If you SAH but also have a nanny or mother's helper I want to hear from you! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 63 Old 02-10-2011, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do. And sometimes I feel guilty, or like people are judging me because why on earth do I need help if i'm just at home all day. Granted my dh travels a lot...

But then other times I feel really good about it. I liken it to the days when women weren't expected to do it all and had lots of help from their "village".

So if you have hired help I want to hear what it's like for you!

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#2 of 63 Old 02-10-2011, 10:52 PM
 
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I think you should enjoy it. Everyone adapts to their own situation and the help that comes (or doesn't). 

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#3 of 63 Old 02-10-2011, 11:03 PM
 
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I don't have help, but I was the help to 2 SAHMs for a while (1 for around 15 hours per week,  the other for 35ish) :D It actually worked out awesomely - to the point where I wish I had my own nanny!


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#4 of 63 Old 02-10-2011, 11:56 PM
 
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I'm just jealous!  Last summer I had a sitter come one morning a week and it was wonderful to be able to go out and actually get things done.  Errands it would take me all week to do with 2 little kids in tow I could do in two hours.  And then I had time to grab a real lunch for myself without any children tugging at me and trying to eat all my food!  They loved the sitter, too.  When she went back to school in the fall, they kept asking where she was and when she was coming back.

 

 

I would have found someone else, but we really couldn't afford it anymore :(  But in the future, I would definitely add it as a budget line item if I could!


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#5 of 63 Old 02-11-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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I'm going to be doing this soon!  I agree that our society puts too much pressure on the nucular family and while some women can do it all, I can't.

 

I figure I'll have someone come in and help out a couple times a week for a few hours.  I'm due in April with #3 so I'll have 3 under 4 at home.  I'd like to be able to get laundry and dinner done without kids having a meltdown.

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#6 of 63 Old 02-11-2011, 06:18 AM
 
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I absolutely do this!  I have a cleaning lady once a week and a woman who comes in twice a week to help out with DD for a couple of hours so I can get errands done or  grab a coffee with a girlfriend.  I feel fortunate to be able to do this, so I take full advantage!

 

Don't feel guilty, Dalia.  Everyone's life has good and bad things in it and this just happens to be a good thing!


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#7 of 63 Old 02-11-2011, 06:59 AM
 
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I had a mother's helper and would like another one.  The previous helper didn't work out but it's nice to have an extra pair of hands around the house.  I felt a bit indulgent but also fortunate to have options.  

 

Don't feel guilty because it works out for you and your family - enjoy.


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#8 of 63 Old 02-11-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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I have, today is actually her last day and we are all hanging out together now before I run errands solo (!!) 

 

And I too, feel guilty ( I wrote a post similar to this..) anyway I don't know why. I think I feel guilty I can afford one, guilty that I do employ someone, guilty that I would go crazy if I couldn't write/read without kids on me, that I can't be like this super mom like I see some woman do. 

 

 

Than I have moments where I don't care, but yeah mostly guilt! It's lame 


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#9 of 63 Old 02-11-2011, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow I am loving this thread so far! Many of you have said how many hours a week you have someone come in.. what do you do when they are there? Most of the time I clean, declutter or run errands... but sometimes I watch tv with a bag of chips or go out to the movies alone! Lol.

Oh, and mommariffic... I have really been working on the guilt thing lately and I kinda think it's a waste of the good money I am spending on help just to feel guilty. The more I read this thread the more I think all we should be feeling is gratitude for how good we have it. For everyone who has help there are countless others wishing they could get a break!

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#10 of 63 Old 02-11-2011, 08:50 AM
 
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This may sound crazy but, who do you choose?  I could employ a nanny, but I'm a bit nervous about that.  As far as a housekeeper...maybe I am over-thinkin this.  What did you all do?  How did you go about finding ha helper?

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#11 of 63 Old 02-11-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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I have a helper/babysitter once a week (all day long), and I am a WAHM. She is great. I live abroad, and don't have any family around. I'm also a single parent, AND I hate housekeeping. I am so glad I got her. I can either go out by myself (yay!), and have her play with the kids, or she can clean, or I can work while she entertains the kids. I am soooo grateful for her!
 

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This may sound crazy but, who do you choose?  I could employ a nanny, but I'm a bit nervous about that.  As far as a housekeeper...maybe I am over-thinkin this.  What did you all do?  How did you go about finding ha helper?


I found my helper through a friend - we "share" her, she also does the same thing for my friend. This gave me some kind of reassurance that she is OK, because I was extremely concerned about safety issues. I have also been to my helper's house, met her kids, and even attended her Church once. She has been with us for about six months now, and I feel I can trust her. Before I started leaving my kids alone with her, I spent a few months just working in the next room when she was there, to observe and also help my kids adjust to her presence. Can you ask some friends/relatives for recommendations?


