I wish someone had told me that!! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 12:31 AM
 
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That breastfeeding is such a pleasure.

That all babies cry every day.

That labor will *shred* your hip/leg muscles, leaving you limping for a few days.

That you will see so much more of your extended family.

From when I was in the hospital with a newborn: don't forget burping. I totally forgot about it, thinking "she's not wet, she's not hungry, why is she so miserable?!?!?" as she screamed and wailed. And then she gave a little burp. Oh.
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#32 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 03:01 AM
 
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  • That breastfeeding HURTS at first. And people who say "it only hurts if the latch is wrong" are WRONG. It just hurts-but after a few weeks- yes WEEKS not DAYS as I was told, it gets so SO much better and will become one of the most amazing things you will ever do. To nourish and support an entire other human life with your BODILY FLUIDS?? Amazing.
  • That baby boys get boners. Ahem.
  • I have to second the burping thing...baby is full, dry, well-rested but screaming? Chances are, there's a wind in there- and sometimes they sound like they came out of a 19-year old beer-swilling college guy.
  • That Daddy/baby bonding sometimes takes a while. My DH was pretty shell-shocked at the arrival of this red-faced, squishy little guy who MUCH prefered Mama for the first few weeks. Dads can feel intimidated and left out at first, but this too, passes. They are best pals now and have thier own special bond.
  • That the birth itself does NOT always go the way you planned. AND THAT'S OKAY. I ended up with a c-section after over 24 hours of labour- something I had vehemently wanted to avoid. I was prepared to feel dissapointed and let-down and angry and bitter- and guess what? I TOTALLY wasn't. I was healthy, DS was healthy and I was so besotted I didn't care HOW he got there.
  • How judgemental other Mamas can be. And how much it can hurt/send you into a downward spiral of self-doubt. Don't take everything you hear/read as gospel. Dance to the beat of your OWN drum. YOU are the Mama-you know what is best for YOUR family.
  • Lastly- what PURE JOY it is to be someones MOM??! Who would have thought I'd rather stay home in my ratty pj's nursing and playing with my DS and watching videos than go out on the town with friends! Alot of people (especially other Mamas??WTF?) will try and terrify with stories about how you'll never sleep again, lose all your friends, stop having sex, hate your husband, lose your personality etc etc and it's complete BS. My son fit right into our lives like he's always been there and this is WAY easier and much more fun than people will lead you to believe!!

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#33 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 03:37 AM
 
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That when you finally get them to sleep you want them to wake up again because you miss them...this still happens to me!

Mama to DD Feb '08 (9lbs), DS Oct '10 (10lbs) hbac.gif, DD Jan '13 hbac.gif

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#34 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 10:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by cwoodard View Post
I wish..

- someone had told me to take probiotics when I had to have antibiotics for group b strep and an emergency C section. My son and I had a miserable month and a half struggling with thrush right after he was born.

YES!!! I can't believe I forgot that one. I complained to DH every day (still do actually). I said the LC's, nurses, docs, SOMEONE should have informed me that thrush could be a possibilty. I didn't even know you could get thrush in your breasts. God Bless Kellymom.com!!!!!

I'm Aicha . In love with my DH, and my Adam (4/23/08) . boobie monster.
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#35 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 10:12 AM
 
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I do wish I'd known that not everyone automatically falls madly in love with their new little floppy red person, and sometimes after you give birth you just want a nap, and it's okay if it takes a little while to fall in love!


And, even if you do love them right away, and love them more than you've ever loved anyone.....you might not like them very much. I didn't really start enjoy DS until he started liking me more, not just needing me.
And in a S/O of the Dr Sears thread, no matter how much you nurse and babywear and co-sleep and try to meet your babies needs...some babies just cry. Not because you suck at AP or aren't trying hard enough, sometimes they.just.cry.

