Sex & Orgasm Question (for women who can) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 34 Old 05-26-2005, 11:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have to post this thread because I have been thinking about this for the last few days. I would love to hear any personal theories or experiences people would be willing to share.

We all know orgasm triggers uterine contracts, even pre-pregnancy. I have read that these contractions are good for you and get your utereus in touch with its abilities to move in this involuntary way. This all makes sense to me, because I believe that sex, from an evolutionary perspective, should facilitate birth and pregancy in some way.

Here's the question. Not all women orgasm, or orgasm easily, so for those women who do orgasm easily and have a powerful history knowing how to orgasm, would that facilitate labor in any way?

Among my women friends whom I know their personal details, we all have such different sexual attitudes, I just wonder how these couldn't also relate to birth attitudes, too.

I became really intrigued with natural childbirth when I was 22. My boss's wife was the first woman I knew who had done it naturally twice. She told me both times she had the biggest orgasms of her life during birth. I was so young and impressionable, and I thought "THAT'S for me!" It made so much sense to me to connect sex and birth.

Should we think of orgasms like kiegal muscles for toning? Are there really orgasmic women out there who just stalled in labor for no reason? (probably)

Now that I am pregant, I just wish I knew more!

::: Just another WAHM using this forum to put off picking up toys and cleaning my house.
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#2 of 34 Old 05-27-2005, 12:15 AM
 
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Throw orgasm in a post and I'll respond! :LOL Just kidding!!!

Ok, so many interesting ideas. I have my own theories -- I REALLY think that orgasms are good for uterine toning. I mean, if kegals are good, then orgasms must be REALLY GOOD. Seems like much more of a uterine work out than just the kegal, ya know? I think being able to orgasm is a sign of a woman being comfortable with her body. That ease about being a woman helps labor that's for sure. If you take joy in your sexual organs and have little shame about them, it certainly makes the process of birth easier.

I know that orgasms are great for inducing labor when your body is ready (not to be feared though for Pre-term labor unless you have a history of that).

I'd consider myself an orgasmic woman. But, I'd have to do a little tee-hee laugh afterwards if I had to say it in a room full of people! Anyway, yes, I've had labor stall. But, I always think there's a reason. For me it has more to do with feeling uncomfortable with my birth surroundings. I don't like anyone to be around when I birth, except DH. THAT influced my stalls more than anything. Want stories?
1st Baby -- I labored with just my DH in the bathroom. Then the MW checked me. I was fully dialated. They did the big getting into bed thing, many people in the room, setting up a bunch of stuff. I stalled. I couldn't push him out. I just went to sleep instead and woke up un-dialated. took me a long time to dialate the rest of the way again. 2nd Baby -- I was in labor ctx 2 mins apart. It was just me and my DH every now and then. Then the MW shows up. I stall. Everything stops. I dont have the baby until the next day when I'm all by myself with my DH and the MW arrives only after I've been pushing for a while.

Orgasms during birth -- I haven't felt that. I have laughed really hard as I pushed a baby out though. But not orgasmed... it was just such a cool feeling, I couldn't help but laugh out loud (I think that probalby had more to do with using hypnosis during pregnancy for labor pain management though). My grandmother orgasmed during her labors (when not in twighlight sleep) and not surprisingly she has 10 kids. :LOL So, it runs in my family. Maybe I'll orgasm my baby born this time. That sounds like fun. Maybe I could get Paris Hilton to be my doula and then we could sell my orgasm tape on the internet.

I should note, that the inability to orgasm does not destine you to an aweful birth. I don't believe that. I do think that orgasms are helpful.

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#3 of 34 Old 05-27-2005, 10:30 AM
 
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Spark, you seem somewhat punchy, and your sig is hilarious! Are you feeling better?
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#4 of 34 Old 05-27-2005, 01:52 PM
 
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I can orgasm pretty easily (although it took a while, I didnt "get there" very often the first 3 years I was married, after I had my son it become much easier, I dont know what happened but now it's an every time occurance. AHAHAHA Thankfully. LOL)

I've been so sick this time that we have only done it 4 times since I found out I was pg. Sad but true but all the times I orgasm'd and I was a bit worried about it, but lil bean is fine.

