How long do you plan on waiting to tell people - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 24 Old 03-05-2005, 03:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We told my family already. They are all very excited for us. And I told one friend. We are waiting until 3 or 4 months to tell dh's family and the rest of our friends. Dh's family is not going to be supportive so we are a little worried about telling them.
Who have you told so far and how long do plan to wait to make it public knowledge?
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#2 of 24 Old 03-05-2005, 05:32 PM
 
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We've told our close friends already. I told my brother. I pretty much will tell people as we see them.

We are waiting until second trimester to tell my parents as like your husband's parents, they are likely to be less than supportive.

I told a good friend of my husband's ( a restaurant owner we hang with) and he said "you are an asshole". I smiled and said "thanks, but we are happy". He apologized and later said "I am an asshole, so don't expect anything less from me" I wouldn't and told him so! :LOL He said "I guess I should say congratulations!". Yes, you should. I don't know why people have such a negative opinion about large families. As long as we can take care of them and they are wanted, who cares?? : Whateva'!!
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#3 of 24 Old 03-05-2005, 07:20 PM
 
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Hmmm...I told about 5 close friends..my siblings...my supervisor (all of those doctor apts..) I'll wait until the 2nd tri to tell parents/ILs.

Dee
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#4 of 24 Old 03-06-2005, 12:53 AM
 
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My sister knows since she was on vacation with us when I took the test but outside of friends, no other family members know yet. I just want to wait a bit longer before I tell my mom and MIL and have the entire world know. Our inlaws are coming out in April so that would be a good time to tell them. I want to do something special for my mom although I don't know what yet.

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#5 of 24 Old 03-06-2005, 01:00 AM
 
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My God, I can't believe how rude and judgemental people can be! When I was pregnant with DS I told a female professor who was sort of my mentor and I mentioned I wanted to have 4 or 5 kids. She said, "I hope you weren't serious. That's hardly environmentally responsible" She also told me I was ruining my career. Basically she's an idiot as it turns out. Screw em all.

As for me, I only told DH. We told everyone right away last time, had a Blog where we shared every detail of our pregnancy, and let my entire family in the room during labor. My dad kept taking group shots of me with various family members. What a nightmare. This time we're keeping it as much about Us (Dh, DS, and me) as possible. We're telling our parents and then everyone else in late May. DH's parents will think we're crazy. I'm a little worried about it because they pay our mortgage for us and I'm afraid they'll freak out and cut us off or something. They won't, they're very calm Chinese people. But they only have one child and I know they'll think it's crazy to have the kids so close together.

I really like this keeping it to myself thing. I was busting at the seams to tell everyone last time. The only people I'll tell this week are my Chemistry classmates: I have to tell the lab instructor in case we do an experiment with something a baby shouldn't be exposed to.

And of course I've told all of you!

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#6 of 24 Old 03-06-2005, 11:51 AM
 
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I'm waiting for at least 3 months to tell ANYBODY. I don't think many people will be supportive, but I'm not sure. Because DH and I are not in a great spot right now especially. He finishes school in June and until then we're living with his mother and sister, who are great and would probably be happy, but I can't help but feel like we are pretty irresponsible right now. We will see.

If it's a boy DH's grandfather will be extremely happy, he wants to pass on his name. So that would be nice, but I get the feeling I'm going to have another little girl!

I totally agree, though, it's nice to keep it just between you, your partner, and your children. I felt so poked and prodded the last time.
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#7 of 24 Old 03-06-2005, 12:05 PM
 
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to all you mamas that feel unsupported by your family. Shame on them DH and I are pretty much telling whoever at this point, BUT we are VERY blessed to have family and friends that are supportive of our "Big Family" ideas. I haven't received any negativity yet (but i also think that b/c I'm a confrontational person, most people know not to say something mean or unsupportive, at least not to my face, :LOL).

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#8 of 24 Old 03-09-2005, 02:56 PM
 
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We've told friends, everyone who reads our blogs (Still, that's the internet and sort of doesn't count, you know? And since I was pretty open about our TTC problems, it just seemed natural), and my mother and sister. My sister screeched so loud I think I'll be deaf for a week!

We're waiting to tell his parents and his entire family. His parents are of the very loud and vocal opinion that we are far too young for children. (we're 27 and 26. They had DH when they were 22 and 19. In my opinion, this is more about them being too young to be grandparents than us being too young to be parents, but I'll kepe my mouth shut about that one!) They're also pretty open about the fact that they think that having my DH and his brother ruined their 'happy gypsy lifestyle' and that kids are only a bother and a burden. Needless to say, we don't agree... but I see no sense in telling them until later anyway.
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#9 of 24 Old 03-09-2005, 05:54 PM
 
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Hi,
It's really frustrating to hear about unsupportive family. I can relate in a way. All of our family live hours away, or days away, so their support is... well... we sort of operate in our own zone. My inlaws have never been down to visit my daughter (sore point) and no one will come to help with the birth of our second... My dh and I both left home at 18 to forge our own lives and can't say we're really close to family. So.... the only person who knows I am expecting again is the man responsible, and DD, but every time I say "Mama's having a baby" she yells "Nooooooooooo". Hope she doesn't know something I don't.

