What do you look like when your DH walks in the door and how do you greet him? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 08:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am wondering if I should look more presentable since I am the only woman he gets for the rest of his life.

I have 3 kids 7,5, and 8 months. My stay at home outfit is: black loose sweatpants, and any old loose t shirt that shrunk too small for DH or someone gave me from a trip (I know -Yuck, but sooo comfy).

Im currently 10 pounds over (still from baby). Still though, I manage to keep wearing this outfit even after I loose my baby weight from each kid. I just dont see the point in wearing clothes that create sensory problems when I wont be going out.

Sometimes even when I get home from running errand I slap this disgusting outfit back on. blush.gif More than most of the time, I even wear it out.  I just run in and out of somewhere and why bother? Honestly, I dont worry ever about what anyone thinks.

It occured to me recently that I maybe I should, but just for DH.

DH has never really cared about me glamming up. In fact if I put on lipstick, he says it's for clowns.

He doesnt care either way if I put on make up or dress up.

He DOES think that at night I should want to be wearing very sexy things for him- but that's another thread. The other thing is; he wanted to be with me way back then because of my looks. So, he isnt one of those completely unshallow men, and of course I know that is an initial attraction for many people.

So- what's your outfit, and opinion on this?

 

Next question:

How do you greet him in your little mom outfit?ROTFLMAO.gif

Me, in my sweatpants with tomato sauce handprints (cuz I dont wear an apron- maybe I should be like June Cleaver)

my shirt with puke stains and olive oil, well I just quickly glance up from what I'm doing, tell him his plate is on the stove, he comes toward me, we give a quick kiss (usually initiated by him, just as a habit), and I continue on to my work of the hour while telling him anything that went on that day I think he'd want to hear.

Do you make a bigger deal when he comes home?

I think I should be a little more cheerful especially since Im full of crumbs and my hair is in a crooked bedraggled ponytail.

Gosh Im gross. BTW I am laughing my a$$ off while I type this. Im wondering what all of you are wearing right now.

 

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#2 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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I try very hard to be in at least jeans and a clean shirt with my hair fixed.  Makeup optional, but I like to throw a little on each day.  Now, maybe that doesn't happen until noon, but I personally feel better when I'm presentable, and also I'm ready to go anytime the mood strikes to get me and the boy out of the house.

 

As for him coming home, I let D greet him (so cute- 13 month old, running to the door. arms over the head, squealing DAA!  DAA! DAA!), and the dog of course pushes in, and I will follow with a hug and a kiss and a how was your day sweety?

 

I don't think it hurts a bit to make him know he's appreciated and that we are thrilled to see him at the end of the day.  It's a minute out of my time, but I know means the world to him.  He works all day for us, and misses us, and we miss him.

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#3 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 11:43 AM
 
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Well my DH works from home so he seems good or bad all day long. And when I'm home..I want to be cozy. I have a vast collection of yoga pants, and cozy cotton dresses I wear around the house. Big wool slipper socks? You bet! But I do try to shower every single morning, because it makes me feel like a human : ) I blow dry my hair, put some oil behind my neck and do mascara..even if I am putting on clean jammies. Thats for me though, not DH. He's in flannels most of the day too 


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#4 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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I once heard my DH say, "It doesn't matter how you look with clothes ON!" He was talking to his friend and was joking about how he doesn't care if I get dolled up. At all, ever.

He could care less. I wear jammies exclusively when I am at home. We have 4 kiddos, 7 and under, homeschool, and are homebodies.

I shower every other day. When I run out for errands, I do my hair and makeup and wear cute clothes. I am like two different women, LOLOL!

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#5 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 12:27 PM
 
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I definetely fix myself up for him before he comes home.  and the house.   of course sometimes he comes home just as the baby puked on me or just as our son has dumped out all of his toys, but I try to stay on top of it.  His work is extremely stressful so I would love for him to feel relaxed when he comes in the door, and welcomed and missed, and excited to see me.... if ya know what I mean ;) lol

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#6 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 12:56 PM
 
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I am usually wearing either athletic pants/warm up pants and a t-shirt.  I can't stand sleeves when I am at home, so it's always a short sleeve shirt.  Preferably one that I have stolen from my dh!!  Those are the best!!

 

If I have been out of the house running errands, like yesterday, I will wear jeans, a nice shirt, makeup and jewelry.  I don't have time to change out of those before he comes home so I greet him with that and I like that!  I like looking nice for him.

