Do you feel that our working husbands should help us a lot around the house? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-11-2010, 03:58 PM
 
BetsyS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: world of craziness
Posts: 5,307
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by slylives View Post
My husband feels the same way, I think. I am in law school, and I also work part-time. My husband still considers that I "stay home" because I don't work full-time (although he would never admit to it.).
I think your dh is a bit off. (not sure what I can say that fits into the user agreement). Law school IS a full time job. A part time job on top is gravy. And having kids, too? I think you are some sort of super woman.
BetsyS is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-11-2010, 05:52 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sanguine_speed View Post
I think this question has a lot to do with the needs of one's children. Regular, average kids versus higher-needs, I mean. You can't just say "I have 3 kids and it's easy for me, so it should be easy for you with 2."

I wish all moms could have a high-needs child at least temporarily so there would be a better understanding of how some of us must make do.
Family composition is so important. I don't know if ds2 would be classified as "high needs" to anyone else, but he certainly fits the bill as far as I'm concerned. He is more work, and adds more stress, than my other three combined (yes, including the nursling, in many ways). He's always causing havoc of one kind or another or having a meltdown, or crying that everyone hates him. It's exhausting...physically and emotionally. I honestly think that having just him would be more work than having just the other three.

There are just too many factors that come into play, which is probably part of why every family finds a slightly (or hugely) different balance.

I'll be honest. Things aren't working that well for us right now. But, it is what it is. I'm incredibly out of shape - worst I've ever been - and my health isn't the greatest, and that takes a huge toll on all of us.

But, even if I were in shape, dh would pitch in.

Oh - and neither of us does the bathrooms. That's ds1's job, once every two weeks. He does them top to bottom. DH and I just stay on top of making sure there's soap and toilet paper available, and deal with any significant messes (that one's usually me!) in between. So, as far as bathrooms go, my job is usually just cleaning toothpaste off the mirror or bath crayon off the floor or something like that.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
Old 04-11-2010, 09:31 PM
 
slylives's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 317
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BetsyS View Post
I think your dh is a bit off. (not sure what I can say that fits into the user agreement). Law school IS a full time job. A part time job on top is gravy. And having kids, too? I think you are some sort of super woman.
Thank you! So do I!!

Mama to my monkey since March 2008, wife to my husband since February 2004. After three early losses, we were successful with IVF!  joy.gif
***4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36***heartbeat.gif  
 

slylives is offline  
Old 04-11-2010, 11:29 PM
 
Tigerchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
Posts: 4,737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is a struggle for me. I grew up in a VERY VERY VERY gender-role restrictive and dominant environment. For over half my life I truly believed that a Good Wife takes care of everything domestic and doing anything less than that meant that I was a horrible failure.

My DH, on the other hand, grew up with a single mom and a strong internal need to contribute, so to him it is weird and strange to assume that he should not and cannot contribute to household management.

It can be a hard balance, especially since SAHing is my "job", to be honest if I am not careful I do have quite a bit of turf fight in me. I do think at a minimum everyone in the family can pick up after themselves and contribute something to household maintenance. I'm not the only one pooping in the toilet, walking on the carpet, shedding skin cells into the air--so it's nice if the other people who are doing the same help take care of all that stuff too, KWIM? But as a SAHM I should also not get so caught up in my turf and my control that I don't allow other people who live in the house to do the fun stuff like cooking, decorating, making decisions, ect. So for me I have to make sure that I allow with good spirit my DH to do household stuff as he wants to (since he doesn't fail to meet the minimum standard, he wants to do more). That to me is sometimes harder to deal with than someone who doesn't lift a finger, at least people understand what you are whining about if you want to vent about a hubby not doing anything--but you totally are a spoiled brat if you vent about feeling threatened that someone is horning in on your turf if your husband does too much!

