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#31 of 55 Old 04-12-2011, 04:19 PM
 
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Tree of life, I am also uncomfortable and awkward around new people/in new environments, I can totally sympathize.  I want the kids to have peers and for me to interact with other adults, but it is just so difficult meeting people.  

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#32 of 55 Old 04-12-2011, 07:19 PM
 
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The healthiest people on earth are the ones whose lives are lived in service to eachother. Caring for eachother. I think we need to get away from big city mentality ( keep to ourselves) because we have seen where that leads. I think there needs to be a movement towards community mindedness. You don't have to move to a commune unless that's what you truly want. You can engage your neighborhoods just like the community gardens. Although for me a small intimate group seems more appealing than a large community.
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#33 of 55 Old 04-13-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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I'd love a tribe! Right now I am am scared to have another baby, partially for financial reasons but also because my husband is away alot (army) and I am terrified of taking care of two kids alone (1 is hard enough!) Anyone in the Tacoma/Seattle are want to get together? We are new here and even just some like-minded friends would make life so much better

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#34 of 55 Old 04-13-2011, 01:28 PM
 
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mommy212.....  I've got a 7 year old and one that's nearly 2 and one on the way and my dh just switched jobs a few months ago and is now constantly working, he's hardly ever home during their waking hours and so I am mostly caring for the kids myself (though don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have the financial support to be their caregiver and teacher) but it's really, really, really hard.  If I would have known he'd be gone this much, in spite of the fact that he doubled his salary, I don't know if I would have gone for it.  You are right, one is difficult enough by yourself, two is really, really hard alone.  We all need/deserve a village!  how do we make manifest our desires?

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#35 of 55 Old 04-18-2011, 11:47 AM
 
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I totally agree with all of this. I never realized how LONELY being a parent can be. No matter where I live, I'm dealing with near constant loneliness. I'm not the greatest at making new friends. It's hard for me and it doesn't help that my husband follows a very strict, non-mainstream religion so many of the things that tend to join people together (like holidays), I might be able to participate in but my kids aren't supposed to and my husband would never join in so it's incredibly isolating and it's even worse during the holidays. I spent 14 months in South Korea which was even worse because I was SO lonely all the time. Being the wife of an ESL teacher did not make it easy to find friends (especially other parents). I returned to the US and to my hometown to have our second daughter because I figured that having family and friends nearby would help. One friend has been great, she even took me in for the summer. But I had a friend who was all gung ho about having me live near her basically blow me off after her relationship with my nephew ended (yes, she dated my nephew who was 10 years younger than the two of us). My older sister moved away to another state. And, the biggest blow of all, a very dear family friend died the end of last month from lung cancer taking what was pretty much the ONLY grandparent my girls knew (DH's parents are both dead and mine are not at all accessible, let's say). That doesn't leave much and now my friend is going to be moving away too taking away the ONE friend I actually did get to spend time with. I tried to join a parenting group but got kicked out when I couldn't get to many of the events. We don't have a car and if the play date or event wasn't on the busline, I wasn't able to go. Not that anyone understood that or tried to help. Most I don't think could even understand that we honestly just cannot afford a car at this time (and for sure cannot afford the upkeep of one).

 

I don't know. There are times I think that if I had known then what I know now about parenting and marriage, I wouldn't have taken on either. As lonely as being single was, sometimes I honestly feel even more alone married with kids.

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#36 of 55 Old 04-21-2011, 04:44 PM
 
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It's amazing....so many of us out there feel the need for these same things, yet it seems so hard to achieve IRL. I myself am a new SAHM with a 4 month old son. My partner is a fulltime student, and we live in an extremely rural area with antisocial neighbors. The nearest town is 45 minutes away. I grew up in a house that was constantly full of people, in a big, warm, Mediterrannean family and now I'm finding this isolation almost unbearable. We have no friends, no family (with the exception of my partner's father, who lives with us and spends every minute of his free time sitting in a recliner staring at television-not a big help there) and no one to help with our baby. Where is our tribe? All my life I had this vision of a house full of friends, family, children, music, and community...but now it seems like it might never happen.

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#37 of 55 Old 04-22-2011, 10:03 AM
 
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If anyone the the tacoma, washington area wants to meet up and see where it goes, send me a message!

 

edit: I started a thread called "Tacoma area playgroup?" in the Find your tribe forum. Please check out if you are interested.

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#38 of 55 Old 04-22-2011, 11:10 AM
 
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i too had imagined a house full of friends/family/children/community....a bustling atmosphere of shared work/joys/ and sorrows.  I never imagined I'd feel like I was occupying my very own private island with my 2 girls (and another soon to come).  I hate to admit to agreeing to this, but yes, as lonely as single life sometimes was, marriage and children is proving to be much much lonelier.  And as many of us join in this thread and comment that we too feel just as isolated/lonely, it is seeming near to impossible to achieve irl.  There just has to be others like us in our local communities, people who can gather, come together and create these tribes we so desperately desire.  

