8 month old VERY clingy, needs comfort or spoiled? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My eight month old is extremely clingy. This has only happened in the last couple weeks, and she is teething. She insists on being held at all times. Like right now she is on a blanket at my feet while I'm typing, just screaming and crying. I'm trying distracting, like giving her a new toy, but she just keeps on screaming and pulling at my pants. If I walk to the kitchen, about 5 feet away, and in pure sight of her, she "crawls" (army crawl) herself to the kitchen crying and screaming the whole way, and then pulling on my pants. I just picked her up, and like always as soon as I picked her up she stopped crying, and started smiling and trying to either get the computer keyboard (like now), or just mauling me and she's perfectly calm and giggling. She's ok if someone else picks her up, most of the time, if she knows them, but after a few minutes and they lose their novelty, she turns back to me and starts crying. Usually she puts herself to sleep for naps, she just finds a corner of her blankie, lays facedown and falls asleep right there on the floor, and she still does that sometimes, but more and more this week, she only falls asleep if I hold her. Another example-she's ok if we are both on the floor together, (me sitting cross legged), as long as I hold her or hold her up in a standing position, she refuses to just play on the floor beside me, even with me playing with her. She will just cry and climb up me. So you can see how unless I wear her (which she's not crazy about, nor am I much good at), I can't get anything done...(I even have to hold her while I potty!) she even screams when I lay her down to change her diaper!

Sorry this is so long, but it's just escalated to a point where my partner and my mother think she's turning spoiled, but to me, she is teething (so scared of teething), not breastfed, and even though it's getting excessive, she just needs that comfort. What do you think? Any suggestions? Anyone else's little one like this?

Thanks in advance!
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#2 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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Babies do need to be held more when they're going through teething pain and discomfort, even after they've become mobile.

Based on my own experience having a very clingy baby since birth, I can tell you that comforting your clingy baby will definitely not spoil her. The more you regulate your little one's emotional states to keep her happy, the more she'll get used to being a happy baby, and the less she'll depend on you to make her feel happy. That's the way it has worked for me. My high needs baby is now a happy nine month old who seldom cries and doesn't even whine very much anymore, and I have totally catered to his need to be held.

But it will be rough for you if she doesn't like a carrier. Have you tried more than one carrier and more than one hold? Mine went through phases where he only liked facing outwards. Even then, I had to dance and sing to him to keep him happy in there. I also gave him things to hold and grab as I went about my business. It wasn't easy, but it worked to keep him happy, and I did manage to get things done, though my efficiency was very low!

Jennifer - mother to Wyatt (Feb 2008)
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#3 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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Despite how they smell sometimes, babies don't actually spoil.

Isn't ~9 months a typical age to be a bit clingy? It'll pass and pass faster if she's able to be 100% confident that you'll be there when she needs you.
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#4 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 03:35 PM
 
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it's the age. when Terran was younger, i could sneak out of the bed to pee at night, now i have to take him with me if i don't want to wake him up.

i find it fascinating that he didn't used to be able to sleep through all that jostling and now he can.

i also find it interesting from an anthropological perspective that i have gotten somewhat "clingier" as well, since he is mobile, curious, and not as safe to leave unattended as he used to be. it is instinct and not intellect that makes me anxious when he is too far away for too long.

the analogy of fruit spoiling works for most critics, especially if you roll your eyes disgustedly.learn back carries if you're getting grief for "not getting things done" or even if you aren't--kids this age love to watch and learn and they can snuggle and show their gratitude so much more than newborns in front carries can.

ds2 is absolutely NOT spoiled; he goes to work with me and can easily recognize when the needs of the elderly woman i care for are more immediate than his own needs. He is clingy like all nine month olds, though.
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#5 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 03:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Despite how they smell sometimes, babies don't actually spoil.

Isn't ~9 months a typical age to be a bit clingy? It'll pass and pass faster if she's able to be 100% confident that you'll be there when she needs you.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#6 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 05:04 PM
 
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do you have the Wonder Weeks book? see if you can check it from the library...I vaguely remember something major happening around 8/9 months...
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#7 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 05:17 PM
 
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Sounds pretty normal to me. If you go with your instincts and hold your baby when your baby wants held, it will make your life much happier! Occasionally I just set my son down (to go to the bathroom for instance) and he cries for that 30-60 seconds, but he's okay when I pick him back up.

Now that he crawls he is MUCH happier. Maybe more mobility is right around the corner for you too?
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#8 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 05:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by starparticle View Post
do you have the Wonder Weeks book? see if you can check it from the library...I vaguely remember something major happening around 8/9 months...
OT, but, WOW, just spent forever on your blog and it is lovely, lovely lovely!!!
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#9 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 05:27 PM
 
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To the OP, it sounds normal to me. *shrug*
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#10 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 06:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OT, but, WOW, just spent forever on your blog and it is lovely, lovely lovely!!!
Wow it really is lovely!