 

I always told myself before getting married and having kids, I will make sure my hair looks nice, makeup touched up and lipstick on and my kids will have clean clothes on and their faces washed.  Since then, reality has hit ROTFLMAO.gif  The kids greet daddy which he loves!  Nothing like 3 kids come running towards daddy yelling "daddy!!"  I am usually in the kitchen working on supper so it's a quick kiss and then off he goes to change clothes.


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#7 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 02:27 PM
 
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My DH is more particular about how I treat him over how I look.  I know Dr. Phil isn't very liked on MDC, but occasionally he has a good tidbit, he said that the first 4 minutes of an at-the-door greeting will dictate how the rest of the night will go.  It's been true for my house, if I greet DH with swimming attitude and a hot meal, he's in heaven and in return so am I .  A few weeks ago I came through the door bitching about something AWFUL I'd just seen in the yard, and it was only moments that we were in a shouting match.  And I can get away with murder if I keep up the DTD, so DH isn't so much about appearances as he is about respect.

 

Around the house, it's tshirts, sweaters, sweatpants, yoga pants, wool socks, lots of elastics and knits, maybe a sports bra if we're all lucky.

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#8 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 02:33 PM
 
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I always greet my husband and let him know I'm glad to see him when he gets home (and I am glad to see him) but I don't worry about what I'm wearing, and it isn't an issue for him.  Some men are more into that than others, but my dh says he's glad I'm "low maintenance."  I think you have to read your specific dh and see how he feels, but then remember that he's only half the equation and you should feel good about it as well.  If getting "dolled up" to make him feel good but makes you feel resentful, then that isn't going to help things either.  You need to find balance and something that works for both of you.

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#9 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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It doesn't really matter to me what my husband is wearing when I come home from work, but if he happens to have something on that I think looks particularly good (a favorite well-fitting t-shirt and the yummy jeans, for example) it always makes me feel thought-of and loved. And if he greets me near the door with a huge kiss and hug I feel all the more special. joy.gif

When my husband comes home I like to have something on that is at least not something he finds ugly. Sometimes I put on something special, and he always comments on it and appreciates it. (Hairdo's and makeup don't really factor in to our relationship so I don't bother with any of that). When he comes home I aways stop what I am doing to give him a big kiss and squeeze, then I go back to what I am doing, as he likes to have a little space for a few minutes.
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#10 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 03:23 PM
 
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*snort*

I think my dh is happy to come home and see I haven't been tied up and beaten by my hooligan children most days. I don't dress up almost ever-certainly not for him to come home. I don't "greet" him, either. I'm certainly not June Cleaver. Sometimes I say "Hey" when I see he's home but usually I just go on doing what I'm doing. I also don't say "bye" but that's just a weird thing I have going. I don't like to say goodbye. I stopped dressing in pajamas for me, not for my husband. He could care less. If he started specifying what I wear I would just laugh at him. I used to try to look nice and have the house clean and greet dh when he came in, but that didn't last long. Not in a mean way, but it just isn't realistic with my 5 kids.
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#11 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 03:37 PM
 
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Tank top, yoga pants and slipper socks- probably haven't showered (sometimes for two days), messy hair and no makeup. DS usually freaks out and is so excited when he hears Daddy come in so we'll walk over and greet him together. I give him a kiss and then start dinner while he plays with LO and we talk about what happened throughout the day (that we didn't already share over text message).

I don't think he really cares how I look so I don't worry about it. He usually changes into sweatpants and one of his old ratty t-shirts when he gets home anyway.


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#12 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 03:47 PM
 
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Wow, I'm kind of surprised by some of these posts. 

 

I can't step into anybody's shoes or live their life, nor dictate what they're comfortble with, but honestly, I'd be po'd if I came home to my hubby wearing the same ratty stuff he had on when we went to bed last night, not bathed, and he grunted at me or said "oh, hey" when I walked in the door.

 

To me, if I was the one working, I would be getting up to an alarm in the dark, getting dressed for work, and leaving without seeing my family.  To come home to that would just seem unfair to me, and a bummer.

 

I bet I'm going to get flamed for this...  sorry in advance

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#13 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 04:14 PM
 
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NO FLAMES Plantnerd, I totally agree with you. I always wonder how I'd want Dh to look if He were the SAHP...the answer is not as if he's just rolled out of bed. For me that would be a major turn off. I try to look somewhat put together when he gets home ( make-up (most days) hair fixed ect) I mean come on, he been at his office all day he's doesn't want to come home and see me looking blah, kwim.

