I hate the way my DH and his family eat. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 08:27 AM - Thread Starter
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Today I actually broke down and starting CRYING! My DH is a bad eater. He has some weird undiagnosed stomach thing, and he often doesn't feel like eating, or he skips meals, or he gets really picky about food. I used to try making breakfast for both of us, but I've given up on that. DH's parents are here now and they eat such crap. This morning, as DH was leaving for work, he didn't want breakfast and then my MIL was like "here, at least drink this"--orange sharbat, which, I'm not kidding, is like giving your child Kool-Aid for breakfast. I just started crying. a) my DH never gets me anything in the morning. He just doesn't think of it. b) my in-laws don't get me anything in the morning. They don't think it's their job. c) I was making my own food, and I feel like my MIL was trying to make a point that at least SHE was giving DH something. It's so irritating. They eat fried Indian snacks constantly, and it's just BAD for health, and since they've been here my DH has totally gotten back in that habit. And it all makes me really, really SAD because our girls are starting to eat, and this is what they observe. Dad drinking orange Kool-Aid for breakfast, then skipping dinner b/c his stomach is spoiled b/c he didn't eat anything all day.

And then there's the dining table.....we have a dining table but no chairs (this is b/c it used to be a desk in our former, larger apt.). So I asked DH if he could please either have a carpenter lower the table so we can use chairs we have, or get some cheap chairs. He was like "yeah, great idea!" then he never did it. I reminded several times, any more and I'll be nagging so each night with his parents we have to sit on the floor, on the carpet I THOUGHT we bought for the babies to play. The carpet gets covered with crumbs from food and fried snacks, and while we eat K&A crawl around begging for food from our plates which are ON THE FLOOR! (I have nothing against eating on the floor, as most ppl do it here, but we have an easy alternative.) And by the way, theTV is on the whole time. DH prolly thinks it's weird how my family turns off the phone and TV during dinner, and we even have b'fast together, but i for one think it's great for kids.

I don't know if this is making much sense, and I don't know if there's much i can do, either. But I'm so upset. I hate seeing DH eat badly when we have the money and resources (we can afford a cook here!) to avoid that. And I hate that we are exposing K&A to bad ways of eating and sharing meal time. I'm just really irritated with the whole situation.....

Sorry if this is too much of a rant. i feel bad, because if DH read this, I think he'd be shocked and kind of insulted, but it's not a judgemental thing. I feel that I'm not doing the right thing for my husband and my children the way things are right now.

Kiran
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#2 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 08:37 AM
 
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and nagging is bad becauuuuuuuse...:

seriously, i think you should bug him until he does it. and i'm sorry about their food habits. that's gotta be frustrating for you when you're trying to be healthy. i hope they can straighten up their act before your girls can really understand what they're eating. :
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#3 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 09:02 AM
 
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Perhaps you could just tell him about the show that airs here on TLC called "Honey, we're killing the kids." It is a show forcing parents to look at the foods they serve thier kids and themselves, and then it shows a lifetime of eating those foods and all of the medical complications that come from those habits. How healthy are your in-laws? Is your MIL a good aging role model for your daughters? Ask you DH.

I feel for you about setting good eating role models. your anger is justified because it IS really important.

I am also sorry that your in-laws don't see helping you eat well as helping the twins.


::: Just another WAHM using this forum to put off picking up toys and cleaning my house.
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#4 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 09:20 AM - Thread Starter
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Well, my FIL is diabetic and eats sweets constantly and he's also hypertensive. And my MIL is hypertensive and has issues with depression....all of this is not b/c of food, obviously, but a lot is. It makes me nuts. DH is headed for more of the same. Heck, maybe i am too, but at least I'm trying.
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#5 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 09:38 AM
 
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Kir I know exactly where you're coming from!!! My dh and his family are the same way. Although we are fortunate enough to only have to deal with them once a week. I cannot even imagine having to live with them! That must be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO rough for you. :

When my oldest daughter was a baby, my MIL would feed her vanilla pudding! This was just after she had started eating solids. I worked, and MIL babysat...I would send dd over there with HOME MADE food and MIL would still feed her junk. And even now, when we all go over there on Sundays for dinner, the kids refuse to eat because they know Grandma will give them whatever they ask for. And she reasons "Well if they're not going to eat dinner, they have to have *something*". Um...no. They do not HAVE to have doritos AND fruit snacks AND cookies AND popsicles AND chips....no joke. She brings out snack after snack after snack after snack. :

And my dh has the most awful eating habits too! No breakfast...sometimes no lunch. He drinks coke or mt dew during the day instead of water. He doesn't eat veggies with dinner. (Great example to set for the kids, right?) And he gets aweful migrains a few times a week. And the worst part is- HE DOESN'T THINK IT'S DIET RELATED!!!!

