SAHM with burnout - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What do you guys do to battle SAHM burnout? I know I need to work on issues with sleep with the baby and I need more time for myself. But what else can I do to battle burnout?

We got out to the library 3 times a week, to a child center 1-2 times a week, and to a friends house once a week. Got any other idea's?
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#2 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 01:15 PM
 
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I got together with my like minded friends and we started a babysitting co-op. This really helps with getting some "me time."

When life is crazy keep it simple. One pan dinners. Groceries delivered. I like to cook in big batches and keep a stash in the freezer.
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#3 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 01:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do have a like minded friend and it helps a lot to hang out with her.

I have such a deep down burnt out feeling, and I just dont know how to fix it.
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#4 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 02:12 PM
 
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Starbucks

I take my children to story time at Barnes and Noble. We get a venti frappacino they get the whip cream I get the drink. They go play at the train table and I read People . Now that I've seen the "How it's Made" type show about coffee I understand why it helps my mood.

I take online classes. I can work with my 2yo sleeping on my lap, though that's not too comfy.

I also take a 2mile walk every morning with the kiddies in my bike trailer stroller.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#5 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Starbucks

I take my children to story time at Barnes and Noble. We get a venti frappacino they get the whip cream I get the drink. They go play at the train table and I read People . Now that I've seen the "How it's Made" type show about coffee I understand why it helps my mood.

I take online classes. I can work with my 2yo sleeping on my lap, though that's not too comfy.

I also take a 2mile walk every morning with the kiddies in my bike trailer stroller.
The B and N idea sounds cool. Is that for young children, like 3 and 1? The 1 year old tears books off the shelves at the library when we go, so I guess I would be expected to parent him and stop that? I don't see me being able to sit and read there. My 3 year old would probably be ok, but not the 14 month old.
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#6 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 05:45 PM
 
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The B and N idea sounds cool. Is that for young children, like 3 and 1? The 1 year old tears books off the shelves at the library when we go, so I guess I would be expected to parent him and stop that? I don't see me being able to sit and read there. My 3 year old would probably be ok, but not the 14 month old.
My children were 4 and 2 when I started going. The train table is in its own area with some books but mostly Thomas stuff and stuffed animals. I put any books and animals away before we leave.

I don't go to the closer "Books A Million" because there are way too many toys for them to get into and the table is in the middle of an alse.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#7 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 06:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you!!! I may try it once to see what it is like.
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#8 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Our gym has childcare and you can see in the room from the machines so I drop DD off there 2-4 times a week and workout. Even if it's a crappy workout it's still 45 minutes to myself with a copy of People!

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#9 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 07:47 PM
 
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Frankly, I (twice) got a temporary part-time job when I felt the burnout coming on. I need the day/week broken up by "obligations". Is there any volunteering you could do with kids in tow? Maybe doing childcare for your church? I know it might sound counter-intuitive, but, sometimes having an extra child around to amuse your daughter might help out. What about the Y? The Y around here does free childcare while you work out or take a class.
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#10 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 11:21 PM
 
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What do you guys do to battle SAHM burnout? I know I need to work on issues with sleep with the baby and I need more time for myself. But what else can I do to battle burnout?

We got out to the library 3 times a week, to a child center 1-2 times a week, and to a friends house once a week. Got any other idea's?


I hope things get better for you! You are one of my favorite MDC'ers.

I'm working part time now, but when I was a SAHM I definitely had periods of burn out.

Here's what we did: playgroups (it took a while to find ones that worked well for us), parks, libraries, any free children event, moms' groups (I even went to ones I didn't think I'd like just to check them out), excercise to get the endorphins going, taking a hot bath, calling or talking to friends and old co-workers (helped a lot), keeping current with the news, and giving myself breaks during the day.

I also tried to find small things that I enjoyed to do daily or weekly.

It didn't always work, but it helped.

It's hard with small kids, and you have two. Hopefully it gets better and easier with time.

Sleep helps immensely, I think! Good luck, dear.
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#11 of 29 Old 02-13-2009, 11:22 PM
 
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The Y near where I live has an arrangements with mamas who want to get a free membership. The deal is: 3 hours of volunteering a week in their daycare for free membership and child-minding while you work out/take a class. Would that sort of thing be available to you?

Because I'm so prone to depression, I see a social worker once a week to just talk about my stress and frustrations. It's sooo helpful. She's real good with DD who's even fallen asleep in her arms a few times.
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#12 of 29 Old 02-14-2009, 01:02 AM
 
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My saving grace is my mom friends. We have a weekly park day where the kids play and moms hang out. Without that, I think I would have gone insane. Adult interaction is essential.
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#13 of 29 Old 02-14-2009, 02:48 PM
 
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i go to an all-day scrapbooking group once a month, do yoga on wednesdays, and my DS1 goes to preschool on tuesdays and thursdays so DS2 and i go to the local restaurant where my mom works for lunch on those days. DS2 usually falls asleep in the buggy on the way there but it's a nice time out for me if i could add more yoga in, it'd be a nice schedule. can't wait for summer so we're not so cooped up!

