How does this work? Am I allowed to take on other things when I can't even get the house clean?
My situation... I've been SAHM for 5 years, ever since ds1 was born. (I have two boys, 3 & 5.) I suck at housekeeping. I try to keep up on things, I do. From day one with a high-maintenance ds1, I have not been able to maintain a clean or tidy apartment/house. Then I had a high-maintenance preschooler PLUS a baby. Then they were 1 & 3, and I couldn't do a THING (we could afford weekly housekeepers that year!). Well, now they're 3 & 5 and somehow I still spend a lot of time referreeing them, etc. So, I'm bad at it. Don't know how other people manage it.
Meanwhile, for the last 5 years, dh complains and pleads and seethes about the state of the house. I have improved, I KNOW I have. I've instituted new systems in the last few months, now that I feel I have the breathing room, with the kids being "older". Every evening I make a point to clean off the main counter in the kitchen, and every morning I try to actually run the dishwasher so I don't get a full day behind on dishes. (Of course by dinner there's a full sink of dishes again....) I try to get the living room (playroom) almost back to square 1 in the evening, so we wake up to a decent space. Laundry - well, I'm not good at keeping up on it. DH ends up doing his own and resenting it. I've set up email reminders for me to vacuum different rooms each week, etc. That has gotten it done more often, still not perfectly "on time".
I could go on - but, the long and the short of it is, I'm a messy person, dh is neat. I don't see dirt and he notices EVERYTHING and is bothered by it. But I'm the SAHM and I believe it should be my domain to keep the house. But more to MY standards than his. But, I try to get it closer to his.
So NOW.... ds2 is starting a co-op preschool in the fall (ds1 will be in all-day Kindergarten!). Tonight was my first meeting for the school, about fundraisers for the year. Everyone is expected to contribute some time to organizing a fundraiser. When I got home and filled in dh about it, he started going off about how dumb it is, how inefficient (I agree actually), how we'll end up spending time and money on organizing when we could just pay a bit more in tuition and be done with it. THEN he comes out with how how I shouldn't be taking on extra stuff, he won't be happy if I can't even do the basics of the house. Like until the house is neat I can't do anything else??
I don't see it that way. Dishes and an extra email or phone call are different things - the energy they take, the time of day, etc. And doesn't scheduling in more things often mean MORE gets done, somehow the organizing and the energy steps up a bit to accommodate it all? Or am I wrong about this. Anyway, it's not really an option to say I can't help fundraise, and it could be good to put my brain on something for an hour or two or whatever, but dh is actually proposing we pay a couple extra hundred dollars to the school, as if we contributed enough and any other project I take on is just extra. His math may be right on that, but it's socially wrong......
And he went off about how the house is "always" this or that when TODAY when he got home the sink was empty, there was a laundry running, the kids had a bath, the living room was pretty picked up, the counter was cleared. (The rest of it - same as ever, due for a dusting, due for a mopping. But he didn't notice the good stuff.)
And it makes me mad to think I shouldn't be "allowed" to do other things until I can get my housekeeping skills up to par! Actually, I've been tempted to fill up my life with other pastimes, like cooking from scratch more, or finally learning to sew, or more gardening, etc. Or a very part time job, if there were any to be had. How does this work for other SAHMs? Do you first master the home-making, or do you do other volunteer stuff or PTA or whatever anyway?? Thanks for reading all this, part vent, part question....
My situation... I've been SAHM for 5 years, ever since ds1 was born. (I have two boys, 3 & 5.) I suck at housekeeping. I try to keep up on things, I do. From day one with a high-maintenance ds1, I have not been able to maintain a clean or tidy apartment/house. Then I had a high-maintenance preschooler PLUS a baby. Then they were 1 & 3, and I couldn't do a THING (we could afford weekly housekeepers that year!). Well, now they're 3 & 5 and somehow I still spend a lot of time referreeing them, etc. So, I'm bad at it. Don't know how other people manage it.
Meanwhile, for the last 5 years, dh complains and pleads and seethes about the state of the house. I have improved, I KNOW I have. I've instituted new systems in the last few months, now that I feel I have the breathing room, with the kids being "older". Every evening I make a point to clean off the main counter in the kitchen, and every morning I try to actually run the dishwasher so I don't get a full day behind on dishes. (Of course by dinner there's a full sink of dishes again....) I try to get the living room (playroom) almost back to square 1 in the evening, so we wake up to a decent space. Laundry - well, I'm not good at keeping up on it. DH ends up doing his own and resenting it. I've set up email reminders for me to vacuum different rooms each week, etc. That has gotten it done more often, still not perfectly "on time".
I could go on - but, the long and the short of it is, I'm a messy person, dh is neat. I don't see dirt and he notices EVERYTHING and is bothered by it. But I'm the SAHM and I believe it should be my domain to keep the house. But more to MY standards than his. But, I try to get it closer to his.
So NOW.... ds2 is starting a co-op preschool in the fall (ds1 will be in all-day Kindergarten!). Tonight was my first meeting for the school, about fundraisers for the year. Everyone is expected to contribute some time to organizing a fundraiser. When I got home and filled in dh about it, he started going off about how dumb it is, how inefficient (I agree actually), how we'll end up spending time and money on organizing when we could just pay a bit more in tuition and be done with it. THEN he comes out with how how I shouldn't be taking on extra stuff, he won't be happy if I can't even do the basics of the house. Like until the house is neat I can't do anything else??
I don't see it that way. Dishes and an extra email or phone call are different things - the energy they take, the time of day, etc. And doesn't scheduling in more things often mean MORE gets done, somehow the organizing and the energy steps up a bit to accommodate it all? Or am I wrong about this. Anyway, it's not really an option to say I can't help fundraise, and it could be good to put my brain on something for an hour or two or whatever, but dh is actually proposing we pay a couple extra hundred dollars to the school, as if we contributed enough and any other project I take on is just extra. His math may be right on that, but it's socially wrong......
And he went off about how the house is "always" this or that when TODAY when he got home the sink was empty, there was a laundry running, the kids had a bath, the living room was pretty picked up, the counter was cleared. (The rest of it - same as ever, due for a dusting, due for a mopping. But he didn't notice the good stuff.)
And it makes me mad to think I shouldn't be "allowed" to do other things until I can get my housekeeping skills up to par! Actually, I've been tempted to fill up my life with other pastimes, like cooking from scratch more, or finally learning to sew, or more gardening, etc. Or a very part time job, if there were any to be had. How does this work for other SAHMs? Do you first master the home-making, or do you do other volunteer stuff or PTA or whatever anyway?? Thanks for reading all this, part vent, part question....