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#39 of 55 Old 04-22-2011, 10:16 PM
 
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I started a park play group thread for the clarksville tn area.  Views, but no replies.  *sigh*

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#40 of 55 Old 04-24-2011, 08:14 PM
 
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I completely understand the need for a village.  As a pp mentioned, we truly are meant to live in a community and not in such isolation.  I dream of the MDC mommas deciding that enough is enough and sending out smoke signals for all of us to gather and live together in the coolest (and larges) co-housing community ever!!!  orngtongue.gif  I doubt that will happen but I would be just as happy with a smaller community as well.  :)   

 

Lightinmyhands, where in Missouri are you located?


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#41 of 55 Old 04-25-2011, 02:03 PM
 
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Mamma Moo... I am no longer in Missouri, my family and I moved to Florida in February.  However, our longer range plans are to move away from the sand and the desert to the lush greenery of Oregon, most likely Eugene.  And since April here feels like mid June in Missouri did, I think long range for me means next year.  

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#42 of 55 Old 04-26-2011, 11:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lightinmyhands View Post
And since April here feels like mid June in Missouri did, I think long range for me means next year.  


That doesn't sound pleasant!  I hope you get to Oregon as soon as possible!  :D

 


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#43 of 55 Old 04-27-2011, 09:42 AM
 
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All mamas on this thread, try posting in the finding your tribe part of mdc. PM the people who reply to the thread, and I would directly ask them if they would like to be friends and meet up.

I have found that lots of mdc mamas are willing and wanting to meet up!

 

 

lightinmyhands likes this.

Mothering my sweet preschool boy luxlove.gif and my new arrival bfinfant.gif

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#44 of 55 Old 05-07-2011, 05:16 PM
 
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my family and I are planing an intentional community/ tribe/commune - whatever you want to call it

We lived on a commune for 10 months so we have a clearer idea of what we want now than we did before.

Our biggest need is finding people that mesh well with us that want to move to Oregon :)

 

Anybody want to move to Oregon that is into natural consensual living with each other, the earth and our kids but still likes computers and such? (that is the best description I can think of without listing 100 things!)

 

Czarena

Mama to DS8, DS2, DS1, and a new little due in December

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#45 of 55 Old 05-08-2011, 11:13 AM
 
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Ooooh, I'm intrigued!  Can you tell us more abou this, Czarena?  One of my husband's biggest complaints about living in an intentional community/commune is that we are a computer-friendly family that enjoys watching movies together.  He thinks all intentional communities are anti-technology whatsoever.  I would be interested to hear your plans.  
 

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my family and I are planing an intentional community/ tribe/commune - whatever you want to call it

We lived on a commune for 10 months so we have a clearer idea of what we want now than we did before.

Our biggest need is finding people that mesh well with us that want to move to Oregon :)

 

Anybody want to move to Oregon that is into natural consensual living with each other, the earth and our kids but still likes computers and such? (that is the best description I can think of without listing 100 things!)

 

Czarena

Mama to DS8, DS2, DS1, and a new little due in December



 


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#46 of 55 Old 05-08-2011, 12:34 PM
 
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if you can find my hubby a job in oregon we are there!


Legal Mama to TWO homebirthed, unschooled, unvaxed, cloth diapered, mei tei loving, still breastfeeding baby girl 1/14/07 and an intact 8 pound 10 ouncer baby boy 4/5/10.
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#47 of 55 Old 05-10-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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Lurve- What kind of work does he do/ prefer/ dream of being able to do?

 

Both - I'll post here or PM tonight - I'm headed to work at the moment

 

-Czarena

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#48 of 55 Old 05-24-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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Oh, I just want to hug all you lonely mamas! My little one isn't born yet, but I too feel this loneliness. I've lived in this city/country for a year, but I work from home, and I just haven't been able to connect with anyone. Everyone I meet is a computer programmer--but I'm so not into that (despite the fact that DH is one!).

 

But! We're moving spring 2012 with our baby due this December, to buy a little farm and start homesteading. Our good friends and former housemates, along with their 6 and 1 year old, are contemplating joining us, and we're open to sharing our place with other families. Our goal is to be more self-sufficient, but DH is a programmer, and will continue his work (from home) after we move, so it'll certainly be a tech-friendly place. Any Canadians (or those who could be!) interested in joining us on the (very affordable) East Coast?


Maker-mama, joyously loving my boy, Winter Rhys, born 12/2011, and our twins, Wren and Forest, born 4/2014.
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#49 of 55 Old 05-25-2011, 09:45 AM
 
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A village, A playgroup, even another mom friend would be great. After my girls were born, I didn't feel "mainstream" enough for our local multiples group, but also didn't feel comfortable juggling my girls in a singleton playgroup. The only "group" I've been involved in is my local BWing meet up. I've slowly been losing touch with my single friends from my old job as well. No fun. I should post on my local board, that's a good idea.

