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yukookoo 01-28-2010 12:49 AM

Trying to figure out our evening routine. DH comes home around 6 and i wnat dd asleep at 7.

His idea of our routine is that I give her a bath a little before 6 so we he come shome we are in the bath then i get her out get her dressed etc. That takes about 30 min and he gets that time to eat and whatever

630 he takes her and reads in bed and then turns our the lights and bedtime at 7.

The reality is that he sometimes comes home earlier or later than 6 and by 5 im very ready for a break. DD wakes up at 6 in the morning and takes a 1 hour nap but its on me in the ergo.

I get her out of the bath and he's still eating, i need to do something with her for 10 min until he is ready to read those 10 min are detrimental to her routine, and im DONE and ready to go to bed.

645 - 7 is usually when he finally takes her. Then i need to move things into the bedroom, take the dogs out etc.
Then after i am settled he always for some reason thinks it necessary to bring dd into the bedroom to give me one more kiss. This makes her cry usually cause she wants mommy to read to ehr and put her to bed. ok that was just a vent

But really its ust not working
A - dd is not in bed
B- its not peaceful we are always arguing
C- i am dependent on him for my break or off work time and he lags and lags and i want to strangle him as he slowly eats his last bite of food and leaves the dish in the sink of rme cause he doesnt have time to wash it now.

. Its almost 8 right now, i can hear that dd is still up, I know if it where me in there she'd be asleep an hour ago, yet i just dont have the energy to do her bedtime routine either.

kdtmom2be 01-28-2010 02:07 AM

You seem to have two goals have your DH spend some time with DD and for you to get a break. What time does he leave for work in the morning? Is it possible for him to get up with her at 6am, leave you to sleep for a few hours, get her a snack, read a few stories, get her settled in some independant play before he leaves for work? My DD is about the same age as yours and morning is when she is least needy and can play independantly for a while and these days gets up on her own and gets herself some dry cereal to munch on while she putters around. If you were able to sleep longer in the morning then you would be less burned out at bedtime and I would then say that you should just do the bedtime routine yourself, leave it to DH on the weekends.

Lately, DH has been home, but generally he is not as he works an afternoon shift. Even when he's home, I put DD to bed. I want her in bed by 8:30 (or 9 at the latest, she gets up at 9am and does not nap) and I don't want them reading story after story until it's WELL past that because she knows that if she asks he will comply. So, I do stories, put her to bed, if he is home then she asks for kisses and he goes in and they chat for a few minutes but that's it. When he is not home I do stories, put her to bed and she calls him and gives him a kiss and hug through the phone. I might feel totally frazzled by then, but it is what works best and doesn't leave me mad at DH.

major_mama11 01-28-2010 03:46 AM

Heh, there is no routine around here if DH is doing bedtime. Or rather, the routine is "pop in a kid movie and let DD stay up until after midnight eating snack food while daddy falls asleep snoring on the floor". I know this because I WOH one evening every week or so, and that's what I usually come home to.

In our house, I have just come to accept that he is too tired by that time of the evening to do the step-by-step routine (DD is a night owl and is usually up for several hours after he gets home from work). He's a wonderful dad, but that's the one area that I've come to accept that I will just have to do myself. It's less stressful that way, rather than stressing myself by trying to keep him moving. I will say that this area has gotten much better since we had DS- DH handles a lot of his bedtime routine, no prompting needed. DD, with her need for bedtime stories and rituals, is all me though.

Although he doesn't really do bedtime routine, he does give me breaks by taking the kids off my hands for a while after he gets home from work. That way, I have some time to recharge before doing DD's bedtime.

sbgrace 01-28-2010 03:54 AM

When my boys were that age their daddy time was morning. They were more manageable and because he was here until he left I wasn't waiting on him to come home at some set time (which never happens).

But night routine with daddy was more story, prayers, bed thing than taking over the whole bath thing. He still does that (puts them to bed). But I'm in on the whole routine of the routine w/baths, snacks, etc.

