What happens when the SaHP is ill - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a cold that is kicking my butt. Still I'm the one getting up with our one year old. I've completely given up on house hold chores for the week. My mom came over yesterday for a couple hours. DH is at a critical part of the work project. He had to work over the weekend and has been getting home late. I do NOT want him tired on his morning commute.
There just doesn't seem to be any way to get enough rest to recover.

I don't get sick very often and I'm pretty independent. I guess I haven't cultivated a support system for times like this.
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#2 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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So sorry you are sick.

As far as what happens when I am sick, things pile up, and I do as little as possible. DH very ralily sees what needs to be done, and claims incompetence with cooking, so I tend to have to still cook all the meals, and do a few household chorse such as washing the diapers, and things like that. I have no support system to help, I have no family need that can help, and I have no IRL friends.

Try to do as little as you can and conserve as much energy as you can to get better.

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#3 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 02:07 PM
 
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Oh no, that is the pits! I hope you feel better soon.

This has only happened for us once. Thankfully, I am never, ever sick so it's not been much of an issue. But one day I had a migraine so bad I couldn't even open my eyes or get out of bed. Needless to say, DH stayed home and took care of her daughter. He didn't have much of a choice! Thankfully, he has an employer who understands. In fact, boss's wife volunteered to babysit if that ever happens again...lol!

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#4 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 02:07 PM
 
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that is what i do. i do as little as possible to survive and then catch up when i feel better. DH does very little here but will cook when i am sick. as long as diapers get changed and garbage goes outside and everybody has eaten something we are all good.

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#5 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 03:14 PM
 
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I keep on doing what I'm doing. Whether it's just having given birth or mastitis or the flu, nobody takes over and helps, so I drag on.

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#6 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If I really insisted I could probably get him to stay home but I've not that bad off yet. We took a good nap today which helped some.
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#7 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 04:25 PM
 
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my moms comes over to help, or i go over there

dh THINKS he helps when i am sick, but when i say the baby needs a bath and to be fed, and to do the dishes, he folds the laundry and takes the baby to go play in the garage

*sigh*

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#8 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 04:35 PM
 
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Two words: bare minimum. The ONLY thing that needs to happen is that you & baby get fed, and that baby has a clean diaper. It's totally OK to park the LO in front of Sesame Street while you zone out on the couch. Don't worry about the dishes, the laundry, the floors, walking the dog...anything. That stuff will wait for you
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#9 of 28 Old 10-06-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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My DH will usually pick up the slack if he isn't sick as well. I usually will just do the bare minium like feed the kids who aren't in school and change diapers. We watch a lot of TV and just hang out. I don't feel guilty at all and once I have recovered then we catch back up. But overall if laundry, dishes, baths, etc need to be done he will do it all. He is military so he can't always get off but he will do it once he is home. I also have a few friends who would do carpool for me or just come get my littles and let me rest alone. My family all live 12 hours away so I feel very lucky to have a great DH and some really great friends here.

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#10 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 09:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Annie Mac View Post
Two words: bare minimum. The ONLY thing that needs to happen is that you & baby get fed, and that baby has a clean diaper. It's totally OK to park the LO in front of Sesame Street while you zone out on the couch. Don't worry about the dishes, the laundry, the floors, walking the dog...anything. That stuff will wait for you
Yep.

If I'm sick, I focus on keeping the babies fed and in clean diapers, and on keeping myself fed so I can get better, and that's pretty much it. My husband can't take off work when I'm sick, but he will try to lend an extra hand when he gets home.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#11 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 09:12 AM
 
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I totally agree with everyone here. Do as little as possible, and rest. DP generally works too much to be home to take care of me, DS and/or the house when I am sick, so I do the bare necessities and do the rest when I feel better. It is hard because I can't stand a messy house. I try to come up with as many games or things to do while I'm laying on the couch with DS. His favorite is when we do sock puppets. Totally pulled that one out of my butt once when I was desparate and he LOVES it.

Hope you feel better Mama. Take care.

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#12 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 10:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
I keep on doing what I'm doing. Whether it's just having given birth or mastitis or the flu, nobody takes over and helps, so I drag on.
Me too, it is what it is- right?
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#13 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 10:16 AM
 
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best advice I saw in a book (although I freaked out when reading it) was ; if you need to sleep so badly because you are ill, lock yourself in a childproof room with your child, lie down on something comfy but on the floor, toys scattered about, you might end up with a child who sits on you or try to play with you or some of your body parts but you can still try to aim for a few micro naps since you know that the room is child proofed and locked .
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#14 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 10:16 AM
 