To everyone thanks! You basically echoed my thoughts. I don't care if certain people are saying I'm spoiling her, I know that she just needs to be close to me. I told my partner that though it was a bit taxing and slightly irritating at times, that I think as soon as she can toddle, she'll grow out of this habit, and we'll be sad she isn't as cuddly!
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#11 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 06:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Channelle View Post
Wow it really is lovely!

To everyone thanks! You basically echoed my thoughts. I don't care if certain people are saying I'm spoiling her, I know that she just needs to be close to me. I told my partner that though it was a bit taxing and slightly irritating at times, that I think as soon as she can toddle, she'll grow out of this habit, and we'll be sad she isn't as cuddly!
When she starts to toddle, she might grow out of it, and then back into it, and out of it again, etc.
It's gone in phases with my dd. I think it's teething-related, too.
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#12 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 07:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
it's the age. when Terran was younger, i could sneak out of the bed to pee at night, now i have to take him with me if i don't want to wake him up.
I'm glad I'm not the only one peeing w/ a 8-9 month old in my arms at night.

Kristy, wife to Josh proud mama to Katie: since 3/08 and Emma since 8/12.

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#13 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 08:04 PM
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Now DD is an in-arms babe, no question, but lately she has been even more clingy than usual - she´ll totally lose it if I leave her vision even if DH is playing with her. And she won't go to her grandmother even for a second.

We went on a Well-Baby visit yesterday (8 months), and our nurse, who is really good, just smiled when I brought it up. She said separation anxiety and stranger anxiety is really normal at this age and nothing to worry about.

You might like to try another carrier. DD really didn't like the wrap I got, and would never settle there, then a friend recently lent me her Ergo, and DD loves it! It is easy to put on and take off, she can move her arms and doesn't feel restricted, and she sleeps so happily in there! In particular, she seems to like the back carry, which is great, because I can get things done when she's in there!!!! Maybe there's another carrier that would suit you and your DD better?
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#14 of 19 Old 11-06-2008, 08:15 PM
 
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I'm glad I'm not the only one peeing w/ a 8-9 month old in my arms at night.
Or ... having a 2 year old insisting on nursing when you get up for your morning pee... standing there in front of you while you're on the toilet...

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#15 of 19 Old 11-07-2008, 04:37 AM
 
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Totally normal! Meeting your baby's needs will help her feel more secure and in balance. Babies don't spoil, as others have said, so keep doing what you're doing.

Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
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#16 of 19 Old 11-21-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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Just to add to comments ... if your baby stops crying when you hold her, then that's obviously what she wants, so hold her, hold her and hold her even more, as much as she wants, whenever she wants, there is no spoiling a baby in that way, the only spoiling that would occur is not to hold her :

Just my thoughts, feelings and beliefs today, not set in stone forever ...
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#17 of 19 Old 11-22-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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I think you're right about your dd needing comfort as she's going through teething. Ask your partner and mother how they would feel if they were going through a painful experience that they didn't understand. Now would they want to be comforted by someone they loved and trusted, or would they be fine with "just dealing with it"? At 8 months, many babies experience separation anxiety, too. Very normal. Children get spoiled from getting what they don't need because the parents are too tired/feel guilty/etc - like if you give your kid candy before dinner, because he's whining and you don't feel like hearing it. Children don't get spoiled from what they need - love and attention.
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#18 of 19 Old 11-22-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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Wouldn't YOU want someone to hold you if you were in pain?
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#19 of 19 Old 11-22-2008, 06:03 AM
 
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My older two didn't really do this. With DD, it was intense and excruciating- she went from being an in-arms baby to clingy, needy, cripplingly so: partly because we moved across the country as she entered this phase. It took over a year for her to really separate from me again but now, days away from her third birthday she is more confident and gregarious than her brothers were.
I don't think it's just teething, either: I think it's several developmental milestones happening at once: crawling, the development of object permanence, the constant frustration of can I do this? Why can't I do that? and pushing yourself SO HARD physically and constantly several times a day. There's an awful lot of things going on in an 8mo's world, and it must be pretty hard to deal with. Add the pain of teething into the mix and : you get the situation you described.
The good news is that ibuprofen will ease the pain of teething, and she'll grow out of all of this. The mantra is "this too shall pass, this too shall pass." And it will
It is OK to let her scream next to you whilst you go potty and wipe and stuff- you know, you have needs to meet too. If having her in arms starts getting to you, a ride in a stroller tended to calm my stroppy ones down and gave me back my body. In particular, that could be a good way to get her to nap.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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