Is it your job to figure out and make the meals on the weekend or your DP's days off too? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 47 Old 03-23-2011, 05:17 PM
 
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I do it.  I'm the household manager in the partnership, and food is included in that.  He will occasionally take the whole family out to eat, or bring something home, and I appreciate that, but I don't consider it his job.  It also doesn't take me huge amounts of time to plan and cook, so it's honestly not something that is worth resenting, for me.

 

The thing is, although I'm "on call" 24/7 with the kids, especially when they're little, dh doesn't have days off.  He does physically demanding work all week, and while his hours are a little more defined, much of the time I feel he's working a lot harder, and having a lot less fun, than I am.  So I cook without anger. :)

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#32 of 47 Old 03-23-2011, 09:09 PM
 
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DH usually cooks on the days he doesn't work (3 days/week). He asks me what's I'd like for dinner but if I don 't have any preferences then he decides. He usually takes our daughter with him to do the shopping as well, although sometimes we all go together.

 

We also feed the freezer and occasionally have simple meals like eggs or baked beans on toast if neither of us feel like making the effort.


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#33 of 47 Old 03-24-2011, 07:39 AM
 
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This is our situation too. DH works on cars all day, working 55-70 hours/week, and when he's not working, he's doing several projects that need to constantly be done around the house(there's always an ongoing list when you live on 1/3 acre) spending time with DS, or catching up on sleep. While it doesn't always feel exactly even, it's our situation, and I feel that it's definintely my job to come up with meals. Except when I'm hugely pregnant, sick and tired. Then I make other arrangements. If DH is too busy or not home from work, I'll eat with my parents, or we'll do something simple. Another reason I'm so happy to have family nearby. It's not always on me. I think that's most of what makes our situation work so well.

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Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post

I do it.  I'm the household manager in the partnership, and food is included in that.  He will occasionally take the whole family out to eat, or bring something home, and I appreciate that, but I don't consider it his job.  It also doesn't take me huge amounts of time to plan and cook, so it's honestly not something that is worth resenting, for me.

 

The thing is, although I'm "on call" 24/7 with the kids, especially when they're little, dh doesn't have days off.  He does physically demanding work all week, and while his hours are a little more defined, much of the time I feel he's working a lot harder, and having a lot less fun, than I am.  So I cook without anger. :)



 


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#34 of 47 Old 03-24-2011, 09:33 AM
 
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I cook and I clean up.  I hate menu planning.  I have been doing this now for just shy of 8yrs and it's getting old.  I like the idea that I have things written out so I am not trying to figure out what we are having while 2 toddlers are hanging off me at 5pm, but I hate that I am the one who does it w/no input from my dh. 

 

Maybe if he would help in the rest of the household responsibilities, then maybe this would be easier for me.  To me, its just one more chore.


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#35 of 47 Old 03-24-2011, 11:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post

 

The thing is, although I'm "on call" 24/7 with the kids, especially when they're little, dh doesn't have days off.  He does physically demanding work all week, and while his hours are a little more defined, much of the time I feel he's working a lot harder, and having a lot less fun, than I am.  So I cook without anger. :)

I feel this way too.  My dh goes above and beyond for his family w/out ever complaining.  I can strive to do the same.  He definitely works way harder physically than I do.
 

 


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#36 of 47 Old 03-24-2011, 11:53 AM
 
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I cook and I clean up.  I hate menu planning.  I have been doing this now for just shy of 8yrs and it's getting old.  I like the idea that I have things written out so I am not trying to figure out what we are having while 2 toddlers are hanging off me at 5pm, but I hate that I am the one who does it w/no input from my dh. 

 

Maybe if he would help in the rest of the household responsibilities, then maybe this would be easier for me.  To me, its just one more chore.

Sorry, my multi quote is not working for me right now.

 

I do struggle with always being the one to come up with meal/snack ideas.  Almost no one will give me input when I ask.  The kids just want to eat whatever I make because they are "staaaarrrrrving" and dh will eat whatever I put in front of him.  I personally think they are all incredibly spoiled w/always having a wide variety and now they just think I will come up with something amazing w/absolutely no effort.  Um, yeah, sometimes I'd still love to just veg my brain awhile and NOT have to come up w/a plan, lol.  Usually I just end up starting to cook w/out knowing what I'm making.  I don't use many recipes.
 

