Help, the baby hates Daddy... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We've been hoping she'd grow out of it, but she's almost 3 months now and it's as bad as ever. She's fine if strangers (to her) hold her, fine with her big sister holding her, and screams bloody murder if DH tries to hold her.

I just don't know what to do about it; DH has said that he doesn't feel bonded to her at all, because she hates him. When DD1 was a baby, she would let him hold her, cuddle her, the whole 9 yards. But DD2 won't even cuddle with him in her sleep. We've tried having her sleep between us, but she wakes up screaming; we've tried having him give her baths, change her diaper, walk/rock her, I've even pumped and had DH try to give a bottle - she screams the whole time.

Obviously she'll grow out of it...I can't imagine her screaming her head off when she's 16, but what can we do to speed the process?
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#2 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 10:45 AM
 
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So Sorry! I'm sure she will grow out it.

Quick thought: is there something about his scent that throws her? Does your hubby wear cologne or aftershave? Perhaps shampoo? This could be why she's sensitive? HTH and this too shall pass!

Best.
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#3 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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thats no good! i'm sure she'll grow out of it but in the meantime do you have a sling she likes? maybe dh can wear her in the sling so she can get used to being with him..even if she fusses in it at first maybe you all can take a walk outside or something to help them both relax? poor guy this must be hard for him. LO's do prefer mom when they are young but theres a section on father attachment in dr sear's attachment parenting book. maybe that would have some useful ideas.
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#4 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Hugs, especially to your DH. Our twins were the same way, but they now light up for DH like for no one else including me! Remind your DH that she loves him, but that showing it will come in time. Meanwhile he can be funny and snuggly and furry and all the sweet things that the 'fun' parent gets to be. Your DD will come around and it won't take terribly long. It just feels that way. more hugs!
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#5 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 01:27 PM
 
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I hated my dad until I was 6 months. I would throw a fit if he held me. Then it got better and I never hated him again.
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#6 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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My son loves his dad now... I don't know what you can do to speed the process, as we just tried to accommodate him. I think 3 months is really young and just such a mama-centric age.

Neither of my girls was like this, and my baby isn't at all - the boys are like night and day. It's just a factor of their temperament.

If it helps, my clingy daddy-hater adores his father now, AND he and I have a special sweet bond.

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#7 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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My DD1 was like that. DH thought she hated him too and he was kinda scared of her.

I have no solution to offer, as my DH and DD1 didnt' hang out together til she was past a year old. But I do offer light at the end of the tunnel.

She's 5 yrs old now and the two of them do all sorts of things together and have special time for just the two of them. They golf, garden, grocery shop and cook together.
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#8 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 04:57 PM
 
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DD wasn't a huge fan of DH when she was little, but she didn't want anybody other than mama...I'm sure she will grow out of it...

Does your DH have facial hair??? Or wear cologne?? that could be it. Or maybe if he is uneasy about her she can sense it and she might feel insecure... GL!

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#9 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 05:04 PM
 
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Are you always in the room when he tries to hold her? My son won't let my husband hold him if I'm in the room, but if I go out for a walk or they go somewhere, he's fine.
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#10 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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Our babies have been this way too. I think dh must give off some vibe that he's not totally comfortable with babies. Our oldest one began liking him around 15 months, and he was able to start putting her to bed at that age, which really helped them to bond. The 4 month old still hates him, but at least this time he knows she'll grow out of it!
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#11 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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Someday it might be the reverse, DS ONLY wants daddy now. I think it is normal.
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#12 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 10:02 PM
 
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Try fooling her by wearing one of your DH's shirts for awhile and then giving it back to her. (Or he could wear one of yours, whatever, I'm not judging!). That's what my midwife suggested for getting DD to not freak out when held by Daddy. She'll be comforted by your scent.

DD (12 weeks) definitely likes me best for comforting and sleeping next to, but she smiles more at Daddy. Ungrateful critter!

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#13 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 11:23 PM
 
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Mine was like this for a while.

I decided I couldn't live like that. I mean, I seriously could not be on duty 24/7. I was burned out and exhausted and wanted to get in the car and leave. Forever. Seriously.

I left DH with a bottle, a sippy, a pacifier, some pumped milk - and left for four hours. With his full agreement, of course. He HAD to work it out with her. I had told him to call me on my cell phone if it got really bad, if she got hysterical, or if he got overwhelmed. She squalled for two hours and then napped in his arms. I hated that she cried, but it was what we needed to do. We did that a few times, and eventually she learned that Daddy was okay, too - that it was okay for Daddy to be taking care of her. That was critical for me.

She prefers me, because I have the hookup, you know, but she'll spend her entire weekend with him, only coming to me to nurse, and can I just tell you that it made all the difference in the world to me at that point?
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#14 of 16 Old 06-09-2008, 11:40 PM
 
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DD1 was kind of like this, but with a dear male friend of mine. If he would so much as walk past her, the bottom lip would pop right out and she would cry. It made him so sad because he loved her so much and all he wanted to do was play with her. She finally grew out of it eventually and they became great friends. I know it's not the same as DH, but I guess babies are just uneasy about weird things. I still to this day have no idea what DD was afraid of. Good luck to you.

I'm Valerie bfinfant.gif wife to a United States Navy sailor, mom to Audreygeek.gif(6/01), Lydiathumbsuck.gif(4/08)   Jethrobabyf.gif(1/10) and Vivian babygirl.gif (6/11) novaxnocirc.gifcd.gif

 
 
 
    

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#15 of 16 Old 06-10-2008, 01:27 AM
 
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My nephew hated his dad until he was 4 or 5 months. My poor BIL was so upset that his son hated him that he was practically in tears at the WBV. It's a stage. Now he worships him (he's 5 yo).

Mama to DS (6/07) h20homebirth.gif, DD (6/09) h20homebirth.gif, and DD (07/12) homebirth.jpg..

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#16 of 16 Old 06-10-2008, 02:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We're gonna try the wrap...

It's possible that it's DH's scent that bothers her; I still don't like the way my dad smells! LOL; but we use the same shampoo and the same soap; he doesn't wear cologne or aftershave, no facial hair...he has been doing double PT-sessions daily pretty much since she was 2 weeks old, because the military was stupid and gave him a PT test the day after he came back from paternity leave, so of course he failed it; as a result, his chest has become a lot firmer/more muscular, and he says it's not as comfortable for her as my chest. (Baby doesn't know what she's missing, I love cuddling on his chest now! ) Also with the PT thing, he either is really sweaty or really clean-smelling - never has that "normal" scent anymore.

Whenever I hand her off to him, it's so I can go take a shower or spend one-on-one time with my toddler; my relationship with her has suffered badly since the baby was born, because the baby just takes *so* much time from me. We all REALLY need the baby to start liking Daddy.
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