grandparents... *sigh* - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 05-24-2010, 05:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is there a place for this? I love the grands, but not the spoiling. Just had a baby 5 days ago and have 16mo so I needed the help, but I'm already ready to go it alone because we keep butting heads!

happily married DH with SS 9/98 and SAHM to DS 01/09 Zeke and DD 05/10 Hadassah.
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#2 of 12 Old 05-24-2010, 05:52 PM
 
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I sometimes think there should be a whole forum for MIL issues when I see some of the threads here

s for you. What kind of specific issues are you having?

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#3 of 12 Old 05-24-2010, 05:56 PM
 
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I hear you on that one. My mom bought sugar cereals when we visited, and was like why not? She just laughs! Even when I remind her that she never gave ME those cereals when I was little. She says Grandparents are supposed to give candy! Argh.

Now, I just say, ok, give them all the sugar you want, but I am going out for the evening. YOU can deal with the crazy sugar/dye behavior! Yikes!

Oh - and Grandpa was saying all day .... when we bring you to the airport, I am giving you a prize! Guess what it was? Freaking Starbursts! HELLO!!! I go to great lengths to bring protein-filled non-sugar snacks on 6-hour airplane rides!
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#4 of 12 Old 05-24-2010, 05:59 PM
 
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My FIL likes to use awful foods as rewards too. Drives me nuts. "Take your nap and when you wake up, I'll buy you a donut!"

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#5 of 12 Old 05-24-2010, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SO glad to have a place to relate.

Yeah my mom is great and really wants to honor my decisions and for the most part does a good job. She does the sugar thing too but like HappyMommy2 I told them they can do that when the kids are at their house and staying there over night! They quickly learned the consequences of this with my older SS.

Now though it is my toddler. Coddling him and letting him do what he wants basically, although she doesn't see it that way. He gets so overstimulated with her that he is hitting her and screaming at her and she doesn't understand why. When I tell her, I'm being critical and hurt her feelings. I try being subtle about it and the message doesn't get through, I am direct and it's harsh.

Example: he has three sippy cups sitting on the floor and they all have something in them. Is one not enough? Say no for crying out loud! And she's asking me how to keep him from hitting, screaming, and I say - I don't know he doesn't do that to me, maybe give him less of what he demands, show him who is boss, and allow him some down time rather than entertain entertain and leave out the schedule he has created for himself.

Whew. Thanks ladies. Needed that. I still am feeling like thanking her for the time and efforts and aid during my postpartum time but cutting her loose early and getting cracking on learning to handle a toddler and newborn by myself. Is this wise? In some regards I think it is, for my sanity's sake and to prevent even more time of undoing what he is getting used to by her being here.

BTW, her parents weren't around my brother and I when we were little so she didn't get frustrated with them about this type of thing. And my dad's parents were around even less. We visited a lot as kids, but I guess not much as toddlers/infants.

More replies/advice welcomed!

happily married DH with SS 9/98 and SAHM to DS 01/09 Zeke and DD 05/10 Hadassah.
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#6 of 12 Old 05-24-2010, 08:34 PM
 
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My father is like a second toddler.

When our DS does something he's not supposed to do we all hear, "He's got a pen and he's coloring all over the monitor..." or "He's throwing that lamp around and he's got the remote..." Instead of disciplining DS, he tattles so either my mother or myself or my husband can be the one to say no.

He also says yes to everything. I mean..everything. Juice? Sure. Oh then he wants a cookie..sure! Oh and now he wants more juice and a Popsicle? Sure!
He says he doesn't want our DS "mad" at him.

I get it. I don't mind the sugary snacks being given more often than I'd give them but we keep telling my dad that at some point he's going to have to learn how to say no to him.

My dad is actually my stepfather and he married my mom when I was 4. Our DS is the first baby/toddler he's been around and his mother was the "Kool aid has water in it so it's good for them!" type. I keep having to remind myself that my dad is honestly just clueless sometimes. He's trying though so that's gotta count, right?

The whole tattling on the two year old thing is about to drive me up the wall though.