Alison: BFing, BWing, ERFing mama to KidA (12/25/07) and KidO (6/26/10) nocirc.giffamilybed2.gif

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#36 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 11:54 AM
 
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1. That having a baby would go a long way in healing the minor rifts between my mother and I--I finally get why she was the way she was and have great empathy for her.
2. That a baby can bring you face to face with your most extreme emotions (the good, the bad and the ugly).
3. Arrange, ahead of time, for help directly after the baby arrives--you can always cancel it if you want to be alone. We thought we'd want privacy for 2 weeks and quickly realized we needed help instead.
4. Things don't move in a linear progression--she can sleep great at 3 months and then get up all night long at 5 months and round and round...
5. Losing my entire sex drive could actually be a good thing. I never realized how much of my energy was caught up in that, and not always in a positive way, until it was gone.

Mama to DD (06/30/07).
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#37 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 07:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, thanks for all your insightful input ladies! These are some great ideas and wonderful experiences - thank you for sharing!
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#38 of 58 Old 06-12-2008, 07:45 PM
 
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The only thing to watch for when taking off baby's diaper is NOT pee.

The poop can go REALLY, REALLY FAR when it shoots out, those first couple of weeks

You don't have to insist that the baby poops in a diaper. You can take the diaper off, let her/him poop in the toilet, and then go from there. It will not screw your baby up for life. And you will dread diaper changes hardly ever.
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#39 of 58 Old 06-13-2008, 01:27 PM
 
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Do what works for your family. If the advice doesn't feel right, then don't do it. This goes for ALL advice, not just your MIL...

Just because you find you can't make some "AP" thing work doesn't mean you love your child less. See above.

WOHM to Leo (4/08) reading.gif and enjoying the journey with DH geek.gif

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#40 of 58 Old 06-13-2008, 01:50 PM
 
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Such wonderful posts!!!

Yes, breastfeeding sucked for a few weeks, but now? I think it's the most amazing and beautiful thing I have ever, and will ever, do. And if you have to use a pump or a nipple shield for a couple weeks while you heal, that's okay. It's better than giving up forever.
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#41 of 58 Old 06-13-2008, 02:08 PM
 
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Breastfeeding, and watching my child as she nurses, is my favorite aspect of motherhood.
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#42 of 58 Old 06-13-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by trancechylde View Post
[LIST][*]How judgemental other Mamas can be. And how much it can hurt/send you into a downward spiral of self-doubt. Don't take everything you hear/read as gospel. Dance to the beat of your OWN drum. YOU are the Mama-you know what is best for YOUR family.
YES! I found that out the hard way when in the haze of post-partum depression I posted a thread and got fuh-lamed here. I cried for days and beat myself down for not seeing my baby as others saw him. I then realized that there will always be someone out there in the cyber world that will be "more AP/crunchy/green/super-parent than thou art" and be "appalled" at my feelings. Heck, I even get guff from my mainstream parents/friends and it slides off my back like water off of a duck's back. They aren't here in my here and now.

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Originally Posted by GISDiva View Post
Do what works for your family. If the advice doesn't feel right, then don't do it. This goes for ALL advice, not just your MIL...

Just because you find you can't make some "AP" thing work doesn't mean you love your child less. See above.
Yup! I used to have a mental AP list that I'd check off (non-circ--check, BFing--check, yadda yadda--check) Now I have a "feels right for me, my children and my family" checklist. Most of it still falls in the AP category, but I am not so uptight about it and I am a much much happier person and thusly a happier mother and wife.

The best advice I have ever seen was in someone's signature here "Parent your child like their adult self is looking over your shoulder."

Karin, Wife to Dear Sweet English Husband~Soon to be Legally American. Mom to Zach~13, Lily~9, Alex~2, and Izzy or Zeke arriving July 2010! Living a life full of LOVE!
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#43 of 58 Old 06-13-2008, 04:41 PM
 
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that not all BF babies are chunks...some are long and lean and THAT'S OKAY!!!

wife to DH, Mama to DS "Bug" (09/07), and DD "Sprout" (01/11). 
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#44 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 06:37 AM
 
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Firstly:
Quote:
judgment might not be wrong, but it sure isn't helpful.


And also:
Quote:
that not all BF babies are chunks...some are long and lean and THAT'S OKAY!!!
YES!!!
All babies are built differently, Thank Goodness! Wouldn't it be boring if they all looked the same??
Try not to get too upset at people commenting on your DC's size. Especially if they are breast-fed. Nature knows what it's doing. They are the way they are for a reason.
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#45 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 11:40 AM
 
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Originally Posted by saimeiyu View Post
The poop can go REALLY, REALLY FAR when it shoots out, those first couple of weeks.

