|ex: last night i went out to dinner with friends for the first time since dd was born. He took her out for a burrito and ice cream.|
|(which happens every morning, he gets up with her takes her potty, while i make breakfast and deal with our 3 dogs)|
Those are the things about your post that really stuck out at me and make me think that you might want to try to take a more objective look at what he actually does around the house. Maybe try writing out a list of every single chore that you can possibly think of and honestly think to yourself who does it for the most part. Going by these things that stick out at me, I wonder if you might find that your DH does more than you think.
For my house, I am technically not a SAHM anymore. I work part time at a regular job and I am also a self employed photographer. But, my DH works full time and he is in school almost full time, so the time divisions might be the same. And since I work evenings I am the one home with DD all day. Also of note, I have a teen daughter, who has her own chores.
My DH handles all the car work, but what he can't or doesn't have time, my dad is a mechanic so he handles the rest. DH also does ALL the yard work, I simply refuse to touch a mower. At the same time, I do handle the front flower bed, because it's not a flower bed, but my strawberry patch. DH also handles all communication regarding school and financial aid, even though I handle the bills. He cares for the dogs...they are "his" dogs and the cats are "mine" and the girls. He's also the one who cleans the toilets. He also does all his laundry. But really, he also picks up any slack I cannot...if I have to be at work or there's some other schedule conflict, he will "cook" (sort of, this is a bone of contention for us), he puts the baby to bed, for a nap, runs the older dd anywhere etc etc.
My older dd does the dishes and counters, she babysits when DH and I cannot work our working schedules right, she does her own laundry and she does the cat boxes and feeds them. She also takes out the trash, though usually, her and DH often share this, and do it together.
The rest is pretty much mine. I do the bills/finances, I run the girls where they need to go, I run basically all the errands, I do the grocery shopping (and invest a lot of time in couponing for savings, which makes the grocery shopping I do much more involved than he would) I do basically all the cooking (again this is a bone of contention, I work 3 to 5 evenings a week, and am gone specifically over dinner time, yet I have to still come up with a dinner to be ready for them at dinner time most of those evenings, otherwise the stuff DH cooks is CRAP. Anyway...) And, because I am home more hours, it naturally defaults to me that I do most of the basic parenting of the little one regarding diaper changes, getting her for a nap, etc. Also, for the most part, I end up doing the basic picking up, vacuuming, etc.
When DH is home, he does share equally in changing Rae's diaper, getting her dressed, baths etc etc. He is just not home much.
I think the reality here is that lots of working parents don't grasp what staying home entails. Partners who come home at night and just want a break don't understand that SAHMs often go without ANY breaks during the day. (When she doesn't nap, I can't check email, clean up the kitchen or do much else around the house. I *know* parents who work use little 5-10-15 minute chunks to fool around on the Internet or otherwise turn off their brains.)
DH works longer hours and often needs to work at home in the evenings too but he does quite a bit more than the OP's. What he doesn't do is his own laundry I'm here, I do it. Apart from all the parenting stuff (which is 50/50 when he's home) he bakes our sourdough bread, looks after our kefir etc cultures, maintains our permaculture garden and cares for our chickens.
I work mostly overnights and am awake all day at home so it's almost like we are both SAHP since I pretty much leave at night and sleep at work then come home in the morning when everyone else is up.
Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012) Married to awesome SAH DH.
there seems to be the feeling that because her husband is 'typical' things are somehow okay and her wanting a bit more from him is somehow being unreasonable. hmmm.
i do agree though that there appears to be a much deeper issue than household chores. so my advice would be to focus on that and work on that.
i'm a sahm but my son goes to school till 3pm or 4pm every day (his choice). I'm pregnant at the moment, but in all honesty I just chill at home mostly. So I'm responsible for the cleaning and the dishes and the laundry and running the little errands that need running. My husband is responsible for cooking (i suck at it, so this is a neccesity on his part haha!) and taking the garbage out. We take turns with who will bath our son and read him a bedtime story - because each parent needs a break during the week. On weekends, mornings are for our son and dh. I sleep in.
I'm not sure how all this will change once the baby arrives in September. It's going to be interesting.
Anyway, we've always based the division of labour (household) on equality, which does'nt mean we each do the same things, but no one is over burdened. And I think that applies regardless of WHERE each parent is working.
Some of the things he does at home:
-takes out trash & recycling
-cleans litter box
-cleans bathroom (every other time)
-cooks dinner a couple times a week
-fixes stuff around the house
-changes diapers / pottys DD
-folds some laundry
-walks dog (1st & last walk of the day)
-plays w/ DD
-brushes DD's teeth
-does small grocery shopping (w/ my list)
I'm sure there's more I just can't think of
Kathlin mama to Kezia (3.5) & Cowan (1)
he thinks he is being superman if he plays with dd and i mean play as in friends because he takes no responsibility for actual parenting, making her do anything she doesnt want to etc.
|ex: last night i went out to dinner with friends for the first time since dd was born. He took her out for a burrito and ice cream. They left at 630 (her bedtime is 7) didnt come home until right before i did at 9:00!|
|But i want to have a productive discussion where I say "i need you to take over responsibility for .....|
My DH works long hours and travels, and is currently living away from us for 2 months. His currently house hold responsibilities are limited to things that can be done over the phone or the internet.
His role in our family in an emotional support, love, caring, talking over parenting decisions, soul mate, encouraging in the kids, partner, etc. (He also makes all the money that supports the kids and I)
But he hasn't washed my car in a really long time!
but everything has pros and cons
I agree with some of the PP's, that it sounds like there is a lack of appreciate going on, maybe on both sides. I struggle with this sometimes too, feeling unappreciated, or that my dh does nothing to help. But he really DOES. Dh has been gone over a month (for work) and it has really helped us both realize how much we need each other.
I also have had to accept the fact that he has his own way of being a parent, and just because it's not MY way, doesn't make it wrong. In fact I feel like it'd really important for ds to have that balance in his life.
"it's so hard being a mom, you are always the bad guy"
I consider anything my husband does around the house a gift. You are not going to win in this relationship if you keep score. kwim
Like another poster said you both seem like youre feeling under appreciated
sometimes when you are working on a piece of art up close a long time you need to look at it from across the room to get the whole picture sorry if that makes no sense but i have those moments too where i have to tell myself he really is trying his best
He reminds me, "We arrange things so that you can stay home to raise our son. You have not put your career on hold to be the housekeeper."
and walking a path illuminated by our 5/08 8/11 due in 1/14