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How do you get your baby to fall asleep on their own?

3K views 44 replies 44 participants last post by  amnda527 
#1 ·
Hubby and I have the worst time with this. We literally can't do it. We have to let her fall asleep ON us, wait for her to get into a deeep sleep before we dare moving her and then as gently as possible put her into her crib. This is super frustrating, obviously we can't do this forever and we want her to get into the habit of falling to sleep in her crib. So, how were you folks able to accomplish that? I have no idea how to get her to associate CRIB with SLEEP without CIO which I've been told is the only way they'll learn.. I don't have the guts to do it personally. (Please no CIO debates...
She's also a tummy sleeper so that increases the difficulty a fair amount.. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance for any positive input!
 
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#3 ·
I know you're looking for advice, but I've got to second what Angela said. There is so now my son, now 10 months, will fall asleep on his own. The thing that helped me the most was coming to terms with it, accepting it, and using our sleep "problems" (which I no longer view as problems) as opportunities for me to spend more time with my babe, as well as times to cultivate patience and compassion!

There's a lot of stuff out there about how babies should be able to fall asleep on their own--I would recommend ignoring most of it. However, if it is very important to you for this to happen, I think some people have success with the No Cry Sleep Solution (and I think there's a support thread about it in the Nighttime parenting forum).

Trust that you are meeting your baby's needs and there is nothing wrong with that! You're not doing her a disservice by not forcing her to fall asleep on her own. She is so young and she needs her parents!
 
#6 ·
I was wondering this too. I recently heard how important it is to put your baby down "drowsy but awake". I have never done that and rock (actually bounce and sing) Lucy to sleep and she is almost 7 months. They also rock her to sleep at daycare. I was worried I made a big parenting mistake because people at work told me I had to fix that ASAP!!!! Then someone took me aside, and said she rocked her baby to sleep until she was a year old, and enjoyed every minute of it. My husband really thinks she should be "loved" to sleep as he puts it. So, I am going to keep doing it this way for now.

I really appreciate other moms thoughts on it, and this mothering forum. It gives me such a different perspective then most people I talk to.
 
#7 ·
What everyone else said.

My DD is five months old and has NEVER fallen asleep without nursing. I'm working right now on getting her to sometimes fall asleep with just rocking or bouncing (after having nursed to drowsiness) so DH can help with the sleep part sometimes.
The four-month sleep regression had me pulling my hair out for a while...but you know, like previous posters have said, I've just decided to not worry about it. Even in the short time I've been a mother, I've already seen so many things suddenly become so easy once DD is old enough for them, know what I mean? And I really don't see any point in trying to force her into something before she's ready for it, especially when I know she'll naturally grow into it eventually. I used to never be able to put her down at all--never--I carried that baby for three months straight. The only time I put her down was on the floor of the bathroom while I was peeing, and even then she screamed.
Now she's perfectly happy to play on the floor for quite a while...and I didn't do anything to make that happen; it just happened naturally. Sleep is the same way. Children WILL learn to put themselves to sleep when they're ready; they don't really need to be taught. You will not be stuck with fifteen year old who wants you to rock her to sleep. I promise.
In the meantime, really, what's the fuss? Babyhood is such a short time compared to the rest of your life...might as well enjoy it.
 
#8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Firecracker! View Post
My husband really thinks she should be "loved" to sleep as he puts it. So, I am going to keep doing it this way for now.

I really appreciate other moms thoughts on it, and this mothering forum. It gives me such a different perspective then most people I talk to.
This is ABSOLUTELY wonderful!!!
 
#9 ·
I hate to be vague, but I have come to believe this is completely an issue of the baby's temperament, which is not something you could alter. My first child needed to be rocked to sleep until she was around 2.5, like a previous poster has said. My new son, who is only 4 months old now, can be put into his crib sleepy & get himself to sleep.

I will say this, that we've found assisting in the development of a lovey for him to be a factor in this. He co-slept with us at night until just a couple of weeks ago (he actually sleeps better in his crib!). I bought a couple of identical loveys (in case one gets lost) from a seller on Etsy (see my post in another thread on this board about loveys if you'd like specifics -- we love this seller!).

I then began holding this little bunny lovey between his body and mine when nursing, then started putting it with us when we co-slept. When I started putting him in his crib for daytime naps around 2 mos old, I would put the bunny in with him. I think this developed what I hope is a healthy attachment to this lovey, such that when he has it, he holds it & sleeps well.
(here's a link to a photo of him sleeping with it I just added: http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/n.../ArloBunny.jpg)

Finally, he has been a side or tummy sleeper since he's been able to roll over, which was pretty early. Our MD felt comfortable with him doing this since he could roll over, but I recognize not all would agree with this.

Sorry this was such a novel!

