i need some time to myself each day; DH thinks that makes me psycho - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-28-2010, 08:32 PM
 
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this is exactly my marriage i do everything 100% all of the time and he thinks im being dramatic or lazy when i want like help or to go to the store alone, i feel ya


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Old 12-05-2010, 04:34 AM
 
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Just joining the consensus and adding another voice saying you def. need a break. We have an agreement in our house that everyone gets a bit of alone time each day, no matter what.

 

When my children were younger, I did use the childcare room at my Y - members had 90min/day to use the facilities. Granted, you can't leave the facility, but at least I could walk the track, swim, use the shower (unlimited hot water and no interruptions), sauna/hot tub/steam room. During the time DH was working long hours and traveling frequently for work and helped as much as he could, but the children were young and tha 90 min break a few times a week was a godsend.

 

Your DH's stance needs to change...but in the meantime I would find ways to give yourself some time/space that you need.

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Old 12-05-2010, 08:38 PM
 
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if you are crazy then I must be a complete psycho! I am a sahm, I have a cleaning person AND a mommy's helper several times a week! you need a break!

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Old 12-06-2010, 09:08 AM
 
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I don't understand why a person would have children if they don't want to spend any time with them. If all he sees them as is some chore that he'd rather not attend to, that's terrible. 


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Old 12-06-2010, 07:29 PM
 
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Things like this can really lead to resentment and more issues in your marraige. You're not crazy for wanting (and needing) a few minutes alone. If he thinks you need a therapist then do it so he can get that third party confirmation that you need time to clear your mind. He should be more involved with the kids. Make him, don't ask him to do something like feed the kids, take them a bath, change their clothes. Go outside for a minute and leave him inside with the kids. He'll have to figure it out.

 


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Old 12-07-2010, 07:36 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

I don't understand why a person would have children if they don't want to spend any time with them. If all he sees them as is some chore that he'd rather not attend to, that's terrible. 



The irony is she's supposed to want to spend every second with the kids and for him it's perfectly acceptable not to want to spend any time alone with them.  Insane.  

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Old 12-07-2010, 10:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

I don't understand why a person would have children if they don't want to spend any time with them. If all he sees them as is some chore that he'd rather not attend to, that's terrible. 



The irony is she's supposed to want to spend every second with the kids and for him it's perfectly acceptable not to want to spend any time alone with them.  Insane.  



Exactly. OP, the next time he belittles you for needing a break, I'd say, "I'm glad you think it's so easy. The next couple of hours should be a cakewalk for you then. Bye, enjoy your evening relaxing with the baby!" 


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Old 12-08-2010, 10:20 AM
 
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WAY too much even for multi-quote here, so I'm just going to add:

 

Yes--get some therapy together.  Not just so that he can learn to respect you and your needs, but so that he can understand his complete lack of connection to his children.  This is less about what you need vs. the fact that you are struggling and he is happy to drug you into shutting up about whatever it is instead of caring about it and trying to help/comfort you.  :(

 

My husband comes from a family where the culture was so mom-does-all-"female"-things that when she once ran out to the store for 15 minutes and his older brother got poop EVERYwhere with a poopy explosion that FIL called HIS MIL from next door to clean it because he had no idea what to do and was too proud to do it "wrong" (aka "like a man").  In fact, MIL was so do-it-all that dh left living with them and being mothered to living with me and having me (unintentionally) pick up where she left off.  We've been together 13-1/2 years, married 11-1/2, have a almost 7yo & 2yo plus did foster care.  He works full-time and cooks ALL of our meals and does all baths.  I have had to leave for up to 4 days at a time and he is fully capable of handling it.  It can be done.  We did, of course, have plenty of therapy and my inlaws believe that I'm a worthless ingrate and lessor woman who should kiss the ground dh walks on for all he does.  :)

 

Even with a willing husband, IT. IS. HARD. for me to get any alone time or breaks.  What has finally worked for us is a morning routine that allows me 10 full minutes EVERY morning of being left completely alone to lay in my bed.  Sometimes I have to set the alarm clock so I don't go over.  I then have another 10 minutes to brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed and whatever.  Since we implemented this, it's made a monumental difference in my ability to function during the day.


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Old 12-11-2010, 08:00 PM
 
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OP have you been back?

 

I am nearly incredulous to the point where I keep thinking this HAS to be fake. Who would allow this to happen? <--that's my current mindset; I know people are different, but really?? While you can't control his actions, you sure can stand up for yourself!


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