 

when he come home (after DS1 screams to the top of his lungs DADDY"S HOME) we always kiss, ask each other about our day, and listen to each other not just go back to doing whatever. I suppose it's like this ...I treat him the way I'd want to be treated if I worked outside the home. I think being a SAH ( Mom or Dad) is not a license to let ourselves go. I try to "doll" myself up a little not just for my Dh but to look pretty for me as well

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#14 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plantnerd View Post

Wow, I'm kind of surprised by some of these posts. 

 

I can't step into anybody's shoes or live their life, nor dictate what they're comfortble with, but honestly, I'd be po'd if I came home to my hubby wearing the same ratty stuff he had on when we went to bed last night, not bathed, and he grunted at me or said "oh, hey" when I walked in the door.

 

To me, if I was the one working, I would be getting up to an alarm in the dark, getting dressed for work, and leaving without seeing my family.  To come home to that would just seem unfair to me, and a bummer.

 

I bet I'm going to get flamed for this...  sorry in advance



I'm not flaming you and I hear what your saying but.......

he also wasnt up 6 times nursing and burping an infant.

What if you have a few kids and no help to even be ABLE to take a shower.

Im not saying it's ok to be an all out slob, but when your whole job is nursing, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, giving baths.......... why ruin nice clothing anyway? Especially if he doesnt care either way and comes home and gets in sweats?

It's also kind of hard to run smiling and adoringly to the door when you are alone till 9pm with kids 5 days a week.

 

I think I have to work on my greeting. It's hard for me to be smiley when I'm physically exhausted (he is too), but I know it's a little thing that could go a long way.

My DH totally understands and would think it was ridiculous if I got all fancy for a day of momming. I think it's more me feeling ugly and fat and wondering what other real life sahm are doing. I know I'll feel better when I can loose this weight and put on some pretty underwear.

I re read my post and I'm laughing again. I have to say - its frigging funny!

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#15 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 04:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plantnerd View Post

Wow, I'm kind of surprised by some of these posts. 

 

I can't step into anybody's shoes or live their life, nor dictate what they're comfortble with, but honestly, I'd be po'd if I came home to my hubby wearing the same ratty stuff he had on when we went to bed last night, not bathed, and he grunted at me or said "oh, hey" when I walked in the door.

 

To me, if I was the one working, I would be getting up to an alarm in the dark, getting dressed for work, and leaving without seeing my family.  To come home to that would just seem unfair to me, and a bummer.

 

I bet I'm going to get flamed for this...  sorry in advance


No, I hear you. My partner is the primary worker, but I work part time. It fills me with such happiness to come home to someone smiling at me, full of love and happy to see me. My husband certainly isn't trying to channel June Cleaver when he greets me at the door and sweeps me into a kiss. He is happy to see me, loves me, and wants to show it. Even if he's has a hectic day and our daughter is being a pill he still is so happy that I am home and wants to show me that. I love it and appreciate it!

Likewise, I can't fathom not doing the same when he comes home. I don't wait by the door with a cocktail and his slippers, wearing high heels and an apron, ready to shower my man with adoration. That is silly. But I don't find it horribly odd that when I hear his car drive up I want to jump away from the stove or helping my daughter or reading a book to show him that I am happy that he is home and with me again. And it I happen to be inspired to wear something that will make him look a third or forth time... well, bonus. wink1.gif For him and me.
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#16 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 04:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babydanielsmom View Post

I treat him the way I'd want to be treated if I worked outside the home. I think being a SAH ( Mom or Dad) is not a license to let ourselves go.

I was the WOH spouse for a while (he was a "house husband" because this was before kids), and I couldn't give 2 craps what DH looked like when I got home.  Same clothes as he slept in, unshowered, whatever.  I was happy to be home with him.  Period.  His effort, or lack thereof, into his clothing or shower status while we are at home has zero to do with how he feels about me, or I about him.   A smile, a kiss/hug, and an evening together is what's important to me, not whether he's wearing holey stained sweatpants or khakis and a pullover. 

 

Now, when we go out we like to clean up a little, or when we have someone over we'll have on jeans and clean shirts...but at home when it's just us?  We're doing the grunt work of homekeeping/family keeping, and don't worry about the outside packaging. 

 

I suspect this is HIGHLY individual.  And so long as you and your own spouse are in agreement, I don't think either side can really impress upon the other which way it "should" be done.  


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#17 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 04:33 PM
 
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I think what you're wearing is completely separate and different from how you greet them.  A nice greeting is always appreciated, for sure.  But the clothing/hair/makeup thing?  Zero importance in our household, for both of us...and my DH is not one of those guys who says one thing and means another.  And if he WAS, that would be his problem and not mine - we're both adults and I'm not a mind reader...so if it would make him happy for me to be wearing something more put together, and I'm not doing that on my own, it's on him to kindly and gently bring it up.  Especially if it's a change from our usual, you know?