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Just keep going at a bare minimum level. Nothing gets done in the house. DH doesn't pick up any slack. And once I'm starting to feel slightly more human, I have to deal with all the mess that piled up, like days worth of dishes. Not fun.
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#15 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 11:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH is usually pretty good about doing stuff. On Monday he cleaned out the fridge. Yay. But now there is a pile of empty gladware containers that desperately need to be washed. Boo. Usually he'll do the dishes if I cook but he's so exhausted from work he's not done them. The counter is a perfect storm of undone dishes. (Yeah, I cooked. DD1 has allergies so even if I ordered out I'd still have to fix something for her.)
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#16 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 11:19 AM
 
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My dh stays home and takes over, but he doesn't do things as completely as I would like. He doesn't keep the kitchen clean or vacuum or anything. He also doesn't cook. If I'm sick, it's takeout.
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#17 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 11:19 AM
 
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My DH is in the Navy and has been deployed or just stuck at work and unable to come home and help me many times when I have been really sick. It sucks and I feel badly for any mama that has to deal with it too. I also have no relatives close by at all, so it's all on me.
This is what I do:

Survival mode. This means, kids might eat cereal all day long and drink juice boxes, wear their PJ's all day. I do the bare minimum that I can manage (and now that ds is older he can help me a bit, but when he was younger I did what I could.) I make sure kids are fed, changed and such of course.
But they watch a lot of TV/ video games.
When DS was smaller and I was sick, he'd come lay on the bed with me and watch TV and also bring me books and games and I'd read/play with him in bed.

When I am feeling better I deal with the fallout, like messy kitchen and whatnot. But I try not to worry about that when I am sick.

If DH is home, he helps out when he gets home from work.

Lisa, married to E since 9-16-2000, mother to DS A 3-23-2002 and DD J 6-11-2009.
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#18 of 28 Old 10-07-2010, 04:12 PM
 
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Hi Mama,
I, like other moms, tend to do the bare minimum when I am sick, but I can zget help from DH...
When DD1 was a baby, I got sick and asked DH to stay at home with her while I rested. He said I could easily take care of her and rest. It frustrated me, but we survived. A few days later DH came down with the same illness. I calmly got up, got dressed, and got ready to leave the house. DH asked what I was doing. I replied, "You can easily take care of DD when you are sick." and left the house for a few hours (two errands and a nice long quiet cup of coffee at Starbucks). When I got home, DH apologized for not helping out with DD when I was sick.
Since then, if I ask, he'll come home early, hire a babysitter, whatever, to help me when I'm sick. BC I know he'll do that for me, I try to limit it to when I *really* need help, not just when I have a cold. :-)
~maddymama
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#19 of 28 Old 10-08-2010, 08:55 AM
 
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Hi Mama,
I, like other moms, tend to do the bare minimum when I am sick, but I can zget help from DH...
When DD1 was a baby, I got sick and asked DH to stay at home with her while I rested. He said I could easily take care of her and rest. It frustrated me, but we survived. A few days later DH came down with the same illness. I calmly got up, got dressed, and got ready to leave the house. DH asked what I was doing. I replied, "You can easily take care of DD when you are sick." and left the house for a few hours (two errands and a nice long quiet cup of coffee at Starbucks). When I got home, DH apologized for not helping out with DD when I was sick.
Since then, if I ask, he'll come home early, hire a babysitter, whatever, to help me when I'm sick. BC I know he'll do that for me, I try to limit it to when I *really* need help, not just when I have a cold. :-)
~maddymama
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#20 of 28 Old 10-08-2010, 11:46 AM
 
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I deal with it usually by doing the least that I can do to get children somewhat fed and off to their regular things (school, etc...), and letting everything else go. Twice in 8 years have I had two illnesses that kicked my butt, like unable to move out of bed. I am ill often, 3 children and they seem to bring home every germ known to man so there is no possible way DH is going to take off *just* for a cold ever how miserable I may be. He doesn't take off work when he is sick either. There is no rest when you are the boss.

The first time I was knocked down with an illness, DD1 was 6 months old, it was a severe stomach bug, the lose 5 lbs in 24 hours kind, and I was so weak I wouldn't walk or even pick her up. DH left and I had to call my mom to come care for DD1. Once I recovered I made it clear that I wouldn't ask for him to stay home unless I really needed it. last winter I got influenza and strep at the same time and was very ill. I fell down the stairs just trying to get myself down from the bedroom. DS was a baby and non-mobile so DH had to stay home and care for him.

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#21 of 28 Old 10-08-2010, 11:55 AM
 
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that is what i do. i do as little as possible to survive and then catch up when i feel better. DH does very little here but will cook when i am sick. as long as diapers get changed and garbage goes outside and everybody has eaten something we are all good.
Yep... I was sick with a stomach bug yesterday... thankfully I was the only one. Cause the only thing worse than being sick as a parent is taking care of sick people when you are sick.

