What do you look like when your DH walks in the door and how do you greet him? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-15-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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If wearing three-week-old sweatpants is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

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Old 02-15-2011, 02:06 PM
 
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If wearing three-week-old sweatpants is wrong, I don't wanna be right.



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Old 02-15-2011, 02:27 PM
 
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If wearing three-week-old sweatpants is wrong, I don't wanna be right.


And I'm so wrong it's not even funny (or maybe it is). My sweatpants are at least 2 years old. And yes, I greet DH in those or what ever else I've been wearing all day. Sometimes I even have strange stuff on my clothes from having to keep a 2 year old from tearing the house down around us and not being able to change.

 

My experience has been that most guys don't care what the person they love is wearing when he comes home. Just so long as he/she is the one he's coming home too.


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Old 02-15-2011, 02:41 PM
 
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And I'm so wrong it's not even funny (or maybe it is). My sweatpants are at least 2 years old. And yes, I greet DH in those or what ever else I've been wearing all day. Sometimes I even have strange stuff on my clothes from having to keep a 2 year old from tearing the house down around us and not being able to change.

 

My experience has been that most guys don't care what the person they love is wearing when he comes home. Just so long as he/she is the one he's coming home too.


So, when you say two-year-old sweatpants, are we talking haven't been washed in two years or you've owned them two years? Cuz really, this is very important information.

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Old 02-15-2011, 02:43 PM
 
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And I'm so wrong it's not even funny (or maybe it is). My sweatpants are at least 2 years old. And yes, I greet DH in those or what ever else I've been wearing all day. Sometimes I even have strange stuff on my clothes from having to keep a 2 year old from tearing the house down around us and not being able to change.

 

My experience has been that most guys don't care what the person they love is wearing when he comes home. Just so long as he/she is the one he's coming home too.




So, when you say two-year-old sweatpants, are we talking haven't been washed in two years or you've owned them two years? Cuz really, this is very important information.


Well, if I said I had a two year old son, would you assume he was unwashed for two years? Cause that's what "x year old" means to me. orngbiggrin.gif


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Old 02-15-2011, 03:13 PM
 
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Well, if I said I had a two year old son, would you assume he was unwashed for two years? Cause that's what "x year old" means to me. orngbiggrin.gif


I was just hoping you would say they hadn't been washed in two years so that I could feel better about my own self-negligence. (Being silly here)

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Old 02-15-2011, 03:41 PM
 
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I definitely touch up my makeup before dh gets home. It usually wears off during the day. But I do that as much for myself as for him.

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Old 02-15-2011, 03:57 PM
 
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Well, if I said I had a two year old son, would you assume he was unwashed for two years? Cause that's what "x year old" means to me. orngbiggrin.gif




I was just hoping you would say they hadn't been washed in two years so that I could feel better about my own self-negligence. (Being silly here)


Well if it makes you feel better, I've been known to greet DH in clothes that ended up having to pull from the dirty laundry hamper. And my sweat pants only get washed once every two weeks or so.


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Old 02-15-2011, 07:11 PM
 
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I don't really have a certain thing I'm in when dh gets home. It is usually just what I've been wearing throughout the day. Usually that's just jeans and a t-shirt. And sometimes, I will still be in my PJs or have put them back on before he gets home if I haven't really felt well or just too busy! I only put on makeup occasionally. But honestly, I could care less what dh is wearing and he could care less what I'm wearing. We do kisses, and if I'm not totally in the middle of making dinner, I go upstairs with him as he's getting out of his uniform and we talk about the day for a few minutes without the kids. But when the kids were little, I would often not take a shower until dh got home, because I just didn't have the time. He was always always just happy to see me!

 
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Old 02-15-2011, 09:12 PM
 
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Well if it makes you feel better, I've been known to greet DH in clothes that ended up having to pull from the dirty laundry hamper. And my sweat pants only get washed once every two weeks or so.


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Old 02-17-2011, 06:35 PM
 
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I'm almost always in sweats and a nursing tank and t-shirt or sweatshirt.  I shower every morning, my hair is permanently in a ponytail or bun and I wear make up maybe once a month.  DH puts on pj pants and a bathrobe when h gets home though so he can't say anything.

 

When DH gets home DD1 tackles him while shrieking '"DADDY" at the top of her lungs.  If I'm not nursing the baby I wait until the initial rush is over, he's put away his coat and coffee mug and give him a kiss or hug.