I dont think I am the type that would orgasm during labor. With my son I was in so much pain, I just wanted to punch somebody.......not orgasm. LOL :LOL It could have been my surroundings, there was quite a few people, it was a birth experience I didnt want (induction) and I remember the tv was on and I was so irritated! LOL This time I planning a homebirth so hopefully it will be much more serene but I still dont think I am an orgasm during labor type of person. AHAHAHAHAHAHA

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#5 of 34 Old 05-27-2005, 02:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Geofizz

Spark, you seem somewhat punchy, and your sig is hilarious! Are you feeling better?
Yes!!! Thank goodness. I'm down to throwing up just 3-5 times a day and not teetering on another hospital admittance. It's all a benefit of the drug I'm on. It feels just like regular morning sickness with the medication. I'm SO happy!!! I can actually drink fluids and eat occasionally. I'm pretty much nauseaus all day long, but I am NOT complaining. It's SOOO much better.


Desiree -- :LOL about wanting to punch someone and not orgasm. :LOL

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#6 of 34 Old 05-27-2005, 03:46 PM
 
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I'm glad you are feeling better!!!!!!!!! Well 3-5 times is still not fun but glad you arent on the verge of hospitalization! Hang in there, mama!!

Desiree

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#7 of 34 Old 05-28-2005, 11:34 AM
 
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Thanks, guys.

Oh, and just to keep on topic for this thread... I have never orgasmed while throwing up.

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#8 of 34 Old 05-28-2005, 12:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spark
Thanks, guys.

Oh, and just to keep on topic for this thread... I have never orgasmed while throwing up.

:

edited to add to the conversation:

Never had an orgasm in labor...never heard of that. Interesting...

It used to be really hard for me to orgasm regularly, but in the past year or so, I do pretty much every time and usually before dh! lol Not sure why that is...and I'm sure it's great exercise for my womanly parts.
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#9 of 34 Old 05-28-2005, 12:05 PM
 
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Ok, so I'm not in this due date club....but with orgasm as the topic I just couldn't pass it up!
Ever since I got pregnant my orgasms have gotten ridiculously easy...even when I was sick at first, and even now that I'm practically popping with this kid :LOL (36 weeks!), they are way easier than they've ever been. And they were pretty easy before! I don't know if it has to do with there being more blood/swelling in my body now or what...but I'm not complaining! Anybody else had this?

--Grace
due 6/28 with a :
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#10 of 34 Old 05-28-2005, 12:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PatsGrace
Ever since I got pregnant my orgasms have gotten ridiculously easy...even when I was sick at first, and even now that I'm practically popping with this kid :LOL (36 weeks!), they are way easier than they've ever been. And they were pretty easy before! I don't know if it has to do with there being more blood/swelling in my body now or what...but I'm not complaining! Anybody else had this?
I noticed that during Ella's pregnancy and again this time. In fact other than a handful of times, pregnancy is become the only time I can orgasm without some hand help : I figured it is just what Grace said, the extra fluids and all must make for a tighter fit or something.

Spark, glad to hear you are feeling better. :LOL about not orgasming while throwing up!
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#11 of 34 Old 05-28-2005, 08:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PatsGrace
Ok, so I'm not in this due date club....but with orgasm as the topic I just couldn't pass it up!
Well, ya know, Grace we December gals have all the fun! :LOL

I do think pregnancy makes the good lovin' even better! Except while feeling sick. But, man, once that's all over, it always seems SO GOOD!!!

Thanks, Kelly!

Um... notice how many lurkers we're getting on this thread? Lots of people are looking, but not too many posting...

If you're reading this please, post if you like. We won't make fun of you just because you're not due in December.

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#12 of 34 Old 05-28-2005, 08:47 PM
 
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Well, this is the first time I've seen this thread, but since there was an EXTEREMELY clear invitation to post, why not?

I consider myself pretty orgasmic. It's very very rare that I don't have one during sex at SOME point. Before I got pg, it took me a really long time to get there though. But since getting pg, the sex has gotten better. We're more imaginative, and I'm just having more fun with it than I was before. This morning, I had FIVE, and each one was better than the last! I've NEVER had that many before! I'm usually a one shot gal! *shock*

I do consider myself comfortable with my body, and since we're having a homebirth, I think I will feel pretty uninhibited. But this is my first baby, so I don't know how the birth will turn out yet.
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#13 of 34 Old 05-28-2005, 08:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone
Well, this is the first time I've seen this thread, but since there was an EXTEREMELY clear invitation to post, why not?
Oh, goodies! See, the more the merrier! And, something tells me you'll like the 2nd and 3rd trimester even better... you might just set a new record!!! :LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone
I think I will feel pretty uninhibited. But this is my first baby, so I don't know how the birth will turn out yet.
This is my 3rd baby and I don't know how the birth will turn out yet either. Just because you're having your first baby, doesn't mean that your views of birth aren't just as valid as a mother of 10. I honor your wisdom.

