, could he be in pain at night and it not bother him during the day?

Allyn birthmom to S 3/12/03, placed in open adoption 4/06, married to W 6/22/07, mama to H 2/5/08, mama to M 8/26/12.
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Old 06-18-2008, 01:19 PM
 
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why not fortified with iron?

what do you mean normal babies don't scream,eat, and not sleep? What was Alex like?

I can see where I wouldn't 'know which on worked...i feel like the elimination diet may be more for the mucous than the spit up...you know I still don't understand the smell?

Could H be having reflux issues at night? last night he woke up twice crying and screaming and didn't stop until someone held him upright. He did this the other night too. Although last night he did actually spit up a little bit, could he be in pain at night and it not bother him during the day?

I don't know the answer, but I've noticed DD doing this occasionally. Hmm food for thought. She also tends to spit up not right after feeding but a little later - maybe half hour to hour later. Interesting. I was eliminating some things from my diet, but never successful at it. Maybe I should give it another go. Dairy elim, that is...

I bet the rice shouldn't be fortified with iron so the baby won't get constipated.

I've noticed DD is nursing ALOT more lately. As in every 1.5 hours or so (or sooner) and going for both sides rather than just one as she has done all up until recently. She's coming up on 4 months next week, so I don't know that there's any growth spurt associated with this. It doesn't seem to be the age. Could there be another reason for frequent and more nursing? But I wonder, when I'm at work, should she be getting more than 2 oz in her bottles? Or should she just get them more frequently? Any ideas? If she's feeding from both sides I'm positive she gets more than 2 oz then (I can generally pump 2 oz on one side alone).

Flapjack, I have looked at those patterns. I sent a bunch to my mom and she picked out one that's in a wrap style. She sews them closed, but I'm beginning to notice that the waistband just gets looser with use and they fall off. I think they're more cute and less practical. Some of the other ones she thought were less cute are probably more practical, I reckon. I'm just not knowledgeable on what works best. I need to figure some way to modify them or just convince her to make a kind that has a drawstring in them, I think I saw some in those patterns. I just wanted to know first hand which is the best pattern to go on. I really hope she starts in on some longies soon, for fall, because they're too stinkin' cute!

Rynna, gosh I hope your DH is alright. That's a hell of a thing to get through.

Peace_Laughing, I hope you are able to work things out. That's got to be so difficult. Aren't there some family/culture differences too, that you have to work through?

AlwaysByMySide, wow, you are a trooper!! I was at home yesterday with 2 DSC and the baby and I thought I could NEVER do this every day. I can't imagine with a grandma too. You're amazing.

Ok, so I'm wondering if I carry the baby too much. Besides nursing, I love to hold her/cuddle her when I'm at home, but really I have no idea if she's anywhere near crawling. When I do set her down, I'm too busy making wierd noises to make her laugh than working on rolling or crawling or tummy time or all that. She does roll to her side though, that's how she gets her ah-aahs at night.

She is really starting to notice people/things. It seems she's taken a great interest in other kids and babies (the little people as I like to say). It's perfect timing that DSS-8 and DSD-6 are here with us, they're really cute interacting with each other (how did those two get so darned big?!?). She also LOVES watching us eat. She very intensely follows the food/drink into the mouth. She's fascinated with it. She also loves her diaper changes,she gets really goofy, she cracks up when it's a poopy diaper. The only time she cries at a diaper change is when she thinks I'm going to give her a bath and I put her diaper and clothes back on. ooh does she get mad if she's thinking bath time and I'm not.

I'm so glad to hear that other mommas' hair is falling out too (in a co-miseration sort of way). My hair doesn't look thinner (to my knowledge), but I'm sure pulling out alot every time I brush my hair.

