Was your mom a sahm or not? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-28-2010, 05:04 AM
 
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My mom was a PT worker. Teaching piano, working for the church. She didn't get a FT job til I was 11, and that was being an elementary music teacher.

But I was raised in a split-house-hold, every few days between mom & dad. Not the every-other weekend... for me, was every other day. And at my Dad's house, while he was the worker/money maker, i have memories of taking the bus to his work before I was old enough to go home. Even on my "mom" days. I went to his work every day after school - mom would come and get me after he "lessons".

Later, when she was teaching at school, she had the same schedule as me. So she was home 20minutes after I was home.

Being a SAHM now, at least for the past year, is something neither of my parents thought I could do, nor really condoned. They'd never experienced it 100% (again, split-household... they divorced when I was a baby, so it was always split). Granted, I'm in graduate school and I somewhat WOH... so a full SAH schedule, I might go crazy with. But, I know that I love it. I wouldn't give it up for a day. I'm annoyed at any potential of going back to work full-time.

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Old 09-29-2010, 03:49 PM
 
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Just wondering if your mom stayed at home or if she worked outside of the home and how that influenced your decision to sah.
My mom was a teacher so she had the same time off with us. Occasionally I was alone for an hour or so in the afternoons until older siblings and Mom and Dad got home from work.

I quit work when my eldest was 3 because I couldn't handle the stress of the balancing act any more.

The upside to my mom working full time: my parents had more money than dh and I do. Mom was a good example to me, of a woman who was financially responsible and able to take care of herself. My siblings and I were more independent than my kids are.

The down side to my mom working full time: She was harried on weekends trying to play catch-up. And there were times when I needed my mom to be more emotionally present and she could not be.

I am soooo ready to go back to work.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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Old 09-30-2010, 01:49 AM
 
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No, she wasn't. But I wasn't in daycare from 8-5 every day, either. She intentionally took a job with crazy hours (opposite of my dad's schedule) so I would only spend a half day in daycare. She often says it is one of her biggest regrets and if she could do it over, she wouldn't have worked. She reminds me of this from time to time when I have a bad day and wish I had a full time job (even though I know that wouldn't make me happy) and it really puts it into perspective for me because I really am blessed to be able to stay home w/ her.

SAHM to my sweet girl born in fall 2009

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Old 09-30-2010, 11:36 AM
 
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My mom was a SAHM (did sewing out of the home. she is a prof seamstress) until I was in 4th grade. My youngest brother was 3. My parents were building a house on my grandparents land (400ft from my grandparents house). It was convenient for my mom to leave my brother w/ them while she worked part time & my parents needed the extra $ b/c of the house. She did not go back to work ft until my brother was in school. Then we went to my grandparents house after school for a couple hrs until she got home. We all really liked the time we got to spend with them

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Old 10-01-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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My mom stayed home, but she was a different SAHM than I wanted to be. She did all the cleaning/cooking and we just sort of puttered around...I don't remember her doing much with us at all. She was just expected to be home with the kids. Myself, this is my chosen field so to speak .

I have 3 kids! : Lookit them go!!!
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:34 PM
 
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My parents were self-employed so I sorta-kinda had both as SAHPs. In many cases we lived at our place of business, like when we lived in an apartment-like setting in the back rooms of an arcade/bookstore.

No doubt the way I was raised had a HUGE influence on how I raise my kids. I agree with almost everything my parents did and try to emulate them in many ways, including some really oddball/non-mainstream things like not controlling food at all. (Which, BTW, is working out beautifully for us... I guess junk food isn't that interesting when it's not "special". DD would rather have a big bowl of plain raw spinach than eat candy.)

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Old 10-05-2010, 06:54 PM
 
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My mum was at home until I was 9, during which time I was homeschooled. She had to go to work after that, and my sister and I entered public school, but since she was a teacher, we all had the same schedule.
My parent's decision did not really play a role in our decision for me to be home once kids began to arrive; DH and I agree that for us, why have kids if you're going to pay someone else to raise them?
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Old 10-05-2010, 07:00 PM
 
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My mom did both for several years at a time. When she was working full time, she'd come home exhausted and I felt like my siblings and I were all missing out. When she was home, our family felt much closer and happier.

It's definitely a big reason why I stay home with my dc.
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Old 10-06-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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I can't remember if she stayed home when we were younger but all I can remember is that she worked nights. Which means she slept most of the day.
It was awful. I didn't like her never truly being 'there'.