I did nothing productive at all yesterday. Thankfully my kids are older and my spouse was here. However somehow the kitchen still did not get completely clean and I am.not.cleaning. it. There is a chicken pan from what I cooked the night I got sick and while I know that is not what got me ill (everyone else at it too), there is still the association and it makes me want to lay on the bathroom floor again...

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#22 of 28 Old 10-16-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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If I'm sick, but mildly functional we just try to muddle through. It's not much different than if I were working out of the home.

If I am I capacitated then DH takes the day off. Last week I woke up with a migraine. I told DH I would manage. Then partway through DD's morning nursing session I had to stop and puke. While I was in the bathroom I heard him calling in to work. I still had to nurse DD and she kept coming into the bedroom for cuddles, but he did everything else.
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#23 of 28 Old 10-24-2010, 02:34 PM
 
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I usually just push through it. I rarely get any help when sick. Being a SAHM is the only job I've never been able to call in sick for.

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#24 of 28 Old 10-26-2010, 12:57 PM
 
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i thank my lucky stars that so far the only time i've gotten really really sick as a mama we were at the cottage with my parents, my sisters, my DH and BIL. i basically stayed in bed all day and had people bring me food, water and the baby (freshly changed and dressed) to nurse (and then took her away again!). it was pretty awesome, so i'm resolving not to get sick again until we're all at my mom's house for christmas, and then not again for a whole year

otherwise, if it's serious, i'd probably ask DH to stay home, and if that's not possible, maybe ask one of my friends to babysit for a couple hours so i can sleep.
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#25 of 28 Old 10-27-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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Until now, I've been lucky that the two times I've been really sick (bad bad nausea when first pg with #2, and H1n1 last year this time) DH happened to be around - xmas holidays, and weekend, plus he took one day off for the h1n1. My mom is also incredibly helpful.

ETA - when the kids are sick, I do oil of oregano, echinecea, and gargle salt water, plus get more sleep at night, to avoid getting it.

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#26 of 28 Old 10-28-2010, 12:41 PM
 
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I guess I haven't really gotten sick yet since DS was born, almost 2 years ago, aside from morning sickness with this pregnancy. So for about 5 or 6 weeks I did the bare minimum. I couldn't count on DH to make dinner because he almost always gets home way past dinner time, so I just made simple meals, or we went out to eat. On the weekends, he'd grill meat so we'd have quick meals to throw together..but as far as everything else went? I did it all, it just took me longer. Most days, we'd lay around and watch tv, play games, just be really lazy, and on the few days I'd actually not feel too bad, I'd take my DS to a playdate in an effort to distract from the constant nausea. I also still worked one day a week, for a 3 hour shift, which was actually a nice distraction. I know MS and really being sick is different, but really, you gotta do what you gotta do when you don't feel good. As long as the basic needs are met, that's all you need to worry about. I used to be a clean freak before DS arrived, and now I go a month sometimes longer without mopping our wood floors(they could really use it about every other day and I've just learned to let a lot of things go. That being said, when I was at my worst with the nausea and vomiting, DH did step up and make dinner when he was home, and helped with the nighttime routine of our toddler, mostly on the weekends though I hope you feel better soon and try not to feel guilty that nothing is getting done. It will get done eventually!

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#27 of 28 Old 10-28-2010, 04:50 PM
 
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Two words: bare minimum. The ONLY thing that needs to happen is that you & baby get fed, and that baby has a clean diaper. It's totally OK to park the LO in front of Sesame Street while you zone out on the couch. Don't worry about the dishes, the laundry, the floors, walking the dog...anything. That stuff will wait for you
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Originally Posted by jellybeanandkids View Post
Survival mode. This means, kids might eat cereal all day long and drink juice boxes, wear their PJ's all day. I do the bare minimum that I can manage (and now that ds is older he can help me a bit, but when he was younger I did what I could.) I make sure kids are fed, changed and such of course.
But they watch a lot of TV/ video games.
When DS was smaller and I was sick, he'd come lay on the bed with me and watch TV and also bring me books and games and I'd read/play with him in bed.

When I am feeling better I deal with the fallout, like messy kitchen and whatnot. But I try not to worry about that when I am sick.

If DH is home, he helps out when he gets home from work.
Yes this.

Last week I had a wicked chest cold and I was trying to avoid abx (I managed to, thankfully)...on top of that I am having some early pregnancy fatigue and nausea. The tv was on for 3 days straight practically, but dd is no worse for the wear. You've got to survive.

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#28 of 28 Old 10-28-2010, 04:57 PM
 
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Dh will stay home if I'm really sick. Luckilly that's only happened once (mastitis about this time last year, oh I was so, so sick).

I tend to be well or deathly ill, so we haven't really had to deal with many minor illnesses on my part yet.

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