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Old 06-18-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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Teeny, you can put a drawstring in any longies, just feed it through the ribbing (use a ribbon or crochet a chain.) IME, you only need an eyelet row if you're using an i-cord drawstring.
Allyn, Alex was -is- intense. He screamed every evening from 4-midnight or later, then slept for 45 minutes, then breastfed constantly until dawn. At that point if I was very good I'd get a smile, but most of the time as a newborn, I was constantly breastfeeding (I mean, 3.5 hours out of 4, felt like more.) He wouldn't take a dummy, wouldn't take a bottle, wouldn't accept any substitutes and in retrospect, I was probably switching boobs too often and created a fore/hindmilk imbalance. And he wouldn't EVER be put down, even for a second. He'd consistently hit milestones early, but by this age he was sitting unassisted and raking the carpet for undesirable choking hazards, which he would then pick up with his pincher grasp and merrily consume Most of his early milestones correlated with a desire for food, actually, its been a constant in his life. I also found myself walking miles a day trying to find things that interested him, because he screamed if he got bored. It was hell.
Mercifully, most of this stuff is irrelevant to parenting a 9yo, though he's still a handful- he has the reading age of a 16yo, is working at the same level in maths as Steve's year 9 class (5 years ahead) and at a similar level in science and IT, so the boredom was obviously a big part of it. Suffice to say, when I said that River was the payback baby, I seriously wasn't joking.
Oh- the stinky smell of baby puke is because its been in their tummy long enough to be partially digested- all of this is actually a sign that his reflux is easing off because his muscles are strong enough to keep the milk in his tummy for longer. Apparently, iron fortification interferes with a breastfed baby's ability to assimilate iron from breastmilk. I haven't got study links handy, but its something to be aware of (cows milk and pears allegedly have the same effect.)
Always- try these..

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 06-18-2008, 03:17 PM
 
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Teeny, you can put a drawstring in any longies, just feed it through the ribbing (use a ribbon or crochet a chain.) IME, you only need an eyelet row if you're using an i-cord drawstring.
Wooo!! Besides the "longies" that's mega-greek to me! Maybe one day I will learn about this knitting/crocheting thing, but for now that's something I just don't get. I will pass it on to my mom, though!

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Old 06-18-2008, 04:36 PM
 
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I am sorry AlwaysByMySide that is aweful. Something similar happend to my bil he took care of his grandma for years, she didnt have much just a little house worth next to nothing. When she passed he had to buy his aunts and uncles out to keep his roof over his head, (they didnt look after her at all) so sad
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Old 06-18-2008, 06:25 PM
 
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Alwaysbymyside - we went through similar with my FIL last August and I hope you can get some respite soon - maybe you can ask the SW about any volunteer organizations or if your Gmom belongs to a church they can send some help. My FIL got his morphine & benzos in liquid form, I hope the topical ativan helps. Please take care of yourself, I'll keep all of you in my prayers.

I may have missed it, but I'm still sending thoughts out to Smokeylo as well - has anyone heard from her?

Rynna - s re your dh - hope he stabilizes soon so you can go to four quarters with no cares. I know smoking is bad, but take a few drags for me - it's been really hard 'cause I miss those breaks so much, but I'm still staying strong.

Alex has been teething to beat the band - actually broke down and gave motrin a few nights ago because we were both in such misery and nothing else seemed to be helping. He's been super cranky today - having a hard time getting a good nursing session out of him but I have been able to settle him down for sleep (he's in arms right now). The next time he wakes, I'm going to see if he'll take some ice chips tied up in a wash cloth - it's so hard watching him be this miserable. I don't remember Michael going through this.

the countdown has begun, our first family vacation is next week - it'll be the first time I've been to the ocean since before Michael was born. I seriously can't wait. Oh - Helen, thanks so much for the name of that Garbage song, should have guessed you'd know it since they're from your neck of the world. I definitely recognise Blur, but I can't put a tune to the name, I'll have to do some digging later.

I'm going to try putting Alex back in his amby and knit for a bit. ttfn!
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Old 06-18-2008, 06:27 PM
 
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okay, this is going to be big!

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re:smoking I use to smoke too. I know what those precious 5 min. are like! I do sometimes miss them but will not start again in fear that I won't be able to quit again
me too, after 3.5 years of not smoking i still crave it. i'm an addictive personality. i can't touch the stuff because i'd be right back to half a pack a day in no time. i totally understand the draw/desire, especially with everything you've been through rynna.

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Is there a such thing as the 4-month witching hour?
i definately think so! they are devoloping so many new skills and you throw teeth in there and it can be a rough time. grace always had sleep issues when she learned new things (sitting, crawling, standing, walking) it was like her brain was so busy figuring it out she couldn't settle down.

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And DH is a SAHD, but is starting to have more and more issues with it. He's a very goal-oriented, project-focused person, and we all know how useful that is when taking care of a wee one. He's on the edge of depression, and I can see that he's losing patience with DD - not staying focused on her very much, and always wanting to do other things, to get projects accomplished throughout the day. I'm trying not to worry, but if he can't make it work, it throws a big monkeywrench into things. Namely, that we don't want DD in daycare, but I have fantastic salary/benefits that would be really hard for us to give up. One day at a time.
okay, i can understand this. this is why i teach a class once a week and doula now and then. i have to have my own thing separate from being a mom. could you guys talk about this and make sure he has scheduled time to him self to do those projects? I know you are working from home for now so could he have 30 at lunch and an hour in the evening? i'd LOVE to have this arrangement but my husband works too much but he does help alot in the evenings. just know (and let him know) that this is totally normal. there aren't really any other things to compare being a stay at home parent to, it's just an endless cycle with little sense of accomplishment. that can be hard.

