I need a village! - Mothering Forums
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Stay at Home Parents > I need a village!
AuNaturaleMama's Avatar AuNaturaleMama 09:01 AM 01-04-2011
Last night I was watching a rerun of Dharma and Greg and it was the episode where they adopt a baby. Dharma's parents assemble a village of people to help out with the baby which got me thinking. If I had 3 or 4 people in our house to share the raising of DS I'd be the most well rested, organized, and put together sahm to a toddler!

Anyone want to join my village?


Caittune's Avatar Caittune 11:13 AM 01-04-2011

In a heartbeat!  I was just coming to look for advice on how to manage my clingy 11 month old and my super social 4 year old and me feeling like I'm at the end of my rope and it isn't even 11am here yet.  If I had someone to help out during the day we would have a much happier life.  


lightinmyhands's Avatar lightinmyhands 05:15 PM 01-05-2011

I understand the village thing--- I've been looking for my "tribe" since my first was born, she is now 6 and a half.  I really think that co-housing with the right group of people would be of spectacular benefit to the children and the adults.  I'm not really ready to run off to the woods and go "commune" yet, but I sure do think it would be nice to get a giant house with a couple of other families.  


ScottyG's Avatar ScottyG 06:02 PM 01-05-2011

I hear that!  I haven't yet found a single at-home parent in my small community here in rural America, and I feel like taking care of my 2 girls without anyone but my lovely wife to help out is just nuts.  I would LOVE a village.  I can't even find a decent babysitter.


AuNaturaleMama's Avatar AuNaturaleMama 08:31 AM 01-06-2011
I'm totally ready to move onto a commune! In fact I spend a few hours a week trying to convince DH that it's a great idea.

We have awesome neighbors how are a great help but they don't have kids and sometimes I want a whole herd of kids running in my backyard!
lightinmyhands's Avatar lightinmyhands 06:17 AM 01-07-2011

I've spent the last six years dreaming of finding my tribe.  2 years ago I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life and now, at least we have each other..... but I'm still hoping and praying for a tribe.  I feel that my talents/gifts are needed here in this society, or I would just go to a commune (DH would be on board).  I just keep imagining I'll find a couple of other families and together we'll purchase a chunk of land and build ourselves some straw bale houses or maybe earthships, grow a garden, have some chickens and a goat and dogs and cats and maybe a cow and a pig......  we'll have bonfires and drum circles and a community kitchen... and our free range unschooled children running wild through the woods.  Though I have encountered many people in the virtual world with similar ideals, I have yet to meet anyone IRL that shares my vision.  I'll keep on hoping :)


HappyMommy2's Avatar HappyMommy2 07:24 AM 01-07-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottyG View Post

....  I would LOVE a village.  I can't even find a decent babysitter.



 Me too.  This really hit home last week when I was sicker than ever, and 9 months pregnant.  Couldn't even get out of bed without having difficulty breathing, having a coughing fit, and feeling like collapsing.  I just laid there and cried that there is absolutely nobody to help us.  I would have gladly even paid for help at that point, even though we don't have any money!!


lurve's Avatar lurve 02:58 PM 01-20-2011

well if anyone is in phoenix, i need a village too.  we weren't meant to raise our children so isolated. it is sooo hard to find the village. 


Aithnea's Avatar Aithnea 10:09 PM 01-20-2011

We need a village to raise children.  It's part of human nature.

 

I was talking with DH last night about packing everything up and buying a chunk of land to have a homestead on when he mentioned joining a commune!  Which of course I instantly fell in love with the idea.  Now I just need to find one with like minded people.


AuNaturaleMama's Avatar AuNaturaleMama 11:12 AM 01-24-2011

 

Ive tried to get DH on board with the idea of starting our own commune. I have the perfect vision in my head even! Unfortunately he doesn't exactly see it. He is too "business-minded." if it doesn't make him money, it isn't really worth it.

Oh well, it can be my plan for the next life!
youngspiritmom's Avatar youngspiritmom 09:46 PM 01-24-2011

Check to see if there are co-housing communities near where you live. That's the idea of them!

