What do you do with other SAHP's? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 14 Old 01-20-2010, 08:11 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm the kind of person who is most happy if I'm with other people... all day. I could go months without any time to myself. While I really enjoy my almost 10 month old daughter, and I can get some human contact from listening to the radio and surfing the net, real live people is really what I need. My husband works 4 days a week and generally has stuff going on 3 of those evenings. He usually has some activities on weekends too, and I can take part in some of them sometimes. Some days I just don't see him between 6:20AM and 8:45PM or later. He makes it a point to make it home for dinner as often as possible, and we try to make the most of the time we have, but the bottom line is that there is A LOT of time that I am home alone with the baby with nobody else around.

I don't really have any long-time mom friends around. I had one, but she moved away. Besides her, I'm the only one of my friends that I had before I had a baby who has kids, and I only have one other friend who is even married, and that is a recent development. All of them have jobs and things to do during the day other than hang out with me. I don't mean to sound like a social parasite. I'd just love to get together with other moms that feel the same way that I do, and we could both enjoy time together.

I have a couple ways that I get out of the house. There's a mom's group that I go to once a week, LLL meetings once a month, and DD and I started a music class once a week, but that all combined means like 3 hours of other people time all week, and for somebody who likes to spend 24-7 around people, that's not much. There's a few other moms that I'd like to get to know better, and I'd like to invite them to do something with me, but I don't know what to invite them to do with me, and for somebody I don't know very well, it feels weird to me to just invite them to come over, bring the kids, and talk. It's too cold for parks right now, and my baby is too young to appreciate the museums and stuff around. I'm just wondering what you other SAHP's do with each other.
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#2 of 14 Old 01-20-2010, 08:18 PM
 
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My moms' group does different things every week, or at least has our meetup at a different place. I live in a city with a lot of kid-friendly things to do though, so it's not hard finding somewhere new to try. But really, our best meetups are just at a park or somewhere else where we can talk and the babies can play with each other.

Have you checked meetup.com for other SAHP groups in your area? My moms' group started as a bunch of regulars from my hospital's breastfeeding support group.

I am actually the opposite of you - I LOVE alone time and crave it, but don't get a lot with a 4.5yo and an 8mo! But I do enjoy spending some time every week with my mommy friends.

A, jammin.gif mama to a boy (2005) and a girl (2009)
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#3 of 14 Old 01-20-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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We used to just hang out at each other's houses. We didn't generally go on expeditions or anything. What we needed was woman-friendship time and that was best accomplished by hunkering down in one of our living rooms, drinking tea and talking for hours while the kids played.

It might feel weird, but really, try inviting someone over for tea and muffins some morning. You might find yourself getting along so well that you end up having lunch together. Before you know it, it's time to think about supper. Another day with kids successfully navigated, and with a friend, too!
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#4 of 14 Old 01-20-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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If you're feeling uncertain about having someone over 'for no reason', you could someone over to make meals. The idea is that you make something for dinner while hanging out, maybe taking turns in the kitchen while the other parent supervises the little ones playing. Pick a recipe and have each person get their own supplies (or buy together) and you might have a 2 hour play date AND have dinner ready to go in the oven at the same time.

My friend and I get together once a week after naptime, put together our dinners, then usually sit down and have tea/coffee after the food is ready to go (or you could sit down and have lunch together if you are cooking in the AM). Stick with easier stuff so that you have time to sit down at the end before the kidlets get tired!

HTH-
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#5 of 14 Old 01-20-2010, 11:06 PM
 
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Inviting someone over is only weird the first time, y/k? I'm an introvert, btw, so if I can do it, anyone can! A lot of times I invite 2 or more moms at a time and that takes the pressure off to me. We usually just sit in the living room and talk while the kids play. You could also start a playgroup. I started one for toddlers in my LLL group by just bringing it up at a regular meeting and someone else was happy to host. I met one of my best mom friends when she came up and intro'd herself to me since we had same-age kiddos. She asked to exchange numbers for a future play date and then she called and we met up at the mall and eventually became good friends.

I think you really kind of have to put yourself out there to connect w/ other moms b/c we're all so busy, and everyone just assumes everyone else has this great social network, when in reality I think most of us are looking to add to our village.
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#6 of 14 Old 01-21-2010, 01:17 AM
 
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I've found that you just have to get brave and put yourself out there. If you happen on a conversation with another mother at music or LLL or the park, and you think you might have something in common, take a risk and suggest you get a coffee or meet up at the park again etc etc. Chances are, that Mama is just as keen to connect as you are. I've made some really lovely friends this way.

These days, we do a fair bit of everything the PP's have suggested. Lots of tea in the back garden, excursions to the museum, library, pool etc as well as two playgroups each week and a handful of Aust. Breastfeeding Association (LLL equivalent in Australia) meetings each month.

I'm like you. I need a lot of contact with other Mamas or I'll go insane. Good Luck.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#7 of 14 Old 01-21-2010, 03:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo View Post
I've found that you just have to get brave and put yourself out there. If you happen on a conversation with another mother at music or LLL or the park, and you think you might have something in common, take a risk and suggest you get a coffee or meet up at the park again etc etc. Chances are, that Mama is just as keen to connect as you are. I've made some really lovely friends this way.

These days, we do a fair bit of everything the PP's have suggested. Lots of tea in the back garden, excursions to the museum, library, pool etc as well as two playgroups each week and a handful of Aust. Breastfeeding Association (LLL equivalent in Australia) meetings each month.