Yes!!! I've been able to block my LO's poop fountains, but my niece will never live down her 6+ foot projectile poop!
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#46 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 11:44 AM
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You don't need any of the stuff you registered for at Babies R Us. Really


Seriously, you need, plus or minus a few based on your particular living situation

1. Car seat
2. Carrier/sling/wrap
3. Diapers
4. A few temperature-appropriate sleepers


Ta da! You are now ready for a baby
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#47 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 11:46 AM
 
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The poop can go REALLY, REALLY FAR when it shoots out, those first couple of weeks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverside knitter View Post
Yes!!! I've been able to block my LO's poop fountains, but my niece will never live down her 6+ foot projectile poop!
: Already planning to EC, besides that what do you do about that? My dh is like this: right now.
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#48 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 11:55 AM
 
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1) Your whole day and existance will revolve around the baby and his naps and feedings. For a couple years.

2) You may be really stressed, depressed, lonely and anxious. That's normal and treatable. Or you may be ecstatic and have a ton of energy. That's normal too.

3) Rest after the baby is born, even if you had an easy birth and feel fantastic after. Your body needs to heal even if you feel 'ok'.

4) Relax. The world will not end if your MIL doesn't totally sanitize her hands before holding your baby. He will not get the plague. And take her advice with a grain of salt. She's just reminiscing how she mothered 30 years ago and is missing it a bit. And she only remembers the good things, not how much some of the days sucked.

5) Join a mommy group and make some friends with moms who have babies the same age as yours. Only they will care about your baby's poop and how he never seems to sleep.

6) Your dh is going through a lot of changes too. He feels pressure he's never experienced before and doesn't know what the right thing to do is. Go easy on him.
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#49 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 03:07 PM
 
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1. Everyone and their dog will want to give you advice even if they are complete strangers.

2. You don't need anything except clothes, diapers, a car seat, and a carrier. If you are working you need bottles and a breast pump. That's it. All the other gadgets and gizmos are nice to have but completely unnecessary. Your baby does not need special "baby" washcloths and towels.

3. The Bjorn will hurt your back. Get a different carrier.

4. Take all your "What to Expect..." books and throw them in the trash.

5. Believe in yourself. YOU are the mother.
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#50 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 04:25 PM
 
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5. No one told me how EVERYONE would have advice (some good, some (mostly) bad) on how to raise our baby, and that most of what we are doing is wrong, i.e. holding him too much.

(I love MDC).
This I think has been the most surprising one for me.... I am hoping it is only with the first child, but there has been a steady flow of advice from annoyingly funny to downright awful and insulting.... but then again I have never taken well to unsolicited advice.

Other than that, there would be days when heading off to the supermarket would no longer be the horrid hassle that I avoided and become the welcomed break from a long day of tending to babies needs alone at home.

Megan, mama to her little boy (Feb2008) and introducing our little girl (Dec 2010)
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#51 of 58 Old 06-15-2008, 04:44 PM
 
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. . . That after you have the baby, friends and family will all want to swarm your house to "help." But their idea of "help" will be holding the baby, not doing the practical help that you so desperately need like dish-washing and dog-walking. If anything, they'll leave your house more cluttered than it was.

. . . On that note, that it's OK (gently) to kick them out . . . or leave that role to DH/DP.

. . . That the crib was a waste of MIL's money.

. . . That being a SAHM can be profoundly isolating; you have to make many extra efforts to get out and meet people.

. . . That babies are sooooooo cute they are when they're pooping!