 

We try to clean up the living room before DH gets home just so he doesn't break a leg tripping over one of 876539002 Little People on the floor, but he gets home at a different time every night and that doesn't always work.  He walked in at 330 the other day instead of his normal 5-7pm and I was so scared at hearing the door open I almost peed my pants.  Needless to say that day he did not get a kiss and hi, just a what the heck are you doing home!  Call first so you don't give me a heart attack!


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Old 02-18-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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So I asked DH if he would prefer that I look nicer when he comes home. He looked at me like I was on something and said, "What? Why? Huh?" He was very confused. I explained about this thread and he said he'd honestly never thought about it and does not care what I wear or look like. He said he'd be a little weirded out if he came home and I was all dolled up. Which makes me kind of want to do the whole June Cleaver look one day just to freak him out! He also said he'd be okay with coming home to find me naked.



ROFL. Today I'm sick and baby is sick and we've just been cuddled up in the bed all day long, me butt naked and the babe just in a diaper. Normally I try to take a shower and get into either clean pj's or a casual, comfy (but clean!) outfit. I have never worn makeup in my life, so no to that. I never do anything to my hair other than wash it, brush it, and either leave it long and flowy or in a ponytail/bun/hair clip. My casual/comfy clothes are usually yoga or flannel pants and a cami I can nurse in (haha, hubby likes that cause he can see my cleavage...when I'm out of the home I wear very modest clothes :) ). I usually greet him with a kiss and a hug and a how was your day, love? And then he takes the baby and plays with him/holds him while I go finish supper (I try to get it started before he gets home...but that doesn't always happen). We usually sleep naked or just in underwear, so occasionally there will be a day that I didn't bother to shower and put clothes on that day, but that isn't often. And the reason I'm rarely out of the home is because we only own one car, and hubby leaves for work between 4:30 and 5 in the morning, making it impractical for me to drop him off at work and have the car for the day. That usually only happens once or twice a week. 


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Old 02-22-2011, 03:02 PM
 
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I dress everyday like I'm still going to classes or working (something usually preppy or business casual).  I also put on makeup (although it's minimal).  When DH gets home, I'm in the kitchen making dinner.  He puts his freezing cold hands on my warm, bare back (waits for me to squeal), kisses me on the cheek, then goes to kiss the kids.  In that order.  Every day.


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Old 02-22-2011, 07:01 PM
 
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this really varies for us. i take a shower every day because i NEED it. it might not happen until noon or later, but it happens. i have lounge clothes that i wear at home (leggings, yoga pants, t's etc) and if we don't have anywhere to go, that is how i look when DH gets home. If we have a couple small errands or go for a walk, it's jeans and a t. if we have a playdate, went shopping or on an excursion, i am wearing an outfit, a little make-up (maybe) and jewelry. right now it's probably an even split between all three looks, and the lounge days are getting fewer and fewer, now that my DD (just turned one) is getting older and more antsy if we don't leave the house. when she was smaller, the outfit days were pretty few and far between. i definitely feel better and more productive when i have something "real" on, and even better when i have something on that i think is pretty or attractive. none of this is really for DH though, since he is home late and is a jeans and sloppy t kind of guy anyway, and all he really cares about is that there is some food nearly ready to go into his mouth and that the house is fairly put together. he is definitely more interested in what i got accomplished during the day than what i'm wearing, it's really just me who feels bad about not having real clothes on.

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Old 02-23-2011, 10:10 AM
 
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I'm making a shift here for my sanity and my marriage.  I would like to live in sweats and t shirts. However, I think DH misses the woman he married- the one who had interests beyond diapers and child development.  Heck, I miss her some days as well. 

 

I try to get dressed every day after breakfast in something comfortable AND presentable.  My hair is a work in progress, but I try to do something with it that doesn't involve a ponytail or looking unkempt. I usually  wear a little make up- mostly because I feel better with it. 

 

When I was the WOH parent, it drove me batty to come home to chaos and a messy house, so I ensure that things are organized and under control when he returns. I also strive to create a warm, welcoming, and positive environment.  

 

I supposed it sounds a little June Cleaver-ish, and it makes my very feminist mom cringe, but the little effort it takes me to do these things really improves the energy in our home and marriage.I don't think I should be beholden to live up to some impossible standard of beauty or idealized motherhood, but I do want to be the best partner and mother I can be for myself. 

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Old 02-23-2011, 10:30 AM
 
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When I SAH i dressed in clothes daily, not to dress up for x but because I feel lazy in PJ's or sweats. when he got home he usually sought me out and kissed me hello. 


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Old 02-24-2011, 01:39 AM
 
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i just try to have cloths on rather then pjs... 

 

i DO try to have a tidy house (tidy LOOKING house) when DH walks in.... tidy toys and mostly kitchen and a little febreze sprayed at least. 

