O.k., I have reached my limit. Let me first say that I love my daughter more than life itself. I am just going through a phase of being sick of the whole thing and wanting my life back. I have to get this off my chest before I go over and pick her up and start her day.
Last night I tried to make dinner. I love to cook, but haven't really been able to very often. I wanted to try again. It was a very simple pasta dish, and I was also making a pie. I was planning on being done at 7:30. My daughter kept needing to eat. I would have to turn everything off, nurse her, and start again. It was 9:00, nothing was finished, and my husband came in and said, "You sure are cooking a lot." With this tone in his voice that was not nice. It really upset me. I tried to just blow it off, but I had to talk to him about it. I told him that it seemed like he had no idea how hard it was to take care of Ranjana and do other things at the same time. Here it was 9:00. I had been trying to make a simple dinner, and 3 hours later it still wasn't done. I was very upset. Discouraged. He felt terrible, and even still felt terrible this morning. I think that what upset me the most is that I realized that he just didn't have a clue. It made me feel insecure, like all along he has just thought that the messy house and my general lame-ness is just that. Lame-ness. I hate feeling insecure.