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#7 of 12 Old 05-25-2010, 03:40 PM
 
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i was hoping i could vent about MIL somewhere in here today!

my MIL has no concept of healthy food. none whatsoever! My Earth Mama Angel Baby teas? "nothing but chemicals" she says. Soda and McDonalds? "it makes babies strong!" Exercising? "nonsense." adding sea salt to everything? "it will take away all of Gilberts (my DH) fat."

ugh.

i literally had to stand next to her while she was holding ds and drinking a soda cuz she kept looking to see if i was watching so she could give him a drink!

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#8 of 12 Old 05-26-2010, 11:48 AM
 
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I love the idea of a "complain about your in-laws" forum

mama_mimi, I wish I had some great advice, but I don't - just know it gets better as they get older! I was going crazy with the grandparents at different times, but I learned that everyone has their own ways of showing affection and I have to respect that. Just keep (gently) reminding her and eventually it may sink in. And come here to vent

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#9 of 12 Old 05-26-2010, 12:48 PM
 
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Honestly, I don't know that I'd send her home just yet. However, Moms and MILs are kinda like horses--when they misbehave, just give them a job. I had a horse attempt to run me into a house one time. I immediately started her in big circles so she couldn't think of anything else. Take the baby and toddler into your bedroom and shut the door. If you watch tv, put on a video and just rest w/the kiddos. Tell your mom that if she wants to help today she needs to do all the laundry and all the dishes and cook something for supper. If she finishes early, send her on an errand. That oughta keep her busy awhile.

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#10 of 12 Old 05-26-2010, 11:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laughymama View Post
My father is like a second toddler.

When our DS does something he's not supposed to do we all hear, "He's got a pen and he's coloring all over the monitor..." or "He's throwing that lamp around and he's got the remote..." Instead of disciplining DS, he tattles so either my mother or myself or my husband can be the one to say no.

He also says yes to everything. I mean..everything. Juice? Sure. Oh then he wants a cookie..sure! Oh and now he wants more juice and a Popsicle? Sure!
He says he doesn't want our DS "mad" at him.

I get it. I don't mind the sugary snacks being given more often than I'd give them but we keep telling my dad that at some point he's going to have to learn how to say no to him.

This is my FIL, too.

Mama to A 8/05 and S 11/06
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#11 of 12 Old 05-26-2010, 11:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBombMama View Post
i was hoping i could vent about MIL somewhere in here today!

my MIL has no concept of healthy food. none whatsoever! My Earth Mama Angel Baby teas? "nothing but chemicals" she says. Soda and McDonalds? "it makes babies strong!" Exercising? "nonsense." adding sea salt to everything? "it will take away all of Gilberts (my DH) fat."

ugh.

i literally had to stand next to her while she was holding ds and drinking a soda cuz she kept looking to see if i was watching so she could give him a drink!
My MIL has no concept of healthy food either. Apparently I am depriving her by not letting her eat junk food other than a taste IF we happen to have something... but apparently we are doing her a great injustice by spending money on organic whole foods rather than buying cheaper food so we have more money to get her other stuff.

right, because she SO much prefers your dumb sit and spin she is TOO YOUNG for over a yummy healthy meal. Right.
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#12 of 12 Old 05-28-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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Oh, my god. My mother thinks it's a Right Of Childhood to eat Oreos and McDonalds. Specifically. When I was pregnant, she looked around at our kitchen and said, "You're not going to feed the BABY these things, are you???" I replied that we were going to feed our baby exactly what we eat. Quinoa flakes and all. She keeps asking when she can have 2yo DD for a week by herself, but why in the world would I let her when she keeps trying to press frickin Frooty Pebbles on her??? Or worse, those fake-food fat-free cereal bars that are full of chemicals... I keep having to tell DD, "Grandma makes different choices than we do. I wish she wouldn't eat them but I can't control what she does. In this house, we eat real food."

Also, she can't show up at our house without a bucket of junk toys, and then she takes DD to Target and buys the place out.

Me , him , and the two most beautiful little lovey girls in the world: 3/08 and 1/10. Planning our escape from the treadmill!
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