That said, if my husband was going to be home for an hour or less before my kids went to bed I would be furious if he felt he had to have his dinner the minute he got home vs. after the kids were in bed. I get he's hungry. Can't hubby have a handful of nuts on the way home or something to hold him over until 7 for dinner? My husband has a snack with my kids when he gets home now but the timing is different than when they were younger.

Ruthie's momma 01-28-2010 04:13 AM

DH and I decided to adjust DD's bedtime to 7:30 (ish). DH was literally desperate to spend more time with the LO each night (and vice versa). Over time, DD has begun to sleep longer in the morning. Her nap also starts a bit later. DD wants to spend way more time with DH on the weekends now that they have developed such a really, really close relationship. I have found that I actually get a bit more down time (both in the evening and on the weekend).

Our schedule:

5:30 DH arrives home from work and "chills" with DD (they go for a walk, watch "Seinfeld" or "The Office," read some books, play with toys...DH lets DD choose the activity)...I get to finish up dinner or read...

6:00 Dinner (all of us eat together)

6:30 DH gives DD her bath (he often joins her in the tub) while I lay out her jammies (and clean up the kitchen)...again, I get to read for a few minutes...

7:00 DH and DD snuggle with a story and a little milk. DH brushes DD's teeth. Lights are turned out and snuggling continues (this part is only sometimes done by DH)...DH and I then have the whole evening for each other...

dachshund mom 01-28-2010 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by Ruthie's momma View Post
DH and I decided to adjust DD's bedtime to 7:30 (ish). DH was literally desperate to spend more time with the LO each night (and vice versa). Over time, DD has begun to sleep longer in the morning. Her nap also starts a bit later. DD wants to spend way more time with DH on the weekends now that they have developed such a really, really close relationship. I have found that I actually get a bit more down time (both in the evening and on the weekend).
Same here. We moved DD's bedtime late because it was important to DH to spend some quality, relaxing time with DD at night. I also give DH a few minutes to chill out right when he gets home. I know I needed that when I worked. Not that we don't have the occasional day with me standing at the door to pass off the baby, then locking myself in the bathroom.

DH home at 7, changes, checks TV while I put dinner on the table
We all eat at 7:15 or so
DH gives DD bath, jammies, brushes teeth while I clean up kitchen
They read books (or play nintendo if DD is wound up from a late nap) while I shower
I nurse DD to sleep at 8:30ish, or sometimes we all go to bed together a bit later

Sweetiemommy 02-07-2010 09:43 PM

If he gets home early, let him eat dinner with your daughter and put her to bed. If he gets home later, you put her to bed at the regular time. What's important is that she goes to bed at the same time so she doesn't get overcranky with you. To me, it is more important to get them off to bed then to wait for my husband to get home (he is unpredictable due to traffic. Otherwise, if you just need 10 minutes after bathtime, you can read her the books. It is usually peaceful to read books. Also, can he wait to eat until she goes to bed? Maybe he could pack a snack to eat in the car or to eat just before he drives home?

Danielle283 02-09-2010 10:05 PM

One of us does bath/teeth/hair/PJ's, then the other does book/prayers/one last glass of water/tucking in. We switch off who does what each night. On the nights that DH gets home too close to bath time (6pm) I'll just take the first shift so he can relax a little. We're both so tired at the end of the day that it's nice to know we'll share bedtime duties and we'll also both get time to ourselves for a bit. We've done this since she was a baby, and it's worked for 5 years now!

nina_yyc 02-10-2010 10:25 PM

OP, why don't you move DD's bedtime 15mins later so you don't get that 10min gap?