 


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#37 of 47 Old 03-24-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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my dh will not willingly cook a meal, even on the weekends. he just wont. a simple, "im not cooking today" means he either has to 1) run to food4less to buy hot dogs, buns, and chili beans, 2) get take out or 3) starve all day.

 

he sometimes will happily do number 3 :)


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#38 of 47 Old 03-24-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chicky2 View Post
Sorry, my multi quote is not working for me right now.

 

I do struggle with always being the one to come up with meal/snack ideas.  Almost no one will give me input when I ask.  The kids just want to eat whatever I make because they are "staaaarrrrrving" and dh will eat whatever I put in front of him.  I personally think they are all incredibly spoiled w/always having a wide variety and now they just think I will come up with something amazing w/absolutely no effort.  Um, yeah, sometimes I'd still love to just veg my brain awhile and NOT have to come up w/a plan, lol.  Usually I just end up starting to cook w/out knowing what I'm making.  I don't use many recipes.

I am the exact same way and have told my husband he has been spoiled rotten!  Not only do I like to cook, I am damn good at it too. I can make a "real" meal with just stuff in the house. Came home from vaca recently to basically an empty fridge and was still able to cook a dinner of garlic/citrus chicken, roasted potatoes and glazed carrots.  Sure it takes a little creativity (and a well fed freezer/pantry) but I find it to be kind a puzzle or mystery game.  

 

While he does cook and often picks up the slack it is pretty much the same rotation of spaghetti and meatballs, stuffed pork chops or hamburgers. I do love the summer tho when he has grill fired up more nights than not! Then I can sit outside with a glass of wine and watch him cook!

 


 

 


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#39 of 47 Old 03-27-2011, 06:28 PM
 
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I cook and do all of our meal planning.  DP is a terrible cook, but he's a forgiving eater.  He understands if we need to eat hot dogs for dinner one night because I need a break.

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#40 of 47 Old 03-27-2011, 06:44 PM
 
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My DH has never cooked. He will grill meat in the summer, though, and I'll make the sides. I don't mind at all, though, because he isn't picky or demanding. If I don't feel like cooking, we'll eat cereal or sandwhiches or just order something. I'd say I cook 4-5 nights a week. I also make breakfast and lunch 6-7 days a week.

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#41 of 47 Old 03-28-2011, 05:21 AM
 
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I do all the cooking in my house, too.  If my dh cooks, we eat quesadillas, spaghetti, or grilled meat (no sides).   I love him, but I did not marry him for his cooking abilities.  LOL.  On the other hand, he'll eat anything.  I get to do all the planning, all the prep, and I don't have to listen to his input, so it's a win/win for me. 

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#42 of 47 Old 03-28-2011, 07:03 AM
 
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yep,  I do all the cooking. My husband can warm up food, most of the time, and I think that's it. And get himself ice cream. He's assured me that if I die, the kids are being raised on fast food. I'm thinking he needs to learn how to cook a few basic dishes or something :P It doesn't help that his mom did/does all the cooking their house, so he never had to learn how.


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#43 of 47 Old 03-28-2011, 07:40 AM
 
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DP can't really cook.  So he doesn't cook much!

 

He does things like on a Saturday he will get up, take the kids down, fix cereal or toast for the kids and make the first pot of coffee (i mean we LOVE our coffee) while i lie in a bit, or shower.  Then i come down and crack on with eggs, bacon, mushrooms, or pankcakes or whatever it is we're having, drinking the coffee he made me while i do it.

 

He does the dishes (well, we have a dishwasher, but he alone loads and unloads it), and 80% of the time he takes the bins out.  I do the cooking, the laundry, the ironing, the shopping (in terms of food and groceries) and the cleaning.  He will occasionally pick up toys and run the vacuum round the dining and living rooms, but things like the bathroom, the kitchen floors, the cooker, the surfaces, those are my job.  I don't do it very well!  But he doesn't seem to mind.

 

He did once point out that when we were dating he would arrive to a very clean polished flat every weekend, and i pointed out that only DD1 and i lived there, it was a small place, and DD1 was with her father which allowed me the time and space to clean it so thoroughly once a week.  I then asked if he fancied moving out but coming back once a week to take the kids away from a night or two so i could clean, and then we both laughed.

 

I too get exhausted sometimes by the relentlessness of some of my tasks.  I have about 10 loads of laundry on an average week.  If i don't do at least 1 a day i quickly get snowed under (and i spend most of my time snowed under!).  It's depressing listening to the rest of the family making weekend-type noises in the house (playing a game or watching a movie together) while i'm out in the kitchen feeding the washing machine and planning dinner.  Not every time but sometimes.  