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#18 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 04:58 PM
 
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This depends on what I'm doing when he gets home. If I'm in the middle of finishing up dinner then when he walks in I greet him and he makes his way to me for a kiss (after being trampled on by the kids yelling "daddy!"). If dinner is already done and I hear him drive up then I try to go outside and get a hug and kiss before he comes in (so I can get 2 seconds alone with him). I don't dress up for him. Usually I'm in something comfy but some days I do put on clothes - not makeup and hair done though, just really depends on what me and the kids did that day. I do try to have dinner done for him when he gets home and I always greet him with a kiss but that's about it. Showers? Well that happens when it can happen around here.


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#19 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 05:13 PM
 
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I agree Mama2Happy. Dh never wakes up for nighttime parenting. He works about 25 hours a week 7 months a year in a comfy job with low stress work. Even on the months he is off, he does not help with almost any day to day stuff or night waking/feeding/puking/diaper changes. We are both laid back people-I've been the working parent before and couldn't care less if I came back to a mess and a dh in pj's. That's life, I understand. I've been there. lol.gif I don't see how me working 24 hours a day with no breaks and getting nearly zero help is somehow unfair to my dh since I don't have fancy clothes on or greet him with a big fake smile while I'm covered in vomit and paint with the kids screaming at me for milk and math help. (We homeschool, btw and dh comes home in the middle of our history/math work, so it is wildly interruptive for me to get up and greet him at the door with a martini and take his shoes off for him)

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#20 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 05:16 PM
 
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This is very interesting to read. I'm generally dressed in something presentable when DH gets home, because I've already been out with DS. Presentable, these days, meaning nice jeans and a top other than a t-shirt. We've gotten our morning routine down so that I get a shower and dry my hair every morning while DH feeds DS breakfast, so after that I'm good to go. I could stay in lounge clothes all day, but I always try to get out with DS and I just feel better about the state of my life when I get dressed. I don't wear makeup, so that's not an issue. I do usually greet DH emphatically, because I'm happy to see him, and he's happy to see me and DS.

I appreciate the sentiment of the Dr. Phil quote above, actually. I think little gestures that show you're thinking about each other are always welcome in a marriage.

Also, it should be noted that my DH commutes by bicycle, so its not like he's walking in wearing a three piece suit. By the time we sit down to dinner he's likely to be wearing cycling shorts and an athletic shirt (which has its own appeal wink1.gif). We're pretty informal here.

Also, ha. I just realized that I'm writing this while waiting for DH to come home from a business trip, and I'm sitting on the couch wearing PJs and eating chips and salsa. redface.gif

 

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#21 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 05:22 PM
 
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Good gracious, my DH doesn't care what I am wearing when he gets home.  I'd like to think we are a bit more evolved than that. 

 

When he gets home, he goes and puts on his ratty house clothes.  Then the 4 of us spend a bit of time together and then he works for a few hours in his office. 

 

Now, I do like to have the house cleaned up when he gets home.  More for my benefit than his. 

 

Maybe I am a more hardcore feminist SAHM than most.  I am raising kids for this man, I wash his underwear, clean his toliet and cook his food.  (washing my hands in between tolieting cleaning and cooking, of course)  He can appreciate me for that, not what I am wearing while I do it.

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#22 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 05:28 PM
 
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Generally speaking, I am in the bath when he gets home.........some reason he prefers me in this state. 

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#23 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 05:40 PM
 
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I wouldn't really care about the outfit but my feelings would be really hurt if DH greeted me offhandedly or not at all when I came home.

 

Now, to answer the OP...

 

My at home outfit is yoga pants (cropped now we are back in the tropics) and a t-shirt. I buy close-fitting, boot leg yoga pants and, while I wouldn't wear them out, I think they look pretty good for around the house. I also pick t-shirts which suit my shape. So for me that means, V or scoop necks, hip length, and also fairly close fitting. So, I am comfy but you can see my shape as well. This is usually what I'm wearing when DH gets home but it depends what we've been doing. Sometimes I **** have my bathers on or my going out clothes if we're not long home. The other day I was lying on the floor with my shirt around my neck, both flaps of my nursing bra open and a baby dive-bombing my chest lol.gif He didn't seem to mind winky.gif I only wear make-up for special occasions so I don't have make-up on. I do try and keep my hair neat throughout the day but it is short so it's mostly a matter of running my fingers through it and giving it a quick tousle.