“It is simply no longer possible to believe much of the clinical research that is published, or to rely on the judgment of trusted physicians or authoritative medical guidelines.” - Marcia Angell, M.D., former NEJM Editor Private Parts are Private Property!
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#52 of 58 Old 06-16-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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*that i would laugh so much
*that they are just very tiny people with huge personality from minute 1
*that babies don't always poo with every diaper--and it's ok!
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#53 of 58 Old 06-16-2008, 10:48 PM
 
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Your post brought tears to my eyes!!!
OMG me too! I agree with ALL of it! Also, just wanted to add how glad i am that i came across the "case against circ" threads because I was completely uneducated about it and because of all the reading i did over there my son is intact!!:

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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#54 of 58 Old 06-16-2008, 11:58 PM
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1. I wish I'd had a breastfeeding buddy in the first 6 weeks...she might have told me that if the pain was so excruciating in the first 10 seconds after baby latched on, then the latch is not right. I had to figure this out for myself (with help that good ol' misogynist and his Baby Book ) and when I finally got it right it was like the heavens opened up.

2. I wish someone had told me that asking for help is not admitting failure or defeat. We're not meant to be new moms by ourselves and still manage our homes and families. We are meant to be nurtured while we learn to nurture our new babies (each one is different), and we need help...there is no shame in asking for it or accepting it when it is freely offered.

3. I wish I had known that baby-wearing is not an automatic cakewalk. I had no idea how to size a sling, nor what to expect was "normal" as far as physical effect of trying to wear Baby...and then wearing Baby incorrectly. I also wish I'd known that it sometimes takes a couple of slings to find the right style...

4. I repeat everything everyone has said about how dramatically your relationship with your partner changes in the first year after a baby. This has been the most difficult year of mine and my husband's relationship...and it has been very hard to be able to focus on our relationship because I've had a new baby to take care of. It's hard to get your priorities in order when your sleep-deprived, hormonal, stressed out...

5. Be gentle with yourself. It's easy to criticize every move and mistake you think you make...don't beat yourself up. Do the best you can with what you know and when you know better, do better. Don't be afraid to ask questions, but don't feel obligated to follow everyone's advice.
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#55 of 58 Old 06-17-2008, 12:11 AM
 
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... that one day, when DD was around 3 months old, I would bawl and cry and carry on for over an hour at the mere thought that someday, she'd go off to Kindergarten. And that that's a normal thing for a new mama to go through.

... that when you think "We have GOT to get that on video," you really have to grab the camera and get it on video THAT DAY, because tomorrow, she'll stop doing that cute thing!

... that just thinking about the lyrics to some songs will make you tear up. And sometimes that song is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

... that you really, really, really need to figure out a way not to have to go back to work at 7 weeks PP. Really. There has to be a way to afford more time off, even if it means racking up some credit card debt.
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#56 of 58 Old 06-19-2008, 12:37 AM
 
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- grunts dont automatically equal pooping until they are a couple months in. ds just grunted all the time when he was a noob

- its not as horrible as everyone will tell you it is

- the first time your baby smiles at you will be one of the happiest moments of your life

- you need to have people deliver food to you in the first month or so of breastfeeding

- newborns DO NOT nurse for 30 minutes every 2-3 hours!!! more realistically is that newborns nurse every 30 minutes for 2-3 hours.
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#57 of 58 Old 06-19-2008, 07:46 AM
 
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that you need support and so much love and nurturance when you are nurturing someone else all day long.

that life wasn't going to be more or less back to normal by about 6 weeks, or months!

that it wasnt going to get any easier to leave my baby - in fact its got harder!

that it's OKAY for them to need to breastfeed all the time, NOT something 'abnormal' as i was led to believe by health visitors and well-meaning friends.

that I would feel SO attached that I feel like one person in two bodies at times

that i would also feel anger, frustration, and a lot of other yucky stuff, yes, even at my baby, and that that's okay too.

ditto on the cooking and freezing meals things

and ditto on the sleeping with your baby thing. I WISH i'd done it right from the start and saved myself so much agony.

that the health visitor, your sister/mother-in-law, or midwife don't know it all, really.

to listen to my gut ...i'm still trying to find out where it is sometimes, but i'm getting there!
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#58 of 58 Old 06-19-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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I wish someone would have told me:

How much I profoundly love this new little person - and - that is how much MY mom loves ME. It is truely an amazing thing to comprehend.

Mom to retired nursling Lily (6/22/07) and wife to my wonderful DH since 3/19/05
Baby Aerick is here! Born at 40+6 on 5/16/10
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