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#12 of 63 Old 02-12-2011, 09:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This may sound crazy but, who do you choose?  I could employ a nanny, but I'm a bit nervous about that.  As far as a housekeeper...maybe I am over-thinkin this.  What did you all do?  How did you go about finding ha helper?


I found my nanny through the Waldorf school in our town. I placed an ad in their newsletter. I figured that would be how I would find people who would be familiar with my parenting style. It has worked out great!!!

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#13 of 63 Old 02-13-2011, 06:47 AM
 
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Darn I wrote this entire post and apparently it didn't...post?

 

I've gone two ways: the first is an ad on Craigslist which is free but also invites literally anyone to email you. However I've always done extensive backround checks, talked on the phone, and met with everyone before even considering them for a position. I'm also really specific in my ads about what I want: someone familiar with attachment parenting, who won't use the television unless I say, has no problem getting dirty in the garden etc. That way I get less responses but the few I get are geniune. I've found 3 fantastic woman doing this, and our babysitter of a year who I grew to just love is leaving us. I've also used pay sites like Gonannies or something, but those can be annoying because it's tough to find someone (for me at least) and it's not free. 

 

There are some great books that I've read about having a nanny/the relationship between you guys. One is I think "Searching for Mary Poppins" the other is "And Nanny makes Three" 


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#14 of 63 Old 02-13-2011, 08:21 AM
 
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I did have a mother's helper, he came in for two hour stretches - which is about the longest DS could tolerate.  Some weeks he'd come once, some weeks 3 times, just depended on what I needed.  I would use the time to do some sewing, or some canning, cleaning, etc. 

 

Unfortunately, he went and got a full time job (unfortunately for me, I mean).  He lives right across the street, so he still stops by from time to time just to chat and play and give me a 10 minute respite (without pay).  He's fabulous with DS, and DS runs to him when he knocks on the door, so I really lucked out. 

 

They were just the neighbors who really liked our kid, and he was out of work for over a year... I knew they were hurting, and I knew he loved kids, so I offered him the work. 


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#15 of 63 Old 02-15-2011, 07:15 AM
 
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Yes, I have one and LOOOVE her! though she won't be coming anymore as the service is provided for next to nothing cost by the french govt up until baby is 6mo. I felt weird at first having someone do the stuff that I felt I "should" be doing but a friend explained it to me this way: It is not just a service for mom and it really DOES benefit everyone in the end. Makes the home run smoother, less stressful and everyone is happier, plus DD loved her too! She cleaned, watched DD, took her to the park, went to the market for me. She came 4 hours a week and I usually spent the time nursing DS, feeding DD breakfast and doing other cleaning/organizing/cooking. It's been a lifesaver!!


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#16 of 63 Old 02-15-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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I feel so lucky. My DD2 (1 yr) is with a sitter 3 days a week with another baby her age. I started out looking for just a few hours in the morning (while DS was in preschool) but the cost was the same for a few hours or all day and I found that she thrived being in a new environment and socializing. She'd been VERY attached to me before and now she can be more independent. Its wonderful. I need the mental break from her too.

 

I pay $60 for three days a week (all day) and justify it by making up the cost while I am home alone. I sell stuff we don't need, do some side work online. Save $$ working on our finances. I also keep other kids in the afternoon (3 yr old/ 7yr old) for someone else. It seems silly, but not having the baby when all the bigger kids are running around is so much easier. 

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#17 of 63 Old 02-15-2011, 12:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel so lucky. My DD2 (1 yr) is with a sitter 3 days a week with another baby her age. I started out looking for just a few hours in the morning (while DS was in preschool) but the cost was the same for a few hours or all day and I found that she thrived being in a new environment and socializing. She'd been VERY attached to me before and now she can be more independent. Its wonderful. I need the mental break from her too.

 

I pay $60 for three days a week (all day) and justify it by making up the cost while I am home alone. I sell stuff we don't need, do some side work online. Save $$ working on our finances. I also keep other kids in the afternoon (3 yr old/ 7yr old) for someone else. It seems silly, but not having the baby when all the bigger kids are running around is so much easier. 


Wow, $60 kinda seems like a steal! I definitely pay more than that but I LOVE the girl that comes here. She comes five days a week for a few hours in the morning, and when my hubby is gone I also have another girl that comes in on the other days. They also help me with laundry and cleaning and sometimes cooking something here and there. Sometimes I feel like they are people I pay to be my friends because I will just sit and talk with the while still watching over ds lol. I am very fortunate. Thank god for my dh who takes such good care of us.


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#18 of 63 Old 02-15-2011, 12:50 PM
 
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Many people have an assistant for their WOH jobs, why is it different to have an assistant for a SAH job?  It is crazy how people don't think raising kids, managing a house, being full time cook, running outside errands, and much more is a real full time job.  Enjoy your assistant without guilt!