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#14 of 29 Old 02-15-2009, 07:37 PM
 
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Yup, my guy is 15 months & I'm always looking for ideas...
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#15 of 29 Old 02-15-2009, 08:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone do anything for YOU? Meaning something without the kids with you? Or somehow do something stimulating with the kids? How do you keep your mind stimulated?
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#16 of 29 Old 02-15-2009, 11:08 PM
 
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I have tried playdates, playgroups, MOPS, bible study but I still get burned out. I think I am sick of doing all of these things. I would LOVE to get a part time job maybe 10 hours a week, but with childcare costs, it wouldnt be worth it
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#17 of 29 Old 02-15-2009, 11:09 PM
 
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The only thing I do for me is go shopping maybe once every couple of weeks. I did take online classes, but they were just that online classes from home and it was to hard to keep up on the homework.
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#18 of 29 Old 02-15-2009, 11:11 PM
 
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Our gym has childcare and you can see in the room from the machines so I drop DD off there 2-4 times a week and workout. Even if it's a crappy workout it's still 45 minutes to myself with a copy of People!
One of the reasons I chose my gym was because of the great child care!
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#19 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 12:24 AM
 
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Joining the Y was the best thing I did for myslef this year! The childcare is excellent. I get to work out and then shower :gasp: with out anyone yelling at me and asking for things! Sometimes that alone is worth going! I get some exercise and there are usually other moms around to chat to fi fell like some adult conversation. We also go swimming a ton. It was great to have that physical outlet for the kids when we were stuck indoors so much this winter. They were calme rI was happier!

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#20 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 04:20 AM
 
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Does anyone do anything for YOU? Meaning something without the kids with you? Or somehow do something stimulating with the kids? How do you keep your mind stimulated?
I think this is a big part of burn out, I can't even formulate decent thoughts anymore becasue my kids don't give me time to think so I'm seriously out of practice. I'm always putting out one fire after another so to speak. I read stuff I wrote pre kids and I'm like "dam! that's really profound! who wrote this?!" umm, yeah, I look and it was me. I can't fathom having that level of insight anymore becasue I don't have time to think. I want to start taking classes on campus for the social aspect (I've done online for the past couple years) more but cost is a major issue.

Seriously?
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#21 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 10:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think this is a big part of burn out, I can't even formulate decent thoughts anymore becasue my kids don't give me time to think so I'm seriously out of practice. I'm always putting out one fire after another so to speak. I read stuff I wrote pre kids and I'm like "dam! that's really profound! who wrote this?!" umm, yeah, I look and it was me. I can't fathom having that level of insight anymore becasue I don't have time to think. I want to start taking classes on campus for the social aspect (I've done online for the past couple years) more but cost is a major issue.
I think that is my biggest issue. I do not get showers without being disturbed, or get to pee in peace, but I can deal with that... I get out a lot. We go to the library 3 times a week, shopping at least once, to a child play place 1-2 times a week, with a friend and her kids once a week, playgroups, etc. and it just is not enough for me. I am plenty social... My mind is turning to mush. I used to make life and death decisions frequently, problem solve REAL issues on a daily basis, it used to be real stuff I made decisions about, not trying how to figure out how to get the stink out of cloth diapers, ya know? I thought about an online class to help... But my kids wont leave me alone to do it! How would I think with my dd chattering in my ear and ds tugging at my leg whining for whatever? If I take a class or whatever, it would have to be outside of the home.

I am going to have to get serious about getting a very part time job again and get over the guilt of leaving the kids. I worked 8-10 hours a week after dd was a year old and I it really helped. I worked around dh schedule so I didn't need childcare. I think I am going to have to do that again. I don't need to work FT or anything, but working just a little bit may really help me and help me be a better mom. It would FORCE me to get out of the house, with OUT kids. I will be sure to chose a job not caring for kids. A little extra $ never hurt, either. We would be able to do more fun stuff with it. So really, the kids would benefit, too, if we could do more fun stuff and mommy wasnt so burnt out feeling and cranky.

I got frustrated with the kids beyond belief yesterday. They were both tired and crashing and wouldn't nap... DS needs the boob to nap but I just couldn't do it. I had dh take the kids and drive them to sleep. He and the kids stayed gone an hour. I just lied on the bed for that time, the silence was amazing.
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#22 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 10:41 AM
 
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I work every saturday in a local hardware store while DH watches my DD's.... it is fantastic and has made SUCH a difference. My DD's love "daddy day" and look forward to it all week and I love the adult conversation all day when I am working - plus although it is close enough for me to walk home for lunch I never do... I spend 1 WHOLE HOUR (!!!) eating my lunch quietly by myself reading a magazine... aaaaah the luxury the wages arent great but the lunchbreak to myself makes it all worth it

I dont know how I kept my sanity until I got my saturday job to be honest

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#23 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 10:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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An hour break does sound great.
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#24 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 03:12 PM
 
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When dd1 was 2, I did go back to work part-time. I NEEDED to get out of the house and just be me instead of a mom for a few hours a day. It was the best thing I could have done. DD1 was a very difficult baby and I don't think I had really shaken my severe PPD yet and I'm grateful I was able to find a great job that was part-time at that point in my life.

