My husband works nights so I ALWAYS do the night routine. (Which is really hard, my DD doesn't go to sleep easy.) Then during the day he's upstairs sleeping so when things get hard I'm just thinking, "I wish I could sleep eight hours in a row, it would be so nice to take a shower everyday..' and on and ON!
I am really worried that I might not be as thankful of the wonderful things (although I do realize that I have alot of joy) but I am so focused on how hard this is! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! I have less than zero family support from my birth family, too. (Lots of stuff, but mostly my father is recently dissabled and my mother is overwhelmed and dissapointed at how much caregiving she needs to do. When I visit them I end up offering them support, cleaning, cooking, emotional, ect. And then I resent that.)
This is hard for me to admit. I don't know why I am so negitive but I don't feel like I can get over it. ANyone BTDT?
Newly Single-Mama. Raising homebirth baby, Josephine, July '09.
Do you know any families with stay at home moms nearby or families of your husbands co-workers that might also be dealing with the night shift issues? What is your DH doing in the morning when he gets home or before work to help relieve you?
It must be very frustrating though at times to KNOW he's sleeping upstairs and you're struggling downstairs. I know I feel frustrated when my husband is working at home and we're having a meltdown.
Try to make sure you're doing something at least once a week that YOU want to do, and a toddler is acceptable to bring along. Sometimes we do too much 'oh she'll like that or this... and we're trying so hard and they don't even really care'.
It really is hard though. And it sounds like your situation is made harder because you're always on duty--whether your husband is at work, or home sleeping. That's really unsustainable, mama. You can't be expected to be completely responsible at all hours of every day. You need time to yourself to recharge. Can you hire a part-time mother's helper or caregiver to come once or twice a week? What about joining a gym that has an in-house daycare? Even taking just a few hours every week will make a huge difference.
So sorry you're not getting the support you need right now. There was a period of time when DH was gone for weeks on end. We lived in the country and I had no friends or family nearby and no one to turn to when I needed help. Those were some of the toughest months of my life and there were times I wanted to run screaming out the front door and never look back. I know it's hard.
Loving wife and mama to my sweet little son (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl (Fall 2010)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw
Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdad and mom to DS 24 months, and DD 8 months! .
I can relate about dh working nights. I have a 3.75ds and 1.5dd and I have been struggling with bedtimes by myself since the oldest was born! I only just in the last couple of months feel like I've finally got a good routine down and I can actually get everyone to sleep by a decent hour. But I just found out I'm pregnant so not sure what I'm going to do when I have 3 to put to bed by myself!
We made a rule that there is no comparing because it's always a grass-is-greener kind of thing. I try so hard to see it from his perspective. He works constantly; he wishes he could do what I do instead. And, okay, I'm a complainer. If I were the one working, I'd probably still find a way to compare us to death until I came out the "winner"/most martyered. It's dumb! But hard.
Because what we do is the most important job. No one gives us praise/raises. No one gives us vacation time or days off. And the stakes are higher than high--our children's lives and wellbeing are at stake!
So find a network of other SAHMs if you can. Try to see things from his perspective if you can. Try to stop comparing and find the silver lining (it's hard, believe me, but it's there). And get some relief. We started a thing a while ago where one night a week each of us goes off and does something on our own w/o the kids (haven't done it in a while since we have a newborn at home), and it did wonders for our relationship and my sanity.
People aren't meant to live in isolation like we do. I hope you can get the support you need and don't feel badly for needing it. If it helps, all the mamas and papas in this forum have your back. Hang in there!
keep in mind that the age your DD is now is hard (well they are all hard but they are hard for different reasons) someday you WILL be able to take a shower everyday. alone even. some ideas
- make friends who have similarly aged kids and/or are kid friendly
- get out, go to the park, nature walks... something.
- try to keep a reasonable routine so your DD knows whats going to be happening everyday which may solve a few of the tantrums.
- keep your sense of humor
- take showers together? at least it gets you washed everyday
- to avoid frustration from both of you just remove EVERYTHING that isn't okay to touch / play with from her reaching area. (really i know its a pain but rather then having to fight over if she can throw all the flour on the floor for the 35th time that day just remove it.) if you have to by a big plastic tub and put all the stuff that is normally down low in it. you will be able to put it back again someday
Ak Hippie mama Yamia DSD '03 DS '07 DS2 '09 & DS3 '12
Anyhow, I just wanted to say you are not alone and it is hard to stay positive. Hopefully...this too shall pass
anyway, i just wanted to illustrate how it wokrs for me in one area. you just have to find your groove, your routine.
by the way, i started typing this with a sleeping baby on me and a 3 yo who was watching tv, and ended with a 3yo who had woken her sister up anfd both wanted to help me type/. now i gotta go hang up klaundry whoile they play on the yard. i just take them everywhere
Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
But he makes time for us before and after his shifts, so I can get a nice break. He comes home around 8am, I shower, he eats breakfast (dinner?) and hangs with the kids, then goes to bed at 9am. He's up at 3:30pm, goes for a run and showers and then takes point on the kids from 4:30 until 5:30pm.
Do you guys have something worked out for you to get those little breaks each day?
When I have bad days that's what I think. What else would I do?
I agree with getting together with others parents is wonderful, so good for the soul-- to talk to other parents and see what they're doing.
Are there any toddler parks and recs. classes in your area? Those are another good outlet.