I try to be busy right when he walks home so I'm normally in the kitchen but i do try to give him a kiss and a greeting and ask how his day went. I generally have dinner ready or almost ready.


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Old 02-24-2011, 01:24 PM
 
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I'm surprised at the number of responses that seem to toss having clean clothes and makeup into the same vein as an unrealistic expectation for women to be bound by beauty and unrealistic standards.

 

My desire to look 'put together' is really about me.  My DH is happy if I'm in sweats/grubby stuff/whatever, but I readily admit that I enjoy the appreciative glances I get when I take a few minutes to look nice.  I found that I became complacent with myself-  sweats and stretched out tshirts coupled with however my hair had landed resulted in my looking and feeling very tired and worn out.  My husband would be attracted to me no matter what I looked like, but for me to FEEL attractive and oto find interest in his being attracted, I need to feel better about myself. 

 

I started with small steps- I ditched the hugely stretched out sweats and instead bought a couple pair of good quality yoga pants that look half decent. The ripped and stained t shits went out the door in favor of some simple and better-fitting plain tshirts I can layer. The gigantic 3X zippered hoodie I liked to live in has been relegated to the closet, I invested in a couple better fitting layering pieces. I bought 2 pair of new jeans that fit my body as it is, instead of as it was before I had the kids. I am not willing to give up comfort, but I do want to look clean and neat, and for me I tend to favor oversized things which, while comfy, make me feel quite frumpy.

 

I think people need to do what works for them.

 

I know that , for instance, my grandmother was never without makeup, and lived in heels, skirts, stockings and garters, industrial strength bras and girdles, and blazers over nice blouses or cardigan sets up until she died.  To have been seen by anyone- including her family- in anything else made her uncomfortable.  I thought she was absolutely insane- but she really felt better and was a better partner and more productive person because she wore what felt right to her. 

 

 

 

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Old 02-24-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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I don't get a shower everyday. There are days I can't remember if I showered the day before either. I'm out and about just about everyday at the schools, running household errands, etc. When the weather is warm, spring and summer into fall~ he'll find us out back w/ the grill started when he comes home and dinner getting started, this time of year I'm usually in the kitchen getting dinner satrted, unloading or loading the dishwasher. I'm usually wearing yoga pants or khakis and a long sleeve t-shirt , either a pony, bun or braids. Mismatched socks~ every day.

Totally frumpy but it works. He walks in and sticks his cold hands under my shirt and down my pants and thinks its funny. Then he moves along into the dining room where there may be a kid or 2 LOL. Then a few more as he makes his way through the house.

Typically he'll change very quickly and either get the fire going ~ if I let it die or bring more wood in ~ if I haven't.

There are often nights I haven't started dinner and he'll come home and cook up some awesome meal in minutes. I should feel bad but I don't... he loves to cook :).

 

I go through spurts where I decide I will begin wearing makeup and dressing nicely, and wearing jewelery. It never lasts. I'm just not wired that way... so I return to my old ways, earrings, wedding band, lip balm, and whatever is clean...

 

oh and to the pp that said her husband was confused by her questions ... LOL, my dh is the same way, He'd immed. say~ "please take the baby to your meeting' if I looked prepared to go somewhere ~ sometimes I try to sneak to my PTO and Committee meeting sans the nursling. When I asked if he wanted me to look more put together, wear nicer clothes for him he shrugged and said 'nah' but he wouldn't mind if I chose to wear none at all. SOOO typical of him... LOL. He doesn't like when I wear makeup, and prefers my braids to a fancy twist, so... makes it easy on me .  Cuz that's what he gets.:)


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Old 02-25-2011, 10:21 AM
 
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I definitely enjoyed reading everyone's comments; I think with the varied responses no matter what your style is it still falls within the norm for most other mamas.  

 

I am mom to four, three in school and a DH that works nites.  Basically he's coming home when the kids are getting ready to leave for school and headed to work soon after school let's out.  On school mornings Im am usually showered before DH gets home and wearing whatever I've picked for the day, casual pants and shirt(on cold days its sweats). I usually have a 4 or 5 shirts and three pair of pants that I recycle for the week. When the kids r home from school because I have more time on those mornings I try to pick out something nicer, like maybe a skirt or dress that he's said he has liked me in and may also put on a lil lipgloss and eyeliner.  On dh nites off, 2x a week, I do go a bit extra with perfume and maybe something sexy or just nice  pjs.  I think like other posters have said I am more productive when showered and dressed for the day.   For the most part DH says, that what you're wearing doesn't matter because its all coming off winky.gif but I know he notices when I dress up and appreciates that I do it since its all for him and no one else. This is what I try to maintain but there plenty of times I don't do all that, but I had to set a standard for what I am want to be my norm.  