I don't think there is a standard "this works" for everyone. I think it also changes over the life cycle of the family. When we had 3 kids under the age of 2, I expected a hell of a lot more "household duties" from DH than I do now that they're all school age and contibuting themselves. So I think it's better to figure out how much you need from your DH to feel supported, how much he need to feel supporting, and work that out between the individual family.
Tigerchild is offline  
Old 04-16-2010, 12:58 PM
 
Bug-a-Boo's Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida's West Coast
Posts: 642
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's a tough question. As far as helping out with the household, DH doesn't help. If I ask, he might help that time, but not regularly. He will occasionally stop at the store and pick something up if I ask-sometimes with grumbles sometimes not . He is good about bringing dinner home though.

As far as parenting I am the primary parent as I am the one always home with DS. He does help with DS when he gets home in the evenings and on the weekends. Which he should since he is a parent also and he is the who wanted a child .

DH goes out a lot-much more than I do. So he is in no way suffering by occasionally having to take care of DS while I go out right before DS goes to bed or the rare Saturday when I am doing something. Actually spending solo time with DS is a good thing and all parents should spend solo time with their children. That way they know what we SAHP really go through .

DH works full time and has a photography business also (which he decided to do and does not need to do).

~*Heather*~
Wife to J 9/00 Mama to K 12/05
Bug-a-Boo's Mama is offline  
Old 04-16-2010, 04:21 PM
 
cristeen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't read the entire thread, just pieces of it, but this is how it works in my house, and while I'm not happy with it, it's a work in progress.

I'm responsible for the day-to-day everything, childcare, appointments (even DH's), shopping, cooking, cleaning.

DH's responsibilities include taking over the baby when he gets home so I can make dinner and load the dishwasher (if I didn't get it done during a nap). He empties the litter boxes, takes out the garbage/recycling (but not the compost, I do that), empties the dishwasher, and on the weekend will sometimes go on a cleaning spree or work on a project.

I have a much higher tolerance for disarray than he does, so he gets frustrated with what doesn't get done daily, but at the same time acknowledges that on the weekends when I hand him the baby to get something done, he can't really get anything done either.

The house only really gets "cleaned" when we're expecting company - and it'll get done in pieces. Usually he'll clear the tables, I'll vacuum, he does the bathroom (I refuse) while I cook.

And I'll also say that since I've been getting at most 90 minutes sleep at a stretch, sleep dep definitely plays a part in what gets done around here and how stressed I am.

Cristeen ~ Always remembering our stillheart.gif  warrior ~ Our rainbow1284.gif  is 3, how'd that happen?!?! 

We welcomed another rainbow1284.gifstillheart.gif  warrior in May 2012!! 

2012 Decluttering challenge - 575/2012

cristeen is offline  
Old 04-20-2010, 02:34 AM
 
nina_yyc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 2,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH does bath/bed for DD every night and watches the kids while I'm at the gym or out for the occasional errand or visit with friends. For the most part I'm on top of the cooking, cleaning, and daily tidying but he isn't the type to walk by a full sink either. He does his own laundry and the occasional load of diapers. If anything needs to be done beyond the usual, like hosting a dinner party or steaming the carpets, we do it together.

DH and I agree that the house should be clean, tidy, and well-run. If he had those expectations and wasn't willing to do anything himself, I'd be pretty resentful. OTOH, he doesn't want to come home to antsy kids who have been inside doing chores all day either!
nina_yyc is offline  
Old 04-21-2010, 07:11 PM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,604
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
I just got through the thread--my internet is spotty these days.

What I find astounding in this thread is the overall lack of flexibility. Folks seem to fall into "I have to do it all" or "He has to do 50%! Dangit!" That's interesting to me. For our family things are waaaaaaaaaaaaay more flexible than that. In general I have about 500 times as much energy as my husband. I'm a bubbly, happy, energetic extrovert and I have a really hardcore Puritan work ethic that will have me up scrubbing grout with a toothbrush at 3am if it strikes me as Needing To Be Done. That said, I am a miserable pregnant person. My first pregnancy involved daily vomiting and illness and inability to move for the first six months then I moved on to official bedrest for preterm labor. My daughter was not happy unless she was attached to my breast for the first six months.