I'm like you. I need a lot of contact with other Mamas or I'll go insane. Good Luck.

This is exactly right. It is a bit like dating at first, but it doesn't have to be so awkward! Just invite the mamas and babies over for playtime, it doesn't have to be anything elaborate. It's good for the kids to be exposed to other kids, even if they don't play 'together' (which most 10 month olds don't!). I'm another people-loving mama, and I'll go/do just about anything to have that interaction and provide my girl with new experiences.
We love the library story times, and will hang around after it's over to pick out books and talk with other parents. That's a nice way to connect. I recently joined our local AP meetup group, and have met lots of people that way. We're not all best friends, but we like each other well enough, and the most important thing is they are up for DOING things.
Good luck!

Lovestruck luxlove.gif mama to Girlie #1 energy.gifand Girlie #2 on the way!
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#8 of 14 Old 01-26-2010, 12:03 PM
 
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Take a chance! Branch out! No one will think you're "weird" for inviting people over. I have made some excellent mom friends by just hanging out. When I invite some friends over, we just sit around and drink coffee and listen to good music. Sometimes I will get ambitious and cook a yummy hot lunch. Sometimes we read magazines or flip through crafting books.

Seriously, I got a phone number in the ribbon aisle at a craft store because I saw another mom with an ergo and I had on my babyhawk. I met another good mom friend at an area mom's cloth diaper get-together. Yet another friend I met in birth class.

Don't be afraid to even carry around some "mommy calling cards" with your name and either an email/phone number (whatever you're comfy with) and hand out little cards to people you want to get to know!!!

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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#9 of 14 Old 01-26-2010, 01:58 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for the responses. I guess the other issue is that I live in a tiny condo. It's fine for inviting over 1 or 2 moms and babies, but there's no place for an older child to move around or to have more than a few people. We don't even have room for a dining room table since the piano takes up the only place it could go. We eat on the floor of the living room. I like our simple life, but I sometimes feel a little nervous about inviting somebody over to sit on the floor, and I have no clue what to do with some of the moms I'd like to get to know who have older kids.

That said, I've added a couple more activities, and now there's only one day in the week that I don't have somewhere to be. I had a great conversation with a mom I met at the music class yesterday (though she's normally in a different class), and while we didn't exchange contact information, we made sure we'd be seeing each other at another event soon. She nursed her toddler during the class, so I remembered all of your encouragement to be brave and singled her out and talked to her afterwards. I figured anybody nice enough to nurse an almost 2 year old on demand can't be that mean of a person. Close friendships are made slowly for me, but I'm feeling better about it than I did earlier. Thanks a lot, everybody!
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#10 of 14 Old 01-29-2010, 10:30 AM
 
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I belong to a big playgroup that does outings and stuff around the city we live near. From this group there are 3 or 4 of us that live near each other that do our own informal playdates. We just go over each others houses. The kids play and we have tea/coffee and talk. Once in awhile we stay for lunch or dinner. Once in awhile we do some organized craft. but mostly we just sit and chat and stop our kids from killing each other =P

If you feel awkward, is there a cafe or an ikea nearby where you can invite a mom or two for coffee or lunch?

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
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#11 of 14 Old 02-01-2010, 12:07 PM
 
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I joined a moms' group that has an activity every single day. I mean, not everyone goes to every single one of the get-togethers, but at least a few of the members do something together every day, and everyone in the group is invited. We have about 50 members. We have a FB page, and whatever anyone is doing on a certain day, they post the time & place on the FB wall so that everyone knows what's going on. My point is, on any given day, I can look at the FB page & see what's going on and immediately have something to do if I want to. This group is actually in a big city an hour away from me, so I only go once a week or so, but it's worth the drive to have adult interaction and a social life! Could you look for a group like that in your general area?
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#12 of 14 Old 02-01-2010, 03:47 PM
 
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My main thing is to invite a mom over for lunch after our playgroup. Sometimes it's spontaneous because we're sitting there at the end complaining about being hungry and needing to go home. Other times it's been arranged weeks in advance. it seems to depend on the other mom.
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#13 of 14 Old 02-01-2010, 08:43 PM
 
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When I just had a baby I took her for coffee dates or walks, mall walks when it was freezing out. Now that I have a toddler we go to each others' houses or meet at an activity like the park, library, science centre, etc. Check meetup.com for groups in your area - there are lots near here. If you keep your kid in activities you may find you meet the same moms over and over and things become less weird.
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#14 of 14 Old 02-02-2010, 08:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
We used to just hang out at each other's houses. We didn't generally go on expeditions or anything. What we needed was woman-friendship time and that was best accomplished by hunkering down in one of our living rooms, drinking tea and talking for hours while the kids played.

It might feel weird, but really, try inviting someone over for tea and muffins some morning. You might find yourself getting along so well that you end up having lunch together. Before you know it, it's time to think about supper. Another day with kids successfully navigated, and with a friend, too!

I don't know how many 'hey can I come over for just an hour to get out' playdates have turned into days like that! Just yesterday I had 2 other moms and the kids over, and we just drank coffee and chatted away while the kids played/talked/danced/played music, etc.. I covered the dining table (den and dining room are combined) w/paper off of our huge roll and put out a bucket of crayons. 3 3 yo kids, 1 11 yo, and a 9 yo were occupied for awhile. Toss a bowl of apples on the table, and the moms get chat time!

Happy Homesteading Homeschooling Homebirthing Beekeeping Dready (& a bit redneck even) Mama to 4 fab kids :  dd (23), dd (13), ds (11), dd (5)

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