Best wishes ~~
 
#10 ·
My daughter needed to sleep on me for quite a while, but transitioned very peacefully to sleeping on her own when she was ready. You won't have to do it forever -- she won't be 8 and sleeping on your chest anymore. Try (it's hard) not to torture yourselves about 'bad habits' and 'forever' and just roll with what works today. They change amazingly fast.
 
#11 ·
I know this isn't the response you are looking for, but be happy you can put her down at all once she is asleep. Ds is 7 months old and still will only sleep on me. If I put him down he'll stay asleep for 10 minutes max. I just keep telling myself eventually he'll be ready for it and it will happen, even if it takes a couple years.
 
#12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rogelito's Mommy View Post
I know this isn't the response you are looking for, but be happy you can put her down at all once she is asleep. Ds is 7 months old and still will only sleep on me. If I put him down he'll stay asleep for 10 minutes max. I just keep telling myself eventually he'll be ready for it and it will happen, even if it takes a couple years.
I'm with you... DD will only take naps ON me (she's 9mo). If I even dare to oh-so-gently lay her down, she will wake right up and think her nap is over.
: Nighttime is the same- the only way she will sleep is if she is scrunched right up next to me. She must be touching mommy at all times!

Now I did just start back to school, so she does take one nap with daddy. He's had good luck putting her in high chair and rolling her around, but she will never go for it if I'm here. And no way would she let anyone lay her in a crib!

Our crib just sits there, collecting dust... Good thing we bought the model that turns into a toddler bed and then a fullsize bed so that we can get some use out of it!
 
#13 ·
My baby falls asleep on his own but he does it while I'm holding him
I know, I know, I was trying to be funny


Really though, he's 17 months and I'm still putting him to sleep. My dd slept on her own much earlier but they have different needs. If your baby isn't sleeping on her own than she needs you to hold her.
 
#14 ·
Someone mentioned the different temperment in babies. I totally agree with this! My 2.5 year old dd started falling asleep on her own (in bed with us though--just not being rocked or anything like that) when she was around a year old. I started being able to take her up for her naps and put her in bed without rocking and singing to hear around the age of 2.

We still rock or move around with our 11 month old to get him to sleep. He sleeps with us so we're working on getting him to fall asleep on his own, but in bed with us. His temperment is so different that I have a feeling we're going to achieve this quickly and I bet he'll be falling asleep on his own (without us there at all) in no time.

My first two children I sleep trained (*never* CIO). They took naps with us sometimes, too, but for the most part they slept in their cribs. We could just lay them down, walk away and they'd fall asleep. They loved their cribs and would wake up so happy, smiling and laughing until we came and got them out. They never had to cry for us.

This takes a lot of work though and you'll lose sleep for awhile. You have to decide whether it's really worth it right now or if you can wait until your lo is older. Each person and family is different.
 
#15 ·
I echo what so many pp have said...dd was rocked/nursed to sleep until well over 1 and we still read story/snuggle her to sleep at 3. She can fall asleep by herself but we enjoy that special time with her. ds1 was rocked/nursed until 15 or so odd mos and now at 2 1/2 can be placed into his crib and will put self to sleep. Just goes to show that when they are ready it will happen. Forcing the issue may lead to sleep regression and night terrors IMO.

HTH
 
#16 ·
I have no suggestions. I think babies biologically want to sleep with their mothers. Its what we always did. My kids didn't like sleeping alone for very long. They would occasionally nap or fall asleep in the car but they wouldn't go into deep sleep unless they had physical contact with us.

Why are you not considering cosleeping? Its much safer than crib sleeping, IMO.
 
#17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Megan~ View Post
Why are you not considering cosleeping? Its much safer than crib sleeping, IMO.
Check out the research of James McKenna, it will make things much clearer!

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

I nursed my ds to sleep and yes, sometimes it took a lot of patience but around 18 months he'd be nursing before bed and stop and want to lie down in his crib with his lovey. It happened gradually at his own pace, anyone that tells you they can't learn to fall asleep alone if you always help them, is so very wrong. Babies normally learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own around the age of two, we know this from sleep research. Why all the popular sleep books ignore this, and cause parents so much frustration, is beyond me (ok, it's not, they'd never be able to make money on a book that told parents the truth, lol).
 
#18 ·
DS is almost 11 months now and sleeps with me... he usually needs to be holding me... not just my hand or fingers, but my whole head, like in a headlock or something...sometimes he crawls ontop of my head and flings himself over me... it isn't until he is certain I can't get away that he will begin to drift to sleep...

It used to bother me a lot... I wanted "me time" at night...but once I accepted that this is what my DS needs to feel secure, I have realized making my baby feel secure is as good as it gets for "me time" and now I love that time with him.
 
