Can anyone recommend any books or articles written about the benefits of being a SAHM - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 06-02-2010, 09:01 PM - Thread Starter
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I guess I would like some ammunition against the people in my life that think it is not a good idea.
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#2 of 5 Old 06-03-2010, 12:57 AM
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To be honest I don't think there's *any* books you can use as ammo against people who are against the idea of SAHMing--because really, it doesn't have anything to do personally with you or most likely with SAHMing. It's about each of those folks' backgrounds and fears (some that are reasonable, some that are not).

Most extremely pro-SAHM books I have seen (like Dr. Laura's, for example) are also hostile and kind of gross to the "other side". They're not the books you give to people to change their mind, they tend to be books that you use to pump yourself up or to "get back" at those people. Often times without good results, since again--if people in your life are ragging on you for being a SAHM it really doesn't have anything to do with you.

For every pro you list, someone will have a con. And it's even easier for most people to pick apart a book than it is for them to have a discussion with you about your reasons.

I think eventually you have to learn to let go of other people's negative reactions. If you were working, you'd be dogged on too most likely. Why waste time, energy, and $$ on someone's reactions that you can't control.

I found that I was far less stressed out once I stopped trying to convince people that no, really, I made the best decision for me! and just shrugged and tried to be compassionate for their reasons why they made different choices.

Hopefully people will have some gentle, non gross book ideas for you--but...I would really examine what it is that you want vs. what you think you will actually get before buying/giving someone a book, KWIM? Esp. if it's someone that you don't already have a very open, honest relationship with. I think otherwise it's far more likely to do harm and drama than good.

Not everyone is going to think your decisions are good ones. IME it's useless to start a fight over it. They don't control you, you don't control them. It's okay that they think that SAHMing isn't the greatest; just like they need to just get over the fact that you think it's awesome.

If you're looking for snappy comebacks...I've found the most effective is, "Thanks for being concerned about me, obviously you care about me and I appreciate that. But this is my decision, I'm really happy with it, and I don't think you have to make the same decision at all. Do you think we can move on from this subject?"
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#3 of 5 Old 06-03-2010, 01:07 AM
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It touches on a lot more than just SAHMing, but Radical Homemakers might suit you. It just came out this year, I can't remember the author's name but she is from New York State.
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#4 of 5 Old 06-03-2010, 01:08 PM
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What Mothers do, Especially when it looks like Nothing - Stadlen
Again, this isn't ammo, per se, but author shows how the seeming 'minutia' of mothering adds up to a huge intense job. It was really very heartening and validating in a non-defensive way. And it's not totally for SAHM, although it is mostly about SAHM as I recall, but is matter-of-fact and kind of anthropological about how freakin difficult and important it is to be a mom.

Also, I just heard recently on NPR about a study showing a potential correlation of childcare and impulsive behavior in later life, and between 'quality childcare' and school grades later. Here - found link below. Another link about IQ and childcare.

I guess I don't want to run the risk of insulting people who choose to or must put kids into the very best care they can, but for me I think my particular kid will be better off cognitively and emotionally in my care than in daycare for now, anyway. I'm very grateful I have the option.
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#5 of 5 Old 06-03-2010, 02:54 PM
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I would be very careful to try to convince people that SAHMing is a better option than WOHMing. I know that a lot of my friends really wish they could stay home but can't. If I implied that their children were worse off because they WOHMed it would be pretty hurtful kwim? I know that my MIL still regrets not staying home with her kids and that was 20 years ago! If people give you grief either stop talking to them or shrug it off. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate anyone who wasn't a close family member openly criticizing my parenting choices.

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
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