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I need to vent! DP, not sure if he deserves the D in front of the P, can be such a !@#
oh peace that must be really difficult. i do think relationships are generally worth working out when there are children involved. that said, you can only do so much. you can't fix this if he's unwilling to participate. what you say about him being a jerk and then being sweet is a typical abuser pattern and if this is the case it usually only gets worse. if you feel this is the issue then please get out now! i hope you can get this worked out. that's really scarey thinking he could take off with her out of the country! big hugs and healing thought coming your way!

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so dh took over...he says why don't you just let him cry:...for the 100t time and I tell him...so I left the house b/c I couldn't listen...I came back in maybe 7 mins later and ds was asleep...don't know what he did but he always does soemthing that works. Ds woke up 30 mins later i nursed him and he is sleeping now...why does he give me such a hard time? I am going to ask the dreaded question...how bad is CIO at 4.5 months? is dh doing a lot of damage?
okay, i am totally against crying it out and will never do it. that said, if it was less than 7 minutes from you stopping and him being asleep then it is possible that henry just needs to go to sleep by himself. perhaps he is too stimulated with you there? i know this sounds weird and i'm not saying to let him cry and cry but if he needs to cry for 1-2 minutes to settle for sleep that may just be the way he needs to sleep.

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I finally got my blog linked to my signature(sorry it took so long!) so anyone who has been wondering what we look like can check the blog link and see some pics. Though I will admit that I am not the best with updating pics all the time, but I will do my best!!
i have been! beautiful family!

[QUOTE=AlwaysByMySide;11493739 There is a saying that the Lord won't give us more than we can handle. I'm starting to wonder WHY He seems to think I can handle this much. (I need to add that I wouldn't have things with my grandmother any other way. Nobody is good enough to take care of her except for me, in my own humble opinion, lol.) Thank goodness for antidepressants and double-stuffed E.L. Fudges. I eat a ridiculously healthy diet, and then ruin it with those darn E.L. Fudges.[/QUOTE]Do what you have to do to get thru this time. i think you are being unbelievably loving and selfless and i hope your whole family can come to appreciate just how much you've sacrificed and what an honor you've given your grandma.

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Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
But I wonder, when I'm at work, should she be getting more than 2 oz in her bottles? Or should she just get them more frequently? Any ideas? If she's feeding from both sides I'm positive she gets more than 2 oz then (I can generally pump 2 oz on one side alone).
It sounds like she's increaing your supply. I also think that by now she would be wanting more like 4-5 ounces at a time but i don't have to bottle feed so i'm not positive!

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Old 06-18-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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I may have missed it, but I'm still sending thoughts out to Smokeylo as well - has anyone heard from her?

Alex has been teething to beat the band - actually broke down and gave motrin a few nights ago because we were both in such misery and nothing else seemed to be helping. He's been super cranky today - having a hard time getting a good nursing session out of him but I have been able to settle him down for sleep (he's in arms right now). The next time he wakes, I'm going to see if he'll take some ice chips tied up in a wash cloth - it's so hard watching him be this miserable. I don't remember Michael going through this.
yes, her family (including cats) are safe but displaced for an unknown length of time.

james did this the other night as well. i gave him a mesh feeder bag with an ice cube and he went back and forth between that and the breast whoo wee that was cold! i finally gave him 2 hylands teething tabs and he was happy 5 minutes later. man, those things are little magic pills!

so james has decided to do EC. yep, him, not me. he just tells me when he needs to pee and we go. he's very good! there have been a few accidents but much less that i'd suspect. he just fusses in a certain way, how do you ecer's cue? how do you get them to poop on the toilet? james is a very random pooper so i can't just catch one and praise him. any ideas? this is a lot of fun!

Thanks for the talk on hair loss! I didn't really notice any after having Grace and recently started "no pooing" so I was about to give it up thinking that was making me loose my hair. Mine is also coming out in record amounts.

We go on vacation July 2nd and I'm so darn excited! We got to northern MN to a cabin on a lake. I've been every year but one my entire life. My mom's whole family has cabins there so we get to stay for free and see cousins and tube and ski and it's utterly wonderful. i know i'm very, very lucky. if we didn't have this we couldn't afford a vacation other than day trip things. I will actually be able to go twice this summer, 10 days as a family and then the kids and i will go again when my sisters will be up with their families.