I figure, I will tell them if they come for a visit, or when I have to explain why we aren't going to visit them. As far as local friends (and even far ones) I plan to wait until late May. And if they figure it out (say, I get sick every time we visit) I guess I'll be ready to tell them. I just want to keep it to myself for a while--it feels like my special secret and it gives me reason to smile that no one knows about. Maybe they think I am on happy pills, but I don't care!

Heather
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#10 of 24 Old 03-09-2005, 06:54 PM
 
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So far just DH, the receptionist at the midwives office and my family doctor.

My MIL has just come home from travelling for three months and we're trying to get her to come and visit next weekend so we can tell her in person. We'll let my sister-who-can-keep-a-secret and my BILs know soon, too. My non-secret-keeping-sister and the rest of the family (FIL, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) will all have to wait until later.

My husband has a book launch at the end of next month, and he really wants to tell everyone at the launch- most of our friends and lots of family will probably be there. It's kind of strange, but okay with me. I'm keeping it secret at work as long as I can, because gossip spreads really quickly there.

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
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#11 of 24 Old 03-09-2005, 08:53 PM
 
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we have told our close family and some friends. i have decided that i would rather tell people than not. so many people wait because something might go wrong. i think i will want my family and friends support if something does go wrong.
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#12 of 24 Old 03-09-2005, 11:27 PM
 
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I'm totally with PretzelBaker!!! Loving the keeping it to ourselves. I wouldn't mind telling my in laws but then they would tell my parents... and I don't particulary care for my parents or their opinions or the fact that when they find out, then my pregnancy will be a reason for them to butt in on my life more than they usually do. I did not appreciate all the negative energy they introduced into my last pregnancy so right now I feel like I could go all the way to the delivery and not tell them. I know it sounds cruel but if you only knew what they did you would understand and support me.
We'll see a lot of family at graduation (IN 17 DAYS!!!!) and hopefully they won't notice my belly. I'll tell you what though... these past three days that belly of mine has really been popping out. I can squeeze it back to fit into my jeans but it is UNcomfortable! That and I get short of breath from the sqeezing. I wouldn't be suprised if I'll be wearing maternity clothes by then. My brother's wife is due in May and my husband's brother's fiancee is due in Aug (?) and I can't help but feel they might think that we're competing.

Other than that, most of our friends know. Got all positive feedback. I was the only one that had a little hesitation about the spacing. But now I think it is perfect.
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#13 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 01:11 AM
 
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my family is not going to be happy or supportive. im not going to tell them till im obviously showing and im even thinking of saying i didnt know.. ooops! : i feel guilty and sad that i feel this way, but im a single mom of a 2 year old on social assistance. i do work at home a bit as well, but not enuff to support myself, yet.. but i dont feel like i should be asahmed either and i want this baby!
it sucks

 

 

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#14 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 06:27 AM
 
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MamaFern, I've got the slinky feeling that we're kindred spirits and so you know that babies aren't mistakes and this baby has chosen you. You're right...nothing to be ashamed of there. And if your family isn't happy or supportive that's their problem. Don't let them shut out your joy. So what if you get social assistance! So do we (until they cut us off in a couple months for graduating). I have faith in you that you'll make it work!!!
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#15 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 09:26 AM
 
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We only found out two days ago, and I am not even due for my period until tomorrow. I will be 4 weeks on Thursday, so all of this still seems so new.

We have told the very close friends that we are staying with right now in Florida, it was fun to be here when we found out, as we were a big part of the pregnancy and birth of their son. I've also told one of my closest friends back in Ga, she is a birth person, and I knew she would be excited.

I am going to send my Mom and Dad a package to let them know, they live about 1000 miles away from where DH and I live, my Mom needs to know as soon as possible, because this will be the first grandchild, and I know she will want to be really involved, and we are close. I am less excited about telling my in-laws and extended family. Like you, Belleweather, my Mom and Dad-in-law feel like they are too young to be grandparents (they are 51 and 56) but I am hoping they will really jump on the band wagon once they realize that this is a done deal.

I think telling people will help make it more real for me - so I will probably tell all of the people that I would tell if I had a m/c when I get back to Ga on Tuesday. I will want support either way!

