so much saddness and loss and beauty! - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-30-2005, 08:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sometimes it is so hard not to get down! i have been keeping up with most of the other due date clubs, because i love reading birth stories and seeing how other woman deal with all of the issues surrounding pregnancy and birth.. and it just seems like so many woman have lost babies lately. i know we have been talking about this in the "morbid thoughts" thread, but i felt like i didnt want to hijack that to talk about how im feeling about all of this..

i know that babies die.. but is it just me or are there so many more deaths happening lately? maybe its because this is such a tight knit community, but with so many members from all over the world that it just seems like a lot more than it is? its just so hard emotionally to read over and over these heartbreaking stories... its sad when a woman has a miscarriage early on, but to go through your whole 9 months and then never get to nurse that baby..love that baby.. see him/her smile and walk and say "i love you momma" i keep wondering if all of this stuff is something everyone is so affected by, or if my own fears around losing a baby make it so much more aparent..

anyways, i wanted to also just send out love to anyone else who reads these stories and gets sad and scared too.. i wish there was more we could do for those who have to deal with these tragic losses, but what can one really do or say..and i just hope and pray ( and im very non religious..) that none of us here have to deal with such loss.. may we all have guardian angels or earth spirits protecting our little babies..

 

 

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Old 08-30-2005, 08:56 PM
 
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to everyone. I am grateful for MDC, because pregnancy and birth loss are discussed openly and honestly; mothers who wish to can honor their lost babies in a way that society as a whole often doesn't accept. I think loss seems more prevalent here because we talk about it more- women who lose babies are still respected as mothers (instead of being expected to move on).

And gossamer said it so well in the other thread:
"Our society is so afraid of death, but the death rate in AMerica is 100%. We will all die at some point. Our babies will die at some point. Our hope and prayer is that they die after we do, but that is not always the case. I think talking about these thoughts and feelings brings them into the light and makes them less taboo and scary."
A lot of people don't want to talk about the possibility that their babies may die, and women who lose babies are encouraged by society to keep their losses private- so not to scare other women. Mainstream society asks women to turn their bodies and decision making over to the medical establishment, so that they can "protect" and "save" their babies..though really nobobdy can guarantee a healthy baby.

I this place for the honestly and reality. Talking about the possible death of my baby, or of any baby makes me both more afraid, but also more prepared for any possibility. Wishing everyone peace and the ability to cope with their fears. And a for all of the babies who have died and all of the mothers who carry their memories in their hearts.

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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Old 08-30-2005, 11:13 PM
 
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I really appreciate that I can come to MDC and share about the death of my friend's babe. It's so hard to make sense of. But, I am not trying to make sense of it, anymore. I am glad to believe death is not final. Otherwise, it would be really hard to understand babies borm pre-term then passing on before they were even "supposed" to be born.

Our friends who just lost their little girl have been so amazing and steadfast through the whole month of her life. They are truly incredible in how they have stuck together strong and real as a family not hiding things from friends and even the public (on the blog they kept). Being pregnant puts it into an entirely different perspective when a babe passes on.

doula mama to my nov 05 and my feb 08 babes who wrap me in love.
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Old 08-30-2005, 11:18 PM
 
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I take comfort in the fact that my life has a plan and the people and babies who come in and out of it are with me for a reason, for whatever length of time they are given to me.

In *every* single bad/difficult situation, I have seen good come from it. It might not always be apparent at the time, but I don't think anything happens by accident.

A woman I went to church with lost her 2 yr old daughter to SIDS. She became a huge local advocate for SIDS education and probably saved many lives with her work.

Our own Gossamer has become an excellent resource for pre-eclampsia/toxemia and her loss has brought knowledge and awareness to many other women and likely SHE has saved lives as well.

While I admit I am selfish enough that I want my baby with me for the rest of my life, I understand that this child life's and perhaps my own life, may have a deeper more meaningful purpose that I'm just not aware of yet and it's not my place to question. I love this baby as much inside of me as if he/she were in my arms nursing at my breast. I am appreciative of the gift that I have been given of their life for however long I should have it. Each day is not promised to us.

I guess this idea of life and death and greater good is why I could never terminate a baby even if I knew it wouldn't survive birth. For as long as I am given, I will accept and appreciate to the fullest.

Much love to all the mommas!!
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Old 08-31-2005, 02:12 AM
 
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I also read the having morbid thoughts thread and found this thread helpful too. My best friend (who is only 5 weeks behind me in her pregnancy) is more than likely going to lose her baby too. She found out at about 20 weeks. Her second oppinion gave her baby a 10% of survival. She is holding onto that 10% and living each day as it comes. She told me that if this baby doesn't make it, she and her husband will try again as soon as her body recovers. I feel like she is brave and I admire her tenacity and strength. I worried about being around her since everything is going so well for me. I hesitated to invite her to my motherblessing (shower), but she assured me that she wouldn't miss it for the world and that she is very happy for me regardless of what the future holds for her child. I admire her SO much for that. I think she is strong.
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Old 08-31-2005, 02:31 AM
 
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I hear you. I think about it sometimes, but I also remember that Bad Things could happen at any time, to anyone - they could die at 16 in an accident; or get cancer as a child; or even in middle age. My daughter was sorta touch-and-go with life when she was first born, and even up until 1 year we weren't sure about her heart. Accidents, misfortunes, illnesses happen, tragically. I don't think there is much reason to horrible things happening or a plan (personally) based on my own experiences, but that we should treasure each moment as it comes, because it may never be as wonderful as it is now. It helps with having a little more compassion and love for those you care about.

I think it may help you to also read all the stories and feel the love where things go well, the sun rises, the child breathes, the mama feels strong and healthy.
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Old 08-31-2005, 11:01 AM
 
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Reading those threads definitely makes it harder to be positive about my own pregnancy because I wonder if I won't be posting a thread like that some day, too. It is sad and scary to think about but I'm also glad those moms can come here and get loads of support from everyone. Pregnancy and birth loss are so often overlooked by society that no one knows how to support a woman who has gone through it but here, it seems like everyone knows all they need is love and acceptance of their grief and a place to share their feelings.
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Old 08-31-2005, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks so much to everyone who responded.. i think i was just having a sad day..

i think that it is amazing that this community is so supportive of woman and their losses.. i know that if i ever had a loss i would feel very comfortable talking about it here, and probably not so in my real everyday life.

i also wanted to say that i do see so much beauty around me. my son is such a ray of light and being pregnant is so magical.. everything is more intense, the happiness and beauty as well as the sad stuff.. i dont want to overlook that.

life is what it is, and i think it is so easy to dwell on the bad things and overlook all of the simple lovely things.. like a snuggle from your child, and a spider spining her web. i try to see these things as blessing everywhere i go and remember how lucky i am to live where i do and how i do..

thanks for the reminders of all that is beautiful.

 

 

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