My thyroid has been acting up since James was born. I actually weigh more now than when i gave birth. this is so frustrating! i've had my levothroxine increased but i will need another bump, but i have to wait another month to do that. i can't find a provider to prescribe armour (natural) thyroid suppliments so i'm stuck with this. i've been able to keep it in check pretty well for the last couple years but the last couple months have been rough. it's very frusgtrating to try to loose weight and keep gaining!

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Old 06-18-2008, 07:31 PM
 
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There was an article in Slimming World magazine about the relationship between sleep and weight loss- basically, if you have broken nights then your hormones are going to be out of whack and it's going to be harder to lose weight, if that's any help?
Oh- feel free to shoot me for bragging, but I lost a stone this month : One down, eight to go...
and on totally frivolous news, I have finally found a way to make River happy when he's on his tummy. I put him down on the kitchen floor (on a mat) whilst I made lunch with Skye, and he flipped to his stomach and then started complaining- and then the front-loading washing machine hit the spin cycle and he broke off mid-groan to watch, wide-eyed in astonishment, as it thumped around and around and around It's better than TV for babies, I tell you- I even had time to eat my lunch

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 06-18-2008, 10:03 PM
 
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I am TRYING to catch up since the last time I posted, but I am in teething HELL. It appears that he is cutting FOUR bottom teeth all at once. Two are through, and the others are pushing...I can feel them. Can't this kid do ANYTHING by the book?

Taylor turns 3 tomorrow. Where does the time GO?!

In unrelated news, hospice was called in for my grandmother. They have promised to try to get me some respite, even just for maybe a couple of hours a day for one or two days out of the week but it hasn't materialized yet. My back is KILLING me from changing her sheets two and three times a day. (Her new favorite thing to do is take her diaper off. So now we're skipping the diaper thing, because I was changing diapers AND sheets. Now I just have to change sheets. Which is fun to do since she is bedbound. Even more fun with a teething baby. (I did one round of sheet changing today with him on my back in the Ergo because it was the only thing keeping him quiet. It involves lifting my grandmother to get the wet sheet off (one lift of the legs, and then a second lift of her shoulders/back), and then lifting her again to get the dry sheet on. Which explains why my back is killing me. Someone is supposed to come out tomorrow to try to figure out an easier way for me to do it.)

There is a saying that the Lord won't give us more than we can handle. I'm starting to wonder WHY He seems to think I can handle this much. (I need to add that I wouldn't have things with my grandmother any other way. Nobody is good enough to take care of her except for me, in my own humble opinion, lol.) Thank goodness for antidepressants and double-stuffed E.L. Fudges. I eat a ridiculously healthy diet, and then ruin it with those darn E.L. Fudges.
Sorry to hear about DS doing some major teething. And I know what you are doing with your grandmother is very difficult, but that is one of the most amazing gifts you can give to someone. I hope you get the help you need.

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Gen, this sounds too much like my first marriage. Move out. There is always the possibility of getting back together if he makes his mental health a priority, but basically he treats you like this because he can. For the sake of your daughter (and Alex remembered some of the fights between me and his dad for years after we split) get out now. Life is too short for you to waste time on being unhappy.
You are so right about life being too short to be unhappy. It's just hard coming to the realization of everything. I'm not even sure who he is or how we got here. I think he is moving out the end of the month and I am staying in this place for next month and until who knows? I don't know how I feel about the possibility of any reconciliation after sometime apart. Part of me would consider it and part of me would run as if the devil himself were chasing me.

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I've noticed DD is nursing ALOT more lately. As in every 1.5 hours or so (or sooner) and going for both sides rather than just one as she has done all up until recently. She's coming up on 4 months next week, so I don't know that there's any growth spurt associated with this. It doesn't seem to be the age. Could there be another reason for frequent and more nursing? But I wonder, when I'm at work, should she be getting more than 2 oz in her bottles? Or should she just get them more frequently? Any ideas? If she's feeding from both sides I'm positive she gets more than 2 oz then (I can generally pump 2 oz on one side alone).

Peace_Laughing, I hope you are able to work things out. That's got to be so difficult. Aren't there some family/culture differences too, that you have to work through?
Teeny, my DD consistently takes 4-5 oz in a bottle about every 3 hours or so. Sometimes she has 6, and once when a 6oz bottle ran out she fussed cuz there was no more! If it has been longer since she has eaten, then she gets a 6oz bottle, if it has been a shorter time then she will only get 4 or 5. Also remember that just because you get 2oz when pumping, your DD is a much more efficient nurser than your pump and is surely getting more.