 

As for today, I took a bird bath at the sink, wearing pants and shirt with my robe on top. Clean, dressed and warm. Done.thumb.gif

 

 

As for the actual greeting, I need to get better at that I am usually rushing about doing morning stuff, but I need to take time out to greet him even if its just a quick hi rather than him always having to come and find me.  I know he'd appreciate that and that is more important to him than how I look. 

 

 

I think that the important thing is what works for your relationship.  I think our looks and appearance cannot be totally tossed aside, they do count for something.  Everyone's situation is different for myself its easy, most of my kids are in school I don't have much to do each day besides cooking and just keeping general areas tidy and clutter free.  

 


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Old 02-25-2011, 11:39 AM
 
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I don't do anything special, usually dinner is ready, but getting dressed for dh after a long day seems a bit much for me. If I am dressed for a meeting/event, then yes, I am put together, but it has nothing to do with dh. He doesn't dress for me.

We are pretty laid back, we do dress when we have events, church, but for each other, unless it is a "special" evening, we relax in sweats/pajamas.


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Old 02-28-2011, 02:13 PM
 
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Several years ago my DH requested that I be out of my PJs when he got home. He also likes a nice greeting. I compromised by wearing yoga pants and a decent T shirt. I like looking half put together when I can be but being asked to look a certain way really put me off at the time. I also make sure the house is clean, dinner is cooking and the kids are cleaned up which is kind of expected of me. And I really try not to bombard him with problems unless I've had a totally horrific day. He can't stand being handed a screaming baby when he walks in the door but we all have those days.

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Old 03-02-2011, 02:48 PM
 
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I love reading all of these even tho i haven't made it all the way thru yet! As far as how I look when he gets home - i always look presentable. My dh is happy to see us when he comes home and i really try to be happy to see him too .. lol. .but some days (like today) i am ready to pull my hair out bc of unruly children. i try very hard to not have that affect "us" but it seems that the 5 o'clock hour is the witching hour in my house and i can't help but want to scream at someone. I feel like our greeting time is at 7:10 pm. The kids are tucked in bed and i can decompress and enjoy husband and wife time.


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Old 03-03-2011, 05:50 AM
 
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I haven't read all the replies in this thread, just the first few pages, but I have to comment. Seriously, with all the times my husband has come home in a stinking rotten mood because of something that happened at work...why is it that I'm the one who should be worried about how I greet him?? Just because I stay home? We both have bad days and how we greet each other is highly dependent on our day went. If he comes home in a stinking rotten mood, I try to be cheerful and help him feel better and let him vent. On the other hand there have been times when he's come home and I've been on the couch with my son in tears with smoke billowing through the house because I've just had that difficult of a day with DS (yea, it's happened). That's when he takes DS and gives me some time to recover my sanity and vent about how horrible my day was.

On the good days, I'm usually getting dinner on the table when DH comes home and every one's in a good mood. We wear sweatpants inside the house and I don't wear make-up, period, so I can't say I put any special effort into my appearance just because he's coming home :)


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Old 03-03-2011, 06:32 AM
 
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I try to make sure the first thing he sees when he comes in isn't a source of stress. I make a point to straighten up the entryway/family room, and wear jeans and a shirt. I'm usually cooking when he comes in, but the kids great him. Of course, if things are really bad that day...I don't try to hide it! We are honest with each other, but I do want coming home to be a positive experience.


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Old 03-03-2011, 06:42 AM
 
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And FTR, when DH stays home with the kids, and I'm out I appreciate not feeling like I'm putting out fires the second I walk in the door. Though I admit, I really don't care what he's wearing.


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Old 03-03-2011, 10:43 AM
 
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I've read almost all the posts and this is interesting since I'm still adjusting to being a SAHM to our first baby who is 3 months. I usually wear some form of yoga/exercise pants because jeans still hurt my leftover baby chub when I sit down to nurse. I do shower every day to every other day including shaving my legs because it drives me wild to have stubble! This means that I have to have DD outside the shower in her bouncer or me somehow holding her inside if DH isn't there to watch her. I also will change clothes immediately if I've gotten food/spit up/poop on me because it makes me feel gross otherwise! I wear my hair in a ponytail or bun because it's so long that it gets in the way. I honestly am usually nursing when DH gets home and he's on his cell phone so we don't usually communicate for up to an hour after he arrives.