Ok, somehow that came off sounding cheesy. Something just told me that you needed to hear that. Ignore the psycho in post 13!!!

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#14 of 34 Old 05-29-2005, 05:07 PM
 
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"Research has found that uterine function during the second stage of labour is directly linked to a woman's ability to have orgasms during intercourse throughout pregnancy. The women who did have orgasms, according to one study, experienced shorter second stages of labour and were less likely to need forceps...Orgasmic women who are at ease with their sexuality have quicker, less complicated labours.
-From Choices in Childbirth by Drs. Andrew and Penny Stanway"

I found this on the web...although I don't know how good the "research" was, or how old it is...but I'll believe it as a placebo if I have to!

--Grace
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#15 of 34 Old 05-29-2005, 05:35 PM
 
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Woohoo! Thanks Grace! That's cool info! I'll take it!

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#16 of 34 Old 05-29-2005, 10:30 PM
 
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Thanks for the vote of confidence, Spark. I don't think it was cheesy at all.

As for that quote, yep, I'll take that! (I also love thinking of myself as an "orgasmic woman." Doesn't that sound like fun? )
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#17 of 34 Old 05-29-2005, 11:06 PM
 
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I'm in the NOvember club and just HAD to pop on over and see what all the fuss was about :LOL

Two really cool books that talk about the subject (though not entirely focused on it...)
Primal Mothering by Hygenia Halfmoon
The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth by Laurie Morgan
I'm sure both would be thoroughly enjoyed.
They are both available through www.freebirth.com (the unassisted childbirth site ran by Laura Shanley) the site also has lots of info about sexuality in birth/birth erotica etc.

Somewhere on an unassisted birth site I read a beautiful quote that said something like how beautiful and natural it is when a baby is born into the same environment in which it was conceived. So yeah, I totally think that it would facilitate labor. I was planning on making it a part of my labor but then I wasn't comfortable with my birth attendent/surroundings so it didn't happen that way for me.... it is hard to think about creating the energy to orgasm a baby out when you've been in labor for 30 hours, have a fever and the worst head cold you've ever had, not to mention everyone is starting to yawn and wonder how much longer it is going to be

Anyway, this may be a little off topic but since we are talking about orgasms, I just needed to share that for some reason I haven't been able to since I was about 6 or 8 weeks (I'm 17 now). : I don't get it. It's like I climb up to the climax but there is nothing at the peak. Am thinking about sex all the time, want to have sex every day... just not getting satisfied. but on the other hand I have a major contraction right after we're done.Maybe I'm starting to store orgasmic energy for the birth already :LOL

.... so this is what it is like to feel sexually frustrated ....
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#18 of 34 Old 05-29-2005, 11:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's strange. Perhaps you are simply feeling orgasm differently now, since you are still contracting afterwards. I would try to get some data by trying every way you know with DH (and by yourself ) to see if that happens with all types of stimulation.

Thanks for the book ideas! I will check it out.

It is hard enough telling people I plan to have a home birth in an aqua doula. When I tell them I think birth should be a calm and sensual process (as possible), I get the eyes rolled and eyebrows raised.

I personally think nothing could be better for the natural birth movement than if more women learned of this pleasure connection before their first pregnancy, ideally pretty young.

Spark, it's too bad your grandmother didn't write a book about her 10 births!

::: Just another WAHM using this forum to put off picking up toys and cleaning my house.
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#19 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 12:52 AM
 
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You guys who are into sensual birth should see the video, "Birth into Being". It's a video of a whole bunch of women in Russia who have home water births, or go to a place in the (Baltic?) sea to give birth. There's this one really poignant scene with a mom and her husband, and they're completely making out while they're in the birth tub. It was almost uncomfortable to watch! I want dh to see it though, so he can see how beautiful and sensual birth can be. You can get it from Barbara Harper's website, which I think is just waterbirth.org.
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#20 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 01:46 AM
 
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Isnt there a whole lot about making out while birthing in one of Ina Mays books? something about reconnecting and making birth powerful and sensual? I have to re-read.
I think birhting naturally and without fear definitly has roots in being comfortable and sexual in your body. Its not somming out right but im sure you get my drift. I think its related to orgasm b/c in order to have one sonsistanty you have to be pretty comfortable in your own skin, in your relationship and in your head ykwim?
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#21 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 06:57 AM
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I really love this thread, and i love hearing that other people are getting more into sex and more able to orgasm as pregnancy rolls along. I read too much stupid stuff in various books about "you may lose interest in sex....blah blah" and then had to deal with DH feeling like maybe we "shouldn't" (I don't know where he got this idea). But i'm totally into what we've been able to do lately....and i love reading some (pseudo?) science to validate it all. Keep posting!
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#22 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 02:55 PM
 
