help me feel less guilty please! - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-29-2010, 09:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm recovering from a mild flu, DS is on day 2 of having a very bad cold and basically won't let me put him down BUT shrieks if he's in the carrier. So I loose -- I am still weak/wanting to be on the couch and so DD is going to literally spend the entire day watching movies. 

 

I am feeling SO GUILTY


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Old 12-29-2010, 12:58 PM
 
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Don't feel guilty!  We've had PBS kids shows on for pretty much the entire past three days.  DD was miserably constipated Monday and Tuesday and that was the only way I could get her to let me change her multiple tiny, painful poopy diapers.  She finally got over it late yesterday, but this morning DS woke up with the awful cold that went through my extended family during Christmas, so he spent the whole morning on the couch. 

It's not at all how I would choose to spend the last few days, but sometimes you do what you have to just to get through.

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Old 12-29-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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I honestly don't understand when people feel guilty about things like this!


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Old 12-29-2010, 06:04 PM
 
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If your kid watching tv for a day or two will help get you back to 100% sooner than spending energy that you don't have by trying to entertain her and not giving in to tv, you are being a great parent.  People need breaks for self-care, especially full-time parents.  It's not a 9-5 gig, its alll day alll night.  Allll the time until they're in school or out of the house!!  Thats too much for any person.  I've witnessed all 3 of my sisters and many girl friends freak on themselves over this and it's really OK to care for the Mama of the team as well as the kid-parts.  It's necessary.  A day or three of tv will not permanently harm your child.  And you are not failing as a parent.  You're sick and need to take things easy for a few days.  Do you have friends or family living near that you can call while you're feeling sick?  You need to be taken care of when you're sick too!  Hope you feel better soon.  And lose the guilt!


"When the external begins to define the internal, instead of the internal defining the external, one begins living as a mortal rather than as a universal being." ~ unknown
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:49 PM
 
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Umm, that's what the TV is for. We dont have it on for days in our house and if we do its just for a quick show or a family movie.

When my kids are sick it's a known fact that they are going to get to lie on the couch, drink fluids, and watch tv ALL day.

That is what a good mommy does. It helps them suffer a little less.

When I was recovering from my c- section and DH had to go to work, you're darn skippy I used that TV when I had to.

Be okay with it.

Dont be okay with it if there is no excuse, but if there is one, the tv can be a tool that works very well when kid's arent overly exposed to it. When I turn that sucker on, my kids dont move a muscle because it's such a treat!

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Old 12-29-2010, 08:18 PM
 
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When days like that happen I call it a Film Festival. That makes it seem special to all of us and rare.

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Old 12-30-2010, 05:17 AM
 
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Not trying to scare you but, um, people die from the flu. Not that I'm saying you will, but even a mild one can take a lot out of you, so give yourself a break. It's ok to let the kids watch TV all day if they are sick, or you are sick. It won't hurt them. Feel better soon!!


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Old 12-30-2010, 06:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you guys

 

I don't know why I feel guilty. I think that's one of the problems with this intense style parenting -- when I do slip up, I feel like I've failed. I know I need to rest, and without rest I can get worse but I hate that my support system is so stinky that my child has to watch television all day just so I can rest. DH took over and they did science experiments in the evening, and I got to bed early with DS but still. I want to sleep for a day -- my own momma has a cold so I couldn't ask her. I have friends but I'll be honest -- what I really need is for someone to take the babe. He's a stuffy, snotty mess and he just cries and cries. It really wears on my patience man! A part of me wants to comfort him and do the whole earth momma thing but a part of me is like .. "please shut up, please! I need to rest! Just let me suck those boogers out.." I don't TRUST anyone to be able to give him the amount of patience I do manage to have, you know?

 

DD sure isn't complaining, for her television is a treat and she's digging it. 

 

I feel a lot better today after a decent nights sleep (decent being like 6 hrs) but one more day of rest is in store. Just because. We are starting our homeschooling pre-k next week and I want to be on my toes for that! 


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Old 12-30-2010, 06:57 AM
 
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It's not a slip up though.  And having your kids watch TV for a day or even a few days when you're sick doesn't mean you have a bad support system. It's just a normal life.  I know you don't feel well but when you feel better you might want to try and get a grip on that (or even talk to someone).  Martyr mommies aren't good for anybody in the home!

 


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Originally Posted by mommariffic View Post

Thank you guys

 

I don't know why I feel guilty. I think that's one of the problems with this intense style parenting -- when I do slip up, I feel like I've failed. I know I need to rest, and without rest I can get worse but I hate that my support system is so stinky that my child has to watch television all day just so I can rest.


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Old 12-30-2010, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The only person I really have is my DH and very few friends. I like to think if I had a "village" I could have sent DD to play with someone else instead of hanging in a house of sickies. 

 

I think all moms experience guilt at some point. I think that if someone claims they've never felt guilty they're lying to themselves. So yeah I felt guilty that I couldn't be present for DD and had to have the television on all day but I don't think that's some strange phenomenon shrug.gif I think if I took a hundred Advil, and forced myself to do something now THAT would be an issue 


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Old 12-30-2010, 12:57 PM
 
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of course all moms experience guilt.  I'm just saying that if you feel SO GUILTY about a day of TV.. how are you going to react when you do something actually bad?  It's just kind of unecessary, IMO to beat yourself up over normal life.


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Old 12-31-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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One thing that helps me- I like to think about how- this world is full of chaos and difficulties (amongst the lovely and good things too). so to try to create perfection for our children isn;t realistic because we can;t even create perfection- it isn;t the nature of life, you know? Life's nature as I see it is some good and some challenges and lots of imperfection. So in the home environment, raising children, I think we can teach them this- that the world is full of imperfections, and sometimes we have to  be less than perfect- and to learn how to adapt. so you probably feel guilty because you want to always give your kids what is best, which is very sweet of you! But cut yourself a break- and realize that it is good to take time out for yourself, you can be a beter parent that way, more balnaced.

 

Can your dh take the baby for a while- long enough to give you some rest?

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