 

Being a SAHM isn't the best thing ever for me, but it's the best option for us as a family right now (and the best option for me right now).  Just as being the WOHP isn't always sunshine and rainbows for DP (in fact he's burning out with stress just now) but it's the best thing for our family right now and the best option for him right now.  I guess for me i'm not striving for perfection and i'm not accepting the drudgery, i'm trying to aim somewhere in between.

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#44 of 47 Old 03-28-2011, 02:57 PM
 
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I sometimes enjoy cooking, but mostly find the day in, day out grind of it pretty wearing. But, what I really hate is meal planning. I have two picky eaters (one from temperament, and one from age - he used to gobble down anything!), and dh and I have different tastes, and even ds1 has different tastes, and I just hate trying to figure out what to make that will fit into our schedule (eg. every other Friday, we're out for most of the day, so I can't make anything too time-consuming, etc.) is from scratch, etc. It just bugs me. So, meal planning (when we do it - haven't been on top of it at all since dd2 was born) tends to be a fairly mutual thing. But, we also do a lot of back-and-forth stuff. I took out ground beef last night, but hadn't made any plans for it. DH wants homemade burgers and french fries, which he's better at cooking than I am, so he's cooking tonight! Mostly, he cooks on weekends, and I do weekdays, but it's not unheard of for him to cook during the week (sometimes a lot, depending what's going on, and how healthy I am) and I sometimes, I'll make dinner on a weekend.

 

DH couldn't cook when he met me, but I was WOH full time, and he was home with ds1, since he couldn't work in Canada yet. So, he learned to cook, and I think he's better than I am, now. He's defintely faster and more efficient. I'm very slow at household stuff...cooking, cleaning...all of it. He's quick and efficient, but not as good on details.

 

Pretty much everything around here is flexible. I do all the driving (because dh is legally blind, and can't drive). During the "work day", I have full responsibility for our children, and for the house, while dh earns the family income. But, that's as far as we break things up. I have no set duties at home during the day, except to make sure the kids are fed. Sometimes, I do a bunch of laundry during the week, but sometimes that gets done on the weekend - again, by dh, as he gets it done more efficiently than I do. Oh - and I handle 99% of our paperwork, as well - that's something that needs detail focus, not efficiency. :)


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#45 of 47 Old 03-28-2011, 03:20 PM
 
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Dh is the one who makes the meals, and yes its his job even on his days off. That being said I am a SAHM so I make breakfast and lunch when he is working so he isn't doing all meals, all the time. I do the laundry and while i don't mind giving dh a break now and then by having dinner prepared when he gets home if he suggested that he shouldn't have to make meals on his days off i would quite simply tell him that I wasn't about to do his laundry on his days off either.
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#46 of 47 Old 03-28-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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DP will cook if he is in the mood for something in particular. He does like to cook, but currently his FT job is as a restaurant cook (which he doesNOT like cooking in that capacity) so he expects me to provide meals.

 

I used to think it was the chauvinist part of him but I have come to realize that when I cook him tasty meals, do his laundry, and keep the house clean, he feels valued, appreciate and nurtured. He is 100% hands on with the kids and is WONDERFUL about giving me a break. He certainly has his own style with them, but he doesn't balk at giving baths, wiping butts, putting dd down for a nap, etc. Since the division of labor is even in that capacity and since I know that it makes him feel loved when I cook for him, it helps me to stop my internal whining and just make something to eat, lol.

 

I think if we were not both currently working in the restaurant industry and totally burned out by food service in general, we would eat better at home (I do more cold cereal and hot dogs than I should for the kids) and probably share more kitchen duties. Right now though I cook the meals  whether or not he it is a work day for him.


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#47 of 47 Old 03-29-2011, 07:33 AM
 
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Ok I am confused. redface.gif He makes dinner every day, including his days off and then makes breakfast/lunch as well on his days off?  Or he makes all the meals on his days off only?

 

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Dh is the one who makes the meals, and yes its his job even on his days off. That being said I am a SAHM so I make breakfast and lunch when he is working so he isn't doing all meals, all the time. I do the laundry and while i don't mind giving dh a break now and then by having dinner prepared when he gets home if he suggested that he shouldn't have to make meals on his days off i would quite simply tell him that I wasn't about to do his laundry on his days off either.


 


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