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Mama to 3 boys
Mama to (DS 7) and (DD 5), wife to DH
I just knew if we ever had kids that I wanted to stay home with them like my mom did with me. I was having a rough time while pregnant and quit my job and from that point on I just stayed home. He wasn't thrilled with the idea, especially because of money, but did like that his kids were with their mom all day.
He's always wanted to do it though instead of me and have me go to work. He is extremely jealous because he wants to see the kids more. Not that he doesn't think I do anything or that he doesn't know how hard it is, but he honestly just wants to spend all day with the kids. It makes me feel bad.
I think he does expect me to work again. I had just graduated college when we got married and then not pregnant so I've really never used my degrees. I want to homeschool the kids though so I don't see myself going back for a while. I do make some money at home but it's not really a lot. We are pretty frugal and still have to stretch the budget. I am sure he would love it if I had more income.
Interesting. This sounds sort of like us, in a way. How has this impacted the dynamic of your relationship?
Mama to (DS 7) and (DD 5), wife to DH
From what you've said, although some things are the same, our situation isn't all that much like yours. I'm really sorry that you are in that position! Your husband doesn't sound helpful at all! It is sad to think you have wasted your life with someone. Or that you wish you hadn't had a child with him. HUGS to you!!!! I hope your DH becomes a little more understand, that sounds like a really hard spot to be.
Coffee, Vintage and Kids. My Life.
I was working a job that was only 40 hours a week, but at least 24 of those hours were in one long shift (then I needed to sleep the next day), so 40 hours of work was more like 46 hours of commitment. My dh was traveling 3 nights a week at the time.
I havent read the other responses....
How did you come to the decision to stay-at-home? Once our first child was born, we fell SO deeply in love with him, that we want to leave him with anyone but us...but unfortunately we hadn't made the necessary adjustments in our life for this....so for the next few years we did everything in our power to get ourselves into a situation where i could stay at home (and we had 2 more kids in the meantime).
What was your partner's initial thought or reaction? I said something about not wanting to leave him, and my husband agreed that he'd rather me be with him all the time too.
Did you both decide jointly? Yes, we discussed it and we both decided that it was the right choice for our family.
Did one want it more than the other or less than the other? I think we both wanted it the same....maybe I wanted it just a little more, but that's because I was going to be the one to stay at home.
Was it because of money? I made great money, so we took a huge cut (cut our income in more than half) for me to stay at home. Even once with 2 kids in daycare, I was still bringing home a decent amount of money. I didnt care about the money, I just wanted to be with my kids all the time.
Schedule? My employer permitted telework from home, 10 holidays, 13 sick days, 20 vacation days, 6 month maternity leave, flextime, compressed work schedule, etc..........but none of it was enough to make me stay. our kids were in the care of others at least 3 days per week, and i hated it.
Number of children? We decided I would stay home when we had 1 child, but I wasnt able to make it happen until 3 years later...and I had 3 children by then. We had to cut expenses, pay off some bills, sell a property, etc, to be able to afford me staying at home.
Cost of day care? We paid over 1k per month for daycare, and that wasnt fun, but it wasnt the main reason that i wanted to stay home.
Was your partner supportive all along or did they need to be convinced? I didn't have to convince him at all....he wanted the same thing for our family that i wanted.
Do they go along with it, but wish you would work? He says all the time how much better our life is now that I dont work....he even said he'd take on 2 or 3 jobs to pay our bills if he had to, just so one parent could always be with the kids.
Do they expect you to work again at some point? How long can you stay home for before time is up? I told him that I dont want to work for the next 20 years (when all of our kids are preparing for their adult life) and he said that is fine with him....it has allowed us to decide to homeschool, etc.
I worked from age 17 to 32 (15 years), and I worked my way up for corporate ladder so to speak. I also have 3 college degrees. Once I had kids, none of this mattered anymore. I had NO CLUE that I would feel like this...I always assumed that I would be a working mom forever. I am SO happy and thankful for my "new life"....I finally feel that I'm doing something important and that my life has meaning. I am more happy now than I have ever been. But I know that staying at home is HARD, and this life isn't for everyone. If I would have a husband that didn't agree with my decision to stay at home, I would do everything in my power to convince him and show him the benefits.
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