Now, our son has the worst eating habits too. I am on the verge of emptying ALL junk food from our pantry and fridge. (Most of it was given to us by my MIL or my grandmother...I don't buy it). I've had enough. It's time for a drastic change.

Kir, I'm sorry I hijacked your thread. : This vent had been a long time coming, and reading your story brought the feelings to the surface again.

Bethany, mama to M (9), J (7), S (4), and baby BOY 9/13/10!!
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#6 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 01:31 PM
 
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Kir and Bethany,

It sounds so frustrating, when you want to eat well and set a good example for your kids, and others in your family wreck that. (this may be the best part about us being 3000 miles away from the rest of our family)

I agree with Robin, that your anger is justified because this is such an important issue, that can affect your kids' longterm health.
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#7 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 06:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by birthjunkie27
Now, our son has the worst eating habits too. I am on the verge of emptying ALL junk food from our pantry and fridge. (Most of it was given to us by my MIL or my grandmother...I don't buy it). I've had enough. It's time for a drastic change.
You go girl!!!

I'm sending s to all of you. I'm sorry it is so frustrating. It really is a valid thing to be concerned about!

Bethany, I just wanted to tell you by way of testimonial, that 2 yrs ago when we decided we were going to get healthy once and for all, we were coming from perhaps some of the worst eating habits. It *really* bothered me, but I had made so many attempts to make changes, and it was always such an uphill struggle, that we always ended up sliding back into our old unhealthy ways.

Finally, 2 yrs ago in May, I'd had enough. I'd read a book that detailed a plan for eating with organic whole foods, and decided if it was going to work, I'd have to do it all the way. The weekend we would make the switch happened to coincide with the USPS food drive. Anything in my pantry that wasn't opened went out to the curb for donation. All the opened pantry food and the contents of my fridge and freezer went to friends who were out of work. The kitchen was literally BARE!

Then, I went shopping and only bought the foods I wanted my family to eat. My kids didn't even know what many of them were, and went on hunger strike. But, since there was nothing else in the house to eat, eventually they started tasting, complaining all the while. They were very young at the time, so it didn't take long for them to learn to appreciate the new foods and forget the old ones. Now, they don't even remember eating any other way.

Sorry, kir, didn't mean to hijack your thread, either. How much longer are your ILs staying? Is there anyway that you could sit down and put your feelings on paper, then let DH read it? Share not only your desires for him and the girls, but how all of this is making you feel? Just a thought. It sounds like communication between the two of you is difficult right now, and sometimes the written word comes across more clearly...
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#8 of 14 Old 06-08-2006, 11:18 PM
 
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Can I borrow your thread too?

My MIL had Gastric Bypass surgery 2 years ago and STILL eats junk! She thinks things are ok because they are reduced fat or "sugar free". I asked what splenda is made from and how can it still be called sugar free if it's made from sugar?!? ... let alone how bad it is on it's own virtue. DH got sucked in for a while and gained a lot of weight, but over the past few months he's gone back to where he started (independantly of his monther) with whole, healthy foods. I know how it feels to make something healthy and get a sneer at it- DH would rather eat a whole bag of chips than a salad because the salad "didn't agree with him.

Now all is well and we're eating great and he's lost 60 pounds!

hang in there kir.
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#9 of 14 Old 06-09-2006, 01:33 AM
 
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that really bites! i dont have the inlaw prob..but do have the dh problem. i dont know where he gets it sometimes ....hes the most boring eater i have ever met. he likes NO veggies...nothing spicey, etc.
tonight i made brussel sprouts b/c we were out of broccoli and ds2 and i were eating them. ds2 is really into knowing what foods are good..and was talking about the bs's...he asked me if they were really healthy and good and i told him they were. he looked over at dh and i had to practically kick him under the table to get him to verbally agree with me!!! what a PITA!

sorry your IL's are staying with you at the moment.
and yeh, i would be nagging about the table too, or call a carpenter myself.