#19 ·
dd1 is 8.5 years and still loves to chat until she is drowsy and then falls asleep on her own.... dd2 is 4 years and i sit with her and hold her hand or rub her back until she is asleep... imo parenting to sleep is not a bad thing just the natural thing. it is really amazing to me what my older children bring up at that time of day when all is quiet and their little brains start to process the happenings of the day. it really is necessary for them to have me there. baby just nurses to sleep in my lap while his sisters chat away and mommy rubs dd2 back
 
#20 ·
I agree with most of the other mommas. Most kiddos develop that skill on their own sometime during their second or third year. I think that it is natural for babes and young children to need parenting to sleep. Right now, you and your DH are doing for your LO what she needs! Be proud of how loving and patient you are being with her (just think of those LOs who are left to cry themselves to sleep each night!). Try not to get frustrated because this stage will not last forever (the little babes grow so quickly!!!). As your LO gets older you will come to appreciate her desire to snuggle each night before bed. My dd is almost 13 months old. For much of the day, she spends her time toddling about and doing her own thing. DH and I have come to cherish our nightly snuggle time with our LO!
 
#21 ·
We're using advice from The No-Cry Sleep Solution book, and it's working slowly but surely. With twins and times when only one parent will be putting babies down for naps and sleep, it is essential that ours can be comfortable with their sleep space and falling asleep on their own. Our twins are very much 'in arms' babies, whose temperaments would have them falling asleep on us until who knows what age... so, I do believe that even the more difficult temperament can be gently molded to be able to go to sleep without being on top of mom or dad or nursing, etc. We do use pacifiers and tummy sleep here. In a way, though, I think the fact that there are two of them makes them more comfortable in their sleep space.
 
#22 ·
I agree with a PP that most babies can't get to sleep on their own. In my days volunteering in a nursery and later working in a daycare, I think I've met 3. My son couldn't sleep on his own until he was about 2 1/2. I would have to nurse him for a minimum of an hour to get to sleep. It was just him, he needed that comfort. We gradually worked him into sleeping on his own and in his own room, but it was a very gradual process. I don't think that he would have been happy and secure if forced to do it on his own.

That said, this new baby can. I'm gobsmacked. I tend to overparent him at night, out of sheer muscle memory of it from the first one. There are times I have to get up out of the bed and leave him the heck alone so he can get back to sleep.
 
#23 ·
Dd1 was almost 2 when she could fall asleep on her own. And she needs a bottle of milk to fall asleep, unless she's in the car. She's 25 months and she still has a bottle for naps and bedtime. She actually prefers me to leave her alone in her room to fall asleep now, so this is her choice, not something I "make" her do. And she comes into bed with me and dh and dd2 in the middle of the night on many nights, she knows she's always welcome. Up until a few months ago I always had to hold her or lay with her.

Dd2 is 5 months old and I use a baby carrier (as I did with dd1) for her naps, she sleeps on me as I get stuff done (housework, caring for dd1, etc). At night she sleeps with me. I expect this to continue for a while.

I know its hard, and you probably feel like you are always holding your baby, but thats the best thing you can do for your child, if thats what your child wants (and most babies do). Its a lot easier to go along with what the baby wants and needs that to try to go against it!!

My best advice is to get a nice, comfy baby carrier, if you don't already have one. Check out the babywearing forum for lots of good advice on whats out there and how to pick a good one for you.

Enjoy your little one while this stage lasts! One day you will look back on these days and miss them! Thats what people tell me, and I know its probably true. Good luck!!
 
#24 ·
I'm in no hurry for my baby to fall asleep on her own. Sure it might be nice to eek out that extra few minutes of "me" time, but I know the day will come too fast that she doesn't want me holding her all the time.

That said, she just fell asleep in my arms, but woke a bit when I laid her down in her bassinet. She was happy just hanging out and very drowsy. I left her so I could eat some breakfast and sure enough she fell back asleep on her own. Of course now I'm sad I don't get to hold her to sleep!
 
#25 ·
My dd is 17 months and still needs to be parented to sleep. She usually doesn't fall asleep nursing so my DH will bounce her to sleep. When she wakes she wants to nurse.

One big break through we had recently is that she can nurse and if I leave the bed she'll fall asleep on her own. I NEVER thought this would happen! If I had to pee she would scream until I came back and resumed nursing. By happy accident I had to leave the bed and was amazed when first, she didn't protest and second, was asleep when I came back from the bathroom.

I write all this to say I understand how you feel, but it does get better. It helps DH and I to verbally track her progress together. We remind each other of new sleep skills she's acquiring and remind each other that should couldn't do xyz even a few months back. This really helps us put things in perspective.
 
#26 ·
It's hard for us too, but I either nurse or rock my baby to sleep, every time. It is part of his care to me. I feed him, I don't expect him to feed himself. I change him, I don't expect him to change his own diaper. I really don't expect him to fall asleep on his own, I'm not sure what that would be like. The only times he drifts off w/o me is in his car seat during a long ride on the freeway.
 
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