Support Thread for Taking Care of Ourselves and STOMPING FRUMPY OUT! (A spin-off) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 169 Old 10-09-2010, 02:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What about the emotional side to this? I am so burnt out and in need of a break to really care or put energy into how I look. How do you fill your emotional needs?
This is a very good question. I think when you start taking care of your appearance so that you feel put together, your mood may be lifted so that you can take care of yourself in other ways. Also, when you're taking care of yourself in other ways, such as exercising, meditating, taking time to relax and read, spending time with friends, etc., you may feel more encouraged to spend a little more time on your appearance. I think either could lead to the other.

My emotional needs are morning journaling, time to exercise, quality time with my husband and occasionally other friends, some alone time at a park or coffee shop, etc. I also have an emotional need to look nice and feel confident. Now, to be honest, I don't get to all of these things on a daily basis; some I haven't been doing since pre-baby. But I have a plan to reintegrate them into my life because I know it's what I need. For instance, I may write in the morning before my son wakes up, or even a little after he wakes, as he is very content first thing in the morning. I may exercise during his morning nap. If I don't have time to do a 45 minute video, I'll do something for 10-15 minutes. I think the key is to get oneself in motion to begin with. My husband is very supportive of me going out for coffee alone once a week and that helps (not that I've actually gone out every week, but I do want to make this a habit). Basically, he's happy to support me because he loves me and it's to our family's benefit for me to be my happiest best.

I think the different areas really cross over. If you care for yourself in one area, it'll cross over into other areas. It's kind of like sleep deprivation or marital problems will affect other areas of your life. I think the key for me is that I communicate my needs to my husband, and he is really receptive to hearing them.
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#62 of 169 Old 10-09-2010, 02:50 PM
 
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I would love to do the henna thing as well- I've always been curious.

As for taking care of myself and being burned out... DH is away so I am *it* for an 8 year old with aspergers, a 2 yo with a bunch of therapies, and a pretty high needs newly one year old. I realized that I didn't *need* time off, I needed to rethink it all. I know that this is how things are for now, and I can either accept it and choose it each and every moment, or I can struggle with feeling overwhelmed.

Making the choice to choose it again every day helped me feel better about it. I also try to find things to do when they nap or sleep (not often at the same time these days, sadly!) like taking a bath or reading a book in stolen moments.

By forcing myself to make the time for self care, I really do feel better- even though what I initially wanted to do was to lie down on the couch and Not Move for 10 minutes.
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#63 of 169 Old 10-09-2010, 03:30 PM
 
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I think I'm going to fail at this until I get a whole new wardrobe (which I can't afford.)
It's so frustrating! Being fat, frumpy, and frazzled is so not fun.

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#64 of 169 Old 10-09-2010, 11:17 PM
 
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Yay, I tried on 30 shirts at Goodwill today and actually liked 4! Sigh. At least I have 4 shirts I look ok in. And at the Dr yesterday I'd lost 30 lbs since dd's birth 2 weeks ago. That was nice. I had a woman at the HFS tell me I looked fabulous after I told her she's only 2 weeks old. So that was extra nice. I only have 6 more lbs to pre-preg weight, but 35 to my normal weight and 65 to my ultimate goal weight. Sigh...

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#65 of 169 Old 10-10-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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Does Henna work on coloring grays? And can I ask what brand of henna you use and what method? I'm really interested in trying it out, as I am ttc baby #2 and don't want to use chemicals on my hair. My hair is dark brown/black with about 10 percent gray...
i pm'd you, but in case anyone is reading this thread and curious-YES, henna covers grays. i personally don't have any, but i do know by reading the website/info henna is excellent at covering grays. i use ALL henna on my hair. there are 3 types-cassia (blonde), henna (red) and indigo (blue). indigo is mixed with henna in a special way to make a black color for hair. and you can mix cassia and henna to get any shade of light red/strawberry blonde, ect. if you want to go more of a brown/auburn you can use 50% henna and 50% indigo. everything you need to know is at hennaforhair.com. download the free ebook. if you have any other questions please pm me. i LOVE henna. my hair is super shiny

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#66 of 169 Old 10-10-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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Hello, yesterday I went to an art opening. I blew out my hair, put on makeup, including mascara, powder, blush and lipstick. DD and my friend both told me I looked so beautiful. It had been so long since I'd done that. I'm going to try to continue to do so more often.

