Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: The Heart of the Heartland
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DH and I had always planned on three -- a comprimise from my original desire for five and his for two. But after Elliot, I'm kind of rethinking whether and when we'll have another. I think that we WILL, eventually, but right now I'm kind of not inclined to do it all again.
First, it took us 18 months of trying to get pregnant with Elliot -- a ton of negative HPT's, lots of hard emotional stuff, and more invasive medical treatment than I care to think about. Even though there is no reason to think that we wouldn't have an easier time getting pregnant a second time, the idea of going back to that with the possibility of not being able to have a second baby, is really daunting and depressing. So maybe I'm insulating myself from being hurt by not being able to have a second after I decide I want one by being ambivalent.
On the other hand, this pregnancy and birth experience has been completely perfect. Even though there were a couple of issues, I still feel like I had a blessed pregnancy. I felt good, stayed healthy, didn't get big or lose my ab strength or get stretch marks or feel terrible and just really enjoyed growing my son. The birth was everything I had ever hoped to have ever since I 'discovered' natural childbirth in high school and Elliot is a real calm, mellow, easy baby. To add to all that, things worked out so that I have what I would consider the ideal (for me) post-partum period; I have a nice long leave, and DH and I can take care of the baby without having to put him in daycare for most of his first year, plus we can be home for at least part of each day together with the baby. I guess that I'm terrified that if we were able to have a second, or third or fourth child that things would be a lot less blessed as far as health and circumstance, and so I almost feel like right now, I don't want to risk it. I think as Elliot gets older I'll probably talk myself out of that and come back to a place where I'm ready to do it all again, but for the first time ever I find myself wondering "Gee, would it be so terrible to be an only child?"
Spending all of my money and time on this wild, wild life.