And yes, there are some major cultural differences between DP and I. His family has still not accepted DD, and at this point I doubt they ever will. I'm not going to try to make them fall in love with DD, his parents never ask about her when he talks to them. So it's their loss. No one in his family ever wanted me to keep her anyway.

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oh peace that must be really difficult. i do think relationships are generally worth working out when there are children involved. that said, you can only do so much. you can't fix this if he's unwilling to participate. what you say about him being a jerk and then being sweet is a typical abuser pattern and if this is the case it usually only gets worse. if you feel this is the issue then please get out now! i hope you can get this worked out. that's really scarey thinking he could take off with her out of the country! big hugs and healing thought coming your way!
ITA. They only reason I am still with him is that I wanted to really give things a chance to work once DD arrived. But I'm not going to try anymore. Everything I am doing now is for DD and myself.

Reading all of your replies makes me cry. You are such an awesome group of ladies. I really hope to get through the next 2 weeks quickly. I told him that someday before he dies he will regret this. Because he knows how he changed and how he has been treating me since we found out I was pregnant. And he knows how much I have tried to make it work. He says I do nothing around the house all day, but yesterday he arrived home from a late workshift and the dishes were done, the table cleaned off, and some leftover dinner was in the fridge for him. But I didn't get the laundry done, and the bathroom floor swept and have the rest of the house perfectly sparkling, so I am lazy and don't do anything all day. He says I spend too much time playing with DD and that I don't know how to split myself to do many things at once. Oh, and being here with you all is a waste of time too. Now the hard part is I have to ask my parents for money. I don't have job, and have been starting a home biz with him. I think he is leaving the biz to me. But I will need some cash for a little bit of time so that DD and I don't end up homeless. I don't want to go live with them (my parent), but would if I have too. But then I would just move back down here and don't see it making sense to move twice, the place where they live isn't my kind of place. It is great for retiree's, but young people there are not very progressive. I haven't told them yet. I am really protective about my personal life with my family.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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I asked him once but he thinks that everything is my fault and that I should go to counseling alone because he has no fault in anything. I'm not sure if a counselor would serve as anything more than a place for me to vent if he's not going to go. But I have considered it. If I go alone, it would be once I am truly alone so that I can really use the sessions to focus on myself. I don't know if there is anyway to get him to go to counseling together?
I think that counseling alone would be a great idea for you. It might be very beneficial to just hash things out in a supportive environment. Maybe if he sees you going and really trying, he will come along. I agree with Sarah that it is important to try hard to stay together when kids are involved, but not at the expense of a feeling of safety. If you truly don't trust him to be alone with your daughter, then staying with him seems like a bad idea. I'm so sorry things are so hard for you right now.

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Ok, so I'm wondering if I carry the baby too much. Besides nursing, I love to hold her/cuddle her when I'm at home, but really I have no idea if she's anywhere near crawling. When I do set her down, I'm too busy making wierd noises to make her laugh than working on rolling or crawling or tummy time or all that. She does roll to her side though, that's how she gets her ah-aahs at night.
I totally don't think you could be carrying her too much at this age. If she wants to be put down and move around, she'll let you know.

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In unrelated news, hospice was called in for my grandmother. They have promised to try to get me some respite, even just for maybe a couple of hours a day for one or two days out of the week but it hasn't materialized yet. My back is KILLING me from changing her sheets two and three times a day. (Her new favorite thing to do is take her diaper off. So now we're skipping the diaper thing, because I was changing diapers AND sheets. Now I just have to change sheets. Which is fun to do since she is bedbound. Even more fun with a teething baby. (I did one round of sheet changing today with him on my back in the Ergo because it was the only thing keeping him quiet. It involves lifting my grandmother to get the wet sheet off (one lift of the legs, and then a second lift of her shoulders/back), and then lifting her again to get the dry sheet on. Which explains why my back is killing me. Someone is supposed to come out tomorrow to try to figure out an easier way for me to do it.)
You are Superwoman! I have so much respect for people who do their best to make their loved ones' passing positive. I'm sorry that some of your family doesn't see what a wonderful thing you're doing for your grandmother.