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#67 of 169 Old 10-11-2010, 05:10 AM
 
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Ok today I am only going to drop of my kid at nursery, and pop into the grocery store for a few items.
I *will* put on makeup, do my hair, and wear a cute tunic top and leggings, with flats. I will *not* wear jeans or workout clothes.

It's weird, I have the cute clothes. I have problems actually getting them on my body.

I recently bought my first pair of leggings. They are so much more comfortable than jeans and look (not all the time, but done right) better than my jeans. Way cheap too, maybe $10. Easy way to break the jeans habit (which I have a severe case of).

Anyone else pledge to do a bit more today?
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#68 of 169 Old 10-11-2010, 08:47 AM
 
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I showered this morning! I'm still in PJ pants and a sleep nursing bra, but I AM going to get dressed today before going to the grocery store.


And I have to go to Goodwill to drop off a HUGE trashbag full of clothes that I'm getting rid of. Yay for my closet, and it will force me to buy some clothes that fit me and look good.

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#69 of 169 Old 10-12-2010, 04:45 PM
 
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I felt good that I was actually able to shower before taking my son to the doctor. You ever notice that when you look frumpy/run down, docs don't take you seriously?

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#70 of 169 Old 10-15-2010, 09:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I found someone on Etsy that sells mineral makeup that had great prices on samples. Yay! Foundation and 5 eyeshadows for $18.50 shipped I never use all of it before it is too old to use anyway.
How did you like the makeup? If you like it, I might order some! Thanks!

Sorry that I haven't been too active in this thread. I've been busy decluttering and have been hyper focused! I'm making such progress!

As far as taking care of myself I've been decluttering some of my clothes to find clothes that fit. I also bought some skincare products that I've either run low on or completely out of, including eye cream, facial cleanser and moisturizer. I exercised twice this week. It's not a lot, but it's at least a start. And I've reverted to cooking healthy meals from scratch.

What have you ladies been doing to take care of your wonderful selves?
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#71 of 169 Old 10-15-2010, 10:14 AM
 
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Want a laugh?
Today is Loved One's Day (parent and family day) at DD1's school. I woke up extra early to get myself ready- nice clothes, hair done, etc. Got DD2 up and ready to go, then made a nice breakfast for the family.
Only to find out that DD1 has a fever and won't be going to school today.
All that work for nothing!!!
~maddymama
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#72 of 169 Old 10-15-2010, 11:16 AM
 
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i'm seeing a lot of you saying that you think yoga pants are frumpy but i always think that women look fantastic in yoga pants or drawstring yoga-type pants, esp. if they're well made and fit nicely to the body. and i think black ones work with everything. i wear them quite a bit. i walk everywhere though so they work for me. i do think i look better/more put together in dark jeans and dresses but i'm not opposed to yoga pants with cute tops
i don't do sweatpants though!
i really need to do what some of you are doing. i NEED to go through my closet and keep what looks good. i'm a clothes hoarder.

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#73 of 169 Old 10-15-2010, 01:31 PM
 
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i really need to do what some of you are doing. i NEED to go through my closet and keep what looks good. i'm a clothes hoarder.
Light bulb moment! I'm also a clothes hoarder!

It's something I never had enough of growing up, because I was quite large and this was the 80s/90s when the plus sized clothes were at the plus sized store, and I couldn't afford anything there. We shopped only second hand stores and KMart. I guess I did a VERY brave thing last week when I decluttered my closet. I also have to go through the boxes and boxes of kids clothes I've saved and donate/consign everything we don't need. I'm saving that for when I'm more emotionally stable, though, as this baby is our last and it's going to make me cry.

I showered before bed last night, after putting baby to bed and "taking care" of my husband. I'm dressed today, in my new shirt and jeans, my hair looks great, and I'm about to put on lip gloss, mascara, and blush. Jewelry will have to wait until baby is bigger. All my jewelry seems to hurt my babies (except my amber necklace or nursing necklaces). I'll put on my new shoes from target with the kitten heels, too. I did all the same yesterday when I took the kids to homeschool class, too, and ll the other moms were UBER impressed with me, calling me super mom. That felt nice.