My husband is not energetic. My husband is an introvert with fairly low energy and even lower expectations for how clean the house should be. When left to his own devices things get pretty bad. Now that I am pregnant again (it's easier this time than last time--but this time I have a toddler) things are uhm... kind of gross around here. And we eat out a lot. He does about 10 times more than he wants to be doing because it has to be done and I physically can't do it.

So that's been a lot of our marriage. He does way way more than he wants to or than I particularly feel he "should have to" but it needs doing and I can't do it. Once I hit my stride with one kid, before pregnancy, he did very very little around the house. I like his attention. I am extremely greedy for his attention. I want him to have as full of a relationship with his kids as humanly possible. Given how low energy he is in general I know that he only has so much to give our family and I want that to be attention for me and the kids. So when I'm not physically debilitated I do the SuperWoman balancing act because it isn't hard for me. I thrive on being challenged and pressure and Having Stuff To Do.

So I don't think that the WOHP should or shouldn't have to do stuff. I think that all people in relationships should contribute to the best of their abilities and pick up the slack for their partners. These things will shift over time. The real problem in my mind is when one partner digs in their heels and refuses to help because it "isn't my job". That's not good for a partnership.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is offline  
Old 04-21-2010, 09:20 PM
 
Shyentist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I find this thread very interesting (sorry to butt in, I'm not a SAHM but am planning to be when DH and I succeed in our baby quest).

Funny story for you all:

Currently I work about 60-80 hours a week and bring home most of the bacon. We still try to split things 50/50. DH (who works only about 50 hrs/wk) had been complaining for some time about how much work he had to do at home (dishes, ironing, laundry, garbage, finances & taxes) compared to me (cooking, groceries, fixing stuff around the house, "heavy cleaning").

Anyway, the part that might interest you ladies: I asked him, in the midst of his most recent complaints, what his expectations were when we finally conceive and have a baby and I stay home. He said that he thought I should do more than him. "Why?" I asked. His answer: "Because you'll be home more."

So, I pounced: told him that since he's home more than me now, that must mean he should be doing the majority of the chores, right? Shut him right up But I think I made my point. No complaints since then...

Not sure how we'll handle things when I finally do get to have a baby and stay home, but you ladies have given me some food for thought. Thanks for the perspectives.
Shyentist is offline  
Old 04-21-2010, 09:49 PM
 
craft_media_hero's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: I'm diggin for fire!
Posts: 1,851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post

So I don't think that the WOHP should or shouldn't have to do stuff. I think that all people in relationships should contribute to the best of their abilities and pick up the slack for their partners. These things will shift over time. The real problem in my mind is when one partner digs in their heels and refuses to help because it "isn't my job". That's not good for a partnership.
ITA! ^ very well said.

As far as our personal arrangement: my dp works full time and goes to school part time. I am a SAHM and pregnant with our second child. I've worked very minimally throughout this pregnancy, basically just a little extra money here and there for working maybe one day a week. I also homeschool our 6yo daughter which I totally believe is a pretty big job in itself.

We are financially pretty strapped, so there is a lot of work for me that might not be there if we had more money, ie- I literally cook three meals a day from scratch because we cannot afford any convenience foods (we don't even buy boxed cereals or snacks), which is healthier anyways but does make a lot of work and dishes and takes a lot of time in cooking and finding recipes, etc. I'm sure a lot of you understand.

I definitely feel like a maid a lot. I did NOT grow up in a household where the kids were taught how to run a home---all of this has hit me like a ton of bricks, and being a SAHM has been a huge adjustment for me, just like being a sole provider has been for dp--he did not grow up with the "traditional" values that he would one day be expected to provide for a growing family.