- Sarah

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#16 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 09:31 AM
 
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I told my husband and my best friend. I didn't want to tell my family until I was past the danger zone but my mom came over and decided to look all thru my pc and found out. She's ok about it..just told me to tie my tubes..yeah whatever
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#17 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 09:32 AM
 
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Its hard not to tell people, since I have been TTC so long. Many of my friends know the initimate details of my cycles. LOL. And last night, one of my best friends was on her way home from a long weekend at work (she is a nurse and just worked 2 12 hour shifts) and her kids are sick and was feeling down, so she said "Tell me some good news." LOL. I just had to tell her and it made her day. I have told a few other close friends and DH told his best friend.

I am debating telling my boss sooner or not. I have my first MW appt next week and need to get off early. But I also dont want to start answering questions about what I plan to do after the baby is born just yet (I'm quitting), so I might keep that one to myself a little longer.

DH's family will leanr in May, since they are such busybodies. I just want to delay the amount of time I have to listen to their advice. And since we are planning a homebirth, its gonna be interesting!

Everyone else, I am going to wait til May or so, if I can. I am already overweight, so unless I have ot start wearing maternity clothes soon, I won't be obvious right away.

Jenn, perpetually tired mom to DS(9): DD(4.5): DD(2) :
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#18 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 11:25 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahcecile
Like you, Belleweather, my Mom and Dad-in-law feel like they are too young to be grandparents (they are 51 and 56) but I am hoping they will really jump on the band wagon once they realize that this is a done deal.
WOW, if they think that's young, then they should meet all of DH's parents and mine!! My parents were grandparents at the age of 47 (my mom) and 53 (my dad). And DH's parents are younger!! His mom was 45, his dad was 47, and his stepfather was 39!!

I think it's great when grandparents are young cuz they can really keep up w/ the kids then, :LOL. My grandparents on my mom's side were MUCH older when I was born so as I got older, they couldn't "play" w/ me as much b/c I was too active for them.

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#19 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 12:37 PM
 
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williesmomma: thanks. its good to have someone on your side. this wasnt a planned thing, but klike you say, these things happen for a reason. i guess the hardest part is that im moving back closer to my family and into a house with my sister. at first when i was pregnant with elwynn everyone was upset ( my grama didnt talk to me for 9 months) but they got over it.. but since he was born they kept all saying dont have more!! and i was like yeah, you are right, but secretly i wanted another one. so they are going to be shocked as well as unsupportive and probably angry that i didnt tell them right away... ect ect. the social assistance part I dont feel bad about but they all want me to get off.. i was just planning on getting a job, but what is the point now? im just going to have to quit then go right back to being back on it when the new baby comes.. oh well, i feel like i give a lot to my community in other ways. single moms deserve to be taken care of. i guess its a bit differwent in canada, but everywhere mothers deserve to be taken care of while their small children are growing.

 

 

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#20 of 24 Old 03-14-2005, 02:27 PM
 
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Oh My, we haven't really told anyone yet, I have told a couple of very close friends, because I needed to talk about it with some one....I guess we will wait and tell everyone around 10 weeks or so. It is hard to explain the lifestyle changes though, no more champaigne and beer....or ciggies!

I am freeking about telling my mum, she will think I am mad...my MIL will be over the moon, she has 7 kids and this will be the 13th granchild.


B
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#21 of 24 Old 03-15-2005, 01:58 AM
 
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I pretty much told everyone I ran into that I was pretty sure I was pg even before the tests showed a positive, and I've since practically shouted it from the roof tops! It sounds soo funny to say "Yeah, I'm 12 days along..." Ha! We've gotten wonderfully pos. responses. I'm very grateful.

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#22 of 24 Old 03-17-2005, 07:32 PM
 
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We told everyone except my in-laws and mydad/step-mom....They have to wait for "the big reveal" I haven't told my brother yet, but will tonight. I wasn't supposed to tell my mom, but she called me today and PUUUUULLLLEEDD it out of me....well, that's what I'm going to tell dh :LOL

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#23 of 24 Old 03-17-2005, 10:32 PM
 
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Other than the mailman, I think everyone knows now. What can I say, we're excited! Also, being sick, people start to ask questions, and unless you lie, you kind of have to tell. I swear, our playgroup at Gymboree has so many preg/newborn babes, someone new shows up pregnant every week! Plus, they might have started to wonder when I show up in maternity clothes, which I think will be next week, at this rate.

THankfully, we have very supportive friends and family, so no negative vibes to worry about.
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#24 of 24 Old 03-18-2005, 11:28 AM
 
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I have an ultrasound on 4/11, and after we see a good heartbeat we'll probably start telling people then. We've told my parents, the in-laws, my sis, SIL, and I told one friend. That's it for now... Last time we waited till we heard the heartbeat on dopplar at about 10 weeks, but all my research says that there's a really low chance of miscarriage after heartbeat is confirmed by ultrasound - and its really, really low if the mom is under 30 (which I am).

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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