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#74 of 169 Old 10-15-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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I'm wearing a perfect 'fall outfit' today. Jeans and a turtleneck sweater (I would kill for a nice pair of boots, but they always fit funny....) I realize however, that I have just about zero accessories. I'm starting to find neat scarves here and there, but I really want some pretty jewelry. I have a hard time with necklaces though because my chest is so large that so many just look silly... any good ideas for chunky jewelry styles that won't make me look like a little girl playing dress-up from my mother's closet?
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#75 of 169 Old 10-16-2010, 04:37 AM
 
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I'm wearing a perfect 'fall outfit' today. Jeans and a turtleneck sweater (I would kill for a nice pair of boots, but they always fit funny....) I realize however, that I have just about zero accessories. I'm starting to find neat scarves here and there, but I really want some pretty jewelry. I have a hard time with necklaces though because my chest is so large that so many just look silly... any good ideas for chunky jewelry styles that won't make me look like a little girl playing dress-up from my mother's closet?
What about chunky earrings and bracelets instead of necklaces? It will draw the eye away from the chest.

I don't know your style but:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/42591667...cat2_gallery_5

(this one is multi-purpose, yay!)
http://www.etsy.com/listing/43486868...ilk-with-mauve

http://www.etsy.com/listing/57099151...at2_gallery_18
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#76 of 169 Old 10-16-2010, 01:24 PM
 
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I'm wearing a perfect 'fall outfit' today. Jeans and a turtleneck sweater (I would kill for a nice pair of boots, but they always fit funny....) I realize however, that I have just about zero accessories. I'm starting to find neat scarves here and there, but I really want some pretty jewelry. I have a hard time with necklaces though because my chest is so large that so many just look silly... any good ideas for chunky jewelry styles that won't make me look like a little girl playing dress-up from my mother's closet?
don't forget funky purses. i have some very cool purses, one Day of the Dead print purse from Etsy, that i love. 2nd hand stores are a haven for purses. you can buy them cheaply by the dozens!
also, nice jackets really finish looks off and of course, as you said, scarves.

wife to wonderful dh_malesling.GIF mama of three-DS1 born December 30, 2005 and DS2 born September 27, 2008 and one lovely little girl born September 7, 2011jumpers.gif

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#77 of 169 Old 10-16-2010, 11:05 PM
 
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Seriously, I'm already overwhelmed by the length of this thread and have read, like, the FIRST post. (oh, how appropriate of an emoticon because that's what I should probably be doing every day)

I think my frump factor is magnified by my weight issues. But I'm taking it off and with every pound, I feel more like taking care of the whole picture. It's been 2 weeks and I'm down almost 5 pounds. So I really just need to not sink back into BLAH and stick to it.

I should probably also set a goal for showering more times/week.

Okay... let's start small.

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#78 of 169 Old 10-17-2010, 12:05 AM
 
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It's so frustrating! Being fat, frumpy, and frazzled is so not fun.
and you can add 'old' to my description.

When I was thin I looked more put together. I also worked in a professional environment so I dressed accordingly. I also used to wear makeup, get manicures, etc. I no longer care to wear makeup or get manicures but I would like to look and feel better. Last week I shaved my legs - it's been a long time. When you're thin and hairy you're considered 'crunchy' but when you are fat and hairy you're considered a slob.

Like a pp, I also drop my children off in less than appealing outfits. I hope I will never be pulled over and asked to get out of the car. I am usually wearing whatever I slept in, no bra, my husband's white tube socks and a pair of slip on sandals.

So...this week I will throw out my stained and holey clothing and I might schedule a facial. I should probably work on deviating from my 'uniform' of black shirt and jeans. I will also stop going out with my dogs in my very visible yard wearing a bathrobe, pj's, or any other embarrassing clothing (at least in the daylight.)
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#79 of 169 Old 10-17-2010, 12:27 AM
 
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I think my frump factor is magnified by my weight issues. But I'm taking it off and with every pound, I feel more like taking care of the whole picture. It's been 2 weeks and I'm down almost 5 pounds. So I really just need to not sink back into BLAH and stick to it.

I should probably also set a goal for showering more times/week.