 

Also, my mom always put ads out looking for senior citizens when were babies to be our adopted grandmas since our real grandmas weren't near. There are a lot of seniors who feel the same way you feel --- and would love to be around a baby. Can you put up a flier at your town's senior center? Village grandma could be waiting for you! read.gif

 

 

 


zoesmom2009's Avatar zoesmom2009 09:13 AM 01-27-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by lightinmyhands View Post

I've spent the last six years dreaming of finding my tribe.  2 years ago I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life and now, at least we have each other..... but I'm still hoping and praying for a tribe.  I feel that my talents/gifts are needed here in this society, or I would just go to a commune (DH would be on board).  I just keep imagining I'll find a couple of other families and together we'll purchase a chunk of land and build ourselves some straw bale houses or maybe earthships, grow a garden, have some chickens and a goat and dogs and cats and maybe a cow and a pig......  we'll have bonfires and drum circles and a community kitchen... and our free range unschooled children running wild through the woods.  Though I have encountered many people in the virtual world with similar ideals, I have yet to meet anyone IRL that shares my vision.  I'll keep on hoping :)


That sounds so wonderful! I could have written that myself. My dh and I have been talking about finding/creating a village since we met, but it's been mostly idle dreaming. After our dd was born, we realized how much we need to find our village. We currently live in suburbia and with the exception of a couple people, the majority of our neighbors are complete strangers to us. The sad part is, most of our neighbors don't even want to know each other, or be part of any sort of community. There is such a heightened sense of paranoia these days.There are tons of kids in our neighborhood, but you never see them outside playing. NEVER. For that matter, we rarely see any adults out, except to go to and from their cars. When my mom came down to help out after dd was born, she commented on how it seemed like we lived in a ghost town. It's so disheartening to live amongst so many people, yet be so isolated.


rightkindofme's Avatar rightkindofme 04:15 PM 01-29-2011

I have actually found a playgroup through MDC and we are doing a LOT to help each other.  We often hang out at one persons help to help with childcare while the host mama does work.  :)  It's rather awesome.  And my best friend is moving in with us this summer.  I'm so excited I can barely stand it!  I will get HELP!  HALLELUJAH


beccamama31's Avatar beccamama31 01:30 PM 04-03-2011

Hey, lovin' your vision!!!! I have the same vision for my family/myself,, your not alone..

 

We are currently trying to tie up all our finances,, and save some $$ to buy land..

and hopefully before the kids are all grown up! LOL


megannt's Avatar megannt 05:29 PM 04-03-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post

I have actually found a playgroup through MDC and we are doing a LOT to help each other.  We often hang out at one persons help to help with childcare while the host mama does work.  :)  It's rather awesome.  And my best friend is moving in with us this summer.  I'm so excited I can barely stand it!  I will get HELP!  HALLELUJAH


How did you find this?! I would love that. Mamas just aren't meant to do this alone.

 


wide-eyed's Avatar wide-eyed 07:16 PM 04-03-2011

Yes. Yes. YES!

I just think about how much healthier our children could be raised in a village setting, let alone how much better off we, as parents, would be! We are absolutely not meant to do this alone. I spend a portion of every day, even if it's sub-consciously, dreaming and thinking of how to make the village manifest in our life. Haven't hit upon it yet, but I am staying open to possibilities.

 

DID YOU HEAR THAT, UNIVERSE? I AM OPEN!!


lightinmyhands's Avatar lightinmyhands 11:54 AM 04-04-2011

i'm scared my kids will be grown and i will have piddled away this incarnation dreaming of how i really wanted to live..... however, how to make manifest in the near future? how?  We're looking at having teenagers by the time we are out of debt and can save some money to buy land.  ugghhh.... wishing for a miracle!


insidevoice's Avatar insidevoice 11:00 PM 04-11-2011

DH has agreed to a trial in a cohousing community.  There is a bit of a wait, but we're making steps to get there.  DH and I are both fairly private, but there is a difference between wanting to have some private time and wanting to live in a bubble.  I want out of the bubble. 

 


geekgolightly's Avatar geekgolightly 12:35 AM 04-12-2011

Intentional Communities already in place listed by geographic region

 

http://directory.ic.org/iclist/geo.php


Chicky2's Avatar Chicky2 10:26 AM 04-12-2011

****sigh****  I thought we were going to have something similar at one time, but it was mostly my dreaming, I suppose.  Just wasn't the right fit.  We need a family who is secure and ready to work.  I've got the land, the goats, the rabbits, chickens, guineas, bees, quail, ducks, the garden, the canning equipment, a couple of dehydrators, etc., and an empty house next door, but no decent people looking at it.