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Old 10-06-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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DH and I agree that for us, why have kids if you're going to pay someone else to raise them?
While I can understand the sentiment and thought behind the phrase "why have kids if you're going to pay someone else to raise them?", it is really a slap in the face of all those parents who have no choice to put their children into daycare and who have taken the time, effort, and trouble to hunt for the best dc that they could find. And unless you are going to keep your child away from all society, have them at home, no doctors/dentists, no teachers, etc., you are going to pay other people to help raise your children. Day care does not raise children any more than teachers or doctors do. Parents raise children. Working status can be the difference between living in an unhealthy environment, poor or no housing, crappy food and little of it, little or no education or bad education at best and the ability of living in a safe neighborhood where the children can ride their bikes, have good food, medical care when needed, access to libraries and good books, clothing, trips to museums and vacations, etc. We all want the best for our children, some parents chose to have 1 parent work and the other stay home; other parents chose to have 2 working parents; and some parents have no choice--they must work.

Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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Old 10-06-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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My Mom was a SAHM until all of us started public school. Then she became the school nurse at the elementary school, part time. Still at home when we were, but working a little too. DH's mom was a SAHM forever. Literally, she hasn't worked since marrying my FIL 60 years ago. I was definitely influenced by my Mom staying at home and DH was in total agreement since his Mom stayed at home too.

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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Old 10-06-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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my mom was a single mother and worked one to two jobs always. even though we were very poor- my childhood was filled with amazing fun memories. we were pretty happy. my mom was home on weekends- we went camping A LOT....

she had no other choice and would have chosen to stay home if she could have.... i remember very clearly wishing she would be at home with us.

she went back to school for her cpa "for us" and we all often told her we much preferred being poor to having her gone even more AND being a ball of stress.

she got really depressed from all the stress and turned into a monster.

so yeah, that influenced my choice in that i think the healthiest thing for children is a happy mama. whether working or at home.

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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Old 10-06-2010, 03:25 PM
 
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My mom was a single parent to two kids one of whom paid no child support, the other paying minimum. She worked hehe.

I don't know if that impacted my decision or not to be a SAHM. I just know I feel it is best for kiddos in my personal opinion. I don't recall really thinking about my experiences as a kid to a working parent.
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Old 10-06-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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Mine was for a few years. She hated it. Mostly because my sdad made it miserable for her, though, and insisted she SAH instead of work. She is very supportive of me SAH, though, as she wanted the *choice* and does think it's great for the kids if it is a choice. Otherwise she was a single WOH mom most of my life.

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Old 10-06-2010, 04:17 PM
 
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No, my mom worked a lot. We spent most of our time with a babysitter until we were old enough to be home alone, then we were latch key kids. I hated it and it's one of the reasons I wanted to be a SAHM.
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Old 10-06-2010, 05:07 PM
 
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So at the end of the day, my ds is sleeping soundly and i'm just happy to have been here with him doing everyday things, and to say I was there when he needed me, and maybe we won't be going to Disneyland, but hey there is always a good book to read to him or a trip to the park or zoo that he will remember doing with me...
This really touched me.

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Old 10-06-2010, 06:31 PM
 
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My mom stayed at home until I was 5 and then she got a job.

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Old 10-11-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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My Mom went back to work when I was 5.
One of the things I remember her telling me in my later teens, was that she hopes I stay at home with my own children as long as I can. She even told me she would help to support me so I could be at home with them.
I was influenced very much by this. Grateful for the encouragement as well.
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Old 10-11-2010, 06:36 PM
 
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My mom stayed at home til I was 1, then maternity leave ended. She never enjoyed staying at home for one year and was glad to be back at work. She always worked a lot and my dad did most of the childcare, including homework help, but also cooking and cleaning. He worked full-time too.
My mother hates SAHMs, thinks they are lazy, give up their life, are dependent on a man which in her eyes is stupid and wrong, deny their child socialization in childcare, mentally and educationally degrade and so on. I constantly get asked when I will go back to work and when I intend to finally send DS to childcare to be socialized properly, cause you know, that cannot happen at home/with friends.... Oh I also waste my education and I think my parents believe I'm under the influence of my evil husband who turned me from successful working bee into meager housewifey. Oh well.
Quite frankly, my mom not being a SAHM made me want to be a SAHM. I felt lonely as a kid, and hated daycare. God it was truly horrible, just bullies, evil caretakers who forced us to eat whatever they served and such. I don't intend to stay at home for longer periods, probably until my youngest is 3-4 years old, then I feel comfy with working part-time.