Okay... let's start small.
i totally hear ya! i need to do the same. so, i haven't posted in a while, but this week i got back into my weight watchers routine. i really really love ww. i was into the low carb diet for a while and it does help shed the pounds. but it does get pretty boring eating lean meats, veggies and such all the time. and ww teaches you portion control. yes, you can have a snickers if you want, but you must factor it in. it really is a great approach to how we should be eating. i've also been walking (a ton, like 2 plus hours a day), but i realized that my trusty nikes i had before pregnancy do not fit anymore. they are comfy for quick out and abouts, but not for fitness. my pinky toe took a beating friday , i'm going to check out the 5 finger shoes tomorrow at a retailer near me who carries them.
not judging whatsoever here for those that don't, but i have to take a daily shower. i don't know if i could think without one lol. i've always shaved my legs daily too. not a thorough shave, but quick enough in the bath or shower that i feel unprickly.
what else? .......i'm doing my henna touch up tomorrow. when i had my henna sent i also bought 2 natural shampoo bars-tried it this week and like it, they leave my hair 'squeaky clean' though, so i dillute about 1/s a tbsp of apple cider vinegar in a cup or so of water and rinse my hair with it-then rinse that off lightly. you're not really supposed to use acv rinse daily (so i've heard anyways because of the acidic-ness), so i use less and rinse it out so i have softer hair.
i need to work on drinking more water!!!!! i bought my son (5 mos) a jumperoo today and hopefully it will give me some time to think about having some downtime, just enough so i can grab myself a glass of water.
i have a ton of nice jeans a couple sizes down that i am excited to be fitting into soon. i know some say to throw out your older jeans because they make you crazy, but they are a great length on me and i personally don't feel my post partum body has changed a ton since having kai. we'll see *finger crossed*

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#80 of 169 Old 10-17-2010, 02:05 AM
 
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How did you like the makeup? If you like it, I might order some! Thanks!
It should be here anyday now. As soon as I try it I will let you know what I think

I went through the rest of my pre-preg clothes and all but 2 pair of jeans & 1 pair of shorts fit... well I should actually say that I can button them but it isn't pretty. It is a start however. I need some new shirts but no money to do so. Nothing ever seems to fit right anyway I might as well just stick with the ill fitting stuff I already have. Can you tell I am not feeling so great?

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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#81 of 169 Old 10-18-2010, 01:57 AM
 
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not judging whatsoever here for those that don't, but i have to take a daily shower. i don't know if i could think without one lol. i've always shaved my legs daily too. not a thorough shave, but quick enough in the bath or shower that i feel unprickly.
No, no... feel free to judge. It's me and *I* am judging. Not that I think that every single day is critical for me, but at least every other day. I can think; but I feel absolutely disgusting. So I envy that you make it happen.

I think WW is the only program that actually teaches you how to eat properly. I know how to eat, I just wasn't doing it.

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#82 of 169 Old 10-18-2010, 10:09 PM
 
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Can I join in?? I'm so frumptastic these days I'm embarrassed to be seen with myself.
I've been slowly excavating my closet since dd was born 15 months ago. I'm lucky in that I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight very quickly, and am actually smaller now than I was pre-baby. But this means all my clothes are too big. And stained. And I just feel gross. Everytime I have to get dressed in real clothes (I have to wear yoga pants for my pt job) I cry. I keep saying I'm going to buy myself something new but then I chicken out.

I never wore makeup and don't want to start. And my hair is really long which I like but it's still recovering from the hack job I did giving myself bangs back in may (my impulsive attempt to de-frump. It backfired. Big time.)

But I decided a couple weeks ago it was time to start taking care of myself. I need to be a good role model for dd. So I'm going to yoga at least once a week-- thie makes me feel fabulous. And I'm trying to shower at least every other day, and moisturize. I'm washing my face and using indulgent eye cream every morning and night, and have been trying to get into mascara. I think my next step should be wearing jeans or regular pants when i go out of the house. And maybe giving my dresser and closet the exorcism it really deserves.... How many holey t-shirts does one gal really need?
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#83 of 169 Old 10-18-2010, 10:26 PM
 
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I'm a late joiner too if that's okay.

I am still 40lbs over where I want to be in weight, DD is now 7 months old.

My goals to unfrumpiness:

-Lose at least 10lbs, so my fat jeans fit and I feel comfortable wearing them.
-Weed out the clothes I don't like/don't wear again. When I replace clothes, only buy quality clothes that FIT well.
-Clean up the house more often, I think my head will feel better if I don't see dishes on the counter

I'm not into hair/make up, so I don't think either of those would make me feel anything but uncomfortable.

Mama to three

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#84 of 169 Old 10-18-2010, 11:25 PM
 
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I want to join! I'm 2.5 weeks postpartum with a newborn and a toddler. I've got another week or two before my midwife and DH will be ok with me exercising so I'm counting my time until then. I feel so soft and pudgy and squishy right now it's hard to feel like anything but a slob. I'm not in maternity clothes b/c I refuse so my entire wardrobe is sweatpants and nursing tanks. I need to do something with my hair and eyebrows, I never wear jewelry or make-up and if I wear a real t shirt 90% of the time it's DH's or an XL one I got from the thrift store. My goal this week is to put on something I wouldn't be embarrassed to go out in public in and maybe get a haircut.