Now I have two kids and, for whatever reason, things aren't as hard for me now in terms of burnout. What I've done is to try and tap into my creative side. I opened up a store on Etsy and I've landed a couple of local accounts that carry some of my items. In all honesty, I can't devote the amount of time I would like to my business but, within the next year or so, I should be able to seeing as how my 3 yr old will likely be doing a 5 morning a week preschool program.

It's very easy to fade away and blur at the edges when you have very young children. There have been points when I was truly too tired and worn out to be able to focus on my wants and needs so I totally understand where many of you are coming from.

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#25 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When dd1 was 2, I did go back to work part-time. I NEEDED to get out of the house and just be me instead of a mom for a few hours a day. It was the best thing I could have done. DD1 was a very difficult baby and I don't think I had really shaken my severe PPD yet and I'm grateful I was able to find a great job that was part-time at that point in my life.

Now I have two kids and, for whatever reason, things aren't as hard for me now in terms of burnout. What I've done is to try and tap into my creative side. I opened up a store on Etsy and I've landed a couple of local accounts that carry some of my items. In all honesty, I can't devote the amount of time I would like to my business but, within the next year or so, I should be able to seeing as how my 3 yr old will likely be doing a 5 morning a week preschool program.

It's very easy to fade away and blur at the edges when you have very young children. There have been points when I was truly too tired and worn out to be able to focus on my wants and needs so I totally understand where many of you are coming from.
THANK YOU for sharing that. Part of me feels bad for complaining.. We all have our health, are financially stable (not well off, but the bills are paid and we have an EF, retirement, etc) and I get to choose to stay home... So many don't have any of that, I am truly blessed... But then I am still not happy... I was considering preschool for the 3 year old, on a very limited basis, but feel guilty about it, so I haven't sent her. The sleep issues my ds has prevent me from doing anything for me after he is in bed. (he wakes usually 25 minutes after I sneak away, and it gets tiring nursing him for 10 minutes, just to get 15 minutes of free time, to keep repeating it sucks... I cant even get anything done for me in 15 minutes) I think I really need a part-time job to get a break and use my mind again. Sometimes I feel I should just suck it up. But then no one is happy if mom isnt happy. I dunno.
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#26 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 04:41 PM
 
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THANK YOU for sharing that. Part of me feels bad for complaining.. We all have our health, are financially stable (not well off, but the bills are paid and we have an EF, retirement, etc) and I get to choose to stay home... So many don't have any of that, I am truly blessed... But then I am still not happy... I was considering preschool for the 3 year old, on a very limited basis, but feel guilty about it, so I haven't sent her. The sleep issues my ds has prevent me from doing anything for me after he is in bed. (he wakes usually 25 minutes after I sneak away, and it gets tiring nursing him for 10 minutes, just to get 15 minutes of free time, to keep repeating it sucks... I cant even get anything done for me in 15 minutes) I think I really need a part-time job to get a break and use my mind again. Sometimes I feel I should just suck it up. But then no one is happy if mom isnt happy. I dunno.

If you can go get a job then DO IT! I would kill to be able to go get a job. I just found out the lady who took over my old job (that was perfect for my needs) about 3 years ago just quit and the only reason I'm not running to apply is I don't have childcare and I'm terrified of leaving the kids with someone due to the risks (2 yr old has a metabolic disorder and requires a very strict diet and constant monitoring for low blood sugar and she can seriously crash within an hour if your not really watching)

Seriously?
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#27 of 29 Old 02-16-2009, 05:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you can go get a job then DO IT! I would kill to be able to go get a job. I just found out the lady who took over my old job (that was perfect for my needs) about 3 years ago just quit and the only reason I'm not running to apply is I don't have childcare and I'm terrified of leaving the kids with someone due to the risks (2 yr old has a metabolic disorder and requires a very strict diet and constant monitoring for low blood sugar and she can seriously crash within an hour if your not really watching)
I could get a job on weekends, when dh is available to take the kids. It would take away from family time, but maybe it would be nice for dh to get some special bonding time with the kids. I would be afraid to leave my kid, too, if I were in your situation.
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#28 of 29 Old 02-18-2009, 10:09 PM
 
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I went back to work, after 4 years of SAHM'ness. Not much help, am I?
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#29 of 29 Old 03-05-2009, 01:14 AM
 
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The B and N idea sounds cool. Is that for young children, like 3 and 1? The 1 year old tears books off the shelves at the library when we go, so I guess I would be expected to parent him and stop that? I don't see me being able to sit and read there. My 3 year old would probably be ok, but not the 14 month old.

We started the Barnes and Noble story time at 1 month old and she LOVES it. At 9 months she claps her hands for “If you’re happy and you know it”, she interacts with other kids, she smiles when the story teller gives her attention. I take one of her board books so she can chew on it. It also gives me some time with the other Mom’s. After, we nurse in the big comfy chairs while I read. This is my one day a week to eat lunch out with a friend. I accomplish nothing at home on this day, it is wonderful!
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