Lately I have been very discontent with staying home with my kids and I'm not sure what to do. I have 4 children: 16, 14, 12, 3. I have always been home with them because we have homeschooled, but I feel really burnt out on it. I feel I don't have any kind of life of my own. It's always been, the children come first, their needs and wants and I sacrifice my needs and wants. Shouldn't there be a line somewhere so it doesn't feel like I am only here as a mom and housekeeper? I don't have many opportunities for social interaction with other women, but when I do I feel like I have nothing to offer. I don't have anything to talk about but my children. It makes me feel like a loser. All people ever talk to me about, too, is my kids. It's like they know I have no life of my own. It would be nice of someone to ask how I was doing for once, you know what I mean? Anyway in these situations I always see other women, moms usually, with lives outside their kids: they have jobs or are going back to school or are busy with social activities, etc. and I think why can't I do that too.
Well I have a few problems:
First, my husband wants me to be home and homeschool.
Second, every time I start thinking about doing anything for myself I feel guilty, like I would be abandoning my children, esp. my youngest who is only 3.
Thirdly, we are broke, barely scraping by, so it's not like I have any money to go anywhere or do anything.
Fourth, I tried, a few years ago, when I felt similar, to get a minimum wage job because I haven't worked in forever and couldn't find anything else. It was terrible, I hated it because I was treated like I was stupid and looked down upon, etc. Going into that kind of situation doesn't seem like an answer to me.
Fifth, I live in a very small town with limited possibilities.
Sixth, after years of living only for my kids I wouldn't even know what interests me or what I would want to do.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. I keep going around and around in my brain, but always come up with obstacles that I'm not sure I can overcome.