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#85 of 169 Old 10-19-2010, 12:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Can I join in?? I'm so frumptastic these days I'm embarrassed to be seen with myself.
I've been slowly excavating my closet since dd was born 15 months ago. I'm lucky in that I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight very quickly, and am actually smaller now than I was pre-baby. But this means all my clothes are too big. And stained. And I just feel gross. Everytime I have to get dressed in real clothes (I have to wear yoga pants for my pt job) I cry. I keep saying I'm going to buy myself something new but then I chicken out.

I never wore makeup and don't want to start. And my hair is really long which I like but it's still recovering from the hack job I did giving myself bangs back in may (my impulsive attempt to de-frump. It backfired. Big time.)

But I decided a couple weeks ago it was time to start taking care of myself. I need to be a good role model for dd. So I'm going to yoga at least once a week-- thie makes me feel fabulous. And I'm trying to shower at least every other day, and moisturize. I'm washing my face and using indulgent eye cream every morning and night, and have been trying to get into mascara. I think my next step should be wearing jeans or regular pants when i go out of the house. And maybe giving my dresser and closet the exorcism it really deserves.... How many holey t-shirts does one gal really need?
I have the same problem with my clothes being too big, as I'm smaller than I was prepregnancy. I think my body expends so much energy making breast milk. LOL I'm not too thin, but I definitely don't want to lose anymore weight. It's no fun to have clothes that hang on you. My goal is to buy clothes that fit. I'll be going to thrift stores and Goodwill, as I can't afford to spend a ton of money. I'm hoping to find some quality pieces. Right now I don't have a pair of jeans that fit nicely and that's hard.

Welcome to the thread. I look forward to reading about your progress.
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#86 of 169 Old 10-19-2010, 12:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Honey693 and Nicole730, welcome to the thread. I hope you find other people's stories inspiring and motivating. I know I am motivated just by reading the thread. It helps so much to know that I'm not alone.

Honey693, it's so hard at that in between stage where your regular clothes don't fit, and yet you're still not able to exercise.

Nicole730, I think it's interesting that you mentioned cleaning up the house more often. I think a clean environment does wonders for the mind/emotional state and can certainly be part of stomping frumpy out. I know that when my apartment is more orderly, I feel more content and like I have *time* to take care of myself better.
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#87 of 169 Old 10-19-2010, 01:28 AM
 
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Today has been a bad day with a VERY unruly toddler so I haven't left the pjs. At least this isn't the norm anymore though. I got some eye and lip cream this weekend and it's been luxurious. I'm fairly happy with my wardrobe right now, and I can't really do much more until I'm no longer pregnant. So now the focus is just trying to get myself nicely dressed with perfume on and my hair combed, etc.

Come early next year I am going to get some new eyeglasses. The ones I'm wearing now are still mostly nice and also they are still a good prescription. But they are a little wonky thanks to rough baby/toddler hands pulling them off my face. I can get them tightened for free though, so maybe I can at least do that meanwhile.
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#88 of 169 Old 10-19-2010, 07:51 PM
 
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Wow this thread has grown!!

I am happy to report that I did buy a new bra!!! It makes a huge difference in what I can wear.

I also bought some new clothes and have started actually wearing my "nice jeans" which makes me feel good.

I got my haircut. It is still long but now it isn't scraggly looking.

After years of glasses because of problems with contacts I took the plunge and ordered some contacts. It makes me feel great to not have my glasses on all the time.

As for the emotional side which some one brought up....I FEEL so much better in my nice jeans and trendy tops and contacts and lip gloss. I don't NEED them to feel good but it makes me feel like ME again and the emotional side of that is huge.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#89 of 169 Old 10-20-2010, 10:51 PM
 
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Exercise. I'm totally slacking and need to actually do this instead of planning to do this. My dad is developing serious infections in his legs as a complication of type 2 diabetes, and I really don't want to follow that path, so it's time to get serious about taking better care of myself.
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#90 of 169 Old 10-21-2010, 04:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confustication View Post
Exercise. I'm totally slacking and need to actually do this instead of planning to do this. My dad is developing serious infections in his legs as a complication of type 2 diabetes, and I really don't want to follow that path, so it's time to get serious about taking better care of myself.
Getting started is the most difficult part. I have a free gym that I can walk into whenever, no sign-ins, no talking to anyone else... and yeah. Even with that I had to FORCE myself to start. But once you start it gets easier to get up and go.
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