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I thought I'd chime in about sexy dreams. Anyone else orgasm in their sleep? I only do this while pregnant!
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#23 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 03:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xmasbaby7
It is hard enough telling people I plan to have a home birth in an aqua doula. When I tell them I think birth should be a calm and sensual process (as possible), I get the eyes rolled and eyebrows raised
Grrr, you see, this is such my pet peeve. If this was your 4th baby people probably wouldn't roll their eyes as much.

Totally OT but I think we should conduct an experiment. Go to Baby R Us some busy saturday and look confused looking at something. The know it all moms will flock to you like stink on a forgotten back seat sposie. Then, they always ask soem questoin about which baby this is... tell 1/2 the people your first and see what happens. Tell the other 1/2 it's your 4th and see what happens. I guarentee that the people who know this is your 4th will treat you witha lot more respect and not so much, "You have no clue!" :stompmad:

Ok, back to topic... Persephone, isn't "Orgasmic Woman" a song from Leni Kravitz? Really, who woulnd't like being called an "Orgasmic Woman!?!?"

Willensmama - I totally believe in the body's natural protection process and ultimate wisdom. If you've "lost that lovin' feelin'" right now, chances are your body knows what it's doing. You may just be at a sensitive time during your pregnancy where the strong orgasmic ctx is not what your body needs. You could try other stimulation like the OP suggested. But, if that doesn't work just try to accept that this is temporary and when orgasms are right for your body and your baby, they will return fully.

What a great thread!

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#24 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 03:04 PM
 
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Marisa -- Thinking hard trying to remember... yes yes YES! I do remember that from later in pregnancy with Cicely. I'm still so sick I've hung up my "Orgasmic Woman" T-shirt until I'm feeling better. But, man, as soon as I feel good, I bet the dreams will happen again and... my DH will be so happy, too!

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#25 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 03:42 PM
 
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Yeah, I relate to the sexy dream thing! Though in my currently aforementioned situation I have to admit that it hasn't happened since the first tri. I was having all sorts of dreams some about dh, some about women, some about men i know, some about men I don't. They were all great. And I'd usually just roll over and wake dh up with some lovin to continue the pleasure! (god, he loves that!!!!!!) Of course I wouldn't admit to him about dreaming about anyone but him.... (he's still a little insecure that way)

Spark, I agree withthe protection thing... it is still hard.
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#26 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 05:22 PM
 
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My sex dreams always have to do with weird freaky stuff that conscious would never turn me on. And I haven't had an orgasm in my sleep since I was in high school! But I more than make up for it in wake time, so that's ok.
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#27 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 05:50 PM
 
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OK so I'm jumping in from July due date - but just wanted to let you all know that although the actual hospital system here is really backwards with regards to birth I have many girlfriends who have homebirthed and if the labour stalls for any reason the doula/midwife tells them to have a bit of time with dh and get it all started again - most interesting - I have only heard of women having orgasm whilst birthing - never met one - however, to me it really makes alot of sense, something we have kept in mind and have achieved many more since being pregnant and as the pregnancy moves along the better it is - I now have bh everyday and orgasm every time we have sex - it's great :LOL

ewe + dh = our little lambs + we and have many just : and : life .
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#28 of 34 Old 05-30-2005, 05:59 PM
 
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Chiming in from November due date club.
When I had my older son, I was not comfortable with my body or my sensuality as a woman. My labor was 56 hours.
With my younger son, I was definitely what I would consider an orgasmic woman and had learned much about my body. My labor was 13 hours.
This is my third, and my SO and I have an amazing sex life, and enjoy being together when I'm pregnant most of all because I achieve better orgasms and am much more into the sensual aspect of sex. Hopefully, because of this, baby #3 will be my easiest birth yet.
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#29 of 34 Old 05-31-2005, 02:47 PM
 
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What is up with the sexy dreams???
I too have had orgasms in my sleep...and the partners in my dreams...men, women, robots, even my dh , and....um...even some members of the animal kingdom...when I wake up those ones gross me out! But dh thinks it's kinda funny.
I don't know how I'll go back to a normal sex life after this!

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#30 of 34 Old 05-31-2005, 02:52 PM
 
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WOOOO I had one last night! (not with animals, though, tee hee!)
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