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#19 of 63 Old 02-15-2011, 01:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Many people have an assistant for their WOH jobs, why is it different to have an assistant for a SAH job?  It is crazy how people don't think raising kids, managing a house, being full time cook, running outside errands, and much more is a real full time job.  Enjoy your assistant without guilt!


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#20 of 63 Old 02-16-2011, 04:07 AM
 
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I did when the kids were all fairly little. Now I have a sitter who comes every Thursday at 6 so me and DH can go out - it's the same person we used as a mother's helper/nanny for three years. We love knowing every week there is an evening for us to do something...even if it's as mundane as cleaning the basement ;)

 

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#21 of 63 Old 02-18-2011, 01:38 AM
 
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I do too. I have a nanny that comes 2 a week for just a few hours during the day, then once a week for a date with my husband. It has been amazing for us. Right now we are using our "Date night" hours for extra help because I just had surgery and am not allowed to lift my kids and my 16 months still needs a lot of lifting.

 

I do work from home too, so I don't feel guilty. And now with my surgery recovery no one even questions it.

 

We are putting both kids in a coop preschool next fall, but we will keep the nanny for date nights.


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#22 of 63 Old 02-19-2011, 08:05 PM
 
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I WAH and in May (after school is out for the summer) Ill have a mothers helper for 6 hours one day a week. She is 12, and she Ill be home the whole time, just most of it in another room. I can do most stuff, but we have a lot of number crunching that has to happen once a week and I cannot do math and the baby at the same time (I can barely do math period.).


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#23 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 07:30 AM
 
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Nope...don't see the point in having someone here while I am here.  The number one reason I am a SAHM is that I want to be the one raising my kids not someone else.  I have 2 kids 19 months and 33 months...and twin boys due in July.  Will have 4 kids 3 years and younger and all 4 will more then likely will be in diapers full-time. 


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#24 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well that makes me feel great thanks for posting!

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#25 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 03:08 PM
 
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Actually i feel the same as nktigger99 ABOUT PARENTING, but i would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if we could pay someone to come in and clean, do laundry and iron for me!  I mean LOVE it.

 

Seriously, i love BFing, i love answering DD1's endless "why"'s, i love going to the park, the museum, taping a sheet to the floor and letting everyone go wild with paint...but seriously, i cannot get attached to washing stinky nappies, scraping porridge off the carpets and cleaning the toilet...

 

I actually enjoy cooking so i don't mind doing that, i generously (lol) include that as a SAHM task since i like doing it.  But loading the dishwasher...no.  DP does that!  LMAO!

 

Don't feel bad dalia, every family/person deals with the little-kids phase differently.  We simply cannot afford for someone else to come in and do the bits of home-work i hate.  We could if i WOH, but i'd rather get the SAHMing and deal with the ironing than miss out on both.  If i could affird it there'd be a lady vacuuming under my feet right now! ;)

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#26 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 03:14 PM
 
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If I was rich...

 

I agree with the PPs who said they SAH so they can do it all for their own kids.  If I was WAH, I would have a nanny if needed.  But I didn't actually have a "job" (yes, I know, just plain old being a mom is a job) I would never dream of paying someone to be in my home while I was there, doing things for my kids that I was perfectly capable of doing myself.

 

However...in my fantasy world, I would have a twice weekly housekeeper and a personal chef who specialized in TF cooking.


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#27 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 03:16 PM
 
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Dalia- don't feed the trolls!  orngbiggrin.gif

 

I just quit my job recently to SAH but am keeping my nanny 5-10 hours a week for a few reasons. The first and most important is that my son loves her and she truly is like family. The second is because when we decided I would stay home we also decided that I would let my husband focus on his career which means a LOT more hours. He did the bulk of the cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry. That is now my "job" so to speak. I want my transition home to be more quality time together with my son so keeping my nanny allows me to get the errands/shopping done w/o having to drag him along. Eventually she is going to transition to sitting once/twice a month for our "date" nights but for now it is the perfect solution.


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#28 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 03:17 PM
 
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I wish I could.....my productivity would be so much more.  My dh travels extensively for his job in 3-4 month stretches, and then is home for 6-8 months.  Having someone come in for a few hours a week to entertain the baby while I caught up with sewing, cleaning, whatever would be wonderful.

 

Fortunately, I have 4 older children who do entertain the baby on weekends, so I try to play catch up then, but it seems like I can't ever get ahead, or have time to relax myself.

 

I say if this is what works for your family, enjoy it and don't feel guilty.  

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#29 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know you guys mean well, but no one else is raising my child. And I do breastfeed, no bottles. This thread was kind of meant as a support group for those that sah but have help.

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#30 of 63 Old 03-03-2011, 03:30 PM
 
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Quote:
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I know you guys mean well, but no one else is raising my child. And I do breastfeed, no bottles. This thread was kind of meant as a support group for those that sah but have help.


Don't you know by now that is someone even holds your child for longer than 5 minutes, you can no longer take credit for raising your own children? LOL Ignore it, hun.

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