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so james has decided to do EC. yep, him, not me. he just tells me when he needs to pee and we go. he's very good! there have been a few accidents but much less that i'd suspect. he just fusses in a certain way, how do you ecer's cue? how do you get them to poop on the toilet? james is a very random pooper so i can't just catch one and praise him. any ideas? this is a lot of fun!
Oh, cool! I started cueing by making a sssssss noise. Now I don't need to cue her, I just set her on the Baby Bjorn Little Potty and she just goes if she needs to. We're pretty much operating on timing now, since she isn't really letting me know when she has to go anymore. The best advice about ECing that I've heard is to not be attached to the catches and misses. That the most important thing is the communication, not eliminating into a receptacle. Have fun with it!

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Oh- feel free to shoot me for bragging, but I lost a stone this month : One down, eight to go...
Awesome job! I think I remember you saying that you had Wii Fit, is that right? How is that? It looks great. And I feel stupid asking, but how much is a stone in pounds?


I just realized that I have nothing to say about my life in this post, just everyone else's! I must be totally lame.
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Old 06-19-2008, 12:53 AM
 
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1 stone = 14lbs And I LOVE wii fit- especially the yoga. The boys are getting a lot of use out of it too.

Gen, fwiw I'm spending more time on www.chorewars.com than I am on MDC (almost)- it may be tragic that the only acknowledgement I get of any kind of housework comes from a computer, but it keeps me motivated.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 06-19-2008, 01:18 AM
 
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: so I thought I would update...I am a horrible mom...I tried CIO tonight with Henry...and I still feel so awful and I will never do it again...

I called my mom and my sister, both CIO advocates, and asked them what to do and they both reassured me that H is too young and that he is old enough to know the difference between mom and dad. He probably knows that dad wont come in and mom will keep coming. So i got him out of bed and gave him lots of hugs and kisses and said I was so sorry. We went for a walk for about 30 mins, then came back and I rocked him and he went to sleep.
He gave me what I deserved for such a horrible act...he puked on me three times

So the smell is still there but the spit up seems to be a little less and not as mucousy so far with the eggs and dairy gone since Monday.

Teeny= I only pack 2 oz bottles for Henry when I work...and pack about 4 bottles for a 5 hours shift. sometimes he drinks it all sometimes not. I did that calculator on Kellymom.com and it said that H should be having that much as a max...not sure how accurate it is though.

Alwaysbymyside= you are a great, strong woman. I must say that I could not do what you are doing. I hope that some helps comes soon so that you can get a break. I am sorry the family is not being very supportive.

speaking of tv do any of you LO's like the tv? Mine does...dh watches the Simpsons with him

OH...I would like to know how long everyones lo nurses for? H only nurses for about 5 mins at a time. Sometimes I will give both breasts but most times he doesn't want it. I have been watching very closely today, he gets the milk to letdown in about 30 secs and is done in 5 mins. He only stays on for 10 mins at night.

and thats another thing...will he ever sleep longer than 2 hours?! ok i know he will...I guess I am just ready for him to.

Allyn birthmom to S 3/12/03, placed in open adoption 4/06, married to W 6/22/07, mama to H 2/5/08, mama to M 8/26/12.
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Old 06-19-2008, 01:42 AM
 
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1 stone = 14lbs
WOW!!! That's awesome!! Congrats!!!

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I just realized that I have nothing to say about my life in this post, just everyone else's! I must be totally lame.
I find myself thinking this same thing all the time!! I love everyone's updates, but am often at a loss for any new news from my own life.

peace_laughing So sorry to hear about all of these frustrating details!! You are in my thoughts tonight!

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so james has decided to do EC. yep, him, not me. he just tells me when he needs to pee and we go. he's very good!

We go on vacation July 2nd and I'm so darn excited! We got to northern MN to a cabin on a lake.

My thyroid has been acting up since James was born. I actually weigh more now than when i gave birth. this is so frustrating! !
Sarah, so cute to hear about James and EC! Smart little guy!
Hope the vacation is wonderful. It sounds awesome. That is my kind of "down time". I'm jealous and can't wait to hear all about it!
Also, I'm so sorry about the thyroid issue. I know being 3 months post baby is hard enough in terms of loving/liking my body...I can't imagine how difficult it would be with even more weight than the pregnancy due to something you can't even control. I hope it comes under control soon and stops bothering you!! Hang in there!

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the countdown has begun, our first family vacation is next week - it'll be the first time I've been to the ocean since before Michael was born.!
Hope Alex's teeth settle down! And the vacation sounds wonderful! Have a great time!!!

Birthmom Sorry for such a rough night! hang in there...the sleep will get better at some point!!!! And DD only nurses for maybe 6 min. She eats for half as long as DS did. But she is growing just fine, so I'm loving it!

