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#1 of 5 Old 12-15-2005, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
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My dd is the center of my world at the moment. I love her SO much. I am not worried that I won't love the new baby and I'm not worried that I will love dd less. I just can't imagine having two that are that much the center of things. How does that happen? Does it happen? I devote so much time to her now, how will we both handle it when there's another baby that needs so much time and attention. How do you cope with two? I remember how stressed and touched out I felt when dd was little and nursing so so much - now those days seem relaxing especially when I think of doing it again but with a toddler around. I know several of you have done this before. How does it work? Do you have any suggestions or strategies or reassurance???
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#2 of 5 Old 12-15-2005, 03:02 PM
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One reminder for you... most new babies sleep a lot. There will be lots of time that newbaby is totally needing nothing. They get needier over the first 6 weeks, and it's gradual. You really will work it out. Do you have a good sling and other carriers?

I suggest also learning early to swaddle and put baby on your back - back carries are great for having totally arms-free babywearing. I think the site you want is .

(ooops I keep forgetting this is NOT my ddc... I'm just so nosy about you nearly-due mamas )
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#3 of 5 Old 12-15-2005, 04:31 PM
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I think this is one of those mysteries that just sort of beautifully works itself out. I had all of those feelings you express, when awaiting the birth of my second child. And, of course, I have a whole new host of worries/wonders now, as I await the birth of my third.

You will be able to make two the center of your world, yes, and at some point, you will actually have time for DP and yourself, too! (for me, I felt that the first three months were spent kind of trying to figure this all out and then, after that, it all felt as manageable as it had ever felt with just one.) Of course, you only have to live each day as it comes and on each day, you'll know how to do what that day requires. That's been my parenting philosophy, anyway, as most of my worries are based in nebulous fears about what is to come, not what's there facing me at any given moment.

There was another thread, I think in the Dec. DDC that addressed this same question and Tara wrote a really great response to it. Tara, do you know where that was or is? It was eloquent and true and (I thought) reassuring.

Just to add one more thought that's probably a bit off topic, one of MY worries at this point in my second pg was that my first would suffer from the attention that was taken from her to be given to the second. In retrospect, I believe that the birth of my second child was one of the best things that has happened to my first. It was good for my first to be relieved of our constant and sometimes interfering attention. Also, of course, some of that attention taken away from my first was made up by the new attention she got from the second, who appeared to love her from the get go. That has been one of the most rewarding parts of this whole journey.

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#4 of 5 Old 12-15-2005, 10:08 PM
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I'm going to quote myself. This topic came up on the Dec. board, though the question was worded "Is baby number two as special as baby number one" I'm pretty proud of my answer, so I dug it out. Here is what I said:

Absolutely! I think that just about everyone worries about such things. "how can I love the second as much as the first?" "will I be as excited to see the second one?" And all things related. I wondered too. I wrote a lot during my second pregnancy, more than my first in fact. I took the time to make it special for me. When I'd get a moment here or there, I'd connect with my in-utero baby. If that meant before I went to sleep at night, so be it. In the afternoon while the older one played, okay. Snatching a moment here or there to savor thekicks and rolls, to reflect on the nausea, to look forward to the birth. People still fussed over my growing self, pondered about the baby. When he was born, it was every bit as amazing to have another newborn in my arms. There was yet another perfect little person, a little person that I grew and that I birthed. A newperson to love and behold, to watch grow, to teach and from whom to learn. Once I saw his beautiful new eyes looking into mine, there was no doubt that he was every bit as amazing as his big brother had been (and of course still was...and is!) It's different, the second one. Youdon't get to devote the undivided attention to them like you want and like they'd like you to. The trade-off is seeing your children fall in love with each other. My oldest was completely in love with his baby brother before I could even feel him moving inside. He was there for his birth. He cut his brother's cord and told us he was a boy. He held him, he helped him latch on to nurse. I couldn't sit and stare at my second and watch the world go by like I had with my first. There wasn't always a chance too. But everytime I had a chance, I would. A mama's heart is made to grow and encompass the love and beauty of all of her children. One, two, or ten. SOmetimes its hard to imagine that you can do it. You really can find time to soak up that newborn smell again, to giggle at crawler's antics again, to play int he mud with your toddler again. Oh yes! The second is as wonderful as the first! I'm about to welcome a third. That was very daunting. I remembered thinking about how would I have time for two? HOw would I have time and energy and room to love two? And thenI remembered that I did and now I'm so blissed out thinking that soon I'll be sneaking moments to sniff mynewborn's hair again Don't worry too much, I know easier said than done, but it will work out and you and both of your babies will have a wonderful time together, I promise.

Namaste, Tara
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#5 of 5 Old 12-17-2005, 12:27 PM
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Wow! I've been very apprehensive about dealing with a new baby and a toddler, and these responses really helped. Tara, your quote brought tears to my eyes! Thanks, to everyone, for writing. I hope it's been as reassuring for the OP as it has for me.

I love MDC!
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