So we are figuring all this out as we go along, and there have been a lot of growing pains. I would feel pretty heartless expecting him to do 50% of the housework when he is working 40 hrs and going to school, too. He wakes up early and is often home late and really tired. I wake up later (often) but am working from the time I get out of bed until I get back into bed, so honestly, I feel like we're both definitely towing the line in the best way we can right now----we're both required to work harder than ever before and push our limits.

Yeah, I definitely get sick of doing the dishes three times a day! Or being the only one (it seems) to clean the bathroom. I get pissy about it and sometimes throw a fit. He feels the same about his work and complains sometimes, too. I don't get "me" time. I get CRAZY being stuck in the house (we only have one car). It is rough. I though SAHMing would be cake!

Anyways, we do not have a gender-specific dynamic--I'm not the primary cleaner just because I have a vagina, and vice versa. I do the house stuff coz he's not here and doesn't have the energy to give more than he does. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when he helps with dinner of vacuums or puts away dishes, but I don't expect it. He says all the time how when he's out of school and has more time, he will help me more around the house, and I say all the time when our babies are older and maybe I've gotten thru grad school, I'll be able to earn some "real" money, and he'll be able to spend more time at home.

Ideally, we'd both be SAHPs or WAHPs or work part-time out of home seasonally---we'd love to have an alternative living arrangement that would allow our family to be together as a whole a lot more. But for now, I'm the "maid" and he's the breadwinner, who'd have thought our radical little family would be here right now?

Happy and in love with my family!
craft_media_hero is offline  
Old 04-23-2010, 06:25 AM
 
Kidzaplenty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Writing my Happily Ever After
Posts: 15,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
Kidzaplenty is offline  
Old 04-23-2010, 11:59 AM
 
Joyster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I try to have a lot of the stuff done, largely because I want our time to be relaxing family time. I like clean house, it helps me relax. Now that both DKs are in school, I can get a lot more accomplished. I do most of the cooking, the laundry, the general tidy, the shopping, the stuff that needs fixing, arranging with different services, some of the yard work, a bunch of the cleaning.

That said, if things need to be done, he has no problems picking up whatever and taking care of some chores. He is expected to clean up after himself. If we're having company, he's the cleaner/sous chef, while I am the master chef He takes the kids without question, it's his time with them, and will bathe, change, feed, clean, whatever. We are a team and sometimes we need help in our roles. DH often needs an ear with his business decisions, I am always there. I try to keep the place as calm as possible so he can relax. Sometimes I need help too. No biggie, our roles aren't rigidly defined.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
Joyster is offline  
Old 04-23-2010, 12:17 PM
 
kittywitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 13,061
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Yes. They should.

Growing up, even when my mom worked, my stepdad did NOTHING except clean his precious turtle tank. We always felt it was unfair that he did so very little and my mother did everything.

AP Mom to 5 knit.gifhomeschool.giftoddler.gif
 
  

kittywitty is offline  
Old 04-23-2010, 01:42 PM
 
attached2ethan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 163
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is a great thread. I know so many SAHM's and it seems like every one of them has a different family dynamic and expectation of their husband.

When we just had one child, I did everything around the house and my husband worked and went to school at night. Now that we're on #3, things have surely changed a lot.

It's assumed in our household that during the week he will work his 60+ hours per week, and I will oversee the happiness of the kids, the housecleaning, laundry, errands (groceries, dr. appts, dry cleaning, etc...). However, he does a LOT around the house himself and is always busy with something- the amount of effort he puts it cannot be understated. On weeknights he often does things with the kids, or I use that time to run errands or go out alone occasionally. We each get an evening per week to ourselves which is nice. Weekends are mainly spent having family time, outings, etc...the house pretty much gets neglected because I take those days "off" except for cooking and kids! My husband takes care of yardwork, keeping the garage clean, his office clean, and the pool maintenance and back porch area. He also cleans the cars, makes lots of trips to Lowe's and is always doing some kind of home improvement project. He is by no means lazy and I rarely see him sitting around, so I have no problem with the expectation that I will be in charge of the traditional housework- sometimes I feel like I have it easy compared to the pressures that are on him, because I can put off a lot of my duties off (kids aside), half ass them, or ignore them altogether and our life won't fall apart. As long as the kids are happy!