As for us...Molly rolled today!! She is the sweetest, most kissable little baby I've ever seen, and it was so adorable to see her LOVE her new little skill. I remember DS being more surprised than anything that he had rolled for the first time, but Molly definitely seemed to realized that she had figured something new out, and was delighted every time that it worked again!

Speaking of DS, anyone else having a hard time keeping their older children out of the face of their newest LO? Ben is such a great big brother, and so in love with Molly, but he is like a little kissing sucker-fish. If she is on the floor, he is all over her, trying to snuggle her and kiss her. I feel bad telling him to stop, but it is way too rough some times. I love that he loves her, but she is still just a little 3-month-old.
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Old 06-19-2008, 02:03 AM
 
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I am so glad someone asked what a stone is equal to.

Congrats Helen! i looked at the chorewars thing, but I think at this point I would only be at war with myself since DD is too young.... but I like the concept... pretty cool! Who knows, I am considering looking for a roomie, maybe then we could do it.

I need to go totally OT to take my mind off stuff.....
So regarding the the weight of a stone.... It does make me wonder about us in the US..... english is like a second language to almost everyone outside of the US.... yeah, maybe stretching it a bit... but YKWIM? And the same with the metric system, americans once again are generally clueless. It kinda bothers me that as a society we expect everyone else to translate for us, myself included. Why is this? We even get freaked out if another language is suggested as the secondary national language! I wish there would be a greater emphasis on learning a second language well here in the US. I took both French and Spanish in HS.... yeah, it was a mistake cuz now I confuse what little I remember.... but there wasn't any proficiency requirements or even motivation to learn well. Why does the rest of the world do this differently?

OK. Thanks all. Going to get a few more things done while DD sleeps.
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Old 06-19-2008, 06:09 AM
 
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me too, after 3.5 years of not smoking i still crave it. i'm an addictive personality. i can't touch the stuff because i'd be right back to half a pack a day in no time. i totally understand the draw/desire, especially with everything you've been through rynna.
Me too

Yeahhhh Helen on losing the stone!

Glad that so many are going on well deserved vacations. We were planning on going to Croatia but since Croatia beat Germany in the European Soccer Masters Dh said that he doesn't want to go there. I think that he is just kidding but with him you just never know. He wants to drive :because of the dog (10 hours) I have flown to america with the dog it isn't so bad. I would rather fly.

In december we will be going to Florida to celebrate christmas with my family first time in 14 years! ( my parents are snow birds and go to florida every winter ) My sisters are also planning on being there double I can't wait. Although I must say I am a little sad that no one is making an attempt to come and see us. My mom is in early retirement and has the money to fly. My fav sis is a child psychologist and her dh is a teacher they both have the summer off and aren't comming because they are worried about flying so far with their kids (they are a handful) :Heck I flew ALONE every year with mine since Chris was 5 month old! I just wish someone would come and visit me!
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Old 06-19-2008, 06:40 AM
 
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and on totally frivolous news, I have finally found a way to make River happy when he's on his tummy. I put him down on the kitchen floor (on a mat) whilst I made lunch with Skye, and he flipped to his stomach and then started complaining- and then the front-loading washing machine hit the spin cycle and he broke off mid-groan to watch, wide-eyed in astonishment, as it thumped around and around and around It's better than TV for babies, I tell you- I even had time to eat my lunch
I have also found this to be worthy entertainment, and Hillel also is not at all into be put on his tummy...

Dang, he is calling.... just don't have enough time to read and write.... He's developed this kind of crying call... it's new and cute! Also, just wanted to ask if anyone else has a baby that only wants to be with mum and dad and objects to strangers (family) holding and coochy cooing? Hillel really seems to dislike it and it takes him a while to settle into a new place that is not home..

Megan, mama to her little boy (Feb2008) and introducing our little girl (Dec 2010)
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Old 06-19-2008, 06:43 AM
 
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Also, just wanted to ask if anyone else has a baby that only wants to be with mum and dad and objects to strangers (family) holding and coochy cooing? Hillel really seems to dislike it and it takes him a while to settle into a new place that is not home..
yep my lo is like this too. she hates it infact! when we finally get home she is sooooo happy! Or when she is back in our arms she settles down quickly too.
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Old 06-19-2008, 09:11 AM
 
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Oh Birthmommom - super huge gigantic s to you - please be gent;e with yourself, sleep deprivation drives us to do lots of things sometimes - that's one of the biggest reasons why I gave Alex some motrin last week, 4 days straight of getting sleep in 2-hour intervals will do that to a woman.
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Old 06-19-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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Allyn
You can do this. You are a strong, strong woman and you can be the parent to Henry that you dream of being.

