Join Date: May 2009
Location: East Coast Cheese
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In 3 weeks I will start nursing school and my DS of 2.5 years will start at preschool 5 days per week. He has been home with me up until this point.
I am finding myself having virtual panic attacks daily, and can't figure out if I am just nervous for the changes or if the emotions I am feeling are due to the fact that I've really gotten myself in a pickle and all I want to do is stay home and be a mama.
DH wants me to go to school and for DS to go to his preschool, and thinks I am being emotional and overreacting. He is frustrated as I have gone back and forth several times about this-- but now my textbooks are bought, and DS's tuition is paid for. I don't know, maybe it is the "Understanding Pathophysiology" book that is making me nervous (and the 20 others just like it in a stack), knowing what I am in for if I start school yet again, and maybe it is knowing that my mornings with my DS are over, and that we have it so good right now and I went and wrecked it by thinking we needed "more"--
What is it about me (and I'm sure many others) that is never satisfied? I find as school draws near, I am angry at myself for thinking we have to change what is going on. Sure, our house is small, but, hey, we have one, right? And money is tight due to one income, but we've yet to be late on a bill.
Can someone please tell me what is wrong with me?! I feel like I have two personalities-- the driven one, and the one that just wants to be a mama.
Thanks for letting me vent, just feeling frustrated at my lack of direction...
Ugh, journeymom, thank you so much. yes it would. had a heart to heart with my own mother-- she said the same thing. Perhaps I would be sabotaging myself if I backed out now. I should give it a try, knowing that anything can be reversible if it is THAT horrible.
She also brought up a good point. Some serious anxiety came about last week when I worked (I have a very part time gig right now) Thursday evening and then had an all day course Friday, so went a long time without having time with DS. I was broken up about it, but guess what? he was just fine... happy to see me and had missed me, but just fine all the same.
No one ever tells you that parenting is so hard, eh mamas?
but everything has pros and cons
Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids.
Well I disagree that things can always be undone. You can never get that year back with your son, even if you decide to quit school after the first year. You just have to exam your own feelings to find out what is truly the right move. And I wouldn't get swayed by the money already invested.
You can never get that year back with your son, even if you decide to quit school after the first year.
but everything has pros and cons
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