Brand new SAHM- feeling scared - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 06-05-2010, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone else feel nervous or disoriented when they stopped working outside the home?

I went back to work this week after my maternity leave ended, it just felt wrong and like too much too soon. So I quit yesterday and I am pretty sure that it was the right decision, but it feels weird and scary to be unemployed and not really know if/when I'll ever join the working world again.

When I look at DD's sweet face, I feel hopeful, but I'm also scared... I NEVER envisioned myself as a SAHM- I loved getting my degrees and I was only just barely getting established in my field when I gave birth. I know it may be hard to get re-established in my field if/when I'm ready to return because I have so little work experience...and I may have a long gap on my resume since we hope to have more children. I'm also worried about getting restless...I know there are classes I could take, and activities I could join, but many of those cost $ and we will have to be really frugal without my salary.

Anyone BTDT? Its all so new and while I think this is probably the best decision for our family, it feels so weird that a job outside the home is no longer part of my life and identity.

Mom to DD born March 2010, and someone new March 2012

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#2 of 11 Old 06-08-2010, 12:23 AM
 
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The best advice I have to offer is not to get too ahead of yourself. Being a SAHM is the right decision for you now, so that's great. Personally I left I job I wasn't very happy with, but I still missed it for the first 2 years or so.

I've always felt busy, which I like. What keeps me busy changes regularly for me. For a while I babysat for a friend who was going back to school. Then I went back to teaching Tae Kwon Do for a while. Now that DS is nearly 14 mos. (DD is nearly 5), I'm feeling the urge to do something else again. I'm working on starting a small business selling the soaps and lotions I've been making for years and learning how to use plants to dye silks and yarns. So far it hasn't made me much money, but I enjoy it and it gives me something to do besides be a mother.

My point is that there is plenty out there to keep you busy. I've been enjoying pursuing hobbies that are productive - baking, knitting, soap-making (see above). And, around here there are a lot of free activities for little kids - storytime at the library, the play space at the mall, there was a kids' musician who used to play at a local bread store twice a week when DD was younger.

I hope this is clear. It's late and I'm having a rough night with DS. Try to take it one day at a time and enjoy your baby while taking care of yourself, too.

Crafty Mama to 5 year old DD and 1 year old DS.
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#3 of 11 Old 06-09-2010, 01:07 PM
 
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Investing time in your child is so imporant. Just think that your little one is your full time job. I love watching my little guys grow and learn. We are always going and that makes the day go by so quickly.

I always have something to do. Around the house, go to the playground, and so much more.

I hope that helps. I'm very trier but I just want to say something.
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#4 of 11 Old 06-09-2010, 02:09 PM
 
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Investing time in your child is so imporant. Just think that your little one is your full time job. I love watching my little guys grow and learn. We are always going and that makes the day go by so quickly.
this has been the outlook that works best for me. I was not at all excited about being a sahm, but now, because I have taken it on as my "job," I take a lot of pride in what I do and find new ways to challenge myself. I've been reading and researching a lot about discipline (ds is almost 2 and dd was born in march, just like yours! ), vaccinations, toys, etc. also planning meals, hikes, how to get the best deal on clothes, craft projects, etc. I just keep trying to find new angles to challenge myself in my new position and try to take it just as seriously as I would a "real job."

a neighbor just complimented my mothering this morning, so I guess I am feeling especially empowered and like I am doing the right thing today. I am not this upbeat about it every day by any means be gentle with yourself, acknowledging that your life has changed in a lot of ways in a very short time, and trust yourself to know that you are doing what is best for your family.

wendy
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#5 of 11 Old 06-09-2010, 02:17 PM
 
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You can join a Meetup group in your area..AP groups, LLL,etc.. There is a lots of activities , playdates, etc to join that you don't need to expend ay money.

Mama of and , partners.gif with  Love
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#6 of 11 Old 06-09-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Nazsmum View Post
Investing time in your child is so imporant. Just think that your little one is your full time job.
I agree completely! Raising your child is really important work. You aren't lounging at home working on a hobby. You are working to give the world a responsible, productive citizen. Try to ignore the fact that society often doesn't value the work you do as it should. You'll just have to keep reminding yourself that the work you are doing now is worthy of your time, talents and education - nothing that you bring to the table in your new role is being wasted on your child. She will need all you have to offer to be who she is meant to be.

And know that it isn't always easy. I struggle with similar issues a lot (check out my "house slave" lament on another thread ). Don't ignore these thoughts and feelings - muck around in them a bit and see what they are all about and if they are true. The fact that you quit the way you did suggests to me that you have a heart for this work - so let it be your guide.

Hugs to you!
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#7 of 11 Old 06-09-2010, 05:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lizsky View Post
Anyone else feel nervous or disoriented when they stopped working outside the home?

I went back to work this week after my maternity leave ended, it just felt wrong and like too much too soon. So I quit yesterday and I am pretty sure that it was the right decision, but it feels weird and scary to be unemployed and not really know if/when I'll ever join the working world again.
I felt this way exactly. I had planned to not go back to work after dd was born, but it was hard for me to come to terms with the decision. I will say, though, that the feelings passed very quickly for me. I really haven't given work a second thought
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#8 of 11 Old 06-10-2010, 08:07 AM
 
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It took a while for me to be comfortable in my new career. I really loved the old one, and for me, it took a while of grieving the old me and embracing the new me. Not that I wasn't excited about being a SAHM, not that I don't love it. It was just a big change, and it deserved some acknowledgement.

So, don't be afraid to miss the old career sometimes.
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#9 of 11 Old 06-12-2010, 03:05 AM
 
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I felt the same way as you. Don't worry - you will find your way with time. It took me a whole year to find my "groove" as a stay at home mom.

There were two books that I loved that helped give structure to my day and made being a SAHM fun. Maybe you will enjoy them, too:

Simple Abudance: A Day Book of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breatnach

and

The MomsTown Guide to Getting it All: A Life Makeover for Stay At Home Moms

I really recommend the second one as it was written by two Wall Street professionals turned stay at home moms. Great tips and techniques for being structured and enjoying your time at home!

Mothering my sweet preschool boy luxlove.gif and my new arrival bfinfant.gif

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#10 of 11 Old 06-17-2010, 09:48 PM
 
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I work from home now, but after I quit my job to spend more time at home, and before I figured out my next steps, I found myself having panic attacks the first few weeks that I was at home. It was a big leap! I have another friend who had left her job the year before me, and she told me she had panic attacks as well.

The good news is that they went away pretty quickly, in maybe 2 months? Once I developed my own routine and stopped worrying that I wasn't "at work" it got much better.
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#11 of 11 Old 06-18-2010, 12:22 AM
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I never expected to be a stay at home mom, but it is really rewarding. What line of work were you in? Maybe there is something you could do from home for a little extra cash.
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