Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Bath, ME
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Jezzy, and everyone with IL issues (I know lots of us have had things come up from time to time), just wanted to send . It sounds like a really rough road to travel. And i wanted to throw in another point: IMO, mothers of young children have been fighting this fight with the mothers of the previous generation for pretty much all history! This is not in any way to undermine the fact that, as the mom, WE hold the full rights and responsibilities to our children, NOT the grandparents, though we ideally share them with a partner like Helen mentioned. But I just wanted to suggest that, while we must protect our children from misguided and often uneducated IL's, I think it is possible that some day, years from now when more of us than just Teeny are also grandparents, that we might have more compassion for these misinformed grandparents who make poor decisions.
|Eilonwy: The IL's and their food...sounds absolutely crazy!! BTW, I, too, have been meaning to pop over the religious studies, Hopefully the kids will sleep well and i will get there tonight!|
|As for us, Molly is doing well. Almost 16 pounds now!! Crazy. She will be 5 mos in a couple of days, and I can't believe how fast the time is going|
yeah, jackson is super social too. Very aware, and happy. After an experience like yours Rynna I might be done too, and besides, 4 is such a nice round number .
|one lady told me I should be one of those people who has lots and lots of kids. : um, no. I know for some people it's great but for me Jackson is plenty right now. I only want one in diapers at a time thankyouverymuch|
|sarah, I am so glad they found and are able to fix your mothers heart problem.|
Wife to Matt. Mom to Alex (2/8/08). Expecting our second (2/6/12).
Hi, I'm a lurker, though I missed out on the first nine pages of this month. Right now I just need some support. DH took DD to the ped (CNP) for her checkup. She had a respiratory illness a few weeks ago at her 4 mo checkup so this was a follow-up. Because she is now healthy (aside from some nasal congestion) they gave her her 4 mo shots. Apparently she took it like a champ. But now she is CRYING CRYING CRYING. DH gave her some Tylenol which will hopefully help. DD is very laid back, this type of crying is not normal for her. I am sure DH will have a tough afternoon considering he's trying to watch DS (busy busy toddler) too.
I'm obviously really upset that I'm here at work and cannot be there to comfort DD. But mostly I am reminded that I have never really made up my mind about vaccinations. I will admit that I am a bad parent. I am a bad parent because I am lazy. I do not /cannot take the time to exhaustibly research vaccines, even though my children's health is obviously at risk. (Like I said. Bad parent.)
I think out-of-the-ordinary crying is an unacceptable effect. But if DD DID get a vaccine-"preventable" disease, she would cry and be uncomfortable then, too. What am I saving her?
Obviously this is a very complicated topic. DS is not fully vaccinated only becasue I put off the MMR/Varicella so far.
I don't know what to do. Isn't there a magic answer?
So I know that there are others here with rather strained relationships with their IL's, and I have my woes to vent now!
I am getting to the point where I am fantasizing about just moving far away from them... one set are arrogant rather impersonal doctors who are not supporting any of my health decisions for myself or my LO as they are not in line with their beliefs. On the other hand I have a 2nd set of IL's who are just freaking me out with smoking around my LO, and fantasizing about watching TV with him, feeding him crap and just generally doing things that I find rather offensive... and here I was fantasizing about bringing my family up with grandparents close by and a sense of family.... my parents moved far away from all family as they were the odd ones out and I always wished that I had had family around - now I think they might have been onto something.
Basically tonight was just another night in the sense that I got an email with a link to a newspaper article from MIL extolling the virtues of vax, when I have yet to give a vax and am not at all sure DS will get any. I take issue with this as there has been a huge blow up with the other IL's on this issue (I was insulted by having my intelligence questioned and basically told that I do not have the tools to decide - by doctors that so not even know that MMR is not given before one year - but that is a whole other rant) Anyway, MIL was my main source of support as I went through quite a rough time trying to figure out how to deal with such obnoxious people (FIL and his wife)... and now she has started to contradict me on whatever I say and it has gotten to the point where I just don't want to be around her or her chimney smoking husband even though I have had a really good relationship with them up till the birth of DS... another thing that really gets to me is that when we do go around, she wants to be with DS and will take him and then plug him with a paci - something that I have only been wanting to use when he 'asks' for it. And then she wants to get a paci ribbon so that it can't fall and he will always have it clipped to him and I find the idea rather strange - and unappealing! If not plugging him with a paci, she is plying him with some toy... in my experience with him he is far more interested in people and watching their facial expressions and talking to them... but she just doesn't get it.
I know that it boils down to a difference in approach... she has 3 boys who all sit on the computer/ watch TV a minimum of 12 hours a day (work and play), and one who at 20 years old never leaves his room as he is or sleeping or on the computer playing (he stopped school when he switched day and night and couldn't wake up in the mornings)and this bugs me. It just does not feel right.
And she also is a career mum who had the kids on formula and in day care ASAP and bought them every gadget that has been invented and was proud to do so. So, she just does not get me when I choose not to have flashing lights and whizzing pinging toys around DS... even could go so far as to say she suspects that I am depriving him
ARGH!!! I know these are really small issues compared to what it could be, but I have had it with IL's (and my parents, but they are half the world away) criticizing my choices as a parent... and presuming they know better when the extol CIO and infant day care and formula and G*d knows what else that is not in line with my way of thinking.
So, poor DH feels like he is stuck in the middle and I really wish he didn't. He is a peace maker/keeper and really gets upset when people he loves fight. But I really do think that people (IL's) should be respectful of my choices and preferences - I just right now see a long road ahead of me having to repeat again and again my requests to please respect my choices and it's rather crappy!
So, sobbing over... gotta catch some sleep now while Hillel sleeps
Still writing my cards - but getting there slowly
Peace to all