@ Okimom: I have similar experiences. When I was little and sick, they would put tea out and some crackers, give me the remote and go to work. My parents never stayed at home when I was sick. Stomach flu, mumps, colds, I was always alone with the TV.
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:36 AM
 
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My mother stayed at home until I went to school-she had to, because we had no money. She always resented my father for "making" her go to work. However, she didn't want to stay home to be with us kids-she never played with us, or helped us with homework... Mainly I remember her being on the phone all day, or having coffee with the neighbor or watching her soaps. If it was nice outside, my brother and I were expected to go out and play until the streetlights came on. Lots of times I was shipped over to my grandparents, who I preferred anyway. My grandmother was a SAHM after she got married, she had five kids. I loved spending time with her and my grandfather.

When I got older and my mother and father were at work full-time, I was a lonely kid. My brother went off to the Navy and I spent a lot of time at home by myself. By that time we had moved to a smaller town, and you had to drive everywhere, no parks or anything within walking distance and the roads were not bike friendly.

I always said that if I had kids, I would stay home with them and raise them. I personally believe that for me it is the best option, as I would feel awful putting them in daycare-which btw is financially not an option, since I would only be working to pay for the daycare...I agree that a happy mom is a good mom, I just don't think I would be happy working. I know a lot of working moms and they seem pretty harried to me- working all day and then going home to clean up, help with homework, make dinner, etc, and then running around all weekend to do errands and go to sporting events, recitals, whathaveyou. I don't see how anyone could be happy doing all that! I guess if you are a type A personality who doesn't like to relax, then it would be good. Besides, I can't stand office politics, ugh, I would rather deal with a toddler than an adult who acts like one..DH is totally supportive of me staying home. Whenever the subject comes up, and I suggest going back when DD is in school, he just shrugs-he wants to homeschool, but I am not entirely sold on it yet. His mom stayed at home until his dad forced her to work-she started her own business, which never made much money, not that they needed it, since he is an engineer, and a very good one.. I think he just wanted her to work because he felt she was "lazy", which she is not. She feels resentful that he made her work, because she actually was a hands-on mom and wanted to be there for the kids.

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Old 10-19-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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@ Okimom: I have similar experiences. When I was little and sick, they would put tea out and some crackers, give me the remote and go to work. My parents never stayed at home when I was sick. Stomach flu, mumps, colds, I was always alone with the TV.

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Old 10-19-2010, 11:29 PM
 
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My want to be a stay at home was largely influenced by the fact that my mom was a stay at home mom with me - I'm an only child. She was a housewife until I was 12. I loved it! She never missed a field trip. She volunteered at my school so I saw her often. I loved having her around. I wanted my children to have the same positive experience.

Brandy. Happily married since 07.19.03. Proud mom to Hayden 05.26.04 and expecting Caitlin on 02.03.11
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Old 10-21-2010, 02:44 AM
 
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My mom was a sahm and I loved it. When I became I mother I knew I wanted be at home with my kids too. It makes things a little tighter than it would be if I were working but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have 4 daughters and being a sahm is truly the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done.
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Old 10-21-2010, 12:09 PM
 
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My mom was at home when I was little, but I went to daycare from age 3 on.
My mother is not very supportive of me being a sahm, and is constantly asking me when I am getting a job.

Lisa, married to E since 9-16-2000, mother to DS A 3-23-2002 and DD J 6-11-2009.
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Old 10-24-2010, 01:54 PM
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Sorta-- she wanted to be with us, so at first she kept up cooking for a fraternity in our town, then she began an at-home childcare. I guess like a lot of moms here, start with taking one kid. For years she's been highly certified with a large license center in the home. When we were little we could still do stuff like all go to the pool or cool field trips together. She definitely demonstrated the value of being with your kids, something I've come to find important, too. for our family, we ALL want to be together-- DH loves working from home and being able to take time to be with DD and make up time at night or whatnot.
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Old 10-24-2010, 03:36 PM
 
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My mom was sort of a reluctant SAHM -- she did a lot of volunteer work, and went back to school once I was in school -- but she did usually make sure she was home when we were home from school (actually, she had to because she drove us to and from school until I was a senior, when I started driving myself). I sort of figured I'd be a working mom, but that's not the way things ended up.

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Old 10-24-2010, 03:52 PM
 
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My mom was a SAHM 95% of the time. She sometimes did contract work as it would arise, but overall this was pretty rare. She also did a lot of volunteering, usually with us kids in tow.

Her staying home definitely influenced my own desire to stay home. I see a lot of value in what she did. Thinking about this has made me realize how extremely appreciative I am - I should tell her!!

Baby Boy 9/08 & Baby Girl 3/11

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