 

Most of the time J and I will greet DH at the door, kisses and cuddles all round. Then we go to the bedroom together and chat while he gets changed. If I am in the middle of something I can't leave (cooking usually, or being dive bombed by an 8 m.o.) I call out "Hi" when I hear him come in the door and he comes to me for a kiss and we chat there before he gets changed. 

 

ETA - when he first arrives we usually have an "it's nice to be home/have you home" exchange too.


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#24 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 06:53 PM
 
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This is totally just my personal opinion I would NEVER care if the subject was important to someone else, I would consider it none of my business.  That being said:

 

My husband is greeted with our children bouncing up and down at windows and doorways screaming "daddy's home, daddy's home!"  I am elsewhere, busy, usually changing a diaper or feeding a baby.  I believe him being greeted that way speaks more good of him as a husband/father than me greeting him dressed to please could ever speak good of me being a good wife/mother.

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#25 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 07:09 PM
 
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Depends on the day. I dont make a point of wearing nice clothes unless I am going out and then for me nice = Jeans+Man's ribbed t under a button up shirt. Some days I am in my sleep clothes either a gown or nightie.

Some days I go give him a hug and some days I dont get up off the couch. He could care less either way.

 
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#26 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 07:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Getz View Post
  I am raising kids for this man, I wash his underwear, clean his toliet and cook his food.  (washing my hands in between tolieting cleaning and cooking, of course)  He can appreciate me for that, not what I am wearing while I do it.


This.

 

In our household, it's actually DP's duty to come find ME upon arrival home. I'm freakin' busy! He can come to me and give me a kiss!

 

and I wear whatever I feel like wearing that day. Usually it is the same black yoga pants and something I can nurse in. He comes home and trades his whole man outfit for shorts anyway.


Feisty Feminist Mama: Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing, punkrock Fire-Dancer! I live to laugh, love, and create. And then blog about it. So in love with little Des! Born 11/25/10
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#27 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 09:43 PM
 
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So I asked DH if he would prefer that I look nicer when he comes home. He looked at me like I was on something and said, "What? Why? Huh?" He was very confused. I explained about this thread and he said he'd honestly never thought about it and does not care what I wear or look like. He said he'd be a little weirded out if he came home and I was all dolled up. Which makes me kind of want to do the whole June Cleaver look one day just to freak him out! He also said he'd be okay with coming home to find me naked.

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E, wife to D, mommy to G (born March 2010). joy.gif

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#28 of 160 Old 01-13-2011, 10:17 PM
 
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My DH could not care less what I wear 99% of the time.  He couldn't care less what he wears 99% of the time.  Now, if he and I are going out on a date, he would prefer nice jeans, a nice shirt instead of sweatshirt.  And he likes it if I wear my hair down occasionally.  But, any other time, I don't think he even notices.  The first thing he does when he gets home is goes upstairs and changes into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, often, even if there's something going on that evening, like a soccer game for DD1 (15).  He's been known to go to those games in ratty sweatpants and sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off.  So whether or not I am in sweatpants or jeans when he walks in the door isn't even on his radar.

 

Nowadays, the most likely place to find me when he walks in the door is nursing dd3.  The second most likely place is changing her diaper, and the third is cooking dinner/getting food together for dd2.  When he walks in, I let dd2 run over screaming DA! DA! DA!  He loves that.  I then usually say "Hey babe!  how was your day?" 

 

I HAVE in the past greeted him at the door with dinner and a beer.  It surprises him and it's fun to surprise him like that.  But that was before dd2 and 3 came along. 

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#29 of 160 Old 01-14-2011, 01:14 AM
 
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Most days, DH doesn't get home until 8 or so. At that point, DS and I have already eaten dinner, sometimes DS is already in bed, and I'm sitting down relaxing, so yeah, I'm usually in PJs. When he gets home at 6 or 6:30, I'm still in the clothes I wore that day. DS and I usually go somewhere most days, so I get dressed, jeans, nice t shirt, hoodie, hair done and a little makeup. It's for me just as much as it is for DH though. If I stay in my pajamas all day, I have less motivation to get stuff done, plus I feel more put together. I'm in better shape when he gets home than he is. DH works on cars, and comes home covered in grease and needs a shower right away :)


DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#30 of 160 Old 01-14-2011, 03:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post

Generally speaking, I am in the bath when he gets home.........some reason he prefers me in this state. 



Hehe!  Now that's awesome!  :)

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