good luck..hope you get it resolved soon.

rach
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#10 of 14 Old 06-09-2006, 01:42 AM
 
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Sorry for lurking but your title caught my eye! Do you inlaws have to stay at your house? We're expecting his (hubby's) parents to come this fall and we DO NOT eat the same foods. His family sits together for most meals but that's where the similarities end. His mother will put meat on your plate even if you tell her you are a veg. His dad will only eat foods with no fat- fake cheese (ew), no oils, etc. Oh, but his dad will have 3 slices of cake for dessert or two handfuls of cookies. I'm hoping to convince everyone to stay at a motel. They can afford it and I can't afford to lose what's left of my sanity!

+ (13 years together)= (9), (9), (2) and
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#11 of 14 Old 06-09-2006, 04:53 AM - Thread Starter
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I am SOOOOOOO glad to hear that I'm not alone in this.

Bethany, how infuriating is it to have DH eat badly, then complain about health problems. I used to feel bad about my DH's "spoiled stomach" but not so much any more. He needs to stop eating fried food from outside stalls, and he needs to cut out the trashy fried things at home. The really irritating thing is that he'll eat good food if it's ready for him. But if it's not there, he'll also eat trash.

Jen, that's awesome you threw everything out. Actually, we usually have little junk food in the house. I buy fresh fruits/veggies, and I order lentils/grains from an organic place now. Only juice if I'm sick We only buy "junk" (cookies, biscuits, sweets, soda, other trashy things) if one of us is really wanting something, and then we have to walk to the market to get it. Compared to my parents' place in the US we have NO easy junk. Like, you open the fridge and it's full, but there's nothing ready to eat! i like it that way.

I have actually talked to DH,and he's pretty understanding, esp since I'm at home all day and I've explained that I can't be in the house with junk. We have help basically all-day...it's such a luxury. i told him I'd rather have someone make a bowl of dal or steam some vegetables for me, rather than have crap ready to eat, and he gets that, but the bigger issues about how we are raising our kids, how we have our meals, etc. etc. are harder to deal with. And it's not a cultural difference. My family here ALWAYS has meals sitting at a table, together. I really miss that. It's an important part of family life, to me.

Please, continue hijacking this thread. I really like hearing how other people encounter and deal with this issue.

Kiran
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#12 of 14 Old 06-09-2006, 04:55 AM - Thread Starter
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One more thing....My mom had gastric bypass about 3 years ago. My dad had a triple (heart) bypass several years before that. They are now so healthy. Granted, they both have slightly weird eating habits now, for various reasons, but they are in touch with their bodies a little bit, and they don't deliberately do things with food and lack of exercise to harm themselves! For me, seeing how hard it was for my parents to deal with and get past food/exercise-related health problems makes me not want to get in that boat. But my DH...I don't know, it's either that he's convinced it won't happen to him, or that he things it's inevitable, so why bother....i really don't know.

Kiran
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#13 of 14 Old 06-09-2006, 05:08 AM
 
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Good for you about keeping the junk out of the house.

Whenever I try to get my family to improve their diets, I think of someone I know who does eat well, who is a really healthy weight and lifestyle.



Since DD was born, I have felt so protective of her from certian members of my family. I have an aunt who is really obsese and drinks too much, and I don't even like her to hold dd. I know she is still too young to be affected by this lifestyle, but I don't want her becoming a teacher in anyway. I have found myself intensely angry at this aunt since the birth for her choices, too. People who don't make choices to try to live a healthy life, I guess, feel threatening to this perfect world (I can't control) but would like to make for my dd.

So this is a touchy subject for all of us. we should all try to make progress where we can, but it is hard.

::: Just another WAHM using this forum to put off picking up toys and cleaning my house.
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#14 of 14 Old 06-09-2006, 10:37 AM
 
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just wanted to clarify one thing...i criticize my dh for his eating habits, but i am certainly no saint...e.g., see my "losing weight" thread here! i am slowly trying to eliminate sugar from my diet (having honey in my coffee this morning...kind of strange for me), but at least i think about my diet and what my body should get. dh just wont eat any veggies (other than broccoli and only if i make my special sauce...which im not doing anymore), and he wont eat any variety. he is sooo plain!! salad to him is lettuce with a few tomatoes!!! lettuce is the least of my salads!!
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