He's also very understanding when things don't get done for a few days, but then the guilt sets in and I try to save a few days per week at home to catch up on laundry and stuff- I think it's nice for him to have clean clothes, and a hot meal whenever I can, because he works hard. I do wish he'd do more pampering things for me sometimes, but he is a great husband and a great father, and honestly I can't ask for much more than what I've got.

Jessica, Mom of Three
DS #1 (age 7)
DS #2 (age 4)
DD due soon!

Jessica- married to David- parenting our 3 monkeys- DS #1 (age 7) DS #2 (age 4) and a brand new DD (born 5/10/10)
attached2ethan is offline  
Old 04-23-2010, 06:20 PM
 
wife&mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,560
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I stay home and my husband works full time. I was talking to him the other night and thanking him for doing so much around the house, because I feel that he does. And he said "what are you thanking me for, I don't do much around here". It really surprised me because I feel like I rely on him *too* much around here.

He gets up with the kids every morning because he goes into work a little later so he sees them in the morning rather than at night when he gets home. So I get a little more time to wake up. He makes them breakfast then and usually while they are eating he will do the dishes in the sink and let the dog out and feed her and give her water, too. After work or on the weekends he does all the yard work, any mending that needs done around the house, and lots of little home projects. He is in charge of doing the toilets, too. He also will often do his own laundry or sweep. So see I feel like he does a lot but he doesn't see it that way. I do a lot as well but also feel he does a ton. He also doesn't mind if I go to mom's nights out whenever our playgroups or moms groups have them. I'd say on average once a month but sometimes those are 2 times a month.

Mama to (DS 7) and (DD 5), wife to DH

wife&mommy is offline  
Old 04-23-2010, 08:14 PM
 
Amys1st's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 8,322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbhf View Post
I have to disagree, and I'm sure my husband and children would as well. I know a lot of SAHMs who have clean houses, cook great meals for their families, homeschool their children and then some, they are wonderful happy women with wonderful happy families. A SAHM is not a full time teacher, housekeeper, cook or chauffeur. A SAHM does not have a classroom full of kids for 8 hours a day and 25 tests to grade and lesson plans for the whole lot, a SAHM does not have multiple houses to deep clean daily, a SAHM is not making meals for hundreds of people, a SAHM is not in her car constantly driving whoever to the airport and then picking up someone else and taking them home and so on and so on. I do not buy the "SAHMs have the hardest job in the world" line.

And in my experience (both personal and reading here) SAHMs who consider their only job to take care of the children are miserable and seem to spend a lot of time very bored and trying to get away from their children. Now whether they are miserable because they only watch their kids during the day or if they are only watching the kids all day because they're miserable I obviously can't say.
Disagree all you want but when you get to do "Everyday Math" with your 2nd grader, spelling words, and several projects, teaching becomes your second job. And this goes for WOH parents as well. DH was on the phone the other night and I heard him reading this week's spelling words. "pair, like a pair of socks, not a fruit pear." Another Dad/friend needed the words and remembered on Thursday evening. He had DH's cell number in his cell and called him.

I do clean this house sometimes multiple times. Sometimes I clean up a spill about 1/2 dozen times a day. Oh the wonders of having a 3-8 yr old with a growth spurt!

I dont constantly drive to the airport, but one thing I REALLY needed with this current gig of SAHmom, a valid driver's license....I only have two kids and there are days when driving to soccer, softball, and then back plus add one or two neighbor kids in the sheme so their parents can pick up their other kids you are really a chauffer! Thankfully there are other parents in my circle who can also pitch in and pick up and drop off or lend a hand whether stay at home or out of the home FT.