DH and I do the same routine - play in bath, wash, jammies, books, lights-out. If he gets home late I just start and he takes over wherever we are.

eli's mama 02-18-2010 11:55 PM

Well currently my DH is home almost every day all day. Since that is the case he has been doing bedtime for my boys while I put the baby to bed. It all goes without a hitch for the most part and everyone is sleeping by 7:30. We do dinner around 5, baths around 6, they are in bed at 7 reading stories for as long as it takes and lights out by 7:30.
HOWEVER come spring it's a different story. DH will go to work before the kids are up and come home after dark, which is usually later than I like the kids in bed, but if he comes home they get all fired up and can't sleep. Unfortunately for everyone, we have found that the best solution for us is to have the boys asleep before DH comes home. This way they get a consistent bedtime which is so important for them (my kids really need this, not all kids are like that I know). Then DH will do something with them on the weekends like all day at least one day so they spend some quality time together.
I admit that it is really hard on DH not to see the kids awake all week but he is just bone tired when he gets home at night in the warmer weather. He doesn't have the patience to deal with them and their bedtime needs when he feels like that. At the same time I am desperate for a break so bedtime needs to come at a regular time and this is the solution that works for us. Oh, and some days I have to call DH and ask him to wait to come home until the kids are asleep. Is that awful? I just need them to go to bed on time.

omelette 02-19-2010 07:10 PM

Can you omit bath as part of the bedtime routine? It sounds like that part of the issue is timing it right so dh is done eating as bathtime is coming to an end. What about doing bath earlier in the day or every other night?

Dh does bedtime routine every night. Bedtime used to be at 7:00 but b/c dh gets home a bit later now we've bumped it to 7:30. He gets home at 6:15, we all eat dinner (I make sure to have it ready at this time) then dh and ds play a game (10minutes or so) and then they do pj's, teeth and stories. Dh then snuggles him into bed and I go in for a little snuggle too.

berry987 02-20-2010 11:06 AM

How about if you give her a bath earlier, say right after she eats dinner (maybe 5pm or so?) Then get her dressed for bed and let her play or color or whatever until DH gets home (do you make dinner during this time?) Then when DH gets home, let him eat his dinner AND hang out with your DD. You do it all day, he can too. And then let him put her to bed. Go in the bedroom, get your peace and quiet, walk the dogs, whatever. But hand her over at 6:15 or whenever he gets in and let him work it out. And ask him not to come in for another bedtime kiss because it upsets her. I just find that setting a strict schedule like that helps build the she'll be used to hanging on her daddy when he's home and eventually even if you don't sequester yourself away, you'll all know that evenings are DHs time to step up.

My DH does baths for all three of our kids (5, 3 and 1) at once and puts the older two to bed (pjs, stories, etc). I put the 1 year old to bed. He is great at it now, better than me in many ways, because he's been doing it since they were born. But it took awhile to get the routine down and the older kids still sometimes come out and ask for me to read stories. But I really stick to the plan unless someone is sick or something (mainly because we read plenty of stories during the day and the evening is when I can finally step back and let DH take over).

So even if you could do it faster, let him do it every night. He'll get better at it and you need the break.

JL83 02-20-2010 01:12 PM

Our current routine is (times are approximate):

5:00 - DH gets home and we all eat supper together
7:30 - DD gets bedtime snack
7:45 - DD and DH go upstairs and tidy her room, brush her teeth and get her in PJs
8:00 - Main light goes out and DH read 2 stories and then sings 2 songs.
8:15 - DH comes back downstairs.

I can't imagine DD going to bed an hour after DH gets home. She's so excited to see him again after no seeing him all day.

Why do you have to get up so early? Why not shift everything later so that 8pm is the new bedtime and then get up later?

pauletoy 02-22-2010 02:16 AM

I was going to suggest, like several other posters, that you should do bathtime earlier in the day. Also, maybe not do a bath everyday (unless dd gets really dirty on a daily basis). You are trying to do alot in a small amount of time and also at a time when everyone seems to be stressed out. So change the routine.

He has a need to decompress and you have a need for help in the evenings. It's all about compromise.

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