Lucky SAHM to wonderful twin girls (9/09)
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#50 of 55 Old 05-25-2011, 12:52 PM
 
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What I'm finding really frustrating right now is that when I try to join mom groups, I don't fit in at all. Both of the meet up groups in my town don't just meet in town but all over the area. Well, I don't have a car and I don't drive. I rely on the bus and the bus does not go all over the place. It doesn't go into the really affluent areas of town either which seems to be where a lot of these moms live. Not to mention, many of the events cost MONEY. Again, I'm poor. I do not have $5-$10 to drop on a trip to the Children's Museum. It's getting SO FRUSTRATING! I had really high hopes when another meet up group got started because I got kicked out of the other one I joined because I wasn't able to make it to any of the stinking activities (and of course, no one is going to give a ride to a mom she doesn't know). This one is pretty much the exact same kind of group! ARGH! Why make another meet up group then? I'm just really tired of being broke. Really tired of staying home and not having anyone to talk to and more and more getting really tired of being a parent. I'm beginning to understand more and more why my mom went back to school. I used to hate her for it because she was never around but now I can understand why. Going back to school she met people, did more things, and wasn't home alone with us kids all the time (especially after we all were in school, I imagine it was hard for her because we lived on a ten acre far away from pretty much everyone). So, at this point, I'm planning on looking for work once my youngest turns one. I just can't do it anymore.

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#51 of 55 Old 05-25-2011, 05:48 PM
 
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What I'm finding really frustrating right now is that when I try to join mom groups, I don't fit in at all. Both of the meet up groups in my town don't just meet in town but all over the area. Well, I don't have a car and I don't drive. I rely on the bus and the bus does not go all over the place. It doesn't go into the really affluent areas of town either which seems to be where a lot of these moms live. Not to mention, many of the events cost MONEY. Again, I'm poor. I do not have $5-$10 to drop on a trip to the Children's Museum. It's getting SO FRUSTRATING! I had really high hopes when another meet up group got started because I got kicked out of the other one I joined because I wasn't able to make it to any of the stinking activities (and of course, no one is going to give a ride to a mom she doesn't know). This one is pretty much the exact same kind of group! ARGH! Why make another meet up group then? I'm just really tired of being broke. Really tired of staying home and not having anyone to talk to and more and more getting really tired of being a parent. I'm beginning to understand more and more why my mom went back to school. I used to hate her for it because she was never around but now I can understand why. Going back to school she met people, did more things, and wasn't home alone with us kids all the time (especially after we all were in school, I imagine it was hard for her because we lived on a ten acre far away from pretty much everyone). So, at this point, I'm planning on looking for work once my youngest turns one. I just can't do it anymore.



Totally understand you. ALL the groups in my area are the same way! I think I'll start a meet up group that only goes to free places on the bus near me... lol :) You're not in Tacoma are you? Cuz this really does sounds exactly like my problem...

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#52 of 55 Old 05-26-2011, 10:51 AM
 
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Totally understand you. ALL the groups in my area are the same way! I think I'll start a meet up group that only goes to free places on the bus near me... lol :) You're not in Tacoma are you? Cuz this really does sounds exactly like my problem...


No, I'm in WI, pooh. Setting up those meet-up groups aren't cheap either. There is a MOPS group but the registration fills up fast and I imagine that costs money too. The meet and greet for the group is in a park I can't get to. There are PLENTY of nice parks in this town that are easy to get to and I'm even four blocks away from one of them but NO, someone goes and picks one of the few parks that is off the bus route. It's just SO frustrating. My husband doesn't get it. He would love to stay at home with the kids. He doesn't have the need to be around people like I do. I'm not a huge social butterfly but I really need SOME social interaction as I do get lonely very quickly and staying at home all day with a five year old and a 10 month old is not doing that much for me. Add to that the problem of being constantly broke and you have a recipe for major depression. I've been staying at home for almost 6 years now and even stayed at home while we were in South Korea (which about drove me out of my mind, I got to where I started hanging out with single women who were over there teaching because I could not find any moms over there to really hang out with once we moved out of the one area we were living in) and I just can't do it anymore.

 

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#53 of 55 Old 05-27-2011, 10:53 AM
 
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janeen...... would a change of location (moving) help?  is it a possibility?  I'm still not where I want to be but I'm a lot happier now having changed states!

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#54 of 55 Old 05-28-2011, 11:12 AM
 
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Right now, we don't have the money and we just all got back here from South Korea after being there for close to two years. Moves are expensive unfortunately and you can't be sure that everything will fall into place when you do move (as my older sister is finding out when she decided to up and move to Tennessee). I know my husband would love to get out of this area but again, it takes money and quite a bit of it.

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#55 of 55 Old 05-30-2011, 09:56 AM
 
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Janeen, you are correct, it does take quite a bit of money to move.   I learned that with this last move, it was quite costly, though we were fortunate in that DH's new company covered a large chunk of it, "relocation expenses".  Hopefully you will find the right group of mom's where you're at--- somewhere you fit in.  I really didn't like where we were and was having a very difficult time finding a group that I could connect with and just a few months before we left, I finally found an unschooling group that I could socialize with and not feel like an outcast.  Motherhood does get awfully lonely without it being a shared experience.  I wish you luck on your quest. :)

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