Jenn, you had a few british bands on your list there Space are Welsh. I'm feeling all nostalgic right now, though- I have this overwhelming urge to don my bright orange Docs and a feather boa and go out dancing until dawn...

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 06-19-2008, 01:59 PM
 
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I'm so happy! After over a week of pumping and giving bottles of EBM, my sister is now nursing with no pain. Yay! Just had to share.
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Old 06-19-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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For everyone who is shedding hair, and thinking perhaps it's a vegetarian's lack of fats... nope. I'm decidedly an omnivore, and I can fill up a hairbrush before my shower AND after. It's insane. And I never got the lovely thick pregnancy hair, either, so I'm just looking downright mangy!

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Bear started actually crawling today! Not the scooching, creeping army crawl deal but honest to goodness hands and knees crawling. So mini!!! I kept calling him and he'd turn his head and grin, maybe giggle a bit and get moving again, he was just so excited.
Congratulations! I'll add my story - my son, who exists so everyone else can feel better knowing their child is ahead of someone, barely even rolls. He'll do it if I'm not helping him get to the breast fast enough, so I know he CAN, he's just lazy. However, last night, I woke up, and watched him army crawl two feet, from the middle of the bed up towards the head. He was sound asleep. He didn't even open his eyes. Wonder how long it'll take for him to do it when he's awake.

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Dea, I deal with pure blind terror by gathering information and researching to death.
:

PeaceLaughing and AlwaysByMySide


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after 3.5 years of not smoking i still crave it. i'm an addictive personality. i can't touch the stuff because i'd be right back to half a pack a day in no time.
Listen, it's been SIX years for me and I feel exactly this way.

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Oh- feel free to shoot me for bragging, but I lost a stone this month : One down, eight to go...

and on totally frivolous news, I have finally found a way to make River happy when he's on his tummy. I put him down on the kitchen floor (on a mat) whilst I made lunch with Skye, and he flipped to his stomach and then started complaining- and then the front-loading washing machine hit the spin cycle and he broke off mid-groan to watch, wide-eyed in astonishment, as it thumped around and around and around It's better than TV for babies, I tell you- I even had time to eat my lunch
My washer makes all sorts of space age whooshes and thrums, so I have taken to folding laundry when the boy gets too fussy. He just sits ands stares at the front loader and the shiny dryer vent snake.

Congrats on the weight loss!! I got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans on Father's Day. They look very "sausage casing" still, but dammit, they were on. I refuse to try and "diet" while I'm still feeding the little man, but the sensible food choices do seem to be helping. Whodathunkit.

I just got back from my first business trip away from the boy. I took the first flight out, and the last flight back, so I wasn't away from him overnight. My mate worked from home and fed our boy pumped breastmilk. The baby was fine, but I must say, as I stood in the airport nursery - no door, and no chair near the sole outlet - jamming the pump to my heavily engorged breasts? Let's just say I tried to think of ways to make the baby fully appreciate my efforts, and failed

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Old 06-19-2008, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Congratulations! I'll add my story - my son, who exists so everyone else can feel better knowing their child is ahead of someone, barely even rolls.
Peter doesn't even try to roll!

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Old 06-19-2008, 08:30 PM
 
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Peter doesn't even try to roll!
We are right there with you. L doesn't have any interest in rolling either. In someways I don't mind cuz I know it is easier in ways while she is still immobile. All too soon I know that she will be moving about and I'll be always wondering where she is and what she is getting into. I haven't baby proofed our place yet so this is really a good thing for me. So she can wait to roll over since crawling won't be too far behind.
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Old 06-20-2008, 12:28 AM
 
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We are in teething hell too! Grant was my perfect sleep child- going to bed at 9:00 waking up at 4:00 sleeping til 7:00 but now its up every 2 hours. I feel like I've been run over by a truck. He's always wanting to bite on my fingers or his fist and drooling like mad. Bless his heart- I remember with ds1 that when teething set in it seems like it was non-stop until he was a year or so old. I'm soooo glad I haven't gone back to work yet- I don't think I would be able to function at a job on this amount of sleep.

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Also, just wanted to ask if anyone else has a baby that only wants to be with mum and dad and objects to strangers (family) holding and coochy cooing? Hillel really seems to dislike it and it takes him a while to settle into a new place that is not home..
Yes! We went to a funeral for a relative and Grant absolutely would not let anyone but me hold him. He screamed the minute anyone would reach for him! Even my mom has noticed how he is very attached to me. He's fine with dp too though.

Flapjack- congrats on the awesome weightloss!!!

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