-I cook meals usually 7 days a week. Most of the time, its set out as DH gets home so he can enjoy a meal with his family. We love that time together. HE is home a few days a week early, so sometimes he cooks or does it on the weekend.

I also dont buy the SAH parents have the hardest job. I think ALL parents have the hardest job in the world. But we all have different ways of doing it.

I do most of the work, but DH pitches in a lot. He also does all the remodeling on our home. I can count on one hand how many loads of laundry he has done in 13 years of marriage. But OTH, I can count how many times I have cleaned bathrooms. That is his job and he is excellent at it.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
Amys1st is offline  
Old 04-23-2010, 10:37 PM
 
Jenifer76's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: In a mitten
Posts: 2,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The amount of help I need from DH is variable. It has (and continues to) depend on how old the kids are, how stressed I am (or he is), and other life circumstances.

Jen, Mom to DS (8) , DD (5) & Alli
(1-04) (8-09)
Jenifer76 is offline  
Old 04-24-2010, 12:22 AM
 
Kelly1101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 3,801
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think this is the summation of the thread:


Some women do all or the majority of the housework and don't mind a bit, and that's just fine.
Some women split the housework, and that's just fine.
Some women do all of the majority of the housework despite asking their husband for help, and that ain't fine.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

Kelly1101 is offline  
Old 04-25-2010, 01:44 AM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,019
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Good news!

Soon there will be a woman scrubbing my house, but she isn't me! I found an environmentally-friendly cleaning service that doesn't charge more than the mainstream people and I'm going to try them out for a while.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
Old 04-25-2010, 12:23 PM
 
Juvysen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Binghamton, NY
Posts: 7,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
Good news!

Soon there will be a woman scrubbing my house, but she isn't me! I found an environmentally-friendly cleaning service that doesn't charge more than the mainstream people and I'm going to try them out for a while.
oh my gosh! In Syracuse?? Think they'll travel down here to Binghamton??

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

Juvysen is offline  
Old 04-26-2010, 02:09 AM
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH works, he's military and has up to 30% of the month off. When he works, he's gone for 36 hours and then stays home for 36 hours. So overall, he's home quite a bit for working full-time just with the little issue of him being gone for 1.5 days about 5-8 times per month, depending on the schedule. During his time in his bunker, he gets to watch satellite TV with Starz, has an internet connection and only here and there has to do something. Of course sometimes it's a bit rougher, but mostly he comes back home having watched 4 movies or so.

I work too, full-time. And I don't get a break. I'm a babysitter, teacher, cook, maid, bookkeeper, financial adviser, mechanic, computer repairwoman, head shopper, family-business-boss, researcher... And so on. When DH comes home, I expect him to help. He does spend time with DS. I cook cause I'm good at it and he isn't. He cleans a lot cause I hate it and he doesn't, he does the lawn mowing and spider killing. I do laundry, clean the litter boxes. I don't think I'm asking too much here.

When DH comes home, there's food, it's reasonably clean, DS is fed and happy, there's clean laundry... So I think I can expect quite some help there. I need some time for myself, DH gets it during his job all the time. And he does help me out a lot, but moans about it here and then, but then realizes that his sister is a SAHM with maids, two grandmas, a gardener and supportive husband, while I only have the latter, so he does say often that I have it "harder" and acknowledges all the work I do. I do think the work of stay at home parents is completely undervalued.
nia82 is offline  
Old 04-26-2010, 12:35 PM
 
Amys1st's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 8,322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly1101 View Post
I think this is the summation of the thread:


Some women do all or the majority of the housework and don't mind a bit, and that's just fine.
Some women split the housework, and that's just fine.
Some women do all of the majority of the housework despite asking their husband for help, and that ain't fine.
Well said.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
Amys1st is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off