 

On days when DH doesn't leave the house he doesn't shave, shower, or even get dressed from PJ's so I NEVER feel bad since I accomplish this and more daily. I'm kind of excited to start working in a few months just so I can get dressed and KNOW I'm not going to get spit up on in two minutes. Great thread OP!


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Old 03-03-2011, 07:16 PM
 
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I haven't gotten to read the other responses yet but I think one big thing is making yourself feel good will always shine though to your spouse.  So if it makes you feel better and more human to get dressed in nicer clothes and put on your face and hair then that simple fact will shine though to your spouse that you feel better about yourself.  That fact alone is so important.

 

Me personally don't do makeup...never have and DH is 100% okay with that.  Right now I am 22 weeks preggo with twins and none of my nicer clothes fit...I am having a heck of a time finding maternity clothes that fit my belly but also fit my hips and other parts.  So I am living mostly in sweatpants (3X) and t-shirt and tank tops. I can't do much house cleaning at the moment but I try to do what I can each day...that way when he comes home he at least can see I am trying as hard as I can. Normally though I try to have clean yoga pants/pj bottoms and a nicer shirt that matches on. I try to have the kids in clean diapers and clean clothes(changed from the lunch mess that happens everday). And the house picked up, dishes and laundry done.  Of course some days are better then others mainly right now!


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Old 03-04-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by insidevoice View Post

I'm surprised at the number of responses that seem to toss having clean clothes and makeup into the same vein as an unrealistic expectation for women to be bound by beauty and unrealistic standards.

 

My desire to look 'put together' is really about me.  My DH is happy if I'm in sweats/grubby stuff/whatever, but I readily admit that I enjoy the appreciative glances I get when I take a few minutes to look nice.  I found that I became complacent with myself-  sweats and stretched out tshirts coupled with however my hair had landed resulted in my looking and feeling very tired and worn out.  My husband would be attracted to me no matter what I looked like, but for me to FEEL attractive and oto find interest in his being attracted, I need to feel better about myself. 

 

I started with small steps- I ditched the hugely stretched out sweats and instead bought a couple pair of good quality yoga pants that look half decent. The ripped and stained t shits went out the door in favor of some simple and better-fitting plain tshirts I can layer. The gigantic 3X zippered hoodie I liked to live in has been relegated to the closet, I invested in a couple better fitting layering pieces. I bought 2 pair of new jeans that fit my body as it is, instead of as it was before I had the kids. I am not willing to give up comfort, but I do want to look clean and neat, and for me I tend to favor oversized things which, while comfy, make me feel quite frumpy.

 

I think people need to do what works for them.

 

I know that , for instance, my grandmother was never without makeup, and lived in heels, skirts, stockings and garters, industrial strength bras and girdles, and blazers over nice blouses or cardigan sets up until she died.  To have been seen by anyone- including her family- in anything else made her uncomfortable.  I thought she was absolutely insane- but she really felt better and was a better partner and more productive person because she wore what felt right to her. 

 

 

 


I agree.  I don't "dress up" but I don't like to bum around in sweats or pjs all day - it's not my style. I have always enjoyed getting dressed and picking out an outfit for the day, so that's what I do.  I am happy not to have to wear office clothes any more, but I still get dressed in jeans/t-shirt or a skirt or something cute each day.  I don't wear makeup or do much with my hair, but I feel like I've accomplished something if both me and the baby are dressed lol.gif  I don't do anything special before my husband gets home, though. I get ready in the mornings.

 

As for greeting, I am always happy to see him, and I love reuniting at the end of the day. Sometimes I need to vent about my day or hand off the baby right away, but usually we kiss and snuggle for a minute or two.  It's nice :)

 

This is all pretty easy now, let's see what I think 3 kids from now! winky.gif

 


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Old 03-13-2011, 01:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mom2happy View Post


he also wasnt up 6 times nursing and burping an infant.

What if you have a few kids and no help to even be ABLE to take a shower.

Im not saying it's ok to be an all out slob, but when your whole job is nursing, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, giving baths.......... why ruin nice clothing anyway? Especially if he doesnt care either way and comes home and gets in sweats?

 


This!  I totally agree.  I'm extremely uncomfortable in jeans while doing my "job".  Not to mention, I get filthy every single day with 4 kids in my home.  I have a 7yo, a 3yo, an 18mo, and I babysit a 4yo.  Oh, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant....lol.  I never get to shower until DH is home anyway.  I do try to wash my face and put on light makeup every morning, but that's totally for myself.  I just feel better.  I still rock my yoga pants, tank tops and fuzzy socks every single day.  

 

 

Btw, I cracked up at your original post as well!!!  It could have been written by me!  lol

 


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