 

I hear you mamas (and daddies!)!


treeoflife3's Avatar treeoflife3 10:35 AM 04-12-2011

village?  I could start with a friend.  I'm awful with being social though... new people and places make me extremely uncomfortable and I'm just awkward anyway even when I'm comfortable.  I'd love a village... more kids for kiddo to play with, adults to talk to.. but I'm awful at finding people.


HannahW's Avatar HannahW 11:18 AM 04-12-2011

I am lucky enough to live next door to my parents and grandparents! I love my "village"! Istill do most of the care of my dd, but it is nice to know I have back up if I really NEED it.


lovermont's Avatar lovermont 11:33 AM 04-12-2011

I also have a playgroup that is amazing and acts as our village. We often say that we wish we lived within walking distance of each other but we're fairly spread out - about 20minutes from the person the furthest on one side to the furthest on the other side. - Maybe more like 40 minutes? We usually meet at a playground in the nearest big city during warm weather and when it's colder we're scrambling for a location to meet. Someone usually offers their home but it can be overwhelming if several families decide to come on one day. We also do family dinner nights that are usually pot luck, mom night outs, and are always exchanging, clothes, ideas, diapers, advice, etc. Playgroup days are all day affairs - 6 hours usually. It's amazing.

It all started when I posted on MDC saying I'd like to start an Attachment Parenting Playgroup - everyone who is interested meet on this day at this time at this playground. And it's worked. We're going on our three year anniversary and it's still strong.


MamasBoys's Avatar MamasBoys 11:35 AM 04-12-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by megannt View Post




How did you find this?! I would love that. Mamas just aren't meant to do this alone.

 


Where in Washington, Megan? ;)

 


umsami's Avatar umsami 11:40 AM 04-12-2011
Quote:
Originally Posted by youngspiritmom View Post

Check to see if there are co-housing communities near where you live. That's the idea of them!

 

Also, my mom always put ads out looking for senior citizens when were babies to be our adopted grandmas since our real grandmas weren't near. There are a lot of seniors who feel the same way you feel --- and would love to be around a baby. Can you put up a flier at your town's senior center? Village grandma could be waiting for you! read.gif

 

 

 


That's a great idea youngspiritmom. joy.gif
Jessica2fruity's Avatar Jessica2fruity 12:28 PM 04-12-2011

If you're in the Phoenix area, then check out the Arizona Birth Network. Even if you're beyond having babies, the people who come to the Birth Circles are frequently of a more natural bent. We have a wonderful community here! http://azbirthnetwork.wordpress.com/birth-circles/


TamarHolmes's Avatar TamarHolmes 12:42 PM 04-12-2011

A village is great, but first we need members. PLEASE is there anyone in San Diego that wants to be my family's friend? (Hey, I figure the direct approach works well when my children do it.)

Seriously though, if any of you families  are into

 alternative parenting methods and won't think me too much a "hippie" then contact me. Perhaps we could build our own tribe, our own village from there. Someone has to do something on a larger level though. No parent (or two parents even) was made to do parenthood by themselves.


Neela0207's Avatar Neela0207 12:52 PM 04-12-2011

First, I miss Dharma & Greg.  And that was a great episode!!

I would love a village...community!!  There is a wonderful network in my area of like minded families, but I remember reading an article about a dozen or so members of the same family living (in their own houses) on a HUGE plot of land somewhere.  Kids always playing in the dirt path...an adult always around.  How great?!?  We could get close to that...it was actually my husband who suggested we find a decent plot of land and move in with my parents!!


Caracas's Avatar Caracas 01:12 PM 04-12-2011

I have given up on that dream...


TeenBean's Avatar TeenBean 01:17 PM 04-12-2011

I know that I am very lucky, since I have found my "village". I live in a small community in northern Canada, with only about 400 people. Every where we go people say Hi to my daughter and know her by name, and she knows their name. We have community potlucks here fairly often, and when we go my daughter can walk about and visit with everyone. I can have a break and don't have to be constantly watching her because I know everyone else is keeping an eye on the kids that show up too. We have a playgroup that meets twice a week, and about 5-10 parents and 15-20 kids attend. It's a small town, so the Recreation Centre is only a 10 min walk max for everyone. My parents also live here and are such a big help to me. Other moms in the community also take turns and care for each others kids to get a break and a day to themselves to read, craft, nap, etc.  I am fortunate and very grateful :)


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