Perineum Massage anyone? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 12-22-2005, 02:53 PM - Thread Starter
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ok, i've been psyching DH up for this very exciting event and he's resisted all along. He complains that if he has to do the perineum massage everyday, it might just ruin sex for him. I tell him that rips and tears will ruin a whole lot more. Finally, we set a date and made our first attempt last night. i dutifully sat on the bed on a towel and a bowl of olive oil in front of me. after some initial grumbling he gets all ready to take the plunge and I start laughing hysterically. It was the inapporpaite laughter kind of laugh. I could not stop and DH got frustrated and told me that if I did not take this more seriously, he would not part take. Well, we'll try again tomorrow night.

I just don't know what to say for myself. I realize this is making me sound quite immature. I'm not usually like this about bodlily functions. anyway, does anyone have an good stories about getting thru perinium massage? I tried to do it myself but I can't reach down there very well.
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#2 of 10 Old 12-22-2005, 03:02 PM
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No words of wisdon but wanted to say "thanks" for the giggle! I needed that

momma to 4!
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#3 of 10 Old 12-22-2005, 05:08 PM
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The same thing happened to me when I was pregnant with Gracie. I was all psyched about doing the massage stuff, but James was not. We tried it once, he felt really weird, like he was suppose to be a doctor or something. I started laughing, and that was it!!! I just oiled myself after that!!! This pregnancy I've been using EPO the last couple of weeks and I figure that should do a decent job of keeping my skin moist and ready to streach. I guess we'll see!!!
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#4 of 10 Old 12-22-2005, 07:28 PM
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Doing it as a "task" doesn't work. Incorporating it into your foreplay works much better for us. It strays a bit from the "handout" but it still does the job. Last time we were really good at doing this because there was a lot of scar tissue from my first birth. I am happy to say that it works! Self massage is great for the non-sex days.


Mom to three very active girls Anna (15), Kayla (12), Maya (9).
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#5 of 10 Old 12-22-2005, 08:07 PM
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We haven't done it yet this pg (I'm not quite 34 weeks), but when DH helped me with it in my first two pregnancies he actually wore GLOVES because he can't stand to have oil or lotion on his hands, complained constantly about the oil being stinky (I used wheat germ oil before), and complained about how "weird" it was. He griped so much the first pg that we did it much, much less often the second time around...I haven't even mentioned it lately (although early in the pregnancy he did roll his eyes and moan "Oh, great...we're going to have to do that stretching thing again, aren't we?").

WHY is it such a big deal to them?

I don't think I could even begin to reach, or I'd just do it myself and never mention it again.
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#6 of 10 Old 12-22-2005, 10:22 PM
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My dh was happy to comply...any chance to get close to my girly bits
We set the mood with candles and I practiced deep relaxation breathing. It was quite an intimate time. We haven't done it yet this time. Since I'm on bedrest (sort of), I'm too afraid to go into labor. Now that I'm 36 weeks, though, we may start.
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#7 of 10 Old 12-23-2005, 07:13 PM
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I told my DH that perineal massage *is not* foreplay HE thinks anything to do with that area is foreplay. No, honey, not everything is related to sex We haven't done any massaging this time around. In fact, we don't even make love. Yesterday he said the saddest thing "I don't know how to make love to you right now. Your pubic bone hurts, your pelvis hurts, and I don't want to add to that" I felt bad for him. He's right though, it just hurts too darn much. And sex itself is a great way to stretch the perineum, and more fun than the massaging! I haven't torn before, but we've had an active love life up until I wasi nlabor, but not this time, so I do worry more about tearing. I can reach down to do perineal massage on myself but it's a chore. I keep wanting him to help me do it but now he's sick so who knows. I keep chanting "No Tears For Mama"

Namaste, Tara (who really needs to stop stiting down, I mean, seriously!)
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#8 of 10 Old 12-23-2005, 08:10 PM
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I haven't done any massage either. I'm not sure why, it's just not something I feel very strongly about.

But Tara, I feel sorry for you and your love life (or lack thereof)... after a bad experience a week or so ago, we haven't had any more sex either... dh says that every position hurts me in some way, and it's just not fun. I have to agree... it's either my back, my knees, or my wrists that hurt. Darn that relaxin!
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#9 of 10 Old 12-23-2005, 09:15 PM
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No massage here either. I don't really feel for me that it helps any. I've torn both times so far, and I expect I will again.

treehugger.gifAutistic pagan mama with five kiddos on the spectrum, learning through living life. autismribbon.gif  computergeek2.gif

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#10 of 10 Old 12-23-2005, 09:29 PM
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I .....
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